by L. B. Tillit
“Get out of here now!” I heard Kaden’s voice as I saw him running off behind the bowling alley. I was confused at first. But that’s when I heard the sirens. Someone had called the police. I took off running too.
By the time I reached the yellow house, I was sweating. I stripped off all the clothes as the rest of the gang sat on the couches staring at me. I looked at them and asked, “What?”
They all started laughing. Brian finally said, “I never knew having on so many clothes could actually help you in a fight.” I looked at the pile of clothes I had shed. I felt like a sumo wrestler that had just dropped two hundred pounds. I started laughing. We all laughed.
I didn’t go home that night.
CHAPTER 32
Chains
I didn’t get my chain tattoo right away. I still had to earn it. A piece at a time. I learned that each link of the chain was tattooed on its own. Like a Boy Scout earns his badge. I got two small circles tattooed on a part of my wrist. One circle for each guy I beat down. I looked at BB’s chain and noticed it wrapped around his wrist several times like a snake starting to crawl up his arm.
“Cool, huh?” Kaden caught me running my finger across the small circles. I didn’t look at him. I just nodded. I realized I would have to fill the chain up with more links. I would always look weak until I hurt enough people to complete my chain. Even then I would have to grow my chain to be respected like BB.
Fear welled up. I pushed it away. Anger welled up. I embraced it. I would need all the anger I could hold on to—to survive.
I went home that night. I took Mae’s gift out of my window. I walked into the kitchen and lifted the lid of the trash can. The blond doll was smiling at me. I threw her in the trash. For a moment I looked at the doll with her hair covered in coffee grounds. Then I closed the lid and turned to walk away.
“What are you doing?” Mom stood in the doorway.
I looked at her and spoke slowly. “That’s not my world anymore.”
“TJ, what are you up to?” Mom was worried. This new mother came too late. “The school called, and you haven’t been there in days.”
I stared at Mom and just shrugged. “I’ve got better things to do.”
I turned to go, and she grabbed my arm. Before I could move away, she saw the two small circles. A quiet cuss word fell from her lips. She looked at me. She looked pale. She dropped my arm. “I guess you do.” She turned and walked back into the living room.
CHAPTER 33
High
I had planned on never being high. Not like my mom. Not like my dad. But I wasn’t sure how I would pull this off. I watched the guys in the gang. They got bored. They got high. Or drunk. Or both.
Sex was a way to fill the time too. Candy seemed willing when anyone was ready. The other girls preferred to stick with one person. BB had Val. It was short for her last name, Valdez. She was about BB’s age. Long dark hair, a beautiful body, and a slight Hispanic accent made her stand out. I guessed BB took the best. But she made it clear she wasn’t always for the taking. Her chain tattoo wrapped around her wrist twice.
“What’s your problem?” Candy asked me as I felt her hand rest on my knee. I wanted to push the hand away. I didn’t. I knew that would make me look like I wasn’t playing the same game.
“What are you talking about?” I looked at her.
“I’m not dumb.” She spoke so others could hear. Kaden was walking back from the kitchen with a beer in his hand. Candy continued, “You never get high. You never get so messed up you can’t see straight.” Then she whispered in my ear, “And you never want me.”
By now Kaden was not happy with Candy whispering in my ear. He shoved her over and sat between us. He had heard most of what she’d said. He looked at me and frowned. “Yeah! What’s up with that?”
I shrugged and said, “Not my thing.” I stood up to head into the kitchen. BB was standing in the doorway. I walked past him.
“Wait a minute.” BB’s voice stopped me. “Candy’s right.” I turned to look at him. But my eyes were steady. I had mastered hiding any fear. “You never get high.”
I didn’t miss a beat. “Neither do you.” I had him. I had been watching him. Sometimes he drank and smoked a little. But he was never out of control.
BB didn’t catch the difference between doing a little drugs versus no drugs at all. He only saw the reality of the situation. He was never high either. For a minute I saw his eyes waver. He knew I knew his secret. This was how he kept control of the gang. I dropped my eyes. I did not want him to think I was challenging him.
“Sure he gets high!” Brian came over half drunk and slapped BB on the back. “We’ve partied together tons!”
BB shoved Brian down on the couch. He walked over to me. He got really close. “I don’t know what your game is, boy!”
“No game.” I looked at him again. “Just want a clear head like you. Want to be ready when you need me.” It was easy to lie now. It didn’t even feel like I was lying.
BB’s eyes changed. He smiled. He pulled me into a back room. I had never been there before. I knew it had to be where he slept. A mattress was on the floor, and he had his own TV. There was a table with all sorts of papers and bags. He reached into one bag and handed me a phone. “Here! I think you’re ready.”
I ran my fingers along the cell phone. I flipped up its top and flipped it back down again. “What’s this for?”
“It’s for you. You can make calls and I will pay the bill. But you can also be reached by me anytime I need you to make a drop.” BB was talking to me like we were friends. He looked at me again. “You’re right. Sometimes I need someone who isn’t high.”
I felt my body relax. It worked. I wouldn’t have to dive into the drug addiction that took my father’s life. But when BB walked out the door reality hit. I would have to sell the drugs to those who were just like my father. Did that make me better than him? Or worse? I couldn’t tell anymore.
