Can't Touch This

by Pepper Winters

  “What boundaries?”

  “The boundaries that means no touching, no reminiscing, no discussing what we shared at any time.”

  “And why the hell would I agree to that?”

  I blinked. “Because you ought to be with Michelle.”

  He exploded with laughter. “I should, should I? You suddenly hate me enough to lump me with a cold witch like her?”

  “But she—”

  “She has nothing on you. Nothing. Believe me. If I had met you when I met her, there would never have been any competition. I would’ve taken one look at you and known you were it for me. I wouldn’t have cared about age. I would’ve lost my virginity to you. I would’ve fucking married you. I wasn’t a kid who thought the grass was greener on the other side. When I know, I know.” His hands cupped my cheeks. “And, Ves, I know you’re mine as much as I’m yours. We’re it. No if, buts, or maybes. Got it?”

  “But—”

  “There’s that word again.”

  “What about—”

  “Another version of but. Not gonna let you ruin what we have, Vesper. Stop thinking I still have feelings for someone who I honestly haven’t thought about in fifteen years.”

  I stiffened.

  He just lied.

  It’s less than fifteen years.

  “But Nate—”

  “What the hell does her kid have anything to do with it?”

  Frustration at him talking over me made me blurt. “If you let me speak for two damn seconds, I’d tell you!”

  He smirked, his thumbs caressing my shoulders, somehow activating the tipsiness in my blood and making me mellow just a little. “Okay, little firecracker, go on. I won’t interrupt.” He zipped his lips dramatically. “Promise.”

  I swallowed, mentally preparing to slice through our future. “Nate is yours.”

  He froze. “What?”

  “Michelle. She told me that Nate is yours and the reason why she hunted down your home address. She wants you to take her back because he is your son.”

  For a second, Ryder’s face turned green.

  He let me go, backing up as he mentally did whatever tally he needed to admit that, yes he had a son, and, yes it changed everything.

  However, his lips slowly twitched followed by a loud laugh spilling from his mouth. “Holy shit, she was a liar then and a liar now. What a bitch.” He laughed harder. “Wow, talk about desperation.” He looked at the sky, dragging his hands through his hair. “So that’s what that gross attempt at seduction was. I actually feel sorry for her. Can you believe that? For so long, I’d felt sorry for me because of what she did but all along, I should've felt sorry for her.”

  My heart was run over and squished into road kill. He felt sorry for her now? God, when will this day end?

  Feel sorry for me!

  I’m the loser in this scenario.

  My fingernails wedged into my palms in grief. “That might be the case, and I’m glad you don’t hate her anymore, but what the hell does that have to do about Nate?”

  “You don’t need to worry about Nate. Nothing’s changed.”

  “Everything has changed, Ry! Don’t you see!? You have a kid. She still wants you. Who the hell am I to stand in the way of that?”

  “You’re my fucking soul mate that’s what you are.” Ryder’s outburst shocked both of us. He rounded on me. Stalking toward me, his hands cupped my cheeks as his body pressed me against the tree. “Vesper you are me. I’m myself with you. I’m free with you. If you think you’re going to take that freedom away from me, then you should never have agreed to let me take you home and tend to you while you were sick.”

  “Um, I seem to remember you telling, not asking. I had no choice.”

  “Just like I had no choice when I fell for you.”

  I bit my lip. “You did?”

  He grinned. “After everything I’ve just said you still doubt that I’m in love with you?”

  My stomach installed a trapeze and swooped like a sky artist. “You are?”

  “So, so fucking much.” His lips landed on mine. “I’m in love with you. I love you. I adore you. I thought you knew.”

  “How would I know?”

  “Every time I hug you, I tell you. You don’t feel it?”

  A small smile pulled my mouth. “I wondered. I felt something. I’m sure you felt my answer.”

  He nodded. “I did. And if it’s not too bold of me to say but you love me too, don’t you?”

