by M J Hardy
1 o’clock comes and I head quickly to Costa. I see Isabel waiting just inside the door and she nods as I approach. She looks tired and anxious, completely different to how she usually does and I can tell something is troubling her.
She smiles weakly. “Let me buy the drinks while you find a seat. What can I get you?”
“Um, a latte please, but let me pay for it.”
Waving away my money, she says with determination. “No, my treat, I insist.”
I choose a seat at the rear of the coffee shop that gives us a little privacy and wonder what she has to say. She looked almost defeated as she stared at me. I’m not sure why but at that moment, Isabel looked vulnerable and I wonder what’s wrong. It must be what happened with Tina.
As I see her approaching, balancing the tray of drinks, I harden my heart. No, Isabel needs to explain herself and I will not be swayed by this act she has going on.
She sits down and pushes the drink towards me and looks apologetic. “I’m sorry about this. I know you don’t have long so I’ll get straight to the point.”
I say nothing but feel my heart thumping inside. There’s a look in her eye that I’ve never seen before. She’s always appeared so self-assured, so in control and a little cold but the woman sitting in front of me is none of those things. Her eyes are filled with tears and she says sadly, “I just wanted you to know that they’ve found Eddie.”
Of all the things I thought she was going to say, it wasn’t this. As I stare at her in shock her face falls, and she sniffs, “I found out two days ago. His body was found, and they identified it as him. I’m sorry if I gave you cause to doubt your own relationship with Tom. It must have just been a coincidence; he must have a double out there.”
Shaking my head, I feel sudden compassion for her and reaching out, take her hand in mine. “Are you ok?”
She smiles sadly. “It’s a relief if I’m honest. I suppose I’ve been in limbo for a while and I really thought Eddie was Tom. There were just too many coincidences to ignore.”
Leaning back, I nod in agreement. “I thought so too. You see, when you were supposed to have been seeing Eddie, things with Tom and I were rocky. In fact, that’s too mild a term for where we were heading. I always thought he was having an affair but could never prove it. I suppose I’ve always been expecting that knock on the door or the phone call and when you arrived all my worst fears were confirmed. I’m sorry to hear about Eddie, was it drowning as you thought?”
I feel bad for asking when the tears spill onto the table. Wiping them away, she sniffs, “Yes. They found his body in the lake. The funeral is next week and so I’ve decided to head home. I’ve left my job at the school and have taken another one.”
She laughs as she sees my expression. “I know you think I’m a fast worker but quite honestly things have become… shall we say, difficult for me here.”
I nod and she sighs. “I can tell you know about, Tina, I wouldn’t have expected you not to. The trouble is, I just wanted friendship because as you know, I don’t have many. That night was unexpected and things got a little out of hand. I didn’t expect to wake up next to Tina and I can’t deal with what we did. I need to move away and start again and think that’s the best for everyone. Please don’t tell Tina, at least until after I’ve left.”
Feeling a little uncomfortable, I smile weakly. “I’m sorry for everything. I didn’t think highly of you because I thought you were the ‘other woman.’ I thought you had come here to ruin my marriage, and I didn’t trust you. Tina is vulnerable at the moment and I suppose I thought you were taking advantage of that.”
Reaching across the table, I hold out my hand and as she takes it, I squeeze it and say softly, “I’m sorry for not being the friend you wanted and I’m sorry for what has happened both with Eddie and Tina. I wish you well though and hope the future is brighter.”
Suddenly, Isabel smiles and her face totally transforms. She looks as if all the troubles she has faded away in an instant and she smiles mysteriously. “My future is bright, Karen. You don’t need to worry about me, I have everything I came here for and more. I have closure and that means everything. Now I’m about to embark on another journey and this one promises to be everything I’ve ever wished for.”
I notice the time and say apologetically, “I’m so sorry Isabel, I need to get back. I appreciate you telling me though, you didn’t have to.”
She smiles. “I did. Don’t think badly of me, Karen. We’re all looking for the same things in life. A loving family and a happy life. Some are luckier than others and find it sooner rather than later. Others have to work at it a little harder. Mine is out there, I just know it.”
As we part company at the door, I wonder what the future holds for Isabel. I hope it’s a better one than the last year because underneath it all, she seems nice and would make a lovely wife and mother for some lucky guy.
As I make my way back to work, it’s with a new spring in my step. So, Tom wasn’t the one. He didn’t cheat on me with Isabel at least and the watch must have been bought from whoever mugged Tom. If Eddie mugged Tom, he paid the highest price for his sins.
Now all I want to do is put this all behind me and concentrate on helping Tina save her relationship.
32
Tina
I feel so nervous waiting for Harry. I shouldn’t because we have been together for so long now, I know him better than I know myself, obviously.
The things I have done lately have been so out of character I think I must have been having a breakdown. The whole Isabel thing still hurts and I can’t deny I had very real feelings for her. However, that ship has sailed as they say and I need to move on and put things right.
