When Words Die

by Jenni Francis

  “OMG! Really. Was that you? I am so sorry Mereana. What were we thinking? How horrible was that!” Jess was embarrassed and I was mortified.

  We stopped walking and looked at each other.

  “I am so embarrassed. I can’t believe we did that. I can’t believe you’re still friends with us.” I cringed thinking about what we’d done.

  “Yeah, well, you get over things. After that I went to the library every lunchtime. Mrs Singh used to talk to me a lot and suggest books to read. She helped me see where teasing can lead to bullying, and how to deal with the teasing so it didn’t get out of hand again. We’ve all grown up a bit now.”

  “But still ...”

  We started walking again, towards Nanny’s place.

  “You know what?” Mereana said. “I’m not ready to go home yet. It’s still early. I’ll run in and tell Nanny what we’re doing and we’ll go on down to the wharf. We can get a drink and some fries and see who’s there.”

  Who was there was Pani. She came out of the fish and chip shop as we got to the door, with a large parcel under her arm. She scowled when she saw us.

  “You!” she aimed it at Mereana. “Don’t you think you can come in here and take over like a white Māori. We don’t want your kind here!”

  “Pani!” Mereana said innocently. “I would never want to come and take over from you. Believe me.”

  Pani squinted at Mereana. She looked as though she wasn’t sure if she had been disrespected or not. She stamped off down the road, turning back to look at us as she went around the corner. I heard her muttering to herself.

  At the wharf there was a small crowd of kids our age lying on the grass, drinking and smoking.

  “Do we really want to join them?” I asked. “I hate smoking.”

  “Me, too,” Mereana said. “We’ll go over there a bit, away from them.”

  “But that cute guy is over there!” Jess complained.

  “Too bad. If he’s interested in you he can come over to us.”

  Jess pouted, but she followed us over to a sunny spot near some moored boats. We sat down with our drinks and fries, and sure enough, several of the kids got up and came over to where we were sitting. Jess offered her tub of fries to them to share. The cute guy took some, but the others hung back.

  “What’s yous fullas’ names?” a girl with blue-coloured hair asked.

  “I’m Mereana, this is Keri and this is Jess.” Mereana pointed to us in turn. “What’s yous fullas’ names?”

  I couldn’t help it. I laughed. The others looked offended, but the girl who had asked didn’t get the joke.

  “This here is Tyrone, this is Jasmine, that fulla over there is Clinton and I’m Penny. Are yous staying with Nanny Anahera?”

  “Yep. She’s my nanny. Actually, she was my dad’s nanny.”

  “No she’s not! She’s your dad’s auntie! She and her old man couldn’t have kids, so they gave your dad to her like her own!”

  Mereana’s face went bright red. “Who gave my dad to her?”

  “His real mum. Your real nana. She came back to town yesterday. The whānau are all talking about it. It’s a BIG news story, tell ya’.”

  Mereana leapt to her feet and took off up the path. I was curious.

  “What else, then,” I asked Penny. Jess wasn’t interested at all. She was making goggle eyes at Tyrone.

  “Nuffin’. That’s it.”

  “No, there’s more to this story! Why did Mereana think Anahera was her nanny and not her auntie?”

  “Well, it is her nanny. Her dad’s mum. Like he was adopted by Nanny Anahera.” Jess had been listening after all.

  “Oh yes, I suppose you’re right. Where is she then – the real birth mum? Where’s she staying?”

  “Not around here! She got rich, so she’s staying in that posh hotel over by Kerikeri.”

  “We’d better go and check out where Mereana is. This will be a shock to her,” I said to Jess.

  “Do we have to?” Jess complained. “I was just getting comfortable here.”

  “I can see that,” I said. “Alright, I’ll go. I’ll see you back at Nanny’s place later.”

  I got up and headed up the grassy bank to the road above. I could only guess where Mereana had gone. She was nowhere in sight. I took the track we had followed a few days ago, along the river and towards the beach. But instead of turning up towards the road that Nanny’s house was on, I kept going as the river widened out to a small harbour. We hadn’t been along this part before.

