Can't Touch This

by Pepper Winters

  Not to mention, I would donate heavily to whatever charities that struck her heart.

  In return, I would hopefully gain a wife and that was bloody priceless.

  I thought it was the best goddamn idea anyone ever had.

  It just left asking the terrifying question.

  CHAPTER FORTY

  ---------------------

  Vesper

  Epilogue

  RYDER HAD BEEN CAGEY FOR days.

  He’d brought in a Dorgi for a check-up yesterday morning and apart from a few distracted text messages, he hadn’t been in touch.

  If I was honest, his silence was starting to freak me out. We never went a night without talking or some serious sexting.

  Even Polly had been distracted and not answering me in complete sentences all day.

  I’d stepped into a twilight zone and couldn’t find my way out of it.

  Driving myself home, I nursed a small amount of self-pity and decided to confront just how much I loved him and how much I missed him when we weren’t together.

  We’d been together for three months and every night apart was a wasted night in my mind. The lease on my crappy apartment was due to expire next weekend and as much as I needed to renew it so I had somewhere to live, I desperately wanted Ryder to offer me to move in with him.

  The house was almost finished, and the renovation had come along fantastically. When I wasn’t operating on small critters, or helping Ryder feed and clean out countless of dogs, I was up a ladder with a paintbrush, dancing along to some rock n’ roll while Ryder barked commands about my painting technique being all wrong.

  Those late nights, by the time we crawled into bed with paint in our hair and dust on our skin, were some of the best of my life.

  Polly was a frequent visitor and Rupert Skyped often now he was back on the road.

  We’d even advertised for a full time vet to join Tales of Tails and struck gold last week with an experienced woman called Stefani who’d been overseas working at a wild cat rehabilitation centre in Madagascar. She was from Thorn River and needed to return because her parents were sick.

  She would start next week and Polly and I were beyond ready to share the workload and even offered to sell one third of the company and make her a co-owner if she enjoyed working with us.

  Everything was looking up.

  Yet Ryder and I hadn’t taken any further step in our relationship.

  Nursing my sudden loneliness and silent phone, I parked and climbed up the steps to my second-floor apartment.

  Fumbling for my keys, I let myself in and slammed to a stop.

  I’ve been robbed.

  Holy crap!

  I moved forward in a daze, eyeing the space on the threadbare carpet where my hand-me-down couch used to rest, mourning the loss of my TV, and hating the fact the robbers had even taken my lemon daisy curtains.

  Who does such a thing?

  Then horror struck.

  There was no welcome bell from Barb’s collar; no marmalade fur as Visa tore around the corner to say hello.

  Just emptiness.

  No…

  “Visa, Barb?” Racing through my furnitureless apartment, I froze in an equally empty bedroom. My chest of drawers, my small array of clothes hanging in the wardrobe—

  Everything was gone.

  Including my beloved Chinese Crested and opinionated pussy.

  Police.

  Have to call the police!

  Darting past the bathroom, a box caught my eye. The box of tampons.

  They’d taken everything but those? What sort of criminals were these?

  My eyes shot to the mirror where my reflection was blurred from mint swirls. Someone had deliberately defaced my mirror with a toothpaste explosion.

  The penmanship was awful, but the message was clear:

  If you want to see your pussy and pooch again come to this address.

  My lips went from frown to upside down.

  That address.

  It was home.

  CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

  ---------------------

  Ryder

  Epilogue

  “SHE’S PROBABLY CURSING MY VERY existence right about now.”

  Polly giggled, hugging Visa while I hugged Barb. For some reason, the damn cat still hadn’t warmed to me. Maybe it was all the dog hair I was constantly covered in, or perhaps it was because she knew that her mistress loved me as much as she loved her and was jealous.

  Stupid cat.

  I planned on distracting her with catnip again tonight, so Vesper and I could be wicked together without claws in my ass.

  Headlights appeared in my driveway.

