by L. B. Tillit
I watched Miss Dixie close her eyes and say, “God bless the food. Amen!” As soon as she opened her eyes the new strange group of people ate. And I ate.
CHAPTER 11
Annabelle
So you want to go to the bridge before it gets too hot?” Annabelle had shoved open my door. I was still in bed. I cussed and threw my covers up over my bare chest.
“What do you think you’re doing? My door was closed.” I sat up and stared at the girl.
She had on blue shorts and a skimpy tank top. She just leaned against the doorway with her arms crossed. “Well, it seems to me you need someone to show you the neighborhood.” She just stood there. “Well, are you coming or not?”
I couldn’t believe it. I took the covers and turned my back to her. “Not!”
Before I knew it, Annabelle had grabbed my covers and started jerking them off me. Her laughing voice never changed. “Come on sleepy head! Get up!”
I jumped up and stood there facing her with only my boxers on. I was so mad. “What kind of freak are you?” She stood there with the covers in her hand looking at me. Her smile was gone. I could smell the strawberry lip gloss she had smeared awkwardly on her lips. I grabbed my covers away from her and threw them back on the bed. I started yelling, “What kind of place is this?”
“But I was just …” Annabelle started.
I wasn’t finished. “You were just what? Freak! Trying to see me with my clothes off? There you go, take a good look!” I held my hands above my head and turned once around for her. “So do you like seeing a black man half naked?” I walked in close to her. I flexed my right arm up in her face.
I had gone too far. Annabelle’s face was red. Tears were falling. But she made no sound. She was shaking. Her eyes were no longer looking at me. They held a gaze I did not understand.
I dropped my arm and stared. One more cuss word fell from my lips as I watched a small puddle form at Anna-belle’s feet. I couldn’t believe she had just pissed on my floor.
“Oh my Lord,” Miss Dixie came running into the room. She had a serious look on her face as she saw me standing there in my boxers. “I thought I heard some yelling.” She gently touched Annabelle’s arm. “Annabelle, honey. It’s Momma.” Annabelle slowly turned her head and looked at the large woman next to her. Annabelle nodded and reached out to bury her face in Miss Dixie’s arms. “There, there child. Momma’s got you.” She moved Annabelle out of my room and up the stairs.
I crawled onto my bed and stared at the small puddle on the floor. I wasn’t touching it. I could hear the shower running in the upstairs bathroom and then more soothing sounds from Miss Dixie.
It felt like forever, but Miss Dixie did come back to my room with a bucket. She got down on all fours and scrubbed my floor. I stared. I had never seen such a large woman get down that low. Using the edge of my bed, she pulled herself back up.
Then she looked at me. She didn’t look angry. But her softness was gone too. “TJ this may not be your home. You may not be here long.” Her eyes narrowed. “But remember, some of my kids will never go home. And Annabelle is one of those. I’m her momma now.” A tear fell down her cheek. She didn’t try to hide it. Her large hand slowly reached up to wipe it away. Miss Dixie sighed. “I don’t know everything you’ve been through. But you’re not the only one who’s been hurt.” She turned to go.
I felt my stomach turn. I felt like I had done something awful. I felt like I had hurt Annabelle. But anger soon reached my lips. “I didn’t do anything wrong! She came into my room! It’s her fault!” I whined.
Miss Dixie turned to look at me. A gentle smile returned to her eyes. “I never said you did anything wrong. Annabelle should never have come into your room.” She paused and took a deep breath. “She was just trying to be your friend.”
CHAPTER 12
Summer
Annabelle stopped talking to me. Mae didn’t. It didn’t seem to matter how many times I tried to get the little girl to leave me alone. She would come back and keep talking to me. So I spent a lot of time in my room.
Rico played with the neighborhood kids all day long. I’d look out my window and watch him take his bike and ride up and down the streets. There were about four white boys who rode with him. Sometimes they’d swim in the muddy pond. Sometimes I wouldn’t see him until dinner. Dinner was spent most evenings with Mae and Rico talking about their day. Prince kept to himself. I found it strange how he was able to take off on his own some days.
