Supernatural Dating Agency - The Complete Collection (Books 1-6)

by Andie M. Long

“Bite me,” I spat.

  “Getting me confused with the boyfriend again. Yes, I can teach you a simple protection spell.”

  “Will it protect me from evil?”

  He tilted his head at me. “How evil?”

  I held my hand out in front of me. “If this is evil, then” – I raised my arm as high as it would go – “then way, way, way, up here evil.”

  “Demonic?”

  “Like the head of Hell.”

  He exhaled loudly and grabbed my hand. “Then you mean way, way, way down here.” He pulled my hand to the floor, almost toppling me over.

  “Mine at 6pm. You can’t afford not to make it.”

  The door opened and as Kim walk inside he vanished into thin air.

  Holy fuck.

  “Sorry about that,” Kim said. “Frankie turned up first thing. We did have a snog but I wouldn’t shag in the office. I could swear I put my knickers on this morning. We’re really going to have to try sleeping when I see him. Its messing with my head.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’m not sleeping well either,” I said and then I winked.

  Kim placed the coffees and doughnuts on the table. “You dirty mare. Tell me all about it,” she said. So, I did.

  The problem with a vampire lover was that I couldn’t phone him in the morning. I had to wait until after 4pm. I called his mobile and a lazy, sexy arsed drawl came from the other side. “Shelley.” I swear to God if my name had been a chocolate fondant that gooey centre had just dripped out and my tongue was licking that bitch.

  “Hey, Theo. Good sleep?”

  “Hmm, wicked dreams,” he said and my core pulsed. “So, what are you doing tonight? I think I need more dating help.”

  “Nice try,” I told him. “That’s why I’m calling. I can’t do tonight. Some things have happened.” I filled him in on recent events.

  “Ah, that explains how I ended up doused in coke.”

  “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. Looks like I have anger management issues that need addressing.”

  “Are you really sorry, Shelley? It led to the most pleasant evening I’ve spent in a long time. And when I say a long time…”

  “Yeah, maybe tens of years. I get it. You’re really old. Good point though. No, I’m not the slightest bit sorry. It does mean that I need to have a little lesson in managing my temper.”

  “Oh, now magic. It smells like turnips or sprouts to me. Thinking back, there was an odour, I thought you or one of the other patrons had flatulence,” he said. “So, who is giving you this lesson about magic?”

  “Kim’s boyfriend, Frankie.”

  “Oh, Dr Love.”

  “You know Frankie?”

  “Yes, his odour is most unsavory. I’d suggest a name change to Frank Lee Hestinks, if I was his mother.

  “Theo. Are you being bitchy?”

  “It’s the stench. It’s unbecoming.”

  “Well I hope I don’t start to smell like that. It’ll put a blot on our date nights.”

  “We’re having date nights?” he said.

  “Oh, I should think so.”

  He laughed. “You’re falling in love with me.”

  “Steady on, we’ve only had one date.”

  “Yes, but admit it. You love my mouth, my fingers and my cock so we’re getting there body part by body part.”

  “Theodore Landry! I thought you were a gentleman. Where’s this naughty boy come from?”

  A deep hearty chuckle came down the line.

  “So, I’ll definitely escort you to your parents’ house tomorrow. Would you do me a favour and make an appointment to view the farm next week? I’d like to show you where we’re going to raise our children.”

  “Theo!”

  “Yes, I know. I’m doing it again. That’s how I scare women away. But I can’t help myself with you, Shelley. There’s something about you, like we’re meant to be.”

  “Well I’m meant to be at Frankie’s at six and I want to grab a bite to eat first so I’d better get a move on.”

  “You might want to have to have a bath in some extra strong scented bath soak before I see you tomorrow,” Theo said. “If all else fails, expect to be Febreezed as soon as I see you.”

  “You’re just so romantic, Theo. See you tomorrow.”

  I rang the bell of Frankie’s self-detached bungalow. I’d thought being a wizard he’d have a dark mansion with turrets and cobwebs everywhere.

