The end of Forever

by Melody Ichigami

trudging around, waiting for the day to be over, then, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was wishing it would never end. Because I knew one thing. Tomorrow...was going to be bad.

  I shut my eyes, and tried to go to sleep as best I could. But a little voice in my head wouldn't let me. No I couldn't get it out! “You know...this could all be over. Nothing would every worry you again. You would only feel 10 seconds of pain, then everything, is done!” The voice in my head said. I turned and tossed, trying to get the voice out. I cried, “Stop! I don't care if I die! Just stop!”

  The next thing I knew, my mom was shaking me awake, telling me I'll miss my bus if I don't hurry up. I knew any other kid would have been annoyed of their mother or father for doing that. But...it made me happy, my mom never wakes me up, or cares about what I do, or if I'm late. By caring...she made me feel special, only in a good way.

  “Thanks, mom...” I said quietly.

  “For what, honey?” She asked, not sure if I was being sarcastic or not.

  “For...being my mom...for caring.” I said reaching over to hug her. “Mom?...” I asked wondering why she pushed me away and wouldn't hug me. I couldn't see very well what happened next because my eyes where blurry from tears. All I knew was...she didn't love me as much as I thought.

  I distracted myself by getting ready for school. I scanned through my closet. Hmm, nothing good. I found an old black t-shirt, some black jeans, and a black hair tie. I wasn't in the mood for anything bright.

  I found my white sneakers. I ran downstairs and got some black paint. I painted my sneakers black. But it wasn't so easy. I started to make small black flowers on them, but I messed up, so I painted them all black.

  The new me was ready for school. Or maybe I really haven't changed at all. Maybe...I just needed to find out more about myself. Maybe I've never understood myself. Maybe everybody's seen me, but me.

  I sighed and ran out the door, just before the bus left. I felt myself blushing for being late. Then I remembered the new me. So I just smirked, and found a seat in the back. Everybody was still staring at me though. As if they where trying to figure out who I was. I could see their minds trying to figure out if I've been in their class before, or if I was the new girl. The ride to school was living hell. But I knew, I could only expect worse, at school.

  Finally, after the bus stopped at the school, and the kids piled out, the day began. I looked at the schedule they sent in the mail. OK, so I have science first. Science, science, science, what room are you taught in?

  I must have wondered that aloud, or the teacher looked over my shoulder and saw my schedule, but the next thing I knew I felt a soft tap on my shoulder, and a light voice saying, “Hi! I'm Mrs. Wills! I'm the science teacher for eighth grade. I'll show you where my room is!”

  “Uh...OK...um, thanks..” I heard myself whisper.

  “No prob!” She answered, as she was showing my down the hall to her room.

  Oh no, the day has already gotten worse! And it's only 1st period! As soon as I walked in the door, I heard snickers, and whispers saying, “There she is, the stupid goth girl who tried to make bus 5 late.” I felt myself blushing more, until I remembered the new me again.

  I held my head high, as I walked over to the chair Mrs. Wills was pointing to. I even managed a small grin at Grace. Grace Hamks. The girl who swears she's going to be a super model.

  At my school, we don't have one popular girl, who everybody loves, and wants to be BFF's with. At my school we don't have groups who sit at separate tables. Or at least not too many. We don't have one popular girl or boy. We have popular people. But lots of them. Grace is pretty popular. But not everybody knows who she is.

  Anyways, when she saw me smile, she made a face like I had just stuck the sourest candy in the world in her mouth, took it out, spit on it, then shoved it back in her mouth again. Seeing her face so utterly ugly made me smile even bigger.

  It struck me. As soon as I sat down, it struck me. If I'm supposed to be being myself, why doesn't it feel like me? Maybe, I'm all wrong about this. Everybody was shocked when they saw me, because it so wasn't me! Maybe this is all happening, so that in the end I find my real self. Well I know know thing. I won't stop until I find out who I am. I won't ever stop.

  I made up my mind. I would try out different personalities for a short time period. Then I would switch if it didn't feel right. It was the best I could think of. I hope it works.

  I told myself over and over, in the end I would find myself. But what if in the end, all I become is a friendless nerd, who everyone hates? What if I just screw up my life even more. WHY DID I HAVE TO BE BORN SPECIAL! WHY DID I HAVE TO EVEN BE BORN? I HATE MY LIFE! I HATE EVERYTHING! The thoughts wouldn't stop.