Miss Dixie took us on small trips, but I could tell she hated it. The heat really got to her.
I’d been to the zoo before with my school. The trip with Miss Dixie was different. I didn’t care too much about the animals. I kept looking around to see if there was anyone there from my old school. Before I knew it, overheated Miss Dixie piled us up into her van. We headed home.
Miss Dixie much preferred taking us to the pool. It was only a few blocks away. Rico and Mae loved it. Miss Dixie did too. She and Prince sat at a small table in the shade and watched us as they drank cold lemonade.
“TJ, will you be so kind as to keep an eye on Mae?” Miss Dixie asked as I headed toward her to sit as well. I hadn’t planned on swimming either. I couldn’t swim. But I wasn’t telling anyone.
“I just want to chill.” I sat down next to Prince.
“Oh, I guess you’re tired too.” Miss Dixie started to get up. I looked at Prince, and he stared at me. He didn’t have to use words but his eyes screamed, Are you crazy? Making this woman get up and stand out in the heat! I rolled my eyes at him and then stood up.
“Okay, Miss Dixie. I’ll watch Mae.” I was walking away from the table but then turned to ask, “What am I watching her for?”
Miss Dixie was smiling, “Oh, she can’t swim. So just make sure she comes up again if she goes under water.”
“Oh, great!” I whispered to myself and shook my head.
I stood next to Mae in the kiddie pool. The cool water did feel good on my feet. I was as close to Mae as I could get. When she moved closer to some other kids, I moved too. A couple of white mothers were tanning. When they saw me towering over Mae, they started whispering. Soon they were in the water with their own kids. But they still looked at me. I glared at them a couple of times. I crossed my arms and wasn’t going to move.
As time passed I found out Mae wasn’t going to drown. So I looked around a little more. I saw a redhead at the far end of the diving pool. Annabelle was sitting on the edge. Even from where I was I could see her sun lotion was so thick she looked like she’d been painted white. For one moment I felt myself smile. I remembered my father. I remembered the few moments of closeness. I remembered white milk curds covering my stomach. My eyes suddenly blurred. I had to find a way to push the thoughts away. I wasn’t going to cry. Not there. Not then.
I swung my leg and splashed Mae. She looked up at me with water dripping down her hair. “TJ. Oh, you’ll get it now!” She took her little arms and started splashing me. All the little kids joined in. I pretended to fall into the water. I let the water mask the flow of my tears.
CHAPTER 13
August
I told myself I was happy without Annabelle bugging me. But sitting next to her at dinner with her never looking at me felt weird. She didn’t hold my hand for the prayer. Miss Dixie didn’t make her. I thought Annabelle would shake it off. But she didn’t.
Miss Miller came by once in a while to check on me and let me know Mom was not making much progress. This was never a surprise to me.
As the summer and long days passed by, I realized that I was going to be at Miss Dixie’s for the long haul. This meant I would go to South High in the middle of August. I wasn’t happy about this. I had looked forward to my high school years at North High. I was already a top dog. Nobody would mess with me. Now I would have to prove myself all over again.
It was early August. I leaned against my window and saw Annabelle on the bridge. It was her favorite spot. I realized that I never saw her with
other girls. She wasn’t like Rico. She didn’t make friends easily. Maybe we had something in common after all. I took a deep breath and headed out of my room.
“Hey.” I stood far enough away from her so that I wouldn’t scare her. She looked at me and then looked back at the water below her. “What’s up?” She didn’t answer. So I tried again. “Can I sit?” She still didn’t move and didn’t answer. “I take that as a yes, since you didn’t say no.” I sat down near her and let my feet dangle too. I could smell her strawberry lip gloss and smiled. I knew right away why she loved this spot. You felt for just a minute like you were somewhere else. The trees along the park hid a lot of the buildings, and grass spread out on both sides of you. I had never seen so much green in my life. “Wow! Great place!”
Annabelle looked into the water. She let her legs move slowly back and forth.
