Teresa: Everybody Loves Large Chests (Vol.5)

by Neven Iliev

  “You’re thinking about it the wrong way. That’s like… comparing twenty coin pouches to ten treasure chests. There might be more of the former, but the latter can hold a lot more shinies. Understand?”

  “Oh. Oh, I see!” an enlightened expression floated onto Keira’s face. “So that’s how it was. How come this is the first I hear of this, though?”

  “Because you didn’t ask?” the golem guessed.

  “… Good point,” the shapeshifter grumbled in defeat.

  The revelation regarding Skills and Proficiency was yet another one of those things that everybody knew yet no one talked about. There was no way that Boxxy, who was less than a year old and had been in active contact with civilization for only about two months, would have picked up all of that so-called ‘public knowledge.’ It was starting to get a bit tired of constantly stumbling onto these tidbits. The shapeshifter really wished someone would write a book called ‘Common Sense for Dummies.’ Then again, the only ones who’d need such a thing were monsters trying to blend in with society, so there probably wasn’t much of a market for it.

  Actually, Reggie might have a training pamphlet or something for new recruits, it mused.

  In any event, Boxxy mentally marked the case closed and resumed licking Fizzy’s shoulders and armpits with tongues sticking out of Keira’s palms.

  “How about you? What’ve you been up to?” it changed the subject.

  “I’m, uh, doing all the things you said, Boxxy. I’m getting closer to the others and working hard on my Levels, but… it’s been slow.”

  “How slow?”

  “Right now I’m at 59 Artificer, 36 Paladin and 33 Golem,” she mumbled warily.

  Fizzy reflexively braced herself as she admitted failure. She was told multiple times to get on Boxxy’s Level, yet no matter how hard she tried she didn’t get any closer to catching up. If anything the gap between them had been widening non-stop ever since her transformation. The shapeshifter’s Jobs and Skills kept growing at an unprecedented rate because of the ridiculous amount of death and destruction it left in its wake. However, Fizzy took her inability to match such absurd progress quite personally. She felt like she was in a rut, constantly falling behind, and that no amount of skull-cracking could fix that.

  “That’s pretty good, actually,” Boxxy commented, much to her surprise.

  “S-so you’re not mad at me?” she looked up at it.

  “I’ve come to realize I shouldn’t be using myself as the standard. From what I’ve seen, you’re definitely above average in terms of self-improvement. Besides, you’ll get a chance to Level Up big-time very soon.”

  “Huh? What are you talking about?”

  “I was told that, judging by incoming reports, the Empire’s main force will attack the city within the next two or three days.”

  “They’re that close?!” Fizzy blurted out. “When and how did they manage to advance so much in so little time?!”

  The Imperial scouts that the golem’s team fought earlier should have been at least a week ahead of the main force.

  “I don’t know, I just got here,” the shapeshifter shrugged. “I’ll find out soon enough, though. They’re sending the Sandman over to investigate tomorrow night.”

  “But if they’re that close to the city, then has spatial traffic already been cut off?”

  “Not yet, but it will be by noon tomorrow.”

  An essential part of siege warfare was the prevention of teleportation magic via sigils and wards. Failing to do so allowed the enemy to completely bypass static defenses such as walls, turrets, and traps. Denying that was important, even if it meant cutting off an easy and safe escape route for the defenders. One could argue that New Whitehall’s Forest Gate might fulfill that role, but that was scheduled to be dismantled in two days. The Republic couldn’t risk Tol-Saroth’s magnum opus falling into the Empire’s hands for fear that they would reverse-engineer it. That would be a disaster of such severity that it would make the Calamity of Monotal look like a ‘minor incident.’

  “Then isn’t Jessie stranded here?! Her life is going to be in danger if they don’t get her out right now!”

  Boxxy eyed the golem up and down as if what she just said was heresy.

  “And just why would you care about an insignificant thing like that?” it asked, its voice full of contempt. “Besides, the Republic are going to evacuate the non-combatants no matter what.”

  “Yeah, but you could make sure she catches the last portal headed out of town before the Forest Gate goes down.”