  On the way back home, I was quiet on the bus. I tried to be as unnoticeable as possible. I didn't want anyone to know that I'd been crying. No such luck. Brad, the meanest boy who's stepped on earth made sure EVERYBODY saw me.

  As I slid through the bus, to a seat toward the middle of the bus, Brad just had to shout, “Cry much, stupid? I didn't know your kind even could cry. You stupid animal, you shouldn't even be allowed near us humans!”

  Everybody burst in to laughter. They mouths where opening so wide, I could see their molars. I glared at all them, especially Brad. Brad saw me, and smiled his crooked smile, with his uneven teeth. I felt my anger rising, by the second. If only I could I would wrap my thin fingers around his neck, and strangle the life out of him!

  I trudged out of the bus, full of rage, cussing under my breath. I barely managed to mumble “Thanks...” to the bus driver.

  “Mhm...” The bus driver replied.

  I threw my backpack over my shoulders and ran into my house. I ran because I could feel tears forming in my eyes again. I wanted to scream, I wanted to hit, I wanted to kill. What the heck was Brad thinking?!

  Tomorrow, I'm going to be girly. No, I'm not trying to be like Grace. But who knows? What if my real self is super girly? I've gotta try. And I'm going to start by planning my clothes tonight. I found a hot pink spaghetti strap tank top, that's about a size big, so it's long. Then I found a big t-shirt that said Pink is the new Black, my mom bought it for me last year on my birthday. I put on my tank top, then I put the t-shirt over it. I bundled up the bottom of the t-shirt, so I could see the lace bottom of the tank top. Then I got a purple hair tie, and tied my hair back. Next I found some skinny jeans, with rhinestones on the pockets.

  I scanned myself in the mirror, and I have to admit. I like this look better than the black. I nodded at myself approving myself.

  I reminded myself that if everybody was shocked to see me in black, this would be a huge difference, and I would get more stares. I shrugged, the new me isn't afraid. No matter how I dress, or act, I will not be afraid anymore. That is one thing that is going to change, and stay changed. And that's a fact.

  I climbed into bed, rubbing my eyes. After half an hour, I heard my mom come into my room, she hovered over my bed for a good 5 minutes. I pretended to be asleep. I don't know exactly why. I heard her mumble something, but I couldn't make out the words. Then I heard her walk out of my room. After that I must've fallen asleep.

  I woke up on the ground. I must've fallen off my bed while I sleeping. I squinted my eyes to barely make out what the time read. 6:00. A little early, but if I'm going to add some makeup, I better get an early start. I slipped on my clothes quietly not to wake up my mom. Then I headed for the bathroom, my hands full of all my mom's make-up I could manage to find in the dark.

  I decided to start with my eyes. I found some green eyeshadow. I put some on, and checked myself in the hand mirror. Perfect. I found some eyeliner then. I lined my eyes in black. Whoa! It sure makes my eyes stand out. But I liked it. I rummaged through the pile of makeup. I found a bottle of mascara. I had put it on once. So I knew what I was doing. I looked up into my hand mirror. Whoa. I looked so different. It makes my eyes stand out. I like it!

  Next,
was lips. My lips where a really light color. I found some pink lipstick. I knew not to pick the really bright pink that stands out, because then people accuse you of 'trying to hard'. This pink looked more natural. I covered my lips in it. Then I found some clear sparkle lip gloss. I smeared that over my lips also. I lined my lips in the same shade lip liner. I smiled. This was getting better and better.

  I didn't need any blush, because my cheeks where naturally pink. Maybe too pink...No I'm keeping my cheeks the way they are.

  I took final inspection of myself. I was shocked. I looked...pretty. I've never thought of myself as someone pretty before. Wow, makeup sure does a lot. I loved my eyes the most. I was expecting the best day of my life today. Only I wasn't expecting the weirdest.

  As soon as I set foot on the bus, all the chattering stopped. Even Brad stopped picking his nose. I held my head high flashing a grin at all the people who I thought needed one. I even flipped my hair once.

  Someone even asked me if I was new here, then the girl sitting next to her stabbed her in the ribs and hissed, “No! That's Melody, obviously!” She rolled her eyes.

  I couldn't believe that girl knew my name! I didn't even know her name! How on earth does she know my name? Usually people don't even talk to me. Let alone remember my name! Things sure are changing!

  I was heading for my locker when I saw Grace walking up to me! What does she want now?! I haven't done anything to her! I hope she isn't mad at me for putting makeup on, I mean why should she care? Why does she even-

  “Hey, Melony, right? I love that outfit! Wanna hang with us at lunch?” She asked nodding her dead toward Courtney and Britney.

