When Words Die

by Jenni Francis

  “Horses can kick out if they get frightened. Don’t go behind the horse too close,” I said to her.

  “Come here, Lily. I want to talk to you,” her mother said. “Chloe, do you want to go?”

  Chloe nodded, a little apprehensively.

  “Lily, if you go with the girls, and if you go on a horse, you have to promise me, you will do exactly as they say. Do you hear me? Because if you don’t, I will not let you go out with the girls again.”

  By now, Lily was squirming. “Alright, I will. I promise. Now can I go?”

  We started walking back along the beach as girls’ mum called out, “Be good.”

  Chapter 19

  Chloe

  It was all getting to be too much. Her heart was pounding and her face was burning. She’d never been on a horse before. It was so big, and here was Mereana smiling kindly at her, expecting her to just hop up and sit on the horse like a regular person. She didn’t feel like a regular person usually. Just a shadow of a person, hiding in the shadows. But Mereana was being so nice and encouraging.

  “Here, put your foot in my hands and I’ll give you a boost up. Keri will ride with you, and you’ll be great. Ready?”

  How could she possibly back out now? If she did, she knew for sure she’d never have a chance like this to prove she could do it. She put her hands and feet where Mereana said and found herself atop an enormous beast that moved and swayed under her. She drew a quick breath as a wave of dizziness made her feel sick. She was about to jump off again, when Keri jumped up behind her, and held her tightly around her waist.

  “It’s okay,” Keri said to her. “It’s quite safe. We’re only going a little way down to that part of the beach. If you hold the front of the saddle and stay close to me, we’ll be good.”

  She did as she was told, and by the time Lily was perched in front of Jess, she was feeling a bit better. In fact, more than better. They moved slowly off down the sand, the gentle swaying of the horse soothing her, and she felt her fear melt away. It felt good to have Keri holding her too. She’d never been one to hug people. It made her anxious. But this felt safe.

  At the water’s edge they joined Mereana and Arona and they walked the horses through the waves until they reached the groyne beside which a little beach had formed. They turned there and headed back along the beach.

  Lily and Arona were shrieking at each other, playing a game of pretend. They were princesses, and they were riding unicorns, and the bad witch was coming to get them, so they had to fly away fast. Mereana went from a walk to a slow trot. Lily wanted to do the same but Jess didn’t seem keen. Keri stayed at a walk too. Chloe was relieved about that. Watching Mereana and Arona take off along the beach, bouncing up and down, didn’t look like fun at all.

  “Is this okay for you?” Keri asked.

  Chloe nodded, and then realised she was smiling. This was way cool! She’d never have done this by herself. How lucky that Mereana had come to stay here for the holidays. Chloe was enjoying herself more than she ever would have thought possible.

  As they reached the carpark, Chloe’s mum walked over to them.

  “Did you enjoy that?” she asked.

  “Jess didn’t go fast!” Lily complained.

  Mereana smiled. “It’s Jess’s first time too,” she said. “You both might have fallen off if she’d gone faster, and it’s a long way down.”

  Chloe wasn’t ready to get off yet, but she didn’t know how to make her mum understand in front of all these people. But it was Mereana to the rescue again.

  “Can we take the girls with us to Uncle’s place, and they can help us brush down the horses. Then we’ll bring them back here.”

  “That sounds wonderful! It will give me a chance to read my book in peace on the beach! Thank you, girls.”

  Chloe gave her mum a tiny wave, and a big smile, and they turned the horses back along the beach to the farm. They walked the horses slowly along the sand and up the beach track. Crickets and cicadas were competing with each other as they rode through a stand of pine trees.

  Keri sniffed the air. “I love that smell!” she said. “Pine resin and warm sand and lupins.” She sniffed again. “And someone has a fire going! Are they doing another hangi?”

  Mereana was puzzled. “Not yet, I wouldn’t have thought. Not till New Year.”

  “Can’t you smell it?” Keri asked.

  Jess said, “Yes, I can now. Where’s it coming from?”

