No Regrets

by B. B. Donnelly

  “Yes, sir.”

  There is a click and the line goes dead. Charlie clicks a button and the sound system shuts off.

  “Charlie, is there a way for you to get a hold of Boots?” Julia asks.

  “Sure.”

  “Tell him about Jackson. See if he can find out anything.” Julia says, taking the lead for me. I nod, looking at Charlie with tears in my eyes.

  “I’m going to take her upstairs and get a warm bath going.” Julia helps me stand up and assists me up the stairs. I’m so cold and my chest is aching with worry. He can’t be gone. I sit on the toilet seat as Julia turns the water on, adding some lavender bubble bath.

  “Julia, I don’t know what I’m going to do without him.” I state, shaking.

  “Hey, hey… it’s going to be fine. We will find out. Just stay calm and put your trust in Jackson. He is strong. I’ve never seen anyone as good as him.”

  “Even the best fall down sometimes.” I whisper. She helps me out of my clothes, and I slide into the hot water. The water stings, but I just want to feel something, anything at this moment. I close my eyes.

  “Julia, if we find out he has been taken. I’m going after him.”

  “I know. We all know that. We also know if it was one of us, you would do the same. We are here and are ready to back you up. Even if it is completely crazy.”

  “Most of my plans have been crazy, haven’t they?” I say with a sad smile.

  “Well, yes, but they are working, aren’t they?”

  “What if it all falls apart? What if we get caught? I won’t be able to live with myself if something happens to any of you.”

  “Carter, stop. We chose this. We chose you. We have faith in you. We’ve got this. So, stop beating yourself up over the whatifs.”

  “Thanks, Julia.”

  “No, problem. I’m going to head down to see if there is any news. I will let you know as soon as I hear anything. Just try to relax. You went through a lot tonight.”

  “Okay.” I respond, leaning my head back. When I’m sure she is gone, I let the tears fall.

  Oh god, I can’t think about him being tortured or worse, gone forever. Jackson has always been there. I have loved him for so long. I don’t know how I will survive in a world without him in it. But I know I have too. There are others that depend on me. I have to see this through. I will see justice.

  I stand up and wrap myself up in a towel. I change my clothes and close myself off from my emotions. I take a deep breath and force myself to face whatever waits for me downstairs.

  Logan, Charlie, and Julia are speaking softly to one another. They go quiet as soon as they spot me.

  “Anything?” I ask. Their faces fall.

  “Boots hasn’t heard anything and from the sounds of it, it’s not good.” Charlie says. I hear him, but I can’t help but close my eyes, hoping I’m dreaming.

  “It doesn’t mean anything, Carter.” Julia says, pleading with me.

  “Just tell Boots to let us know if he hears anything.” I say to Charlie.

  “Already done.”

  “Thank you. Now, let’s hope that my little escapade gives me some breathing space. My uncle will be searching for my body, so I need to stay put for a while.”

  “We all could use a break.” Logan says, grabbing the remote and crashing onto the couch. He pats the seat beside him, and Julia looks over at me. I smile at her and tilt my head in the direction of the couch.

  “Go on, I’m fine.” She squeezes my hand and cuddles up to Logan. I walk to the other side of the couch and lay down. Charlie retreats to his office and I don’t have the energy to go with him. Exhaustion from the dip in the River, to my emotional state, are taking its toll. Before I know it, I surrender to nightmares of Jackson being tortured…. over and over….

  Chapter Thirty-One

  The next morning I’m surprised to find myself alone in the house for the first time in a long time. Charlie received a call from Ming. Apparently, some of the bookkeeping got mixed up and he called to tell me that it will take him awhile to figure out where Ming messed up. For some reason, I felt compelled to give Charlie the briefcase. I kept having an uneasy feeling that something would happen to it if I left it here. After we talked about it, we decided he would put it in the office safe at the Chinese restaurant. There is no possible connection between any of us and the Chinese restaurant. After I convinced him I would be okay, he took the briefcase and left. Julia took Logan to the mall. He had been borrowing Charlie’s clothes and was ready for his own stuff. With the house empty, I realized how lonely my life would have been if not for my friends. I was crazy to ever think I could do this on my own.

