Chasing Dreams

by Deborah Raney

  After thirty minutes, Joanna checked her phone. “I’m sorry. It’s already nine o’clock. Britt must have been farther away than she thought. I can go wait out front …”

  “No. I’m enjoying this. I don’t turn into a pumpkin until eleven or so.”

  She smiled. “I’m up by five on weekdays, so I’m usually in bed by ten. Don’t you work an early shift at the radio?” She uncapped her water bottle and drank deeply.

  “I used to. I’ve been going in a little later since Mateo moved in. They’ve been really good to let me come in after I drop him off at school.” He cringed inwardly, not wanting the subject of Mateo to change the pleasant mood they’d somehow managed to recapture. But since he’d already broached it—and knowing that Britt would likely be here any minute—he took a risk. “Listen, Joanna. I want to apologize again for how this evening went. I’m afraid my life is going to be one big everything-is-subject-to-change for a few years, but”—he braced himself for a rejection—“assuming my babysitter can come and stay with Mateo, would you want to go for ice cream some night next week?”

  She eyed him as if he were playing a trick on her.

  “No reason we can’t just be friends, is there?” He smiled, even as he wished he hadn’t implied a promise of mere friendship. That’s not what he wanted with her. Not at all.

  Still, her demeanor indicated that his words brought relief. The smile that bloomed on her face said the same. “I’d like that. And … if you need to bring Mateo, that’s okay too.”

  “No. I’ll work something out. He could even stay by himself for a couple of hours if we go before dark. I do realize he kind of hogs the attention—my attention—and I’d like to have an uninterrupted conversation with you. This has been nice.” He waved a hand over the patio to clarify that he meant these last few minutes they’d shared.

  Her phone pinged and she glanced at it. “Britt will be here in a couple of minutes.” She rose and tucked the pillow into one corner of the chaise. “Thank you for letting me wait here. I … I like this ending to the night better than before.”

  “Me too. Bet you never thought you’d be glad you locked your keys in the car.”

  She laughed. “That’s for sure.”

  “I’ll call you. Unless you already know a night that would be best. Mateo has a baseball game Monday night, but the rest of the week is free.”

  “Would Thursday work? I can usually get off a little early then.”

  “What if I picked you up from work and we can go to Andy’s from there? We could grab some supper, too, and maybe go for a walk if the weather’s nice?” For a minute he was afraid he’d pushed too far, turning ice cream into dinner and a walk.

  But her smile was back. “That’d be perfect.”

  It did his heart good. The funk that had come over him the first time she’d walked out his front door tonight had taken him by surprise—and not in a good way.

  “It’s a deal then. And my treat.”

  She started to answer him, but her phone pinged again. She glanced at it. “Britt just pulled up.”

  He thought she looked as disappointed as he felt. But he consoled himself with the fact that they’d see each other again in a few days.

  He led the way through the house to the front door. “I’ll pick you up Thursday. Do you want me to come in to your office, or …”

  “If you come around to the back parking lot, I’ll come down and meet you there.”

  “Sounds good.”

  Britt flashed her lights at the curb in front of the house. Luke laughed. “Looks like your sister is in a hurry.”

  “She’s just letting me know she’s here. Thank you for dinner, Luke. I’ll see you Thursday.”

  She walked across the lawn, stooped beside the car to speak with her sister, then walked to her own car without a backward glance. But Luke went back through the house to sit on the patio and replay every word of their conversation. He liked this woman. More than he could admit to her. Because, despite the fact that they’d found their way back to the easy, friendly way they’d first known with each other, nothing had really changed.

  He still came with Mateo. They were a package deal—one that Joanna saw as “baggage.” And that was a problem. One that divided his heart and made him feel disloyal to the boy he’d committed to care for and support as long as Mateo needed him.