  I could hear the sea by the time I found Mereana. She was sitting on a seat looking over the harbour entrance. She’d been crying. I put my arm around her shoulders and she put her head on my shoulder and cried some more.

  “Sorry,” she said after a while.

  “That’s okay. But why are you so upset?”

  “Because ... well, because ... Because now I don’t know who I really am. Is Nanny Anahera my grandmother, my great-grandmother or is she my great-auntie? I never thought about who Dad’s mother was before. After he died it never occurred to me to find out. And I should have. Who are my grandparents? And why was my dad given away in the first place? I know all about whāngai, but it kind of doesn’t make sense to me, that you would give your baby to someone else.”

  “Maybe she was really young and couldn’t look after the baby.”

  “Yes, but if it was me, I’d stay living with my mum and we’d do it together. Not that it ever will. I don’t want that to happen. Just saying!”

  “Not all families are like yours. Some just couldn’t cope. But from what I’ve seen here, there is always someone who will love and look after a child, even if it’s not theirs. It’s like all kids belong to all the families.”

  Mereana sighed. “Yeah, I know. I know that. It’s what’s so good about this kind of living. Not like in a city, where sometimes you don’t even know your neighbour. Here, everyone knows everyone else, and they all look after each other.”

  She sat up, dried her eyes on the bottom of her T-shirt and got up.

  “Thanks Keri. You are such a good friend to me. Come on, let’s go and help Nanny with dinner and that. Where’s Jess?”

  “She’s trying to impress Tyrone.”

  “Oh!” Mereana giggled. “I could tell her not to bother. But I don’t think I will.” Her eyes sparkled with tears and also with mischief.

  “What? Tell me,” I said.

  “Not yet. Soon I will. Or you might figure it out yourself.” She giggled again.

  She wouldn’t say anymore, so we walked slowly back to the house. It was really hot, and the melted tar on the road stuck to the bottom of our jandals. The toetoe that bordered the paddocks waved feathery fronds in the breeze. There was another smell too. I couldn’t figure it out.

  “What is that smell? Just back there.”

  Mereana turned back to have a look.

  “Oh, that’s wild fennel. It’s a bit stinky, isn’t it.”

  “You’re not kidding! It’s horrible.”

  We walked quickly to get away from it, but there was more and more. It was everywhere.

  “I guess we’ll just have to get used to it,” I said.

  Jess was back at the house by the time we walked in the door. She was peeling potatoes, so we got stuck in and made a salad to go with the sausages that Nanny was frying. Nanny was very quiet. She said very little to us, just things like where the servers were, and where we could find oil for the salad.

  As we finished dinner, I looked at Mereana. She was almost as quiet as Nanny.

  I took a bit of a risk and said, “Nanny, some of the kids we were talking to down at the wharf said a woman had come back to the village, and that the whānau was all talking about it. It was big news, they said, and it was something to do with Mereana’s dad.”

  Mereana’s head shot up, and she glared at me. Jess opened her eyes wide and gave me a little nod. We were both keen to get to the bottom of it even if Mereana wasn’t keen to open it all up.


  Nanny looked at me appraisingly. “All right, girls,” she said. “You’re going to hear it from someone, so it better be me.” She sat back in her chair. “That wāhine who came back, who is no better than she ought to be, she’s your real nanny. She’s your dad’s mother. But she got her head turned by a no-gooder, who took her away to Australia. He promised her everything, but after a while he left her there, with no money, no nothing.

  We didn’t hear from her for a very long time. Too ashamed. Then we heard she’d got married to a rich fulla, but she still didn’t come home. She didn’t come home to find out what happened to her family nor nothing. Then she comes back like lady muck and wants to have a big hui with the whole whānau. What for? Just to show how rich she is? We said no. She can go back where she came from.”

  She turned to Mereana. “Don’t worry about what you hear, darlin’, I’m the one looked after your dad like my own. I’m still your Nanny Anahera.”

