I stared at him for a second and then my gaze swung to Gregory. His eyes were filled with warning and something else entirely. Something alien. I felt fear settle into the pit of my stomach like ice. I was scared. I didn’t know what he would do if I said the truth now. “I – it was some man,” I stammered in a shaky voice.
Adam released my hand and looked at Gregory. Gregory shrugged and shook his head. I knew Adam had released my hand because of Gregory’s presence but I didn’t care. I weakly reached for his hand again. Adam looked surprised but after a quick look at Gregory took my hand again. “What did he look like?”
I looked into Adam’s concerned brown eyes and refused to look at Gregory. What did he look like? Hmm, I thought. I was afraid to say who it was outright but if I gave Gregory’s description; maybe Adam would figure it out? I was afraid of what Gregory would do to me if I said his name. “He has long black hair, kind of gray eyes. He was pretty tall,” I whispered. I looked at him with such intensity that he finally had to look away.
He looked at Gregory again and then back at me. He obviously hadn’t understood. “All right, Julia. Just relax. Everything’s fine now,” he whispered.
I looked at him tiredly. I couldn’t say anything because things weren’t fine. I closed my eyes and shook my head slightly.
Adam rose to his feet, still holding my hand. “I better go. You need your rest,” he said quietly. He paused and then said, “I’m sorry about your mother, Julia. Your sister told me.” He looked at me with kind, yet guarded eyes.
I held his hand tightly. “Adam . . . thank you,” I answered and closed my eyes. There was nothing left to be said.
Adam touched my face gently and then tenderly took his hand back. “Take care, Juliana. Get well soon,” he said.
“I’ll try,” I answered as he left the room. Gregory followed him out. I sighed and went back to sleep.
The next day I felt better, strong enough to sit up, eat, and move about more in bed. At about mid–afternoon Crystal entered the room. She looked very angry and inwardly I groaned. The last thing I needed was to have a showdown with my sister. “It was him, wasn’t it?” she demanded right away.
I nodded a little. “Aye.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because he would have killed me,” I answered angrily. I had come to several conclusions today.
“We would have taken you away from here.”
“Crystal, think. I would have to stay in this bed for at least a week or two. He will kill anyone to get to me, no matter who it is,” I retorted.
“All right, you’ll have to stay in bed for a while, but you have to get away from here. When you’re well –”
I was already shaking my head. “I cannot leave Crystal. I’m a married woman. If I left, I would disgrace the family. If I did leave, even our own father would hunt me down.”
Crystal looked angry and then perplexed. “But you cannot just stay here! I’ll tell Adam –”
I sat up and grabbed her arm painfully. I don’t know where the strength came from. “Leave Adam out of this, Crystal. You’re just going to get him killed. And probably me too. He can’t know. Neither one of you can help me, you see?” I hissed in panic. I sighed and slumped back against the pillows. “I will be all right.”
Crystal eyed me in disbelief. “I can tell,” she said sarcastically.
My temper flared again. “Get out of here, Crystal. You aren’t helping anything – you’ll just make him angry. Go to Damien. Go be happy for both of us.”
Crystal glared at me and then turned away. “I hope you do not get yourself killed, Juliana.” She walked towards the door.
I smiled bitterly. “Me too,” I muttered. Crystal left. I lay down. I was mostly concerned with regaining my strength. I was too exhausted to worry about anything else.
About two weeks later, I was well enough to get out of bed. I was shaky on my feet and I made sure to stay well out of Gregory’s way as I moved about the house. I walked around in a daze, almost as if I had never seen the place before. Finally, I settled down in the parlor and tried to catch up on my mending. I threaded the needle, picked up a torn shirt and began to work.
About an hour later David came in. All of our servants knew what had been occurring in our household and had kept silent about it as well. I thought that maybe some of them, especially David, enjoyed watching Gregory beat me up. “How fare thee, Juliana?” he asked curtly.