  “U-um, y-yeah! I'd u-um love to! T-thanks! By the way, I-I'm Melody.!” I stammered, shocked she invited to to sit with them at lunch!

  “OK, see ya, Melody.” She said, with a small hand wave. Courtney and Britney also gave the little hand wave, before flouncing off.

  Whoa...now that was a little weird. I don't know if these clothes or this makeup was having effect on my brain, because I've never wanted to sit with Grace before. But now nothing seemed better than doing that! Maybe, just maybe, this is the personality for me.

  As I was walking to science, people who I didn't even know were all “Hey Mel! Sup?”

  As soon as I walked into science, people got out of their seats, and greeted me! I felt as if I was the first lady or something!

  “Well, you've sure changed, Melody!” Mrs. Wills said with a small smile.

  “Um...yeah...” I whispered, but Mrs. Wills somehow still heard me from way across the room.

  Through 4 many great periods, lunch finally came! I got in line, grabbing my tray so fast, another fell below it.

  “Here! I'll get it!” Said Brad, while grabbing the tray.

  OK, now that was weirder than Grace asking to eat lunch with them! I was still in shock, so he gave me a small push, so I snapped back to life, moving along. Corn, oranges, or apples. Blah, they all look brownish. I decided on corn, it looked better than the other two. I grabbed a hamburger, put some mustard on it, then speed walked over to Grace's table.

  “Hey.” I said, smiling, and taking a spot next to Grace.

  “Hey, whats new?” Grace asked, returning a smile.

  “Nothing much. Ugh, can you believe how much homework we got in math? I mean, don't they think we have anything better to do?” I asked, rolling my eyes in Disgust.

  “OMG! IKR! It's like seriously! Give us kids a break! I have dance lessons tonight!” Grace responded, flipping her blond ponytail.

  I stared at her lunch. Just a simple salad. I scanned all the other girl's lunches at the table. Everybody had a salad! I should have known! These girls are probably on diet! I should have gotten a salad to. Gr I'm so stupid!

  Grace must have noticed me, scanning their lunches, because she said, “We're eating salad to try to get thinner, but you obviously don't need to eat all this gross green stuff! Your so lucky your so skinny!” She said in a pained voice.

  That totally threw me off. Her Jealous of me?! I was in utter shock!

  “How did you get so skinny?” She asked, a begging plead in her voice.

  “Um, I guess I eat healthy for breakfast, and not that big a dinner?” I said cautiously.

  “Can you have a sleepover tonight, so you can show us exactly what to eat, and how much?” She asked.

  “Course! Let me just Check with my mom! I'll sneak into the bathroom and make a call now!” I said, grinning.

  “Good idea, you're so smart, Mel!” She said, adding a super cool hair flip at the end.

  I grinned and headed for the bathroom. I scanned the stalls, good, the whole bathroom's empty. I hid in one stall, and hit speed dial home. Mom picked up on the third ring.

  “Hello?” she asked.

  “Hey, mom, can I have a sleepover with Grace to- just hold on mom I'll call you back in a sec!” I hung up the phone immediately, hearing footsteps, right by my stall. I held my breath and flushed. Hopefully they didn't know I had made a call!

  “Hey, It's Grace! I'm going to call my mom to ask if you can come home with me on the way home, k?” She asked.

  “OK, I thought you where a teacher at first!” I said, breathing a sigh of relief.

  I heard a laugh, then I heard Grace say, “Hi! Mom can Melody come home with Courtney, Britney, and I? ...Mhm...Yeah...OK, Thanks! Bye!” She said hanging up the phone.

  “So...?” I asked.

  “She said yes!!! I hope your mom says yes too!” She said.

  “I'm sure she will, she never says no.” I responded.

  “OK, I'll wait in here while you make the call, to make sure no teachers really do come in!” She said excitedly.

  I hit speed dial again.

  “Hello?” I heard my mom ask again.

  “Hey, mom it's me again sorry, so can I go home with Grace, then sleep over?” I asked sweetly.

  “Sure! Remember to call me when it's time to pick you up!” She said, sounding too cheery.

  “Oh, we can drive you to school tomorrow!” Grace whispered.

  “It's a weekend!” I responded giggling.

  “Oh!” She said giggling also.

  “OK, bye mom!” I said, still giggling.