  Jess opened her mouth to say something. Then she shut it quickly when she saw my face. I knew what she was going to say. That those kids had said she was the auntie, not the nanny. Enough said for now. Plenty of time to find out the whole story.

  Mereana was looking shocked. We needed a diversion. Something to distract.

  “Nanny, will you come for a walk around the town with us, and tell us about the history of it?” I asked.

  She thought for a bit, then nodded. “Okay, let’s tidy up and we’ll go for a little look-see and a kōrero about the ancestors, the tūpuna. Good idea, girl.”

  Chapter 23

  Chloe

  Something was up. Something that didn’t involve her, but that was causing her parents to walk around the house looking shell-shocked. Not talking much. Like someone had died and they couldn’t believe it. She’d tried asking her mum what it was all about but she just shushed her.

  Chloe did her chores, moved the sheep, fed the chickens, collected the eggs, and went back to her room to read a book.

  Lily was making the most of the karaoke; Mum was cleaning the house, and Dad was sitting. Sitting outside; sitting in the lounge, until Lily took over; sitting at the kitchen table; sitting in his car. It was all very weird.

  There was no one around to visit with; no-one that she wanted to visit with. She would have gone to see Mereana but that would mean having to face the other girls, and she wasn’t ready for that. Mereana was like her. She had anxieties like her, and she was related to her, even if it was distant. But Mereana felt safe. She didn’t even mind what Mereana had done with the karaoke. Chloe knew in the back of her mind that something would have to change. It was just so scary to even think about changing. Easier to hide away in the bedroom. Plus it was a good book she was reading.

  Hunger forced her out again at dinnertime. But dinner wasn’t even on the agenda from what she could see. She made herself a sandwich and a drink and went outside to sit on the porch. Not a good idea. Three heads peered around the side of the hedge at her. They can’t have been there all the time, could they?

  Wiremu crept through the gate like a spy, looking this way and that. He motioned to Chloe to come over. Chloe shook her head and concentrated on her sandwich.

  “Chloe!” he called hoarsely. “Come here. I won’t be mean! Promise!”

  Chloe looked at him in disbelief.

  “We won’t, will we?” He turned to his cousins and they shook their heads. “We’ve got something to tell you. It’s important. It’s about your dad and my dad. Come on!”

  Curiosity drove her over to the gate. She didn’t have to talk to them. Just listen. But she kept far enough away in case she needed to run.

  There was a look of excitement and intrigue on the faces of the boys. Wide-eyed and slack-jawed, they came closer. Chloe took a step backwards.

  “So, this lady,” Wiremu said. “She came to town yesterday. She wants to see my dad and your dad and Mereana’s dad. She didn’t know he died. She’s rich, man! So rich. No one in the family wants to talk with her, so she aksed us.”

  Chloe smiled to herself. She always did when they said ‘aksed’.

  “She wants to talk with your dad. Can you get him? We said we would tell him, but we’re too scared to come in your fullas’ house. It’s too posh.”

  Chloe was intrigued. Maybe this is what all the quiet was about in her house. She lifted her chin in agreement and motioned to them to wait there. Around the back of the house, her dad was still sitting, this time in the chair by the vegetable garden.

  “Dad,” she said quietly. “Wiremu wants to talk to you. He’s out by the gate.”

  He looked at her blearily, shook his head and looked down at his hands.

  “Dad, it’s about a lady who wants to see you. Please come and talk to Wiremu. He said she’s rich.”

  “Tell them to go away. She can come here if she wants to see me.” Her dad sounded hollow.

  How was she going to say that to the boys? “I can’t, Dad. I can’t tell them. You’ll have to tell them.”

  From behind her Wiremu spoke. Chloe whirled around to face them.

  “S’okay. We heard your dad. We’ll tell her. See you, Chloe.”

  They mooched away, turning to do a little wave at her. Chloe was speechless. Again. They’d heard her talk, and they didn’t laugh! They didn’t tease her. She felt lighter, like a small weight had been lifted. But Dad looked unhappy. So ... lost. And what about Mereana’s dad?