  “I could pull some strings, yes. And I suppose doing so would make her feel indebted to me, which I can take advantage of when I visit Horkensaft.”

  Boxxy felt confident it would have to travel to the gnomes’ homeland eventually, if for no other reason than to specialize as a Firespitter Artificer whenever the Job hit Level 50. The people in that kingdom were far less welcoming towards outsiders than the Republic, so having a connection to someone on the inside would be a huge help.

  “Nah, she can’t help with that,” claimed the shiny in its lap. “That girl is a nobody. Knowing her wouldn’t give you or me any leeway in that country.”

  “But if she has no value, then why would I waste my time looking after her?”

  “As a personal favor to me?” Fizzy smiled expectantly.

  “But why, though?” it pressed.

  “It’s complicated. Look, I just want to make sure she safely gets away from the city.”

  Boxxy wasn’t quite sure why Fizzy’s interest in that girl made it feel so… strangely irritated. Just what was this un-tasty feeling? Was it perhaps suspicion? Ah, it was most likely wary of betrayal. Yes, that seemed to be the case. The shapeshifter wasn’t exactly the trusting type. Actually, that was a gross understatement. Boxxy was so inherently distrustful that it assumed that everyone it ever spoke to could turn against it at a moment’s notice. Cornie Fizzlesprocket had done so once before, with near-fatal consequences. Perhaps Boxxy’s instincts took the golem’s unfounded interest in Jessie as a sign that her original, far less agreeable self was about to resurface?

  That didn’t seem quite right, but the shapeshifter decided to roll with this assumption until it had a bit more information.

  “Elaborate on that,” it demanded.

  “Ugh, fine,” the Paladin groaned. “She reminds me too much of my past self. So much so that she’s unbearably pitiful. I talked things over with Plus and we decided we’d like to get her out of here safely, for our own peace of mind.”

  Much like Fizzy said, it was a complicated matter made all the more convoluted by the ‘nostalgic’ voice in her head.

  “Plus?” Boxxy blinked in confusion. “Your Parallel Entity or whatever?”

  “Yeah. She really likes that meatbag for some reason.”

  “Oh.”

  “No, I’m not going to say that,” Fizzy snapped to her left. “Because it’s retarded. We’ve been over this. No. No. No! … Yeah? … Oh, right. Almost forgot about that.”

  Having finished sorting things out in her head, the golem once more looked to Boxxy.

  “Plus says she’ll take the Oath of Arms to serve you unconditionally if you do her this favor.”

  “Oh. Yeah, okay. Works for me.”

  For some reason, that decision was much easier to make once it became clear that Fizzy’s alter ego was the one that actually gave a crap about Jessie. That and the shapeshifter would be getting something for its trouble. If Plus truly was an independent entity within the golem’s mind, then ensuring that she couldn’t actively plot against it was a desirable thing.

  “Also, she did prove unexpectedly useful earlier,” the radiant construct added. “She reminded me about something that might greatly benefit us both.”

  “Oh? Do tell.”

  “It’s about a certain place in Horkensaft that has been locked up for almost a century,” she explained. “Rumors say the riches and secrets of the First Artificer reside in that place.
Even if that isn’t the case, whoever manages to crack it open can earn a hefty bounty on behalf of the Kingdom.”

  “Uh-huh. Let me guess – it’s hidden somewhere and nobody can find it?”

  Boxxy had heard of plenty of similar stories, but even it wasn’t childish enough to believe-

  “No, actually,” Fizzy interrupted its train of thought. “Everyone knows exactly where it is, but nobody has been able to get inside. That girl only mentioned it in passing, but she made me realize something. As I am right now…”

  Fizzy tightened her fingers into fists and looked up at Keira’s scrutinizing gaze with a face full of confidence and motivation.

  “As I am right now, there’s a non-zero chance I might be able to open the Vault Beneath the Mountain.”