  Chloe saw it first. She pointed to a small plume of smoke that was over to the right in the sand dunes.

  “Hey,” Keri said. “There it is. Chloe saw it.”

  “Let’s check it out but be careful along here, there are rabbit holes all through the dunes,” Mereana said.

  They turned their horses up along a narrow foot track and in moments they came across the site of the fire. Some young people were bashing the flames with their towels, but the flames were winning. Each time they beat at the fire a spark would leap up and start in a different place.

  Mereana yelled, “Keri, take my towel and help them. I’ll take Arona and ride back and get help. Jess, get Chloe and Lily far enough away in case it spreads!”

  She swung her horse around, grabbed Arona tightly around her waist and went as fast as she dared through the dunes, until she reached the dirt track to the farm, then she cantered out of sight. Jess swung down from her horse and helped Lily down.

  “Keri, you take the horses and Lily, and I’ll bash the flames. Chloe, can you help me?”

  Chloe nodded and took the towel from Keri. They were only wearing light shoes, and light cotton clothes, but they couldn’t let this fire take hold. It was so dry here, and there hadn’t been decent rain for ages. Plus, as evening came, a light wind usually came up.

  Leaving the older kids to work their side of the fire, Jess and Chloe concentrated on the little fires just taking hold near them.

  Chapter 20

  Keri

  I led the horses and Lily far enough away, and hopefully out of danger. On the farm track I found a cattle trough full of water beside the farm fence. I looped the horse’s reins onto the fence post and stood Lily by the trough on the other side of the fence.

  “Lily,” I said. “If the fire comes this way, jump in the trough. If the horses try to run away, just let them go. They don’t like fire.”

  “But it’s dirty and yucky!” Lily complained.

  “Too bad. Better to be dirty and wet than burned. Okay?”

  Lily nodded.

  “I’m going up to help the others. If you see the fire spreading past us, yell as loud as you can. Someone will be here soon to help us.”

  Lily nodded again. I hated to leave her. It was against all my principles to leave her there, but I had little choice. I grabbed a towel from the horse I had been riding and tore off across the dunes to where Jess and Chloe were still bashing the little fires. But they hadn’t realised that the fires were gradually surrounding them.

  “JESS! CHLOE! GET BACK! YOU’LL GET TRAPPED!” I screamed as loud as I could over the crackle of the flames, the upcoming wind and the crash of the waves on the beach.

  Jess looked up suddenly and, grabbing Chloe by the arm, she dragged her out of the ring of fire that was developing around them. Their faces were black and smudged from the ash. As I reached them, they turned back to attack a new line of fire.

  But the wind and the dry scrub were making the job harder and harder. We beat and beat at the flames, but as soon as one was out another popped up.

  “Come on, Mereana, where are you?” I muttered to myself. I couldn’t see the older kids who had been here first. The smoke was getting thicker and more choking. My arms were tired and my lungs felt full of smoke.

  From behind me I heard Lily’s high-pitched voice. I turned to look. She was standing on the rim of the trough, pointing along the farm track. A crowd of people were running towards us, and from the other direction came a thunderous roar as an army of motorbikes turned off from the car
park to the track. We couldn’t wait for them to get there and get organised, so we kept bashing the flames as hard as we could. It felt like an age until a hand on my shoulder stopped me.

  “Okay, love, we’ll take over here. Have a break. Auntie has some drinks for you.”

  Uncle Mohi and all the whānau had come prepared with more towels and buckets. They formed a chain down to the beach and passed buckets of water from hand to hand to drench the flames, while the bikers beat out any sparks that escaped.

  Jess, Chloe and I made our exhausted way back to the farm track, where Mereana gave us cups of juice. Lily was helping out with the drinks and looking important.

  “Any burns?” Mereana asked.

  “Oh,” I said in surprise. I hadn’t felt anything but now she mentioned it, I had a few stinging areas on my legs and arms. She took us over to where another auntie had set up a first-aid table.

  “This is Angie,” Mereana said. “Any burns or anything?” she asked Chloe.

