The end of Forever
Page 1
The end
of Forever
Melody Ichigama
The end of forever
My mother once told me fear will eat you away...and it's true. People will never stop fearing things. Fear is a mystery, that nobody gets. This world...this planet, is all a mystery. And I like it that way...
My friends tell me I'm stupid. My mom tells me I'm special. My brother tells me I'm weird. My dad tells me I'm different. I tell myself I'm crazy...and it's true.
I can't read. I can't write. I can't listen. I can't learn easily. I can't cook. I can't hold my anger. I can draw. I draw all day, everyday. My pictures talk to me. People who see my pictures doubt I drew them. But I did. I can draw. I will.
I always dread the first day of school. People see me and start to be my friend, then when they find out the real me, I'm alone again. Tomorrow is the first day of school. I'm not ready. I never will be! Why can't my mom see my pain? She's a teacher but she won't home school me! I will never understand her, she will never understand me.
I couldn't sleep at all. I tossed and turned in fear. I don't care what my mother says! Let the fear eat me! Let me go and rot! Nothing is worse than what I go through every day. How can this world...This town...this city...be so horrible?
I take all my chances. I climb rock walls with no helmet. I jump into ice cold lakes. I jump off my roof. We will all die someday...so why not do fun amazing things in life?
I wish...for one thing. Every time I fall off my roof, every time I jump into lakes, and climb rock walls. I fall, or get frost bites. But...they hurt my body, but not my soul. I wish to feel, real pain. It's a crazy wish. But I want...to feel my soul in pain. Whenever I see people with that kind of pain, I feel bad. Not for anything as nice as your thinking. But simply feeling bad for myself. People take pain for granted. Do they know that somebody out there is wishing for their pain? Do they know I cut myself everyday, hoping for their pain? No...of course not. Nobody understands. Nobody ever will. Like they all say. I'm special, specially CRAZY!
I woke up to a frightening dream. I was alone. In a dark room, waiting for something...someone. I don't remember what. I was sitting in a chair. Tied up I think. I heard somebody talking, but I couldn't see them. They told me I was worthless, stupid, and unwanted. Then I found it was my mothers voice. I woke up, shuddering.
I trudged into the kitchen, eying the time. It was 2:30, but I knew if I went to bed, I wouldn't be able to sleep anyways. I found a box of strawberry pop tarts. I nibbled on my pop tart, not hungry at all. Finally I just threw the pop tart away and got ready for school.
I went over my list for the hundredth time.
1.Clothes (jeans, and green tee.)
2.Backpack (black with purple flowers)
3.Folders, pens, pencils, etc.
4.Myself
I put a check by each thing. I sighed. I'm not ready for another year of rejection.
I scanned through my mom's jewelry and make-up. I found a heart necklace, with a fake glass blue diamond in the middle, and glossy lip gloss. I also found some bangles. Maybe if I just tried to fit in more, I wouldn't be that rejected.
My bus skipped my stop, so I had to walk the whole way. Great, I thought, I'm already off to a bad start, I hope it doesn't get worse. I sighed again.
Then I started to run. I didn't run too school. I don't even know why or where I was running to. I just needed to run. I ran fast, and I didn't stop. I didn't stop when I knew my body was tired. I didn't stop until I ran at least 5 miles. I never looked back, and I knew, I never would look back again.
I looked in my spare wallet I keep in my coat pocket. $60.00. This could last me 2 weeks, maybe 3 if I'm lucky I thought. Why did I even have $60.00 on me, I usually only keep 10 or 20. Hmm maybe I just knew today was going to be a bad day.
I walked down to the cheapest motel around, something called Sweet Escape. I trudged in and set my backpack on the floor. It came down with a thud, it was really heavy, but I just realized how heavy it was.
The old man at the front desk peered over at me, only realizing I was there, because of the thud of my backpack.
“You with your rents?” He asked curiously.
“No, I'm by myself, is that a problem?” I asked nervously.
“Reckon you ran away?” He asked ignoring my question.
“Yes...” I said blushing, and avoiding eye contact with him.
“What's your name? Never mind, I'll sell ya a room for 20.00 for 2 weeks, best deal I can give ya.” He said going back to his book. “I reckon you didn't bring much with ya.” He said, fully in to his book, not even looking at me.