  He answered the door, took one look at my face and huffed. “I have bad knees, can’t do with stairs and my housekeeper has obsessive-compulsive disorder.”

  “Me thinks I need to learn how to have a game face before spells,” I told him before following him into his lounge.

  A black cat walked up to me and weaved around my legs. “Aww, you’re so pretty.”

  “Scoot, Maisie,” he said, and the cat showed Frank her ass, gave a hiss and scurried out of the room.

  I raised an eyebrow. “Wizard with a black cat?”

  “Coincidence,” he told me. “Just happened to pick that colour. So, I made a fresh pot of coffee and I bought some of your favourite chocolate doughnuts. Let me just bring them through.”

  He was starting to grow on me. Well his bribes were. I helped myself to a doughnut.

  “So, how much of your magic are you aware of?”

  “That’ll be, well, how to put it, shit bugger all,” I told him. “I may have upended a drink on someone, may have caused drinks to spurt out of a machine, may have thrown a footstool. Or…” I paused. “The table wobbled, and the drink fell over; the drinks machine had a fault; and you kicked the stool.”

  “Only one thing for it then. Let me get a ball.”

  He placed a ball on a small coffee table in front of me. “Keep your mind on this, not on the coffee or doughnuts. I have expensive carpets.”

  I focused my eyes on the ball. It was a small orange-coloured, light plastic and more than likely belonged to Maisie.

  “Okay. Relax your mind and move the ball.”

  I stared at it and willed it to shift. Nothing.

  “Keep trying.”

  Nothing.

  “Hmmm. Maybe it only surfaces when you have heightened emotions. Like when I annoyed you earlier, and the footstool went out. That means your powers are quite weak. Pathetically weak.”

  The ball flew off the chair, sailed around Frankie’s head and hit him on the nose. “Who are you calling weak, you sexist pig?”

  Frankie chuckled. “Okay, I think we established it's tied to your emotions. Fact. So, I’m going to teach you a spell that will keep you protected from outside harm. Say it every morning and every evening.”

  “How will I remember it?”

  “I’ll write it down,” he said. “But practice it until you know it by heart.”

  “Thank you. I’m sorry we got off on the wrong foot.”

  “Not to worry. I have a feeling we’re going to be spending a lot more time together as your powers grow. Now, just one thing. I know you have no reason to believe me, but the vampire. Please tread carefully. Don’t ever forget he’s a killer.”

  I looked at him with narrowed eyes. “Thanks for the advice but I can handle my own love life, and while we’re on the subject let’s talk about yours. Let me tell you, if you hurt my friend you’ll have me to contend with, and with that level of untrained anger who knows what I’d do to you.”

  Frankie flinched at my words. “I only thought it prudent to remind you. The vampire killed his own family, his own kin whom he must have loved dearly, so don’t be so complacent as to think that a half-breed like you is safe.”

  I sighed. “Sorry. I do understand what you’re saying, Frankie. I’ll ensure to say my spells to keep myself from danger.”

  He nodded. “Some beings are too strong for the spells, Shelley. You’ll need to harness your magic to free yourself of them. But more on that another time.”

  I finished my coffee and stood up. “Thank you for this,” I said. “I do appreciate your
offer of help.”

  He smiled. “It’s no problem at all. Let Kim know that I missed seeing her tonight.”

  “I will.”

  “Did she say what she was doing? I had a bad feeling, like she might have another date.” He looked at the floor.

  “She didn’t say so.”

  “Okay, well night then.”

  I walked out of his house and caught the bus back home. I couldn’t work out what I thought about him, so instead, I got out the expensive bottle of Jo Malone bath soak I’d purchased before I went to Frankie’s and soaked in the tub for two hours. There was no way I wanted Theo thinking I smelled like turnips.

  I slept without dream interruptions from family members. I called in for coffee at Jax’s before heading to the office. Kim had sent me a text saying she’d had an emergency and would be in as soon as she could.

  About ten minutes after I got there, she arrived. I went through to her office with the still quite hot drink.