  Now was the time to either shatter him so he could return to a woman he didn’t love and raise a kid he didn’t even know he had, or admit the truth and keep him and deal with shared custody as adults. I let sanity and common-sense rule over a bruised and juvenile heart.

  “I do. I’m in love with you. I think I’ve loved you since you found my lifetime supply of tampons and made a joke about it.”

  “It was a pretty big box of tampons.” He cocked his head at the river. “I bet if you tossed them all in Thorn River, it would dry up.”

  I swatted his shoulder. “Okay, one joke was enough. I don’t need anymore.”

  His finger hooked under my chin, tilting it upward. “You know, I just lied about when I fell in love with you. It wasn’t when you were sick.”

  “Okay…”

  “I knew I loved you before that.”

  “Don’t tell me it was love at first sight with the first wiener you brought in?”

  “No, Heineken wasn’t when it happened.” He kissed me softly. “It was your sexy face plant into my man jewels that did it.” He chuckled. “I thought to myself, now there is a woman who knows what she wants.”

  I cringed. “Oh, God. One time. Seriously, will I never live that down?”

  “It depends how long you put up with me and remain mine.” The lightheartedness in his eyes faded a little. “Please, Ves. Don’t let Michelle ruin what’s so damn right between us.”

  I sighed. “I wasn’t letting her ruin it. I was trying to do the right thing.”

  “Ah yes, because Nate is my son.”

  “You’re acting mightily blasé about this fact. I know you don’t mind animals but a child is slightly different.” I did my best at adding joviality to an otherwise awkward conversation. “After all, you can’t put him in the kennel with some dried food and water bowl and expect him to survive.”

  “Oh, I know. And I have no intention of homing him in a barn or otherwise.”

  “But you have no choice. He’s yours—”

  “He’s not mine.”

  “But—”

  “She lied.” He smirked. “Again.”

  “What—what do you mean?”

  “I mean she lied when she told the school I had crabs and lied again when she told you Nate was mine. I haven’t been with her since I was seventeen. I’m twenty-nine now. That means Nate would have to be…”

  “Twelve.”

  “Exactly.” Ryder smiled. “And I just asked him before his mother could bullshit how old he was. Guess what he answered.”

  “Well, if he’s that old, he looks mighty young for his age.” I squinted. “I don’t know kids. Animals yes but children aren’t my speciality.”

  “He’s seven, Ves. A full five years on top of me ever going near that woman.”

  The relief flooding through me played silly buggers with my legs and they wobbled. “You mean—”

  “The only kid in our lives is the one we cook together, if and when we decide we want to add more to our zoo other than just dogs, cats, and a pig or two.”

  “Oh, thank God.” I wrapped my arms around his neck. “This…crap, this is the best news I’ve ever heard.”

  “Even better than hearing that I love you?”

  “Okay, second best.”

  “Damn right.” He kissed my cheek. “Now, if any other disgruntled lovers try to scare you off with illegitimate babies or other heinous lies can you please run toward me instead of away, so I can fix it?”

  I leaned back. “Wait…just how man
y other disgruntled lovers am I expecting here?”

  His eyes twinkled. “Uh oh, are we about to have the conversation where we admit how many people we’ve been with? Isn’t that opening a can of worms?” He scrunched up his handsome face. “As far as I’m concerned, you were a born again virgin when we met and no one else had the privilege of having you.”

  The idea of leaving the past in the past was the right thing, even though I did want to know. But then it would just torture me if he’d been with a lot. It was best not to know. Curiosity would kill the cat in that respect.

  He groaned. “You want to know, don’t you?”

  All my adult reasoning went poof.

  Yes.

  I froze. “Not if you don’t want—”

  “Fine, now that I’m thinking about ghosts of lovers past, all I can see is massive numbers of men who I need to kill.” His face fell. “It’s not massive numbers, right?”

  “We really opened Pandora’s box, huh?”

  He rubbed the back of his neck. “Yep. But I guess if we’re gonna open it all the way, we should do it together.”