“Much better until you came in,” I retorted, laying my work aside. I was too tired to have a detailed conversation with him. I got up and retreated back into my bedroom. I stared out the window for the rest of the evening, wondering how long it was going to take for me to recover this time.
***
Chapter 5
My recovery was a slow month and a half process. I didn’t go out much during that time and I took great pains to keep my husband from going off again. I was quiet, I never spoke Adam’s name, nor did I speak about what happened. I didn’t need a repeat of the attack. My seventeenth birthday was coming up and it was during this time that I discovered something truly remarkable. I was pregnant. I thought it was a miracle the child had survived the last beating Gregory had put me through.
I avoided Adam constantly. I did my shopping in the early evening hours just as the sun was setting, when I knew he was least likely to be working. I didn’t want to answer questions nor did I want him to know I was with child. What little news I heard about him I heard infrequently from Crystal, whom I was doing my best to ignore as well.
I pondered the latest bit of news as I walked home from shopping with one of my servants. It was early evening, and the sun was just setting. Adam had now begun to court a peasant girl, Ruth something. I forget her name now. He was almost nineteen years old and only now was he being forced into marriage. I laughed at the bitter irony of it.
I continued walking, feeling happier than I have in a long time. A second later I paused and looked around uncertainly. I felt eyes watching me in the fading light. I turned in a slow circle but saw no one. I hid my face with my hair. “Very funny,” I called out. I figured another one of my servants was spying on me again. I turned and walked home.
I entered the house and sat down in the middle of the parlor floor. I sorted out the silk and sowing items I had bought and began to put it away. I saw Gregory out of the corner of my eye. He knelt beside me and also began to sort through the items. After we were done, I leaned back and sighed. “How was work?” I asked.
“All right,” Gregory answered. He smiled and put his hand on my shoulder. “How are my wife and child doing?” he asked warmly. It was amazing how much more careful he was with me now that I was carrying his child.
“We are fine, but lately I have been more tired than usual. I was just thinking of taking a nap before supper,” I replied.
“All right. Would you like me to help you?” Gregory asked with concern.
“Aye, please,” I replied. I slowly got to my feet and felt Gregory’s warm hands around my waist as he helped me to our room.
As he helped me lay down he said, “Perhaps you shouldn’t go out anymore, Julia. You’ll need your rest and I do not want anything to happen to our son.”
I stared at him as my head rested against the pillow. “Nay, I’m fine, honestly Gregory. And what makes you think it’s a boy? It could be a daughter you know,” I murmured.
“Goodness, let’s hope not.” Gregory said with a small laugh. “All right, though soon Juliana, you will have to stay inside.”
I frowned but said nothing. I actually thought it might be pretty impressive to have a daughter. “Wake me when supper’s ready,” I said sleepily.
“Of course. Pleasant dreams, Julia,” Gregory said kissing my forehead. I closed my eyes and let my exhaustion crash over me.
I awoke just before dinner. I rose just as Gregory entered the room. He helped me downstairs to the table. As we ate, we spoke of events happening around the city. I mentio
ned that Crystal and Damien were to be married next month. Gregory smiled and announced one of our neighbors was marrying off their daughter.
“That’s right,” I answered, remembering. “I heard that down at the market.”
He smiled and we continued eating in silence. When we were finished we both retired to bed.
I did nothing but some chores for the next few weeks. My sleeping time increased heavily and I wondered if I or the child were in any physical danger. I shared my concerns with Crystal when she came over about a week before her own marriage. I was sitting on the couch while she sat on one of the chairs.
“I am just worried,” I mused. “I remember Mother and I do not want to die, Crystal.”
Crystal leaned forward and touched my hand. “You are not going to die, Julia, and neither is this child. He or she is going to grow up to be your pride and joy.”
I nodded slowly. “I’m just worried with Gregory’s past instances of being violent, that he’s hurt the baby somehow. I may not like him but I want this child to be okay. It’s not their fault that his or her father is a scoundrel sometimes.”