  “Thought you might need this? Oh, what’s happened to your neck?”

  She touched the piece of gauze and tape on her neck. “I’ve been bitten by something and the damn thing won’t stop itching. I got some insect bite cream from the pharmacy but it’s not doing anything. It’s driving me mad.”

  “Let me see,” I instructed her.

  She removed the gauze and I gaped. The puncture wounds on her neck looked exactly like a vampire bite. The skin around it was raised and red, and she was definitely having a reaction to it.

  “Let me get the first aid kit and clean it up.”

  I went into my office for the kit. Shit, how had she got bitten? She clearly remembered none of it. I would have to ask Theo if there were any rogue vampires on the loose. But first, I’d have to question Kim to see if she’d had a secret date last night.

  I wandered back into her office with some salt water in a bowl and some cotton wool. I dipped the cotton wool in the salty solution then squeezed it and applied it to her neck.

  “Christ, it won’t stop itching. I’m going to scratch my own neck off.”

  “Hold still.”

  For some reason, I felt the need to rub my fingers over the bites. I couldn’t describe it. It was like an inner suggestion to do it and there was a strange tingle to my fingers. I placed one finger over each of the wounds and thought about healing them. When I took my fingers away, the bites were almost closed.

  “What did you do? The itching has stopped. Oh, thank fuck.” Kim moved her head from side to side and then stretched. “God that is so much better. I could kiss you.”

  “It was the salt water,” I lied. “Then I held my fingers over the bites to create a seal. I’m going to put a plaster over it now and then we’ll do the same again after lunch to make sure it stays okay.”

  “Oh my God, I can’t thank you enough. It was enough to make me go drown myself.”

  Things were getting serious. The threats were one thing but some vampire had toyed with my friend. I needed answers, and I needed them quickly. “Did you go out last night? I thought you were having a lazy evening.”

  “That’s exactly what I did. I didn’t go anywhere. Sat watching TV until ten and then I had an early night.” She lifted a large bag from behind her. “I’m just going to pop out to the launderette. There’s obviously something in my sheets that bit me. I’m never leaving it a month between washing my bedding again.” She opened the bag and pulled out a tie. “Do you have to hand wash designer ties?”

  My mouth gaped open for a second time.

  “Where did you get that?”

  “It was on the floor by my bed. Frankie must have dropped it during one of our sessions. I thought I’d get it laundered.”

  “Can I look at it?” I asked her.

  “Sure.” She passed it to me.

  I held the purple and black striped tie in my hand and turned it over. It had splashes of a dark liquid on it and I held it to my nose. Coca-cola.

  “I’ll sort this out for you. You have to be really careful with designer stuff. Might take me a couple of days,” I said. “You go now while it’s quiet.”

  “Okay.” She hopped off her chair. “See you in ten.”

  She left the office, and I sat back on her desk. Bite marks and Theo’s tie? What was going on? Had my vampire boyfriend really attacked my friend?

  Chapter Eleven

  Shelley

  Theo arrived to pick me up from my house at six. I’d done a protection spell on myself to ward off any evil spirits so if he reacted to me, I’d know he was a suspect.

  I opened the door and leaned towards him to give him a kiss and he hissed and jumped away from me.

  “God, I knew it. Why did you bite my friend? You utter bastard!” I was so enraged Theo whipped into the air as if taken by a sudden gust of wind. He hit his car with a loud thud.

  “Ouch. Fuck that hurt.” He stood up clutching his back. “It’s a good job I’m already dead. What did you do that for?”

  “You bit my friend,” I yelled. “Were you trying to kill her? Turn her? Or were you just hungry?”

  He tilted his head and stared at me with narrowed eyes. “I’m sorry about my reaction. You’ve done magic haven’t you, because you smell like refuse, like soiled nappies to be precise. I’m not sure how to proceed with our outing. Do you have a peg for my nose? I don’t need to breathe. I just need to stop the smell going up it. It’s not really a look I want to continue going forwards though. I kind of like my dapper, designer clothed, and smooth self.”