  CHAPTER 24

  JOANNA EXITED THE ELEVATOR AND peered through the plate-glass windows, surprised at the relief that came in seeing Luke’s car waiting outside in the back parking lot. He wasn’t the type to stand someone up, and yet, if he’d been thinking things through the way she had these past few days, he’d surely come to the same conclusion: things couldn’t possibly work out for them. Their life situations, their dreams and goals, were on a collision course with each other.

  Worse, feeling as she did about Luke, how could she agree to being merely friends? Her attraction to him went far beyond friendship. And thinking about him meeting someone who was willing to embrace both him and Mateo made her feel a little sick to her stomach. But envy was not an emotion that had a place in a platonic friendship. Besides, she didn’t believe in having such a close friendship with a man who belonged to another woman. But if she was willing to let Luke go as a boyfriend, she knew it was only a matter of time before another woman snatched him up. Joanna wouldn’t—couldn’t—stand in the way.

  She opened the door to a rush of hot air. Summer was here in full force.

  Luke waved through the windshield, sporting that drop-dead smile of his. He hopped out of the car and came around to open the passenger door for her. Ben had rarely done that. And frankly, it hadn’t bothered her in the least—until now.

  “Hi there.” Luke waited until she was buckled in before closing her door, then jogged in front of the car and climbed back behind the wheel. Once he was buckled in, he turned to her. “The weather sure cooperated with our plans, didn’t it?”

  She must have looked confused because he laughed. “Perfect ice cream weather,” he said.

  “Oh … Yes. That’s going to hit the spot for sure.” She held up a hand. “Do you mind if I make a quick phone call? We have guests checking in tonight and I need to make sure Britt left the keys where they can find them.”

  “No problem.”

  He drove through town while she called her sister. When she hung up, she adjusted the air conditioner vent on her side, aiming the stream of air at her face. “I’m not sure I even want dinner at all. I might go straight to ice cream.” After the words were out, she hoped he didn’t think she was trying to cut their time together short. The truth was, she was thrilled to be with him again.

  “No reason we can’t have dessert first. Andy’s still okay with you?”

  “Is there any other place when it comes to ice cream? I might even have a triple dip. Or a Concrete—the biggest one they make.”

  He laughed. “I’ve always liked a woman who wasn’t afraid to pig out.”

  “Now hold on … I don’t think it’s considered pigging out if you’re eating ice cream instead of dinner.”

  “Duly noted.” He spoke the phrase so formally that for a minute she wondered if he was making fun of her lawyerly aspirations. Then again, his comment seemed innocent enough. As far as she knew, he wasn’t aware she was a law school dropout.

  A few minutes later, she spotted the distinctive giant ice cream cone towering over the frozen custard store with its turquoise-and-white checkerboard tile border. Luke turned into the parking lot and slid into a spot across from the walk-up window where a group of college students congregated.

  He started to turn the key in the ignition, but angling his chin at the rowdy crowd, he turned to her. “Mind if we do the drive-through instead? We can take our ice cream to the park where it’s quieter.”

  “Good idea.”

  He backed out of the parking spot and pulled up to the lighted menu board. After studying the list of choices for a minute, Joanna ordered a mint chocola
te chip Concrete and Luke ordered the signature Jackhammer with butterscotch in the center.

  They dug their spoons into the treats before they were even back on the street and ate in comfortable silence. Luke steered with his forearm and spooned frozen custard into his mouth. They made identical appreciative noises, then laughed at themselves.

  Joanna knew she should ask about Mateo, but it was so nice to have Luke’s undivided attention, she opted not to broach that subject just yet.

  They drove slowly to one of the city’s parks and Luke pulled his car beneath the shade of a stand of poplars. He cut the engine and rolled his window down. Joanna did likewise, letting a slight breeze through the car.

  “Would you rather get out?” he asked over a bite of frozen custard. “We could go sit under the picnic shelter.” He pointed up a hill to the shelter in the distance.

  “This is fine with me. The ice cream cooled me down.”

  He nodded and unbuckled his seatbelt, turning in his seat as if he was settling in for an easy conversation.