CHAPTER 34
Call
I went home that night. I needed some time to myself. Mom left me alone. She didn’t have a boyfriend over that night. I held the new phone in my hand and my heart raced. I pulled out Miss Dixie’s number and stared at it. I couldn’t let my other life go. I decided to call and hoped Annabelle would answer.
As the phone rang my chest filled with such pain. I could still hear Annabelle’s voice in my head. I still felt Mae’s hug. I could still hear Prince telling me remember who you are. I didn’t know anymore. I suddenly thought if Annabelle answered I would have to lie. I would have to tell her I was doing great. And I wasn’t.
“Hello?” It was Annabelle. I couldn’t breathe. “Hello?” Annabelle spoke again. I could almost smell her strawberry lip gloss. “Hello? Is anybody there?”
I wanted to answer. But I couldn’t. I hung up and cried.
I finally pulled myself together and called on my anger to replace my tears.
CHAPTER 35
Drop
I was right. One afternoon in the middle of a party BB pulled me into his room. “I need you to make this drop.” He handed me a package that was flat. He showed me how to shove it into the upper part of my pants and pull my shirt down over the rest of it.
“What do I do?” I asked like we were talking about how to play my first card game.
BB didn’t smile. His eyes showed just a little worry. I knew this was no prank. This was the real thing. “Walk around the corner to Park Street. Go a block until you get to Jackson Park. Keep walking around. Don’t stop and look around. A car will pull up next to you, and they will have their music turned off. Stop and lean in like you are being asked directions. Point down the street and give directions. Then get in the car. Make the exchange in the car, and they will drop you off at the corner of the next street.”
I nodded. “How will they know it’s me?”
BB walked to the one small closet he had. He opened it. It was full of different team jackets. “Today’s drop will be a Chicago Bear’s
drop.” He handed me a navy jacket with orange cuffs and collar. An orange C stood out clearly on the back.
“Cool,” I said feeling suddenly childlike. I had never worn a team’s jacket before.
BB smiled for just a minute. Then he told me I needed to go. The drop was happening in twenty minutes. He led me to a back door. I had never gone out this way. But he knew walking through the party would draw too much attention. “Come back this way too.”
I nodded. As I walked away from the yellow house, I felt my stomach turn. A few flurries started to fall. I shivered. I was thankful for the warmth of the jacket. I walked as normally as I could with a package shoved down my pants.
It only took me ten minutes to get to Jackson Park. As I got closer, I tried to slow down some. It wasn’t really a park anymore. It was mostly concrete with six basketball hoops marking the edges of the park. A handful of guys had a game going. I wondered how long their game would last since the snowflakes were getting larger. A few cuss words told me they were almost done.
They didn’t pay any attention to me. Neither did the old lady walking her dog or the young couple trying to carry their grocery bags inside.
A car pulled up next to me. I forced myself not to turn and look. I could hear music blasting. The car kept going. A second car was behind the first. Its music blasted too. But then the music died. It was the right car.
I noticed the old lady suddenly turn her head to look at me as I turned to face the car. She quickly pulled her dog into the old house directly behind her. So much for going unnoticed.
I leaned into the window and was facing a man who looked like he could be my father. I was surprised. I expected a teenager with nothing better to do. Not a man, who was most likely a father.
“What?” The man’s voice broke my look. “You got a problem?”
“No problem.” I pulled myself together. I pointed down the road like I was giving directions. Then I got into the backseat of the car.
Few words were spoken.
The smell of cigarettes and sour clothes made me want to roll down the window so I could breathe. But I didn’t. I saw a package on the seat next to me. “Is this for me?” I asked like a young child asking for candy.
The man cussed. “Did BB send an idiot?”
I felt my blood rise. “Just want to do it right my first time. I’m the best BB has at four in the afternoon.”
The man started laughing. “So you’re BB’s new boy!”
I didn’t mean to sound angry, but I couldn’t help it. “I’m nobody’s boy!”
The car stopped and the man looked back at me. “We’ll see. Now leave me my stuff and get out.” I pulled the package out of my pants and shoved the new one into its place. I didn’t say anything else. I got out, slammed the door, and started walking back to the yellow house.
I didn’t notice how cold I was as the snow fell harder. My shoes were wet. I was too angry to care.
I ran in the back door and opened BB’s door without knocking. Big mistake. BB and Val were making out. I was lucky to get out with just a cussing. He told me to wait outside the door.
So I sat down at the foot of the paperthin door. I could hear noises that caused my insides to ache for Annabelle. I pushed the thought away and let anger take its place.
I had a wad of money stuck down the back of my pants.
I was sitting and waiting.
My shoes were wet.
Maybe I was BB’s boy.
I tried to tell myself that was better than BB’s enemy.
CHAPTER 36
Strange Request
I need you to go back to school.” BB woke me up early one January morning. Christmas had passed without much attention. BB threw one big party. But that wasn’t much different than other days.
“What?” I sat up on the couch that had become my regular sleeping spot. “What are you talking about?” I had gotten used to making drops. Sometimes, though, I was confused when he only had me do drops where he was sure it would go smoothly. He sent Brian or Kaden to the more risky locations. I figured he was still training me.