  Boxxy liked the sound of that. The last part especially. Just the word ‘vault’ was enough to pique its interest. Unfortunately, as much as it wanted to check the place out, this wasn’t a good time. The shapeshifter had its tentacles full with its military obligations. It couldn’t afford to have Keira just vanish when a huge battle was coming. She would be branded a deserter, throwing weeks of hard work out the window. Plus, Boxxy would miss out on a prime opportunity to kill and eat a whole lot of humans.

  Such things would have to wait until tomorrow.

  “Tell me more about this Vault.”

  At the moment, Boxxy’s only concern was listening to its shiniest shiny talk about shinies.

  Part Six

  The Sandman’s heavily cloaked figure moved through the forest with dizzying speed. Though it seemed otherwise, the creature was not alone. Boxxy had mobilized all of its familiars for the first time in a long while for this outing. It was on a reconnaissance mission on behalf of the Republic’s armed forces, and it was shaping up to be a risky one. Thus, the shapeshifter brought along all the backup it could muster. Except for Fizzy, of course. Even if that golem had the enviable ability to simultaneously perform both martial and magical combat, her radiant countenance was ill-suited to covert actions.

  Kora was hardly a paragon of subtlety, either. The towering four-armed fiend stomped her way through the forest like a herd of rampaging bulls as she tried to keep up with her far more agile master. However, unlike the shiniest of shinies, Arms was far less valuable and a lot more disposable. She was to serve as either a distraction or a sacrificial pawn, depending on how things developed. The bumbling buffoon was told to follow the rest from a half kilometer back to minimize the chances of her stampede giving away Boxxy’s position. Ideally she’d just move quietly, but she was far too big and heavy to do that while also quickly navigating the uneven terrain and dense foliage.

  At least she stopped smashing up trees in her path because she thought that would be faster than going around them. Boxxy honestly didn’t know which was worse – that Arms came up with this ludicrous idea, or that it actually turned out to be true. Apparently the shapeshifter’s MP had reached a point where it gave the fiend enough power to just plow through trunks and boulders without breaking her stride. Nevertheless, she was ordered to stop doing that since it was far too conspicuous even by her standards.

  Thankfully, the other two demons were far more suited to the task at hand. Claws effortlessly leapt from tree to tree with unnatural grace and agility. She clearly had experience traversing dense forestry given how she occasionally launched sticky strings from her palms and used them to swing across gaps. Looking at her, Boxxy could fully understand why stalker demons were banned from competing in the bi-annual Floor Is Lava tournament. Far more impressive than the spider-girl’s mobility was her ability to remain unnoticed while travelling. Trying to spot her was as futile as noticing a shadow that slipped between moonbeams.

  The succubus undoubtedly had it the easiest. Xera didn’t have to deal with the Rainy Woodlands’ terrain at all. All she had to do was soar far above the treetops and allow her cerulean skin and dark blue hair to blend in with the night sky. Boxxy was always envious of how she could fly so effortlessly. It allowed her to keep up with both her Master and her arachnid colleague even though her AGI and END Attributes were so terrible.

  Kora was the complete opposite. Though she had a huge stride and monstrous stamina, these woods had too many obstacles for one of her stature. It would have been a completely different story if the terrain was flat and empty like the grassy Clattering Plains around Fort Yimin. There, she could simply outrun everyone through sheer athletic prowess. Unfortunately, that situation was entirely hypothetical, and the reality was she had to constantly deal with low-hanging branches, protruding rocks, small hills, and the occasional mud pit. She probably wouldn’t have been able to match Boxxy’s pace at all if the shapeshifter wasn’t constantly taking detours to chase after midnight snacks. It had already been a full day since it gorged itself on Ambrosia’s cooking, and it hadn’t eaten anything since. Things like deer, squirrels, and boars were enough to fill its stomach, but their flavor left much to be desired.

  That didn’t mean that the forest critters Boxxy came across were any less tasty than the ones it regularly feasted on before becoming a doppelganger. They just felt incredibly bland and unappetizing compared to Ambrosia’s indescribably delicious cooking. The shapeshifter legitimately wondered whether that dryad was spoiling it a bit too much for its own good. Eating cuisine that made everything else worse by comparison could have some frustrating consequences in the long run.