  Unlike a few months ago when scruffy bushes and skeletal trees were the welcome party, now nice trellising and new baby shrubs guided the way.

  I was proud of the way this old girl had transformed. David and his crew had followed my vision, and I’d saved yet another run down lady and made her magnificent once again.

  It also didn’t hurt that each room was functional with soft furnishings and paint rather than crumbling walls and boarded-up windows.

  I’d wanted to move Vesper into my place for months, but I’d promised myself that until the project was complete, it wouldn’t be the homecoming I wanted.

  This house had grown on me. The river on the property and the barn with the dogs, it all meant so much and I hoped to God Vesper felt the same way I did, because I had no intention of ever moving.

  “I’ll leave you to do the explaining.” Polly shot me a smile and vanished into the lounge where Hippo sat with a bow around her neck and the ring I’d bought especially for tonight.

  Putting Barb down, I prepared for my big moment.

  Holy Jesus, this is really happening.

  I waited by the front door as Vesper parked her shitty car and shot up the steps to the veranda.

  First I’ll give her a house, then I’ll give her a car.

  Slowly but surely I would dote on her and buy her all the things she refused to buy herself.

  I took a deep breath. I wasn’t just asking her to be my flatmate, best friend, lover, and wife. I was asking her to be my partner in doggy protection and allow me to help her donations while protecting her from any more financial disabilities.

  My parents gave me this wealth for this exact purpose. I had no doubt at all.

  I just wished they’d been alive to watch me propose to this one in a million girl.

  Vesper reached to rap her knuckles on the brand new smoky glass front door. However, I wrenched it open before she could.

  Reclining against the doorframe, fighting nerves, I did my best to ooze confident charm. “Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in.”

  “Actually, the kidnapping of a cat dragged me in.” She peered over my shoulder. “I got a note from the thief saying they’re here.” Her lips twitched. “If you don’t unhand them immediately, sir, I’ll be forced to go to the authorities.”

  I swung open the door, bowing for her to enter. “Oh, no threats needed, Ms. Fairfax. Please, come in and claim everything that I stole.”

  She rolled her eyes at my dramatics and pushed past me. Her gaze followed the curved staircases now carpeted with a rich chocolate rug, to the glittering chandelier, to the Kookaburra Kool white walls. “No cat or Chinese Crested in here.”

  I shrugged. “Wherever could they be?”

  She swatted my shoulder, brushing past to head into the lounge.

  Swallowing my grin, I followed her.

  When she entered the large octagonal space, now open plan with kitchen, window bay, and dining room, she gasped; her hands flew over her mouth. “Oh my God, this place is stunning.”

  I’d deliberately left this room until last, knowing when I was ready I’d hijack her furniture and blend it with mine in the room where we’d do most of our living.

  Her pieces sporadically plaited with mine, making this ours right from the beginning.

  After all, her sweat and occa
sionally blood from a nail or elbow scrape were on these walls, same as me.

  “You even installed my lemon daisy curtains.”

  I grinned. “Hey, those curtains have good memories. I couldn’t leave them behind.”

  They looked ridiculous hanging too short over the doors leading to the side deck, but hey. Fashion could take a flying leap because I fucking loved them.

  Visa careened from the kitchen, racing toward her owner.

  “Ah, there you are, titty tat.” Vesper scooped her up, only to be accosted by Barb as she skidded on the marble tiles where she’d been chowing on fresh chicken as a treat. “And you too, little Barberella. You decided to leave me for this luxury, huh?” She kissed both before setting them on the ground. “Not that I can blame you. Ryder has outdone himself.”

  Hippo trotted forward, shuffling in her signature piggy waddle, pushing both cat and dog out of the way for cuddles. “And you! Can’t forget about Miss Pigglesworth.” Vesper kissed Hippo’s pink head.

  I stiffened as her fingers found the ribbon around the piggy’s neck.

  Vesper’s back tensed as she followed the soft pink decoration. “Oh!” She swivelled in place, looking at me over her shoulder “Ryder?”