  Joanna did likewise and relaxed, happy at the prospect of having him all to herself.

  They talked until they finished their ice cream and Luke took her cup and nested it inside his in the cup holder. “Do you want to walk for a while? It feels like it’s cooled down a little.” He put a hand outside his window as if testing the temperature.

  “Sure. It’d be good to walk off some of those calories.”

  “Those don’t count. They were supper calories. And besides, you don’t need to worry about calories.”

  She was flattered, if a little disconcerted by his observation. “Sadly, I do have to worry about calories. And while I like your theory about ice-cream-for-supper calories, I’d enjoy a walk.”

  “Sure.” He climbed from the car and almost before she could open her door, he was there, holding it for her.

  He locked the doors with the key fob and they set out on the trail that meandered through the park. Conversation came easily. They talked about their experiences growing up in Missouri and about the families they’d grown up in. Joanna was surprised to learn that he’d grown up here in Cape Girardeau. He’d told her his parents lived in Phoenix and she assumed that’s where he’d lived and that it was the university that brought him to Cape.

  “No.” Luke shook his head. “I went to college here because I had a scholarship. Once I graduated, Mom talked Dad into moving someplace that didn’t have winters. She grew up in Minnesota, so you’d have thought she’d consider Cape’s winters to be nothing.”

  “Especially last year. We almost didn’t have a winter.”

  “Not according to my mom. The first time it dipped into the thirties, she tried to get me to fly to Phoenix for a few weeks until ‘the worst of it was over.’” He chalked quotation marks in the air. “I’m not sure where she got the idea that I could just up and take off from my job.”

  Joanna laughed. “It would be nice if it worked that way, but I’m lucky to get my week’s vacation all at once. Of course, I took a lot of time off when my mom was so sick.”

  “How long has it been now … since she passed away.”

  “November. Last year.” She sighed. “Like some people have said, it’s kind of a blessing we got that first Thanksgiving and Christmas without her over with right away.”

  He nodded, then frowned. “I’ve also heard the second year is sometimes harder than the first.” He shook his head. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be discouraging. I’ve been reading a lot about grief. The stages of grief, timelines. All that. Because of Mateo.”

  “How is he handling everything? It’s still early in the process for him. And I’m sure it’s worse for a little kid.” They’d covered a lot of territory before the topic came back to Mateo. But here they were. And it was only natural.

  “Yes. It worries me a little how well he is handling it. Maybe because he’s known for quite a while that he was going to lose her. Maria was very honest with him from the time she got the terminal diagnosis.”

  “I don’t pretend to know how it really is for kids,” she admitted, “but my sisters and I—and Dad too—definitely did a lot of our grieving before Mom actually died.”

  “That may be the only good thing about cancer. That chance to say everything you need to say.”

  She nodded, feeling afresh the weight of having lost Mom. And feeling guiltily grateful that she’d had her mom all through her twenties. Unlike Mateo. “We’ve all been so thankful we had Mom as long as we did. She outlived so many prognoses … We had her a good three years longer than they first said.”

  “Good for her. I wish I could have known her.”

  The conviction in his voice made her smile. But at the same time, it made her sad that Mom had never known Luke. She remembered Phee saying how thankful she was that Mom had known and loved Quinn long before he and Phylicia even started seeing each other as potential sweethearts. But Phee gained great comfort from knowing that Mom would have approved of her choice.

  “I wish you could have known her too,” she told Luke now. “I’m biased, but she was an amazing woman—one of a kind.”

  “I don’t doubt that. Because her daughter is pretty amazing too—and one of a kind.”

  Joanna demurred. “Well, I don’t know about that. But … thank you.” It struck her that even though Mom knew Ben, her mother never gave Joanna the same “seal of approval” for Ben that she’d given Quinn. Of course, she’d never told Mom the reason Ben gave for breaking up with her, but Mom was always perceptive—and interestingly, more so after she became ill—so maybe she guessed the reason for their breakup.