“Look, Annabelle,” I said, feeling like I was doing something that wasn’t me. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” She was quiet and her legs stopped moving. “I mean, you really freaked me out, girl.” I tried to smile. “Think about it. What would you have done if some black boy came into your room and started pulling your covers off?”
She suddenly turned her head and looked at me. Her blue eyes met mine. She held me with her look. I couldn’t tell if she was about to freak out again or laugh. She was thinking.
“I never thought of it that way.” She kept looking at me. She was so intense. I wanted to look away, but I didn’t. She finally said, “I guess I would have hit you.” A small smile started to appear. “Thanks for not hitting me.” She turned to face the water again and her legs started to swing.
“You’re welcome, I guess.” I said, wondering what had just happened. In a sort of weird way, we had moved on.
“You see that tree over there?” Annabelle pointed at a huge pine tree. It looked like the biggest Christmas tree I had ever seen.
“Yeah,” I answered.
Annabelle slowly pushed her hair behind one ear. “I dream on it.”
I frowned a little. “What? You dream on it? What the heck does that mean?” She looked at me with a frown. I smiled. “Just asking—not being mean—I promise.”
Her smile returned. She took a deep breath. “I dream one day I will have a house with a big tree like that. Maybe it will be near that lake in the picture on my wall.”
I looked at the tree and only saw a tree. Still I wanted to say something. “Some dream!”
She looked at me and her eyes held me again. “What’s your dream TJ?”
I felt stupid. I shifted. I looked up to the sky. I leaned back on my arms. I finally answered, “No idea. Never had a dream. Just want to live I guess.” I looked at her and she was still staring at me. “Does that count as a dream?”
She smiled. “I think it does.”
During the prayer at dinner that night, Annabelle held my hand. I held it back.
CHAPTER 14
South High
South High seemed okay. Miss Dixie made sure Annabelle and I had all our freshman classes together. I wasn’t sure why she did that. I didn’t need a baby-sitter. I soon realized it wasn’t for my sake.
We were in the hall putting our books in the lockers. My locker was across the hall from hers. I threw my books in it and slammed the metal door shut. I turned to face Annabelle to see if she was ready to head off to math, but she was taking her time. So I decided to lean against my locker.
“Hi, Annabelle.” The hottest girl I’d ever seen walked up behind Annabelle. The girl’s long, black hair was perfectly straight. It fell softly over curves that made my insides hurt. It looked like she’d spent the summer tanning, so her skin was almost as dark as mine. I was excited that Annabelle had a hot friend.
Annabelle turned and smiled, “Hi, Rani.” I could see Annabelle was a little nervous. Rani flipped her hair back and spoke to some girls that came up behind her. They giggled. The group all looked like they’d bought clothes at the same place. I knew then Rani was not her friend. Annabelle turned to finish closing her locker.
“I wasn’t done talking to you.” Rani’s voice changed. “I can’t believe you actually made it to high school.” She didn’t look so hot anymore. The other girls were laughing, and a small crowd started to form.
“Rani, I need to go …” Annabelle whispered.
“Go is right.” Rani laughed. “Like go in your pants.” Annabelle’s eye’s dropped to the floor. Rani started to grab Anna-belle’s shorts and pull on them, “Or are you wearing diapers?”
“Back off!” A strong voice shut Rani up. I wished it had been mine. But it wasn’t. It was Prince. He was up in Rani’s face, “I don’t ever want to hear you mess with Annabelle again! You may have gotten away with it in middle school but not here!”
Rani lifted her chin. “Who are you?” She tried to smile at him. A sick flirt. “Look here, beautiful black man, I’ve got way more to offer you than this girl.” She tried to touch his arm, but he backed up. Annabelle was hiding behind him. She was holding onto his shirt. He was the wall between Annabelle and the ugly world.
“Shut up!” Prince said. He looked Rani in the eye and spoke without missing a beat. “Annabelle is my sister. If you mess with her, you mess with me.” Rani shut her mouth and swallowed.