  I head out to the backyard and train some more. I need to clear my head. I slide the katana out of the sheath. I move into the motions, letting my worries go, and let the katana dance through the air. I can throw my knives all day long or shoot my gun at a range for hours and still never feel the satisfaction that the katana gives me.

  “You are so graceful.” I stop when I hear his voice. It reminds me of when I was in my bedroom not so long ago and he had said something similar. I turn around and I see Jackson. My chest fills with relief that he is okay. I drop the sword and run to him. He catches me and lifts me up around the waist. I wrap my arms and legs around him, hugging him close. He laughs and nuzzles my neck.

  “I was so worried about you.” I mumble in his neck. He squeezes tight and then gently pries me off. He takes my hand without a word and leads me through the house. He leads me up the stairs and into my bedroom. His eyes are intense, and I can tell he is on a different kind of mission. My body heats up under his warm gaze. We are in the hallway, when he stops and pushes me against the wall. His mouth is on mine and I moan as his tongue searches mine out. I surrender to him and let him love me.

  My hands are gripping the soft texture of his hair and I can’t stop myself from rubbing against him. He moans in my mouth and it is almost my undoing. He pulls me away from the wall and we stumble into my bedroom still kissing and holding, clutching, and grappling each other. He pushes the door closed with a back kick. It’s like we can’t let go of each other. I can’t help but realize he is the only one that can make me lose control like this. I will never find someone who can make me feel like this. I feel a flash of guilt at the thought of Charlie, but it isn’t fair to either of us. I hope he can find this kind of passion with someone. I want this hot, demanding, need that only Jackson brings to me.

  Jackson breaks from me finally when we have reached the bed. He searches my eyes, caressing my face.

  “I’m the only one you want. Tell me.”

  “It’s you. It’s always been you.” He crushes my mouth again and his hands urgently strip my legs of my workout shorts. I moan when I feel his hands move up the side of my hips. He starts pulling my tank top up over my stomach, following with kisses in the wake of his fingertips. He gently licks and kisses my ribcage. I start squirming under his skillful fingers. I can’t stop myself from undressing him. I rip open his button up shirt and run my fingers down his tight abs. He has a few bruises and cuts, but otherwise looks fine.

  “Oh god, Carter, no one makes me feel like you do. Don’t stop touching me.” I do as he asks and I’m on fire.

  We make love like it is our last time. We kiss every inch of one another’s bodies, hardly breaking apart. We are desperate for each other. When we finally break away, he pulls me in close and I lay my head on his chest with a contented sigh. He gently rubs my head, caressing my hair. After a few minutes, I start to doze off. I feel Jackson pull away from me. I watch him through drowsy eyes as he puts on his pants.

  “Are you going somewhere?” I ask, huskily.

  “No.” He says and comes back to join me on the bed, carrying my shorts and tank top. I know I should put some clothes on, but I’m so relaxed.

  He helps me by dressing me.

  “Aren’t you supposed to want to keep my clothes off?”

  “Well, I would prefer
it, but knowing how your roommates are… I figured it would be best to be dressed before they barge in here.” With that said, we cuddle back on the bed and I let him sing me to sleep with his amazing voice.

  I’m suddenly jerked awake by Jackson flying off the bed.

  “What!” I follow his movements as he grabs me from the side of the bed and pulls me to him. He takes us behind the bedroom door, putting a hand to my lips. He mouths They found us. My heart rate increases, and I immediately take a defense. We are trapped here, and I don’t have a weapon on me. Neither does Jackson. We look at each other in panic. Then we communicate with our eyes. We will go down fighting.

  The first agent comes through the door and Jackson surprises him by slamming the door on him. With the agent’s shock, Jackson proceeds to throw an elbow into his nose. I follow behind him and attack the next agent while he takes out the first one. I disarm the agent quickly with a twist of the wrist. I follow through by bracing my body under him and flipping him to the ground. Before I can knock him out, I feel a slight sting on my neck. Suddenly the room blurs and I’m disoriented. My muscles go lax; I lose focus until I see the floor rushing up to meet me. Darkness, complete darkness…….

