Julia Jones - The Teenage Years: Book 1- Falling Apart - A book for teenage girls

by Katrina Kahler

breakfast!”

  I kind of grunted in response, ignoring the frown that Mom was directing towards me. But when I glanced again at Barry, I instantly felt the expression on my face turn to one of revulsion. It seemed quite clear that his eyes were wandering over my bare legs but it was the manner in which he was doing this that filled me with the sick feeling of dread. At first I thought I must surely be mistaken, but when his eyes met mine, the sly grin which appeared on his face clearly betrayed his disgusting thoughts.

  I was still in my pyjamas, a long-sleeved flannelette shirt and a pair of silky pink boxer shorts. They obviously weren’t a matching set. I had just thrown them on before climbing gratefully into bed the night before. The shorts had been a present from Mom for my last birthday and were my favorites. But I did not feel at all comfortable with Barry’s wandering eyes staring at me in that way and I tried to tuck my legs under the kitchen table so they were hidden from view.

  If I hadn’t been so ravenously hungry, I would have excused myself and gone without breakfast. But it wasn’t only my appetite that kept me glued to my chair, it was the knowledge that a sudden exit would have also caused a scene.

  “Julia, you’re so rude! What has gotten into you?”

  My mother’s voice was clear in my head and I could imagine not only her words but her tone, and it just wasn’t worth the consequences I would later have to suffer. So I gritted my teeth and silently ate the pancakes that she served onto a large plate. I gulped down what I could, desperate to finish eating so I could make my escape.

  Even the sight of my brother when he finally made his way down the stairs, did nothing to calm my unease. It seemed that he was totally oblivious to what was going on around him and didn’t hesitate to accept Barry’s pitiful excuse for being in our house.

  “Yeah, sure!” I’d thought to myself when he attempted once more to explain his presence in our kitchen. “You just conveniently happened to be in our neighborhood at that time on a Sunday morning.”

  That scene was foremost in my mind when I spoke to my dad on the phone later that day, but I was conscious not to mention the surprise visit. I also did not relay the fact that Mum had cooked us pancakes but we’d had to share them with the creepy tradesman who had seemed to become a familiar figure in our household. And neither did I mention how uncomfortable he made me feel.

  All I did say to my dad was that I wanted him to come home.

  “Next weekend, I’ll be back. And how about we all go out for a nice dinner? You can choose the restaurant!” His cheery reply did little to lift my spirits.

  “That’ll be great Dad,” I tried to sound enthusiastic, but was finding it very difficult. The sinking feeling in my stomach would not go away.

  After a little more idle chatter I sadly hung up the phone. Then, one slow step at a time, I climbed the stairs to my room. I didn’t know if the correct term was premonition or intuition, but whatever it was, I had a strong sense that things would never be the same again.

  Guilt…

  “Did you hear the news?”

  Beth was beside herself when I arrived at school on Monday morning. It was quite clear there was something really exciting she was desperate to share and couldn’t wait to include me in the latest gossip.

  “What?” I asked, curiously. “What happened?”

  As the words spilled from her mouth, I stood agape, watching as she spoke. She was talking so quickly and could not seem to stop. It was the weirdest sensation but I could not take my eyes from her mouth. Her cherry colored lip gloss glistened brightly as the light of the morning sun reflected off the nearby window. It was such a pretty color and I made a mental note to ask her what it was so that I might also be able to buy some for myself. Since moving back to Carindale I had started wearing make-up but I did not have any lip gloss that was as pretty as Beth’s.

  Weird! That was the only word I could think of to describe my thoughts right then. Beth had just shared the most staggering news and I was thinking about buying lip gloss. The mind certainly was an incredible thing; the ability to completely switch off like that and focus on something as bizarre as lip gloss. Was that a normal phenomenon? Or was I really starting to lose it? Her voice had become a background blur, an intense monologue that went on and on and on. I stood silently, all the while fascinated, as her sparkling lips continued to move.

  It is crazy though, how one’s thoughts can abruptly change. Because in the blink of an eye, the full extent of what she was saying finally filtered through to my conscious mind and I began to process the news that she was attempting to share.