  “Bye! Have fun!” Mom said, giggling, even though she didn't even know what we where laughing about.

  I hung up my phone, shoved it in my pocket, then Grace grabbed my hand, and lead me back to the table. Everybody was staring at us laughing our heads off.

  “Whats so funny?” Courtney asked, sounding pained, and left out.

  “Oh, nothing!” Grace said, flipping her hand, as if that was that.

  For the rest of lunch, Grace and I shared looks, trying not to laugh, while Britney and Courtney shot us looks. I felt a little bad, but I figured we could tell them at Grace's house. I feared if I opened my mouth, I would burst out laughing again.

  I raced onto the parking lot, following Grace. She pointed to a silver Toyota.

  “That's my car!” She said proudly.

  The car was amazing, it looked like her mom had just bought it this morning! I peered inside, it could fit seven people! My car could only fit four!

  “OMG! That is like, the, best, car, EVER!” I squealed.

  “I know.” Grace answered smugly.

  “My car is better! It's Blue, and a Ford! Ford is better than Toyota!” Called Britney.

  Grace yawned before answering, “OK, now can we just get in the car, Fords SUCK Britney!”

  OK, now that was a little harsh, but it was harsh of Britney to say her car was better. I mean what kind of friend does that? Anyways, I heard my mom telling my dad Toyota was actually better than Ford.

  As I climbed into the car I said happily, “Thanks for letting me sleep over tonight Mrs. Hamks!”

  “My Pleasure!” Mrs. Hamks replied, even cheerier than me.

  Grace grinned over at me
, and I returned the grin, I couldn't wait for tonight. It was probably going to be the best night of my life...EVER!

  As we climbed out of the car Mrs. Hamks called, “Cookies are on the counter! Help yourself! I'll be in my room!”

  “OK.” We call called back.

  We raced out of the car, knowing that Mrs. Hamks always makes the best cookies for class parties, or bake sales. Mmm, we could smell the cookies as soon as we set foot into the house.

  “We got her-” Britney started.

  “Shush!” Grace hissed back, interrupting Britney.

  “Got...who?” I asked dreading the answer.

  “Nobody! Britney is just being stupid! Typical!” Grace said, flipping her hair, and rolling her baby blue eyes.

  A ping of fear started up into myself. I could tell Britney meant me. And Grace shushing her was NOT a good sign. They where hiding something. I had a feeling they wanted to hurt me. But there was no turning back now. I was trapped, trapped in her house. I had fell for her tricks.

  “Aren't you going to take a cookie?” Grace asked, looking hurt that I don't like her mom's cooking.

  “Nah, I'm not so hungry anymore...” I said, because I had completely lost my appetite, and I didn't trust these cookies.

  “Lets have a dance competition!” Grace called out, happily.

  Courtney bit her nails, “I-I'm not good at d-dancing.” She stammered.

  “Fine, well you can be the judge.” Grace said rolling her eyes in annoyance.

  Grace rolls her eyes so much, I'm shocked her eyes haven't fallen out of her head yet. I giggled at the thought.

  “What's so funny?!” Courtney snapped, thinking I was laughing at her.

  “Oh I just remembered something funny that my mom did! Let's get on with the competition!” I said over happily.

  “Fine...” Courtney said, raising one eyebrow at me.

  “Britney first!” Grace said.

  Britney trotted to the door, then came out, walking with her hand on her hip, she bounced her skirt, fell to the floor, got up, spun, and did a bunch of awesome moves! After her dance, she ended in a pose, twirling her hair, with a smirk on her face. We all clapped, eying Courtney scribble on her paper rapidly.

  “Mel, next.” Grace said, no expression on her face.

  I also walked over to the door, I cartwheeled in, adding a few flips here and there. I was dancing to the song Walking on sunshine. I did a bunch of flips, flipping my hair, pulling all my best moves. I glanced at Grace, and Britney. Their mouthes where hanging open, and so was Courtney's. I did the spinflipcart, (my own made up move) for the finally, and my ending pose, was a handstand, with my legs, shaping a heart. They all clapped wildly, and I caught Grace whispering something to Britney, then Britney nodded.

  “My turn, now!” Grace called, already on her way to the door.

  Grace twirled, and spun, rolled her eyes a bunch, and did a bunch of kind of lame moves. No offense, but Grace wasn't cut out for dancing. Her ending pose, was her blowing a kiss to us. We clapped wildly.

  “OK, everyone! I have made my decision! Mel wins!” Courtney called, glancing at Grace to see