  Chloe nodded and pointed to her foot, where a nasty blister was forming.

  “Holy heck, Chloe!” Jess exclaimed. “That’s terrible!”

  Chloe shrugged.

  A large bucket of water appeared from somewhere and Angie sat Chloe down and dunked her foot into the water.

  “Leave it in there for at least fifteen minutes,” Angie told Chloe. “Then I’ll wrap some gauze and a bandage around it for you.”

  Jess and I had a few small burns, which Angie checked over and put bandaids on.

  “Where did all those bikers come from?” I asked Mereana.

  Mereana laughed. “You’ll never guess! They were heading up north and came through town to see who was around. Walter, who was coming back with Chloe’s dad, heard them and said he wanted to go with them. He’s going to be trouble, I reckon. Anyway, they said no, but just then someone said about the fire, so they put him up on someone’s bike and came over here to help out. Walter thinks he’s Christmas! Again!” She pointed over to where the bikes were parked, and we could see Walter lovingly stroking them, and making revving up actions and sounds.

  “You’re right, he will be trouble.”

  We sat on the ground beside Chloe. I was suddenly so tired. My head was throbbing. Behind us, the thwack and thud of towels hitting the ground continued. I looked around and it was clear that the flames were being subdued.

  Before long, the people started to make their way back for drinks and a rest. The biker gang brought out a crate of beer from the back of one of the bikes and stood around in their leathers drinking the beer, looking hot, dirty and pleased with themselves. Walter, Hemi and Wiremu looked adoringly at the bikes and the men.

  Chloe’s mum and dad appeared from the chain of bucket passers. I hadn’t realised they were there. I don’t think the others did either. They came over to us with Lily dancing around.

  “I wanted to put out the fire but they wouldn’t let me!” she complained.

  “Yes, that’s right,” her mum said. “You are too small.”

  “I had to stand by a smelly pond!”

  “That was very clever of Keri to think of that. I think you should say thank you to her for protecting you from the fire.”

  Lily had lost interest since her mum wasn’t on her side.

  “Can we go home and do singing now?” she said, changing the subject.

  “Singing?” asked Mereana.

  “Yes, we’ve got a karaoke machine at home. The girls love to sing.”

  “I love karaoke!” Mereana said.

  “Come over tomorrow then,” Mrs Hemana said. “There are quite a few modern songs on it, and we can always download more songs.”

  “That would be cool! I’ll be there. How about after lunch? We’re helping Nanny with groceries in the morning.”

  “That’ll work. Anyway, let’s get home. I think there will be a lot of tired people tonight.”

  “Does anyone know how it started, the fire?” I asked.

  “Those young people were smoking in amongst the lupins. They were smoking something they didn’t ought to. They thought it might be funny to heat up some lupin pods and see what happened. What happened was that it got hot, they dropped it and next thing the dry grass caught,” Mrs Hemana said.

  “And the moral of that story is ...?” Jess said.

  “Don’t smoke what you didn’t ought!” Mereana and I both said together.

  “Snap!” I said.

  Mr Hemana dropped us off at Nanny’s house. Nanny was just coming out the door as we got out of the car. She seemed agitated.

  “I’m going to make a phone call. I’ll be back soon. Your dinner is in the oven. I’ll be back ...” and she shot off down the road and around the corner before we could say anything.

  We had dinner together, sitting in the setting sun on the back porch. I didn’t feel like talking and the other two just made small talk about what had happened. We did the dishes and put them away, then sat out on the front steps, watching the people going past along the road. Kids mostly, but a few family groups out for an evening stroll.

  Nanny came home about an hour later, and whatever it was disturbing her, she didn’t want to share it with us. She went to bed early, and we sat around a while longer then went to bed ourselves. It was that kind of a place. Certainly no night life.

  Chapter 21

  Chloe

  In the lounge Mum set up the karaoke machine and attached it to the TV. She showed the girls how it worked and left with Lily doing a demonstration of how she sounded on it. For a little while Lily was the only one using it.