  Not that Mom ever tried to dissuade her about Ben. Or about any of the other guys she’d dated. But Ben was the only one she’d ever gone with for any length of time.

  They circled back around to the picnic shelter and Joanna looked across the park, shocked to realize that the sun was already setting. “You probably need to get back to Mateo?”

  “Yes.” He sounded as disappointed as she felt. “I should. Even though Maria let him stay alone after school, it still makes me nervous any time I leave him alone. I think you feel even more responsible for kids who aren’t your own.”

  “I can see how you would.” She wasn’t sure she really could. The truth was, while she knew she did want kids eventually, it wasn’t something she spent a lot of time thinking about the way some of her friends did. First, she wanted a deep friendship with the man who would become her husband. She’d always figured that the desire for children with the man she loved would spring naturally from their love.

  But of course, she couldn’t tell Luke that. Not when he’d all but said they could only be friends.

  A commotion from the other end of the path made them both turn. Two men and a woman headed their way, deep in conversation. When they drew closer, Joanna realized with a start that the taller man was Ben. The other guy was a friend of Ben’s she’d met once, though she couldn’t remember his name. Leon or Leo? She didn’t know the woman, but she appeared to be with Ben’s friend, judging by the guy’s arm possessively around her. Joanna envied their obvious affection. Then came the misplaced thought that she was glad the woman wasn’t with Ben.

  Luke greeted them with a brief wave as they all moved to single file to pass on the narrow walking path. It was nearly dark, and Joanna didn’t think Ben recognized her, but after they’d passed by, he called her name.

  “Jo?”

  “Oh … Ben! Hi.” She felt disingenuous pretending she hadn’t recognized him before, but she didn’t want him to think she’d purposely snubbed him either.

  Luke turned back with her and she felt obligated to introduce them. “Luke, this is my … friend … Ben Harven. Ben, Lukas Blaine.” She turned to the other man. “I think we’ve met but I’m sorry, I don’t—”

  “Leland.”

  “Of course.”

  Leland drew the woman close. “And this is Rachel. Rachel, Joanna Chandler.”

  “Oh, yo
u’re Britt’s sister?”

  “I am. How do you know Britt?”

  “I’m in a book club with her.”

  “Ah. Well, nice to meet you. I’ll have to tell Britt we met.”

  They all stood in a loose circle now, but an awkward silence fell over them.

  “Nice evening for a walk.” Luke put a hand at the small of Joanna’s back.

  She relished the warmth of his touch, even as the possessiveness of his gesture confused her. She’d never mentioned her relationship with Ben to Luke, yet he seemed to sense that there’d been something between them once upon a time.

  “So how’s it going, Joanna?” Ben ignored Luke’s comment and stepped closer to her. “I heard you and your sisters opened a bed and breakfast?”

  “It’s an Airbnb, actually.” She explained briefly how that worked. “We’re just getting started.”

  “Well, I have no doubt you’ll make a success of it. You Chandler sisters always were the creative ones.” Ben turned to Luke. “You should have seen the seven-course dinner they put together a couple of Christmases ago.”

  Joanna didn’t think it was her imagination that Ben was vying for “possession” too—or at least for her attention.

  “I can imagine.” Luke winked at her before turning back to Ben. “The wedding they put on for Phee was one of the prettiest I’ve ever seen.”

  Joanna curbed a grin. She didn’t think Luke had ever referred to Phylicia by her nickname. But suddenly he and Ben were in an all-out who-knows-the-Chandler-sisters-best competition.

  She’d be lying if she said she didn’t like the way it felt to be “fought over” by two handsome men. And while Ben couldn’t compete with Luke’s dark, gray-eyed good looks, he was handsome in his own way, especially now, with a summer tan setting off his blond hair. She thought he’d put on a little weight—and it looked good on him.

  “How is Phee doing? Are she and her husband living here?”