I check the dinner and feel happy that it all looks and smells amazing. I’ve cooked Harry’s favourite dish and tidied up making the house look cosy and inviting. I have taken extra special care with my appearance and worn the dress I know he likes the most. There are lit candles on every surface and the soft sound of his favourite album playing in the background. I’ve also changed the sheets and made the bedroom look seductive and inviting by lighting candles and positioning two glasses next to a bottle of champagne in an ice bucket by the bed.
Thinking of the sexy lingerie I bought for the occasion, I feel my heart flutter at the thought of what may happen later. If Harry agrees to marry me, I will be the perfect wife. I won't want another child and just take care of the one I have.
Jamie is safely at Karen and Tom’s for the night and tomorrow I will begin the process of making it up to him. However, tonight is mine and Harry’s and as the doorbell rings, I can’t get to open the door quickly enough.
My heart lifts as I see him standing nervously on the step and I smile. “Come in, thanks, for meeting me.”
He shrugs and looks apprehensive as he follows me into the kitchen.
He looks a little surprised when he sees the effort I’ve gone to and I smile softly, saying huskily, “Would you like a glass of champagne, Harry?”
He looks confused. “What for?”
Taking a deep breath, I just say mysteriously, “All will be revealed over dinner.”
My fingers shake as I pour him a glass and as I hand it to him, our fingers touch and I feel the shivers inside. Yes, Harry is a good-looking man and I appear to have lost sight of that lately. Tonight, he is dressed in his suit that he obviously wore to work and his hair is slightly messy on top and his eyes weary.
Pulling out the chair, I say warmly, “Make yourself at home, you can always shower and change if you like. Your clothes are just where you left them.”
He raises his eyes and says wearily, “What’s this all about, Tina? I got your message and thought it was Jamie. Where is he by the way?”
“Don’t worry about him, he’s fine and spending the night at Jack’s.”
I laugh nervously. “We have the whole night and the house to ourselves. I thought we could talk about things and where we go from here.”
He
nods and sits down heavily on the kitchen chair. “Yes, I think we need to sort this out.”
“Not before dinner though. You must be starving, so I’ve made you your favourite, lamb shanks.”
He looks surprised. “You didn’t have to go to so much trouble. I could have grabbed a takeaway on the way home.”
I wince at his choice of word. Home. He is already thinking of somewhere else as home and he’s only just left.
As I dish up the meal, I try to think about how I can broach the subject. Do I just come out and say it, or should I see where the conversation goes first?
I hand him his plate and sit opposite him, saying brightly, “Isn’t this nice, just like old times?”
He smiles wearily. “Yes, I suppose it is.”
I start by asking him about work, thinking it’s common ground, and he says awkwardly, “I should maybe pack a little more of my things while I’m here. The job starts next week and I probably won’t be able to get away easily to fetch the rest of them.”
Taking a deep breath, I say nervously, “Um… as you’ve mentioned it, I just um… wanted to say… that is…”
He looks wary and I blurt out, “Please don’t leave, Harry.”
He looks surprised. “What do you mean, I have to, the contract’s been signed? If it’s Jamie, you’re worried about, we’ve discussed it and he’s more than happy to visit on weekends. I made sure of that before I agreed to it.”
Feeling frustrated, I set my plate aside and feel the tears welling up in my eyes. “I don’t want you to go to Milton Keynes and I don’t want you to go back to that place you’re staying. I want you to come home and be with us again where you belong.”
Reaching out, I take his hand and say emotionally, “I want you, Harry. Not another baby, not another woman, not another man, just you. You see, I’ve discovered I can’t live without you and I want to say… um… will you marry me, darling?”
The shock in his eyes makes me swallow hard, and he pulls away as if he’s been burnt and says roughly, “What did you just say?”
Smiling, I move towards him and pull him close, resting my head on his chest like I always used to and murmur, “I want us to get married. I know we’ve always said it’s not necessary for us but I want us to make that commitment. You see, you are my soulmate, darling and it’s taken what happened with Isabel to make me see that. It’s you I love and I want us to be that special couple again; that special family we always were.”
I’m surprised when Harry pushes me away angrily and says in anger, “What happened with Isabel?”
I stare at him in confusion. “I’m sorry what did you say?”
He speaks slowly, “What. Happened. With. Isabel?”
Nervously, I swallow hard and say in a small voice, “I didn’t mean for it to happen. I suppose I was a little obsessed and read too much into my feelings for her. When she offered to be our surrogate, I was so happy I think I confused things in my mind and that night you went camping with Jamie we sort of…”
“What?”
The tears spill as I sob, “We slept together.”
There is silence and I almost can’t look at him and when I do, I wish I hadn’t. Harry’s anger is almost tangible, and he looks destroyed.
He starts pacing the room and says harshly, “You bitch. I can’t believe you slept with someone else when we were together and I was camping with our son. You slept with another person and not just anyone, a woman, in our bed. How could you Tina? No wonder you rejected me when I came home. What’s the matter, was I too manly for you?”
I can understand his anger and feel a little scared by it but he needs to get this out because we can’t move on unless he knows everything.
I say nothing and he continues to pace around the room before suddenly stopping and then heading towards the door. As I run after him, I call out, “Wait, where are you going? We need to talk about this… Harry, please!”