“I need you to go back to school,” BB repeated. I had become comfortable with drop offs and switching between the different team jackets. I had proven myself in a handful of fights. This request from BB took me by surprise.
“What are you, my mother now?” I asked him. “I missed all last semester. I don’t know if they’ll take me back.”
“You were a good student, right?” BB asked.
I frowned, totally confused. “I guess so. I made it through ninth and tenth grade without much problem. But that was …” I caught myself before I started talking about South High.
“Good. Get up and get out the door.” BB smiled. “I need a person on the inside of the school again. It’s been awhile since I’ve had anyone on the inside to sell for me.”
My stomach turned. “You want me to pretend to want to go back to school, so I can find new customers?”
BB slapped me on the back. “See how smart you are. You should be in school.”
“Very funny,” I said as I put on a clean shirt. I drank some OJ right from the bottle and grabbed my jacket. Before I left, I looked back at BB. It was just the two of us. Everyone else was passed out upstairs. I sighed and then spoke, “You realize for me to stay in school and make this believable I actually have to do the work. I might even have homework.”
BB grinned. “See! You are already the perfect one for being inside. It will come naturally to you.”
Suddenly BB had that same look again. The one he gave me when I did my first drop. I couldn’t tell if it was worry or what. But he hid it quickly by cussing at me to get on out the door. I might be late.
I shook my head the whole way around the corner and down the block.
I wasn’t sure if I should be excited to get back into school or if I should be angry at BB for jerking me around like his puppet.
CHAPTER 37
Between Bells
It felt strange sitting in the classroom again. I had managed to get into the Algebra 2 class. That was a shock for many of my fellow classmates. The school had welcomed me as a returning student. They seemed ready to save me all over again.
“What are you doing here?” Billy sat in the desk next to me.
I looked at the big boy who had carried my broken body home. I looked at the boy who knew the secret of my golden Barbie. I looked at him and lied, “I’m here to learn.” I smiled and continued, “You even told me I’d changed.”
Billy shook his head, “Yeah. That was before …” He stopped.
“Before what?” I asked like I was confused.
Billy leaned over and whispered. “TJ, you’re not fooling anyone. We know you belong to the Hillside Vipers.” He rolled his eyes. “We’re not blind.” His eyes rested on the small incomplete chain that was beginning to wrap around my wrist.
I touched it, quickly realizing how stupid I was to forget that the tattoo would give me away. After a moment I said, “Well I was, but it wasn’t for me.”
Billy leaned back in his chair. “Whatever!” He looked at me and said, “It’s not easy to get out. It’s not like you just decide one day to change your hairstyle.” Then he leaned in again. “Look, TJ. It’s your business. Just leave me out of it, okay?”
I could see Billy wasn’t being tough. He was being brave. He was asking for a favor and I owed him. I nodded and said, “Okay.” Billy turned around and looked at the teacher who had just walked in the door.
I turned and paid attention to her too. My heart raced just a little as she handed me the textbook. I ran my hand across the cover. I opened the book and listened to the teacher. My mind started gathering new information. It felt strange to think about something else other than what BB would ask me to do next. Those moments lasted no longer than an hour at a time. When the last bell rang, I felt myself search for the tough TJ that had to live out on the streets.
I found myself getting to school on time and divin
g into my work. The rest of the gang teased me, but BB would cuss them, and they’d leave me alone.
It only took a week before kids found me. The kids who would be customers. They looked for my chain. I realized that BB hadn’t sent me earlier because my chain wasn’t long enough yet. Once others found me, it was easy. We agreed on a time, and then the drop off took place off campus. This way the school drug dogs left me alone, and I could keep pretending I was a regular student. At least between bells.
CHAPTER 38
Church Street
Pit Bulls
I wasn’t alone. I don’t know if I just didn’t want to see it. Maybe I thought the Hillside Vipers ruled North Side High. I was wrong.
It was quite simple. I had customers. So I had enemies. The Church Street Pit Bulls started making themselves known. They weren’t happy.
I was sitting at a lunch table and actually studying. Someone sat down across from me. I thought it might be someone who wanted to do business. When I looked up I saw a huge boy. He was so big and black. I’d never noticed him before. His eyes narrowed just as I noticed his dog collar. “Get out or the Hillside Vipers will pay.”
“But I go to school here.” I tried to sound tough, but it came out weak.
“You know what I mean.” He stood up and stepped behind me. Before I could move, he had me pinned down on the table. I could hardly breathe. His fish breath whispered, “Only room for one seller in this school!” I felt my face get warm. I couldn’t speak. I could hear people starting to yell. He leaned in one more time. “Tell BB I could have killed you. If you don’t stop selling, then next time I won’t be so nice!” He squeezed me one last time. Suddenly he was gone.
I felt myself pass out.
I must have been out for a few minutes. When I came to I was still slumped over my table with my head on my book. “You okay?” Billy’s familiar voice made me turn my head. He was standing near me with a small crowd gathered around him. He didn’t touch me. He just looked at me with a told-you-so look.