Crystal nodded. “I understand. Are you coming to the wedding, Julia?”
I smiled, relieved that Gregory was still at work. “I’m planning to go. I have to see my sister get married. So, how is Adam?”
Crystal laughed and shook her head. “Busy. That Ruth Galloway is one crazy woman. I saw them yesterday watching the entertainment in town. I don’t know if he saw me. If he did, he made no move to say hello.”
“Oh,” I said disappointed. I shrugged and looked away. “I guess it should be expected now. Why should he put his life on hold for a girl he can never have?”
Crystal touched my hand. “Try not to worry about it Julia.”
“Aye. It won’t do any good,” I answered. “Take care, Crystal.”
“You too, Julia. See you in about a week. Happy Birthday.”
“Bye Crystal,” I answered and picked up a quilt I was making as a wedding present. I worked the rest of the afternoon until Gregory returned home. We celebrated my birthday with a quiet dinner and cake.
That week passed with a suppressed feeling of excitement. Since Mother was gone, I was the one making Crystal’s wedding dress, according to my sister’s wishes. It was a simple gown with long ruffled sleeves and some flower embroidery across the neckline. It was something for me to do since I didn’t leave the house much anymore. Two days before the wedding I finished the dress and sent it to Father’s for Crystal. The other family members were taking care of the other preparations.
I was awakened the morning of the wedding by Gregory. “Shouldn’t you get ready, Juliana?” he asked.
I nodded and got up. Gregory left and some of the servant girls helped me get ready in a dark blue silk dress. A flowered headpiece adorned the outfit. About two hours later we left for the church. We entered and sat with my brother and his wife, although personally I stayed as far as I could from them. I hadn’t forgiven Peter or Anna for their speeches to Gregory. The ceremony was wonderful and Crystal looked lovely in the dress. I was quite proud of my work.
Afterwards, we went to the reception. I sat with the bride and groom and some other guests while Gregory mingled with other people. I broke off my conversation with Crystal as I noticed Damien staring at me. At first I wondered why he was staring at me. I glanced down and noticed that I was beginning to show. I blushed slightly, realizing that I probably shouldn’t even be out in public right now... when women begin to show, we’re hidden away because the men do not want to see it. I looked up again and met his eyes, which seemed filled with quiet curiosity.
I smiled. I hesitated then said, “I’ll be due in about four months.”
“I’m sure you’re excited,” Damien replied. “I’m surprised Gregory even allowed you to be here, although I know Crystal appreciates it.”
“Aye. I’ve wanted a child for a while, Damien. I didn’t realize I was … If only ….”
Damien leant forward and stared at me with his piercing dark green eyes. “If only your husband wasn’t such a brute? Julia, aren’t you afraid he might hurt the child?”
“Damien … what on earth are you saying? How do you ‘know’ this?” I hissed angrily.
“Julia, please do not be angry. I told him. He’s only trying to help,” Crystal pleaded.
“No, Crystal. She has every right to be angry,” Damien said mildly. He looked back at me. “I’m just your new brother–in–law … and a friend. Just think about what I said. Come on, Darling. It’s been a long day. Everyone is leaving now.”
Crystal rose to her feet and took his hand. “Take care, Julia,” she said.
I walked to my husband. “May we leave? I’m exhausted.”
“Aye.” He gently steered me towards the door. I glanced back and wasn’t surprised to see Damien watching me with a peculiar smile touching his face. I saw him nod to himself and mutter something under his breath.
On the way home, I stared at the passing houses and trees deep in thought. Damien was now married to my sister; yet he took, what I thought, was an unusual interest in me and my life. What was with that man? I looked at Gregory. “Do you get the feeling that Crystal’s new husband is a little too interested in our lives?” I asked delicately.
Gregory looked at me. “Not at all. He seems very charming and nice. Why Juliana?”