  I ducked beside her, untying the ribbon and holding up the diamond and ruby ring. “You didn’t think I’d just kidnap your furniture and pets and not steal you too, right?” The gold and glittering stones caught the light, bouncing rainbows onto the white carpet at our feet. “I love you, Vesper. I’ve loved you all my life even if you’ve only been in it this past six months. I don’t need time to know this is right. I don’t need validation from friends or family. And I don’t need society to deem it’s acceptable to propose.”

  “That’s what you’re doing? Proposing?”

  “Shush.” I placed my finger over her lips. “Let me finish.”

  Her eyes glossed with tears as I took her hand and ever so slowly slipped the engagement ring onto her finger. “Vesper Fairfax, you were my vet to start with, a patient the next, and then my soul mate. You are everything I could’ve ever asked for. Everything I never hoped to dream for. I’m not going to ask you to marry me because if you said no, I would just make you do it anyway. Your furniture and life is here now. Your pets are here. You’re here.” I looped my hand behind her head, pulling her forward until our lips met. “And that means you’re never leaving.”

  She smiled beneath our kiss. “And I have no say in this?”

  “None whatsoever.”

  “But what if I want to add a few clauses. Or share my declarations of love?”

  “The clauses are a no go but the declarations I’ll permit.”

  “Oh, so kind, dominant master.”

  I smirked. “Don’t get ahead of yourself. That’s for later tonight.” I leaned forward, whispering in her ear. “I went shopping after I ransacked your apartment. Let’s just say, the dog collars and kitty ticklers have been downgraded with the new toys we have to experiment with.”

  Her cheeks heated. “Does it include a riding crop you once said you had to use to keep your harem in line?”

  “Better. It has a nurse’s uniform which I amended to be a sexy vet. I’m going to be your patient tonight and then, if you make me feel better, I’m going to show you just who you belong to now you’ve stepped over the door and accepted my ring.”

  She laughed. “How am I supposed to say no to that?”

  “I already told you—you’re not allowed to say yes or no. It’s a done deal. You’re mine. We’re engaged. End of discussion.” I kissed her again, letting myself be swept away by her taste and heat, wishing to God Polly wasn’t in kitchen watching. I wanted to try out our new purchases straight away.

  However, wishes would have to wait as Polly couldn’t keep quiet anymore and carried three champagne glasses while being chased by Hippo. “Congratulations!”

  Passing the flutes to us, she kissed Vesper on the cheek. “I’m so happy for you, Vessie.” The affection between the two women glowed; I hoped Polly would one day strike as love-lucky as we had.

  My phone suddenly hammered with vulgar rap. I answered it with the video function to reveal my brother.

  “A little birdie just texted me saying you popped the ball and chain question.” He beamed. “So you’re a soon-to-be-married man, huh?”

  I scowled at Polly who stuck her tongue out. “Something like that.”

  Toasting me with a beer bottle, he said, “Have to consummate straight away before the girl can run away, you know. That’s how these things are done.”

  “Not binding until a celebrant forces her to say I do first, you idiot.”

  “Well, no harm in consummating then and now and every day in between.” Rupert chuckled.

  “Yeah, yeah,” I snorted.

  Polly blushed as I angled the phone her way. “Say hi to Pol.”

  Rupert’s voice changed subtly. “Hey, Polly. How ya doing?”

  “Good.” She took a hasty sip of liquor. “You?”

  “Singapore is hot. But not as hot as you.”

  “Okay, okay.” I faced the phone back to me. “This has been nice and all but I’m disconnecting you, kicking Polly from my house, and carting my kidnapped bride up the stairs. I agree with your conclusion of consummating at all times. Then no way can she get out of this marriage.”

  “There’s my brother. The forward thinker and obsessive planner.” Rupert laughed. “Keep me in the loop when the big day will happen and remember, don’t knock her up until after the ceremony. I don’t want my niece or nephew to be a bastard.”