  Tentatively, I looked around me, wondering if others had heard and were also discussing this latest piece of hot gossip.

  “Blake Jansen and Sara Hamilton have split up!”

  With escalating alarm, I continued to process Beth’s words. Even though she’d been speaking for what seemed like a very long time, it was really only those words that I fully grasped. Then, gulping anxiously, I dared to hope there may be the slightest chance this news may actually be untrue.

  Oblivious to my reaction, she raced on, “Can you believe it? Everyone’s in shock!” Beth seemed barely able to contain her excitement. It was as though this were the news of the century, the gossip that everyone would be desperate to hear.

  “She was so keen to be his girlfriend in the beginning, you know. No one ever expected that this would happen! And do you know what! Apparently she saw him kissing some other girl at the party on Saturday night and when she confronted him, he dumped her! That’s what Jackie heard. OMG! I can just imagine Sara’s reaction. I’m sure she’s never been dumped before! She would be absolutely furious!!”

  Beth continued on and on. The feeling of dread was like lead in my stomach. But it appeared she had no idea that I was the one who Blake had kissed. Perhaps Sara didn’t know either? I felt a sudden flicker of hope.

  I knew beyond any doubt though, that if all of this were true and Blake did dump Sara because of me, she would not let it go. The humiliation would be too much. To be dumped would be bad enough, but for it to happen because of me, would be absolutely intolerable.

  “Nooooo!” I screamed silently. “Why did I let him kiss me? How did I let that happen?” And walking the length of the hallway, Beth talking on and on and on, I just wanted to yell at her. “Stop, Beth!! Stop talking! I don’t want to know!”

  It was with sheer relief that I was finally able to enter my History class and leave Beth to continue on to her own classroom, situated further down the hall. I was convinced that I could not take her babbling for another second. It had taken every last reserve of self-control not to yell at her to shut up!

  I just wanted to be left alone, to hide away at the back of the room in order to fully process the situation I had inadvertently created.

  It was quite peculiar, such a contradiction! I was fully aware that my desire to be with Blake again had been intense. He was all I could think about and if I had been told, just a week earlier, that I would have the chance to be with him again, I would have been overcome with joy. But not this way. This was not how it was meant to happen!

  As I sat down in my usual spot by the window, I smiled briefly at the girl next to me, trying desperately to appear as though nothing was wrong. But my mind was reeling. Reeling with the recognition that I had caused this sudden end to their relationship. I had done exactly what I’d sworn I would never do.

  “If only I hadn’t been drinking, I’m sure it would never have happened. Oh why did I have to go to that party in the first place?”

  Frantically trying to ease the growing panic that was threatening to erupt inside me, I turned towards the open window and breathed in deeply, grateful for the intake of much-needed fresh air. When I noticed the curious look my teacher appeared to be directing my way, I forced myself to remain calm and pretended to focus on the work on the board, all the while striving to fight off visions of Sara, her evil stare boring into my soul. I knew that she was not in my his
tory class, but I had the uncanny sensation that she was right there, a penetrating presence right by my side.

  Sighing with relief at the sound of the bell which ended the lesson, I raced towards the bathroom where I splashed cold water over my face. Then made my way to the library, eternally grateful for the study period that I’d been assigned. I found a spare desk in a corner, where I could sit unnoticed and avoid the attention of other students. I did not want to face anyone and I certainly did not want to face Blake or Sara. I just wanted to hide away, hide away and be left alone.

  It was at the end of the day, after the final bell had rung that I opened my locker to shove my books inside. I was desperate to get home. I’d been feeling unwell all day. Perhaps it was the food I’d purchased from the canteen during the lunch break. Even though I had barely eaten anything, I had noticed something strange about the flavored milk. It may have been sour, an old carton that was out of date and should have been cleared from the fridge. Maybe that was the cause of the nausea I was feeling.

  But deep down I knew that was not the case. Sour milk wasn’t to blame for the sick leaden sensation that had remained in my stomach all day. I’d been constantly on edge, worried I would come face to face with Sara in the hallway. I imagined the words she would scream at me while