“Nothing,” I answered perplexed. I thought it strange that Gregory didn’t seem to notice Damien was directing a lot of attention towards me when usually all a man had to do was look at me a second too long for Gregory to blow up. I looked back out the window. “Nothing at all,” I repeated. We reached home minutes later.
***
The rest of my pregnancy I spent in the house, preparing for the baby’s arrival. My husband became much more animated and excited about the child as the date drew closer. He talked often about a son, and was speaking about it now. “Gregory. What if it’s a girl?” I asked, folding small blankets. “You insist it’s going to be a boy. We need a name in case it’s a girl, you know.” Gregory shrugged. I turned to look at him, my hands on my hips. “And what is wrong with a girl?”
“Juliana, please. You know why. There’s no profit or much investment in a daughter. The cost of raising her will outweigh the benefits of having her in the first place,” he explained.
I turned around and scowled at nothing in particular. “And if it is a girl?” I asked suspiciously.
Gregory must have seen my scowl, heard the suspicion in my voice. “Then we really don’t have a choice, do we Julia? We’ll raise her and marry her off as soon as possible. Anyway, if it is a boy I was thinking we could name him Jonathan. If that’s all right with you?” He sighed at my nod and then added, “You can pick a girl’s name – just in case. I don’t care what it is.”
“All right Gregory,” I answered without telling him the name I was thinking of. “I’m going back to bed,” I said, feeling a contraction.
“Go ahead dear,” Gregory answered absently. I turned and went to our bedroom. I remained in bed throughout the next week and a half. As much as I wanted to get up and do things, I knew I needed to conserve my strength if I was to survive the delivery.
I went into labor in the middle of that week. The midwife from the area stayed in the room with me throughout the course of the delivery. My child was born about an excruciating couple of hours later, the middle of the afternoon. I was still reeling with pain and weakness from the birth so I didn’t immediately understand what the midwife was saying to me. “What?” I gasped in confusion.
“You have a daughter, honey,” she repeated gently.
I looked at her in puzzlement then realized what she said. “A daughter?” A small smile touched my lips.
“Aye,” the woman answered, making me comfortable. “You did very well, Julia.” She then handed me the child. “I’m going to go get your husband.”
I nodded, cradling the child against me. I gazed at her
in wonder. She had dark hair like her father but her blue eyes and her face shape resembled me somewhat.
Gregory entered the room minutes later. He looked at me, down at our baby girl, and then back at me. He closed his eyes for a minute. “What are you going to name her?” he asked tonelessly.
I looked down at the small girl. “Marie,” I answered. I cradled her against me and stared at him. I knew he was unhappy. Silently, I vowed to do everything in my power to keep her safe from her own father. I only hoped it was enough.
***
Chapter 6
Ten months later finds me bringing my daughter with me as much as I could. I would leave her with one of the maids but I don’t trust most of them to keep her safe from harm. It was about a month to my eighteenth birthday, and two months until Marie’s a year old.
I sit in the parlor playing with our daughter, listening for the slightest sounds that would tell me Gregory’s home. I try to have Marie safely tucked away in bed by the time her father returns home. He’s tried to hit our daughter several times but I have always stopped him. It always meant I got hit myself but I don’t care as long as I can protect my child. I rarely go out anymore because of all the bruises on my face and because I wasn’t about to leave Marie with my husband home unless I absolutely have to. Gregory and I fought constantly, usually about the “unusual” amount of time I spend with her each day.
I heard the wheels of a carriage, picked up my daughter and quickly took her to her bedroom. Marie looked up at me with wide eyes as I laid her in the crib and cooed softly. I felt a smile tug at my lips at the sight. Truly, she was my pride and joy, the only source of happiness I had in months. I pulled the blanket over her and left the room. I had high hopes for my daughter, yes, I often see her as “my” daughter; not “our” daughter. I vowed to keep her as safe and happy as I could. I wished to teach her to read and write, teach her to be worth something. I did not want my daughter to just be another “female around the house.”
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