Prince turned and wrapped his arm around Annabelle’s shoulder. I heard him whisper, “I’ll walk you to class. Don’t worry about it. They’ll leave you alone.”
Annabelle tried to smile. She looked back at the girls standing in the hall in shock. She looked at Prince and answered, “Okay, Prince, I believe you.”
Rani saw me staring and hissed, “What you looking at?”
I gave her my best mean look, cussed, and spat, “Not much!” I turned and ignored the words she was throwing at me down the hall. “Better me,” I thought, “than Annabelle.”
When I reached the classroom, Prince was coming out of the door. I stopped as he grabbed my shoulder. He pushed me up against the wall and spoke his first words to me, “Who are you?”
“What?” I was trying to push him away, but he was stronger.
“Who are you?” Prince repeated. He was so close I could smell the morning coffee on his breath.
“Come on, Prince. Put me down. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I was trying to be calm but anger was starting to rise. I could see other kids starting to stand around, waiting for a fight.
“What’s going on out there?” A teacher’s voice came from somewhere.
Prince loosened his grip. But he was still up against me. “Were you just going to watch that girl make Annabelle piss in her pants? Do you really not care?” His eyes were full of disgust. He pointed into the classroom. “You watch out for her. If you don’t, I will never let you forget it.”
I knew then that I was the baby-sitter. Whether I liked it or not.
CHAPTER 15
Prince
Prince was a senior. After that first day we didn’t see him much at school. I was surprised to see he had some friends. He actually looked like he was talking to them. I didn’t get Prince. I thought he was a freak. But then I started wondering if he just didn’t talk to me because he didn’t like me. I guessed after that first day of school I was right. He thought I was nobody. That’s who I was.
It took me about a week to knock on Prince’s door. I’d never been into his room. I didn’t know anything about him.
“Who is it?” Prince’s voice sounded like he’d been asleep.
“It’s TJ.” I paused and then added, “Never mind. Sorry to wake you.” I turned to go when Prince open the door. His shirt was off and his room was dark.
He nodded for me to come on in as he walked over to the window. As he opened his blinds, afternoon light spilled into the room. He sat on his bed and reached for his glasses. I just stood there. His room was different than mine. It was bigger and there were posters everywhere. His closet had clothes pouring out of the door. His desk had a pile of books and a computer. He even had a
small TV near his bed.
“What?” He asked as he watched me scan his room.
“Wow. You must have been here a while,” I said.
“My whole life.” Prince took a deep breath.
“Miss Dixie took you in when you were a baby?” I was confused.
“Nope.” Prince smiled just a bit. “Miss Dixie gave birth to me. She’s my mother.”
Suddenly it all made sense. This was Prince’s house, and I was just another kid passing though. He called Annabelle his sister because she was. Miss Dixie had said Annabelle was never leaving. They were a family. I was an outsider. I looked at him. “You know I didn’t ask to come here.” Prince just stared at me like this was nothing new. His eyes told me he sure wasn’t feeling sorry for me. I turned to go.
“That’s it?” Prince asked. “You woke me to tell me that?” He shook his head. “TJ, you are pretty messed up.”
“I’m messed up?” I spun around and anger shot through my words. “I’m messed up?” I was shaking now. “I’ll tell you what’s messed up. This place is messed up!”
Before I could continue, Prince jumped out of bed and was up in my face again. “What? Are you saying it’s messed up here because you get a home-cooked meal every day. A little four-year-old girl loves you for no good reason. My momma treats you like you were her son. And a redhead feels like you’re her only friend. Yeah, sounds messed up, TJ.” He pushed me out the door and slammed it. I could hear him blast some music, so he wouldn’t have to hear me yelling back.
I guess Prince still thought I was nobody.
CHAPTER 16
Lunch
I found myself in a weird place at school. I was new. Even though it was a big school, some kids tried to get to know me. I would look at them like they were stupid, and then they’d leave me alone.
“Why do you do that?” Annabelle asked me at lunch. We were sitting together eating pizza.