  I open my eyes and immediately close them against the massive headache. I try to bring my hands up but find that I’m tied up. I open my eyes again and try to see through the haze from being unconsciousness. I make myself look around and see that I’m in a concrete room, handcuffed to a chair that is bolted to the floor. I’m relieved when I find myself alone. This relief doesn’t last very long when I get a whiff of cologne and I immediately recognize the smell of it. The scent brings me so much more pain then any torture imaginable. When I look up, I’m facing my uncle. I slump down in defeat. This is it, the end.

  “Carter, my dear, so good to see you are awake.”

  “What did you do to Cowboy?” I hiss.

  “Did you think I would immediately take his word for it? That he wasn’t working with you. I know how that boy has been panting after you. Max told me that Cowboy had a soft spot for you, but he would have said anything to stop the…. interrogation. I should say, I’m a little disappointed in Max, I was sure I had him away from your female wiles. But I took care of him. He will no longer be able to fall for your lies and it is your entire fault. He is dead because of you. All these guys, Max, Cowboy, Charlie, Logan…tsk tsk…you are just like your mother. A slut.”

  “My mother had taste. That’s why you were second best. Always second best.” He hauls off and smacks me across the face. The blood drips from the corner of my mouth. I lick it away with my tongue and glare at my uncle.

  “Where’s the briefcase?”

  “I don’t know.” I say, he slaps me hard.

  “Where?” I look up and grin. He slaps me harder.

  “Why do you want the briefcase?” I ask, spitting out blood.

  “You know why. It has some documents that I want.”

  “I took all the proof about your special missions and had copies sent to the higher ups.” I say, lying through my teeth. I’m happy to see him visibly pale before my eyes. Too bad, I hadn’t thought of doing that sooner. Stupid, Carter, real stupid.

  “I want the accounts.”

  “You mean, you want my money.”

  “It should have been mine, all mine, not yours.”

  “Someone’s jealous. You sound like a two-year-old, throwing a tantrum.”

  “Enough, stop with the games, just tell me where it is. I promise not to hurt you.” I start to laugh.

  “I told you, I don’t know where it is and don’t think I don’t know that you will kill me as soon as you can.”

  “I see you aren’t going to cooperate. Next time, will not be as pleasant.” With that, he hauls back, and I feel the pain in my temple. Then everything goes dark.

  I don’t know how long I’ve been out, but my vision is a little blurry. I try to look around and notice I’m still in the chair, in the same room. I hear people’s footsteps behind me, but I can’t turn around to see. They must have noticed me waking up because I feel the footsteps come up behind me. Someone touches the top of my head, almost like a caress. I jerk my head up, but I can’t see anyone. I feel the person moving around me and I can finally see who it is.

  “Hello, Sparkler.” There is Jackson with a cold smile.

  My heart soars at the sight of him, but something is desperately wrong. I search his face for any sign of the warmth and love, but there is nothing. I’m so confused. Then my uncle comes to stand behind Jackson. He comes up and puts a hand on Jackson’s shoulder. I look between the two of them and my heart sinks. Jackson gives me an evil smile.

  No, it can’t be, but the truth is right in front of me. He has been working for my uncle the whole time. I have been played. I’m reminded of what my father always said, “Loyalty is the backbone of every relationship. When that loyalty is gone, the betrayal is devastating.” The betrayal is definitely devastating.

  “Isn’t this a pleasant surprise?” My uncle says laughing, “Oh poor thing, I think she really thought you were in love with her. That’s right, dear niece, he has been working for me, reporting to me the whole time.”

  “I know she’s your niece and all, but I think I should get a promotion on my acting skills alone. She is horrible in bed.” Jackson says with a cruel laugh. My uncle joins him.

  “She is definitely like her mother then.” My uncle says, laughing harder.

  “My mother told me you had a little dick.” I say, receiving another hard slap across the face.