  “Ah yes, talking about designer clothing, excuse me a moment.” I disappeared into the house. When I came back out, I dangled his tie in front of him.

  “I wondered where that went. You’re distracting me with your beautiful face and body. At least I only left my tie behind, not my trousers, hey? That would have got me some strange looks.”

  “You left it at Kim’s,” I told him. “Along with another souvenir of your visit.”

  “Kim’s? I don’t even know where she lives.”

  “Well, she found your tie next to her bed, and she had two puncture wounds on the side of her neck that I had to heal this morning.”

  Theo crossed his arms across his body. “I can assure you that this was not my doing, if that’s what you are trying to insinuate?”

  “What other explanation is there? Bite marks and your tie in her room?”

  “How about if I was set up?” He looked at me and disappointment crossed his features. “You are so quick to judge me guilty. I can see in your face that you don’t believe me.”

  I glare at him. “You’ll have to excuse me, Theo. It’s the whole you’re a vampire, I’m a witch, Frankie’s a wizard shit that’s going on. Ebony’s a seer, my mother comes to me in dreams. I can’t handle all this right now. I don’t know what’s going on and I feel like I’m going crazy.” Feeling tears threaten, I looked down at the floor and then back up.

  “Look, I’m going to visit my parents on my own, Theo. Thanks for the offer to come and to drive, but I’ll get the train. I think it’s better that I don’t see you for a couple of days. Just until I get my head together.”

  Theo stared at me. Anger flared in his eyes, a quick flash of red appeared and then left. “I’m disappointed in today’s events but as you wish. I’m not sure I could have shared a confined space with you, anyway. The fact remains that we have a problem because I’m not sure I can date someone who smells like they have terrible flatulence. Go to see your family. I hope they provide some of the answers you’re looking for. You know where I am if you wish to speak to me again.” He turned around and walked away.

  There was a lump in my throat. I had been quick to judge him but what other explanation could there be? I pushed the thought to the back of my mind. Right now, I needed to focus on information gathering. Train timetables needed to be consulted as the Linley family were expecting me at eight.

  Mark and Debbie Linley lived in a three-bedroomed semi in Hull. As I arrived at the entrance to
the driveway, I spotted cobwebs surrounding the house. It was covered in them. What the fuck was going on? I stood at the front door and pulled strings of the web away, pressing on the doorbell.

  My adopted dad answered the door. He shone with an orange glow. If they turned out to be supernatural too, I would admit myself to a psychiatric unit on my way home.

  “Why is your house covered in cobwebs?” I asked, clearing some away to enter the house.

  “You can see them?” he asked, his eyes wide.

  “Well, duh, it’d be hard not to. Ever thought of getting the place cleaned up? You might need to employ someone if you have a spider infestation.”

  He sighed. “Come through, Shelley. We need to talk.”

  I followed him through to the living room. It had been decorated since I was last there and looked really nice. Brown leather sofas, a cream carpet and some rose gold ornaments gave it a modern feel.

  “The place is looking good, Mum,” I told the woman sitting on the sofa. She’d had her hair cut since I’d seen her last, with it now in a short brown bob. She looked at me, a smile hovering on her lips, like she wanted to welcome me but couldn’t bring herself to do so.

  “She can see the webs,” my dad told her.

  “Fuck,” said my mum.

  “Er, language?” I hadn’t been allowed to swear when I was home. In fact, I hadn’t been allowed to do most things. Largely I’d been confined to my bedroom and lived my life out of their way.

  “Anyway, you’re being so welcoming, folks. It’s a pleasure as always.”

  My dad rubbed his forehead. “Yes, well, sometimes you decide to adopt a kid, and you don’t get what you were expecting.”

  My heart sank in my chest. They didn’t even try to hide their disappointment.

  “I’m sorry I’m not the daughter you wanted me to be. I’m not sure what I did wrong, but I guess that’s why I’m here, so shall we head past the bullshit politeness and get down to what I need to know about my childhood. Do you know about my real parents? Only I’m having a few problems right now and need some answers.”