  “Do you have a list of songs?” Mereana asked Chloe.

  Chloe got up and went to her bedroom. She had been putting together a list but it wasn’t very comprehensive. She wished again that she had her own laptop because Mum was on the computer most of the time. She gave it to Mereana and the three older girls crowded round it, looking for something to sing together. They chose one and managed to get Lily to hand over the controls and microphone. Lily went into a deep sulk and sat in the corner with her thumb in her mouth. If the girls hadn’t been there Chloe might have sweet talked Lily into laughing but she wasn’t feeling very charitable to Lily today.

  The song the girls chose they clearly didn’t know as well as they thought. It sounded terrible. But they bumbled their way to the end, and then fell about laughing at how awful they had sounded. Chloe wished she had the nerve to sing, but it was never going to happen, even with Lily.

  Lily had the next go, while the girls chose some more songs. Mereana went next, and she had a really nice voice. Then Lily again and then Jess and Keri chose a song they had sung before Jess went away. They were getting the hang of it now, and as the afternoon went on, Chloe found herself relaxing in the company of the three older girls. They were fun and funny and they made her laugh. She sang along quietly to some of the songs. She knew most of what was on the machine. She was also singing with a bit more volume, especially on her favourite songs.

  Halfway through her all-time favourite of song, Mereana, who had been inching closer and closer to her, handed her the microphone and suddenly she froze. They were trying to trick her into singing in front of them. She turned red and raced out of the room to her bedroom.

  “Chloe, wait, don’t go! That was amazing.” Mereana followed her into her bedroom, as Jess, Lily and Keri started in on another song together. She didn’t quite get the door closed in time, and Mereana was able, with a small push, to get the door open. She sat beside Chloe on the bed and put her arm around her shoulders.

  “I’m sorry. That was unfair of me. But you have such a beautiful voice, and I wanted to hear it. But I want to tell you something else. When I was younger, I was so shy I couldn’t look anyone in the eye. I kind of got over it by the time I started school.

  “But then Dad died when I was ten, and then I got really bad. Keri and Jess don’t remember, but they and their friends used to tease me, and some of the worst ones used to bully me. That made it worse
. Mum took me to a counsellor who helped. Then when Keri lost her brother when she was supposed to be looking after him, I decided to see if I could help her. Funny, but helping her helped me. And we became friends. Now you wouldn’t know that I still have anxious times, because I learned how to deal with it. I’m not saying this is what you should do. I’m telling you so you know you’re not alone.”

  All this time, Chloe had been sitting as still and as quiet as she could. Mereana sitting close was bad enough but talking to her about her own scary stuff somehow made it worse. Why couldn’t people just leave her alone and let her not talk. It was too hard to talk. The words jammed up in her throat and wouldn’t come out. She couldn’t talk if she’d wanted to. It was all too much. She started to cry quietly. She lay down on her bed, and Mereana lay down beside her. In the lounge, Chloe could hear Lily’s raucous voice singing “Roar” for about the nine hundredth time.

  After a while Mereana got up, patted her shoulder and left the room quietly.

  When Mum called her for dinner, Chloe was feeling totally drained and tired. She vowed to never go near the karaoke machine again. Lily could use it all she liked.

  Chapter 22

  Keri

  “That poor kid,” Jess said, as we walked home. “Imagine being so terrified to open your mouth to speak. And she can sing!”

  “I kind of know how she feels,” Mereana admitted. “I was a bit like that myself. Not as bad though.”

  “I remember that! You were very quiet and shy.” I had a memory of Mereana in primary school. Then I had a mortifying thought. “Did I tease you?”

  Mereana looked me in the eye. “Yes, you did. And Jess did too.”

  “Seriously? Did we really?” Jess was unconvinced.

  “Do you remember when I was wearing a wraparound skirt, and Kirsten Harrison untied the back and pulled the skirt off and you were all laughing at me, and telling the boys to come and look, and Kirsten ran away with my skirt and no one helped me?”