Suddenly, he stops and as he turns around, the look he shoots me makes me shrivel in self-disgust. He hates me. It’s there in his eyes and on the sneer on his lips. Then he spits out, “Goodbye Tina.”
33
Racing after him, I grab hold of his arm and pull him back, crying, “Please, Harry, we can talk about this and work it out.”
Pushing me away, he snarls, “You know, Tina, I would have done anything for you once. I moved the earth to get you everything you ever wanted. I tried to be the perfect partner and father because I loved you more than anything. I worked every hour I could, so you didn’t have to. I tried to treat you how I thought a woman would want to be treated and yet I got nothing back. I tried so hard to make you love me but it was never enough. Then you wanted another baby, and it didn’t happen. You made me feel like a failure. I could see it in your eyes. You blamed me and that hurt the most. Then, when it turned out to be you with the problem, I tried to support you the best way I could. Then you found Isabel and started going on about surrogacy and I knew I had to put a stop to this. You weren’t having any of it though, were you? You had to keep on pushing me and so you only have yourself to blame for what happened.”
I stare at him in confusion. “I never knew. You never told me you felt like that.”
He hisses, “I tried, but you never listened. You were so wrapped up in this weird crisis you were having, I didn’t know what to do. Well, just so you know, somebody else tried to make me see things from your perspective. They tried to make me see that you were grieving and to give you space. They listened to my fears and helped me through a terrible time. They gave me support and comfort and tried to make me a better partner to you by suggesting things I could do to help you through.”
I whisper, “Karen?”
He shakes his head angrily. “Isabel. Isabel, the woman you pushed me towards so I would agree to your demands. The woman responsible for putting that idea in your head and the woman whose name was never far from your lips.”
Shaking my head, I say in a whisper, “Isabel, helped you?”
He nods. “Yes, and not just me. She helped your son too. When Jamie was crying at school, she spoke to him on several occasions. She tried to explain the situation and told him we both loved him and he would always be our number one priority. She called me when he broke down in class and she helped me talk it through with him. You see, Isabel was there when you were not and just obsessing over her. Then once again, the one person Jamie was relying on to help him through, was leaving him.”
I shake my head sadly and say in a small voice, “I never knew. Why didn’t I know? You both should have told me.”
Suddenly, I feel angry as I think about their cosy chats and meetings with my son. Why wasn’t I told?
My eyes flash as I shout, “How dare you?”
He looks surprised. “What?”
“Do all of that behind my back. I should have been informed.”
Harry sneers. “What, that you were the problem in all our lives?”
He laughs dully, “Yes, you, Tina. The common denominator in all the shit in our lives is you. Now you’ve just decided that because Isabel doesn’t want you, good old Harry will. She made it clear she wanted nothing to do with you, so you thought you could butter me up with my favourite meal and make me an offer you thought I’d seize with both hands. Well, the answer to your question is, No! I don’t want to marry you and I won’t be coming home. I’m leaving to take the job in Milton Keynes and will pay you an agreed amount to care for Jamie, with a bit over for yourself until you find a job. All of this, everything that’s happened, is because of you, Tina. Just remember that.”
He turns to leave and I pull him back. “Please Harry, you can’t just leave like this, we need to talk about things, we can get through this.”
Suddenly, his face softens and I catch my breath. He nods and pushes me back into the house and into the kitchen. Taking me in his arms, he pulls me tightly to him and says softly, “You know, I would have done anything for you once, babe. You were my world, and I loved
you so much. I know you’ve been ill; I understand that. Maybe I’m not being supportive and have taken things too far.”
My heart lifts as I hear his words. I knew he would come around. I feel it. I know him and Harry is coming back to me. It’s in the soft tone to his voice and the comforting way he is holding me in his arms.
He whispers, “I just want you to know that I don’t blame you in all this. You were ill and I should have recognised it and got you the help you needed. I suppose I was in denial but I couldn’t cope. Promise me you’ll get the help you need. I’ll pay for it so don’t worry about the cost.”
I sob on his chest. “I will, I promise I’ll get help. I just want everything back the way it was. I want you, Harry and I know that now. I should never have driven you away.”
Pulling back, he smiles sadly. “Don’t you think that if things were right it wouldn’t have been so easy. Maybe it’s for the best. We can both move on and be happier for it. You know, I’ll always be your friend though, I promise you that at least.”
I can’t help the tears fall as he says gently, “Shall I call Karen, to come and sit with you?”
I hang onto him tightly, “I want you Harry, not Karen, just you. Please don’t leave me.”
I see the tears in his eyes as he gently pushes me away and says in a broken voice, “I must. I’m sorry babe, I’ll call Karen on my out.”
I watch Harry walk away and he takes my heart with him. All I am left with is a sense of loss and failure. How could I have taken him for granted and not seen the riches I already had with him? I’ve messed everything up and now the only hope I’ve got is that I can pull myself together and prove to him that I’m worth coming back for.
I hear the car move away and press my face against the window, as I watch the taillights disappear in the distance. Harry is gone and I have nobody to blame but myself.
34
Isabel
As I pack up the last of my things, I think about my meeting with Karen earlier today. It was the right thing to do. I know that and the relief in her eyes told me I had done the right thing.