“Yes, thank you, thank you very, very much. By the way, my name's Melody.” I said. He set a key in front of him.
“Nobody's been in this old place in a long time, I don't remember what keys go to which, so you'll have to find the room on your own. There ain't much room's here, so I reckon you'll find it easy.”
“Yes, thank you.” I said not caring that I have to find the room.
He was right. There where only, like, 15 rooms. So it was pretty easy. I was room 5. The room looked cleaned, and new. It looked so fancy, it should have been, like $40.00 per night!
I set my bag on my bed, and sighed for the third time today. I realized, for the first time. I don't miss any of it. I don't think I ever will. I starred at the wall. The walls where covered in flowered wallpaper.
I heard a sudden knock at the door.
“Who is it?” I asked. I expected to hear the old man, saying I forgot something, or welcome.
“The police...open the door” came a low voice, not sounding at all like the old man. I felt my heart thumping.
I don't know why, but I knew I shouldn't open that door. I carried chairs, the bed, and shelves over to block the door. I was pretty strong so it wasn't that hard.
“OPEN UP, NOW,” came the voice, “OR I'LL KILL YOU!”
“You do that.” I said, yawning. I knew it for sure wasn't a police man then. Police don't say things like that. Anyways, I'm not scared of death. Death is just a fact in life. So I told him, I yelled, “I'M NOT SCARED OF DEATH, YOU STUPID SISSY!”
Then I knew I shouldn't have said that. Because he responded with, “I'll give you torture, so much worse that death, you'll wish you were never born.” Then I knew I was in trouble.
I pulled out my cellphone, locked myself in the bathroom, and dialed 911.
“911, what is your emergency?” came a voice, sounding like a young woman.
“I'm at the Sweet Escape Motel, and there is a fake policeman trying to kill me.” I said chocking down tears. I didn't say torture, because it would've just made me more scared.
“We have some people in the area, just hold on, it will be OK.” the voice said. But I knew it wouldn't be OK.
I'm not scared of death, but the thought of being tortured scared me, for some reason. I shuddered and cried in the corner of the bathroom. And I wouldn't stop no matter how hard I tried.
I heard the door break open. I screamed as loud as I could. I heard yelling, hand cuffing, swearing, and gun shots. Then I heard foot steps coming toward the bathroom door.
My heart skipped a beat. “STOP, WHY ME?! DON'T TAKE ME! DON'T TORTURE ME! I'D RATHER YOU KILL ME! PLEASE!” I wailed, crying harder than I ever have.
Then the door broke open. A woman and a man, both in their 30's came in wearing police uniforms. Then ran to me, hugged me, rocked me, and told me it was OK.
Then I told them everything, about being special, about the first day of school, about running away. And they listened.
“It's OK, honey, don't worry, it's OK.” They r
epeated.
Finally I asked, “Where is he.” I asked meaning the stranger, who wanted to kill me.
“On his way to jail.” The woman answered, slowly. I weeped some more, thinking of torture. The woman knelt down to hug me again.
The next thing I knew, I was in a police car, on my way home. I must've fell asleep. But is this place where my mother lives, even my home? No...they don't accept me there. My mother has never hugged me. All she does is say how bad I am. No...this place isn't my home. They aren't even my family. Families love each other. But there is no real love for me, only sympathy.
“No, don't take me there, that place isn't my home, they don't love me, please...don't.”
“I'm sorry, she is your mother, shes responsible for you, we have to.” She said.
I felt my eyes filling up, so I starred out the window, hoping she didn't see me.
I trudged into the place where they live.
My mom saw me, ran to me hugged me and yelled between weeps, “OH, I'M SO GLAD YOUR OK! NEVER LEAVE ME AGAIN! OH, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!” she said hugging me. I froze, she was hugging me. She was hugging me. And I hugged her back.
“Where is father and brother?” I asked.
She looked away and was silent for a long time before answering, “They, left, walked out on us. And they aren't coming back.”
“Oh...” I said, thinking it over.
“You don't have to go to school tomorrow. You should rest.” My mom said softly.
“No, I'll go, it's OK, thanks anyways.” I muttered.
“If your sure...” she said.
The whole day I was