  I close my eyes to the tears and pain. I can’t look at Jackson or make a comment back to him. I can’t even comprehend what is going on. How could it all be fake? I guess it doesn’t matter anymore. I’ve been betrayed. I need to protect Charlie, Logan, and Julia, the ones that haven’t betrayed me. I can’t let this break me. Jackson cannot break me. I am not done yet with my revenge. If anything, this has given me more motivation.

  At that moment, I harden my heart. I mentally say goodbye to my past and come to terms that my relationship with Jackson was a lie. I am my father’s daughter. Love is for fools.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  I lift my eyes to meet Jackson’s cold expression with one of my own.

  “Look at this, I’m afraid she doesn’t love you anymore, Cowboy.” My uncle taunts.

  “Awe, I’m so heartbroken.” Jackson says with sarcasm, clutching his heart.

  “Are you two dumbasses done? I’m tired, so if you are here to start torturing me, get on with it. Jackson, you better do it because my uncle is weak and is used to others doing things for him. You know, like my father.” This earns me another smack across the face. I slowly turn my face towards my uncle, laughing.

  “That the best you got?” I taunt. My uncle’s eyes flare red. Shit, he is going to kill me now. I’m almost relieved for this hell to end. He comes forward, but Jackson stops him.

  “Stop, sir. We need to get the briefcase. Let me handle this.” Jackson starts to roll up his sleeves. No, he isn’t. He wouldn’t. Jesus, Carter when are you going to get it through your head, he is evil now. He betrayed you. He is going to kick your ass. Jackson strolls towards me with a menacing stare. I stare him down.

  “Do it asshole, I dare you.” I say. He brings his arm up and I do not even flinch. I just stare him in the eyes. I see something flicker, uncertainty maybe?

  Bang! The door slams open and Boots rushes in. Damn, another betrayal. Jackson turns at the intrusion.

  “What the hell are you doing?” My uncle bellows.

  “Sir, we have a situation!” Boots says.

  “Jesus, I swear nothing is done right.” My uncle mutters, “Jackson, take over, get her to talk. I need that briefcase.” He leaves us alone. Jackson turns and slowly looks at me.

  “Well, get on with it. Seriously, Jackson, I’ll give you this one. You really screwed me over.”

  “Tell me where the briefcase is.” He says, ignoring me.


  “Never. You will have to kill me.” Jackson swallows hard.

  “Carter, tell me where it is.” He demands. I cock my head at him. What the hell is going on? Why isn’t he beating on me?

  “No.” He closes his eyes and slaps me hard. Holy shit! He hit me. He really hit me. I spit on him. He opens his eyes and glares at me.

  “You coward. You can’t even look at me. Hit me again, I dare you.” He flinches. Then I see him raise his arm up. I coldly stare him down, daring him.

  “Stop!” Boots is running towards us. I think I see Jackson let out a relieved sigh. It is so slight that I think I imagined it.

  “Get out of here!” Jackson yells, but Boots just keeps coming and before I know it, he attacks Jackson. Oh my god, they are freaking fighting! Boots is on my side!

  The only problem is that I know Jackson can take Boots down. Jackson is unbeatable. They break apart and are staring at each other breathing hard.

  “So, this is how it is. You’re on her side. I hope you enjoy my sloppy seconds.” Boots glances over at me.

  It is just enough of a distraction for Jackson to throw a punch, knocking Boots to the ground. Boots sweeps Jackson’s legs. For the first time ever, Jackson loses his balance and falls to the ground. Boots pounces on top of him and starts pounding Jackson. My heart stops as I watch the man I love being beaten to death. Used to love, Carter, used to love. Jackson struggles to pull himself out of Boots grip. Boots slams him back down. I watch as a look passes between the two. I see Jackson nod slightly. Boots hesitates for a second and then punches Jackson. Jackson is out. Boots has beaten him. I don’t get it, no one has ever beaten Jackson. I don’t even know how to feel. Something is going on.

  Boots hurries off Jackson and runs to me. He pulls a small tool out of his pocket and starts unlocking the handcuffs. I barely have time to stretch my arms before Boots is grabbing me and rushing me to the door. I pass Jackson laying there and I swear I saw his eyes flicker slightly open. When I look back, his eyes are shut.