  I hung up on him.

  Polly finished her flute of champagne with three massive gulps. “Right, I know when it's time to leave. My innocent eyes don’t want to know what you guys get up to.”

  Hugging Vesper, she whispered something in her ear before pulling away and waving. “See you at work tomorrow, engaged besties.”

  “I’ll share all the juicy details, Pol.” Vesper winked.

  I grabbed her wrist. “Like hell you will.”

  Trusting Polly to show herself out, I dragged my fiancé up the stairs. The moment we were in the bedroom that had both our mattresses pushed together to make one colossal bed and Scar’s memory was carved into the window seat with re-upholstered cushions, Vesper said, “You know, a better place to hide the ring would’ve been in your pants.”

  “My pants?”

  “Yes.” Prying my fingers off her wrist, her hands landed on my belt buckle. “All those months ago, you gave me permission to touch it.”

  I sucked in a breath as she undid the loops followed by the zipper. “Then you gave me permission to look at it. You were really quite generous.”

  I swallowed hard. “I did. And I agree about the generosity fact. By the way, you can do all those things whenever you damn well please.”

  “I’m glad to hear that because you also gave me permission to lick it.”

  “I did indeed. You’re more than welcome to lick anything of mine.” I groaned as her hand vanished into my boxer-briefs and cupped me. The cool gold of her engagement ring seared into my hot, sensitive flesh.

  The knowledge that the ring marked her as mine forever made me rock fucking hard.

  “And now, you’ve put a ring on me which I’m guessing gives me one last thing I’m allowed to do.”

  My mind raced. “I can give you all sorts of permission. You can ride it, bite it, kiss it, fist it, cow girl it, wheelbarrow it. Hell, you can even motorboat it. All perfectly acceptable.”

  She laughed. “Thanks for the invitations, and I’ll keep a lot of those in mind. However, you forgot the most important one.”

  “Oh?”

  Wrapping her fingers around my length, she jerked me forward. My lips crashed against hers as she took control. She pumped me, making me see stars while her tongue shot into my mouth.

  When I could finally breathe without grunting and stand without wanting to thrust into her, she murmured, “Thanks to you, Ryd
er Carson, I now have permission to marry it.

  “And that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

  * * *

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS, COVER REVEAL, & THANK YOU

  I hate acknowledgements because I want to write a novel to each and every one of my friends, family, readers, reviewers, and bloggers. But that isn’t possible. Obviously. Then I think, I’ll just list names with kisses beside them. But I get terrified thinking I’ll miss people who mean the world to me.

  So, I’m not going to do any of those things. You know who you are. THANK YOU. Without you, there would be no me. I wanted this book to be a secret because I wasn’t sure I would publish it.

  However, it turned out this story was a saving grace for me and because it’s dedicated to my lost little bunny, I had to claim it and love it forever. I decided to write about a vet as at the time, I hated them. I wanted to scream and bawl when my baby bunny died and demand the vet take responsibility for her passing.

  So, to prevent me being arrested for setting their practice on fire, I wrote a story from a vet’s point of view to fully understand just how hard it would be in that career. How upsetting every day would be, knowing your best sometimes isn’t good enough.

  It allowed me to forgive (even though there was nothing to forgive) and come to terms with a senseless death because all death is senseless.

  That being said, this was a healing exercise rather than an intended book to publish. With that in mind, I didn’t get it edited professionally (sorry for any pesky typos that my zombie eyes missed). I didn’t get a cover done (sorry if the DIY dude holding his magic wand offends you (then again, I say you’re welcome if you like the eye candy)). And I didn’t enlist my trusty tribe of beta readers (please forgive me, guys), because this was a book I needed to enjoy for me and didn’t care if it made sense or if the plot was stupid and I missed a few things. This was me having fun. This was me healing. And, instead of locking it on my hard drive, I decided to release as a surprise so you guys could laugh along with me.