  “What? Like blurt our previous lover tally at the same time?”

  “Exactly.” His face darkened. “That way, we won’t be swayed to lie depending on what the other person said.”

  This could backfire so bad.

  My sexual history was one big dry spell. There’d been Owen who earned my virginity, John who lasted two months before his failed sex skills annoyed me, and me, myself, and I. Oh, and wait, there’d been Scott at university but he didn’t count as he’d only been one night.

  You can’t lie.

  Okay, fine. I was twenty-four.

  Three men was low right?

  Nerves ricocheted down my spine.

  I bundled up all the sincerity and love I had for him. “I want to pre-caveat this by saying that whatever number we admit, you’re the only one I’ve ever felt myself with. You’re the only one I think about, dream about, and want every hour of every day.”

  He swallowed, looking slightly ill. “I was just about to say the same thing. Sex was just sex before you. What we have is fun and pleasure and freedom all mixed up in one kickass fucking bliss.”

  I smiled softly. “In that case, let’s go. On the count of three.” I took a deep breath. “One, two…”

  “Three.”

  “Three.”

  Ryder blinked. “Wait, are we counting down or admitting a number?”

  I groaned. “Why was this not simple?”

  He pressed his forehead against mine. “Wait…three. That’s your tally?”

  I hesitated. “And three is yours?”

  His face split into a relieved grin. “We’re the same?”

  “You’re my fourth,” I said. “I’m yours, too?”

  He nodded. “Lucky and last fourth. Who said third time was the charm?”

  We fell into each other’s arms. I’d never been so jelly legged or heart full. “Thank God that’s over and done with.” Everything else fell away. Knowing he hadn’t been promiscuous gave me an even more concrete conclusion that what we had had been worth searching and waiting for. However, even if he’d been a manwhore, I doubted I would’ve been able to stop loving him.

  But having his tally equal mine was much nicer. I wasn’t going to lie.

  After squeezing the living daylights out of each other, Ryder murmured, “Seeing as we were so rudely interrupted before. How about we finish what we started?” He backed me once again against the tree, his fingers tickling my knee as he bent to scoop up my hem.

  Instantly, my body picked up where we left off, tingling for him.

  My head fell back as I let my legs spread a little. “I wouldn’t be opposed to more outdoor sex.”

  He shuddered, taking his time climbing my trembling thigh. “I think we need to return to basics and remember exactly why we fell in love with each other in the first place.”

  Something Michelle said itched the back of my mind.

  I stiffened.

  What did she mean about loving and not being gentle?

  Ryder sensed my sudden hesitation. His fingers paused. “Are you okay?”

  I bit my lip, wishing I could ignore it but knowing if I didn’t bring it up now I would never have the guts and always wonder. Dropping my gaze, I whispered, “She said you were really gentle with her. That being gentle meant you loved her more than you love me because we get it on in random places and sometimes do it rough.”

  Ryder frowned. “She never knew me, Ves. Hell, I didn’t know me back then.” He nuzzled into my neck. “I’ll let you into a little secret—the same secret I told her after she tried to kiss me. Up until you, I’ve kept my desires on the down low. I’ve never been this free with anyone. When I take you hard, or if we role play, or have a quickie in places we shouldn’t, it turns me on so damn much and makes me fall even harder. The fact we aren’t gentle means I love you more than I’ve loved anyone because I’m relaxed and happy with you.”

  Cupping my face, he brushed my lips with his. “And for the record, the only people I’ve ever loved are Rupe, Hippo, and my parents. And about a thousand dogs but I’m sure you can understand.”

  “I can understand.” I returned his soft kiss. “I think if we had to give away pieces of our hearts to every animal that’s ever touched us, we would’ve gone through a billion by now.”

  “And that is why we’re so bloody perfect for each other.” He kissed me harder. “Because we share that connection and understand it.” His kiss turned deeper, his tongue slipping into my mouth.