  She came to a decision. Sprinting out the gate, looking first left then right, she caught a glimpse of the boys and took off after them. She caught up with them at the river path. Jogging up beside them she slotted in beside Wiremu. He turned to her and gave her a chin-up acknowledgement. They walked along without talking until they reached the boardwalk by the wharf. A lady was sitting there. A very attractive lady with black hair and light brown skin.

  Wiremu stopped in front of her and she looked at him sadly.

  “They didn’t want to come? Robert and your dad?”

  “No, but Robert said you could go to see him. This is his kōtiro. Your moko, Chloe. She doesn’t talk much.”

  Chloe looked at him in surprise. He did understand! Well, if he could change his attitude about her, then she could do something different too.

  “Hello,” she said in a very quiet voice.

  “Hello Chloe. This is very strange, meeting all these mokopuna that I didn’t know about. It’s my fault. I was too busy. Is your dad very upset?”

  Chloe nodded.

  “But he’ll see me?”

  Chloe nodded again.

  “Alright,” she said, as she got up slowly. “I suppose it’s only fair. I ran away, I should walk back.”

  They walked back down the path towards the village, and Chloe walked beside her grandmother. Her real grandmother.

  Chapter 24

  Keri

  At the river we turned back towards the village. Nanny said she could tell us about her family history as we went along the main road by the shops, the church and the hall. We walked slowly as she pointed things out.

  “That church, it’s been there for a long time, over one hundred years. I got married in there, and I buried my husband behind it, in the cemetery. We’ll go and have a look in there another day. That building next to it, where there are all the candles and beach toys and stuff, that used to be the schoolhouse. I went to that school from when I was six to when I was fourteen. Then I left to help look after the other children, and to work on the farm. My dad used to work with the logging, but he got injured. Lost his leg when a log fell on it, so he couldn’t work anymore. He used to spend most of his time in that place there.” She pointed to the hotel, which was now just a pub. “We all tried to keep away from him when he came home from there.”

  We walked along a bit further. I was thinking about what it would have been like if my dad had been like that. But he never would have been. I couldn’t get my head around it.

  A rundown house, overgrown with weeds and climbers sat on an em
pty section. I wondered why no one had bought it and built a new house on it. Nanny Anahera stopped outside it and looked over the gate.

  “This is where I was born,” she said. “Then after dad had his accident we moved to the farm where my grandparents lived. I came back here when I got married. I couldn’t wait to get away, so getting married was the best thing to do. A few years later something bad happened here, and now no one will go near it. It’s haunted.”

  Mereana opened her mouth to ask a question, then shut it again as Nanny moved off. We had almost reached the shops when a group of people walked up from the wharf. Chloe was walking with a woman, and those boys were walking behind her. I hoped they weren’t being mean to her. She didn’t look upset. Nanny Anahera turned around just as the woman looked up. The look on Nanny’s face was enough to frighten a baby. The woman looked apprehensive. She moved towards Nanny and stopped in front of her.

  “Hello sister,” she said.

  Nanny clearly didn’t know what to do. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, but nothing came out. In the end, she gave a curt nod and moved to go around the woman. The woman stopped her.

  “Don’t run away, Anahera. Please give me a chance. I want to get to know my boys, and my grandchildren.”

  “All this time, you’ve been away! All this time getting rich and leaving us holding your babies. Now you come home and want to take them away from us? No! I’m not going to let you.”

  “I won’t take them away. I promise. I won’t be around for long. I’ve got cancer, Anahera. I just want to say sorry for not doing good by them, and by you. Will you let me? I’ve got my punishment. Please don’t you punish me too.”

  Nanny’s face softened.

  “I didn’t know.” She stood still for a moment. “Alright, come on, come with me. Girls, come home later, give me and Heeni a chance to talk.” She trudged back along the road, with Heeni walking behind.

  As soon as they were out of earshot, there was a burst of conversation around us. Everyone talking over everyone else, until Mereana held up her hand and said loudly, “Taihoa! One at a time. Wiremu! You go first. What’s all this about?”