  Admittedly, there was more to a meal than just flavor. Ripping meat apart, grinding bones into dust, and drinking up every last drop of blood were all enjoyable acts regardless of who or what Boxxy devoured. Yet, those lifeless dishes that didn’t fight back were way better. The mere thought of those stuffed hearts and nectar-and-eyeball pudding was enough to make the monster leave a moist trail of drool across the Rainy Woodlands.

  “Master, are you… thinking about that green sack of leaves and moss yet again?” Xera asked through the mind-link.

  “Yes,” Boxxy confirmed instantly.

  “O-oh. I see…”

  The succubus had plenty of time for idle thoughts and observations while gliding through the air. As per usual, her attention was focused on her Master, and seeing it unabashedly hunger for someone other than herself made her savagely jealous. Previously, Xera had always felt secure in her position as the tastiest among her master’s minions. She was Boxxy’s number one Snack, which brought her a significant amount of satisfaction. That walking calamity of a box could never return her twisted affections, so being its favorite thing was enough for Xera.

  The succubus was quietly thankful that the other demons were hardly competition. It was undeniable that Boxxy classified Kora and Drea as tasty rather than not, but that was despite their actual flavor. Fizzy, on the other hand, had a captivating luster that even Xera had to acknowledge. If anyone deserved the position of her Master’s ornament, it was that golem. Yet despite her shininess, she was ultimately inedible. The succubus knew her beloved the longest and most intimately of all living things, so she knew for a fact that tastiness was before shininess on Boxxy’s priority list. Therefore, there was no way that Fizzy could truly compete with her.

  But that dryad was a direct threat to Xera’s position as tastiest, even if it was through her dishes rather than her body. If Boxxy somehow grew tired of the succubus’ flavor, then the shapeshifter would no longer give its Snack the violent attention that she truly desired. This worry was only exasperated further by the fact that the two of them hadn’t shared in a single session of snack time for almost two weeks.

  “Haaaaaaaaaaah.”

  Realizing the bind she was in, Xera let out a mental sigh that was unintentionally transmitted to everyone else.

  “For fuck sake, cum-for-brains,” Kora complained. “If you got something to say just fucking say it! That’s why I can’t stand you conniving whores!”

  The obviously ticked-off fiend had also been feeling quite frustrated as of late. Not only had she gotten very few opportuniti
es to come out and ‘play’ with the succubus’ insides, but even those few occasions had left her somewhat unsatisfied. While once seemingly insatiable, the blue slut seemed far less… active during recent acts. Where before she would scream, wail, and pretend-resist, these days Xera just sort of stood there and took Kora’s abuse without moving a muscle. The succubus still derived some pleasure from the act, given how she occasionally let out moans of twisted pleasure, but was for the most part quite inanimate.

  This was unacceptable to the rape-happy fiend. If that cock-sleeve was just going to take her dicking as if she were a corpse or a toy, then it took a lot of the fun out of it. After all, the whole point of raping someone was having them struggle, scream, and beg as the fiend forced herself on them. In a way, the knowledge that a fiend was oppressing and abusing another was almost as important as genital stimulation, so not having an unwilling victim was a huge turn-off. Failing that, a willing participant was an agreeable substitute so long as they didn’t act like a dead fish.

  As Kora had stated once before, she would gladly fuck anything with a pulse, and Xera’s lifeless attitude as of late was enough to disqualify her.

  “If… if you’re feeling pent up,” Drea piped up, “I can always try and give you a t-titjob.”

  “You what?!” asked Kora in an incredulous tone.

  “It’s just practice! You know… J-just in case…”

  “Nuh-uh, not happening!”

  The flat denial injured the stalker’s pride. Did that meathead even realize how much courage it took for her to make such an outrageous offer?

  “Why not?! My boobs are just the right shape for it and everything!”

  “I’m not saying you don’t have a great pair of tits, I’m saying I’m not putting my cock anywhere near that mouth of yours. You’d probably bite it off the first chance you get!”