  As we fought to get closer, his fingers once again returned to their task of pushing aside my underwear and finding how wet I was from our tete-a-tete in the corridor.

  “Christ, Ves, I’m never going to get enough of you.”

  His finger slid to hook inside me.

  I shivered in bliss. “I’ll never get enough of you.”

  Kissing madly, touching wildly, we somehow managed to get his belt unbuckled and jeans pushed down to free his cock.

  The moment he fisted my hair, consumed my lips, and thrust into me, I was one hundred percent complete.

  I was exactly where I was meant to be.

  With exactly the person I was meant to be with.

  We were done searching.

  We were home.

  We were two compatible people making love against a tree.

  A girl with a boy on a river bank.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

  ---------------------

  Ryder

  THE WEEK WENT BY QUICKLY, and Vesper spent most of her time at my house when she wasn’t working.

  One morning, on her day off, I received a phone call to collect a badly mistreated Cocker Spaniel and Vesper decided to come with me to collect. Having her there while I did what I did made my heart swell almost painfully. Her tears at finding the creature in filth and faeces with no love or happiness made me so grateful that I’d fallen for a girl who felt the same way I did. I didn’t have to hide or justify what I needed to do with my money.

  Our life was perfect.

  She was perfect.

  Even Rupert had accepted Vesper, and I had a sneaking position he had more than a small amount of interest in Polly. On Thursday, Rupe and I went to collect Ves from work after a long surgery and Polly was closing up. Instead of leaving her alone, Rupert ordered her to come with us and we ended up double dating at a Tex Mex downtown.

  Watching them together made me nervous. If Polly and him ever fell out, would it sway Vesper against me? I just had to hope that I’d somehow inched into first position in Vesper’s life because I’d literally die if she ever left me.

  Dramatic, sure. The truth, absolutely.

  However, our perfect world shattered on Friday when Scar decided he’d held on long enough and was happy to go to his next adventure. Ves and I were on the floor, taking turns cuddling him while watching TV. We’d shared pieces of salami from our pauper’s dinner of s
liced meat and cheese and at one point he raised his head, licked my hand, then Vesper’s, and heaved the deepest sigh I’d ever heard.

  Looking at each other, we linked our hands on his head, holding back our tears as the muscular killing machine traded his scarred body for a celestial one and left us.

  The rest of the night, we stayed vigil with Hippo, letting him know we’d miss him and would honour him always. At dawn, we took him to the river and buried him beneath the weeping willow where he’d forever be free and happy, protected on my land.

  When Sunday rolled around, Vesper went with me to visit Michelle, Nate, and the Chiweenies. We were both on edge but not because of the lies or attempt at breaking us up by Michelle but because we missed Corn and Chip. The grief of Scar’s death hadn’t left us but some happiness was given when we found how happy our other two rescues were.

  The two dogs sprawled in a kiddie paddling pool with Nate throwing tennis balls, yapping and playing fetch in the sun. In the lounge sat matching name bowls and colourful leads, and I knew they’d found their forever home.

  And when Michelle cornered me on our way out and actually apologised for what she’d done then physically hugged Vesper with an apology, I left wishing her well and hoping she either found a perfect man or could patch up with the guy who was Nate’s true father.

  When we got back that night, Rupert brought up the one subject I’d been trying to avoid.

  Vesper and her irresponsibility with money.

  I’d confided in him about her generosity having an adverse reaction on her life and he listened like a big brother but consoled like a lawyer. He’d told me that the only way to stop her being too generous was to take over.

  I didn’t know what he meant by that, and I wasn’t about to take charge of her finances like some dictator, but after a few more beers, and a couple more heart to hearts before he had to leave, I confessed just how much I fucking loved this girl. He told me that by taking control, he meant marrying her.

  If I had my ring on her finger, then I was fully within my rights as her husband to keep her housed, fed, and clothed just like I kept so many other worthy creatures. Meanwhile, she could use the profits from her business and give back to everything she loved.