Stained Hearts

by Parker Williams

  Well, that we would.

  Chapter Twenty

  TWO WEEKS later, Aiden and I sat down with Mom and Dad to talk about buying the house. Dad took me around to show me the changes he’d made to bring it up to ADA standards. With the help of his friends, he’d added a ramp to the front and back doors. There was a new lift on the stairs that could help Aiden make it from the first to the second floor. There were so many things he’d done that Aiden was humbled.

  “You shouldn’t have had to do that.”

  Mom tapped him on the nose. “You shut up, young man. We do for family, and that’s what you are.” She leaned in and kissed his cheek. “You’re every bit our son, Aiden Dawson, and don’t you ever forget that.”

  Mom took Aiden through the house to show him some more of what they’d done. Meanwhile, Dad stayed behind to talk with me.

  “How’s he doing?”

  I sighed. “He’s having nightmares. He gets twisted up in the sheets and screams that they’re pinning him to the ground. When I wake him, he’s sweat-slicked and his eyes are wild. It takes a few minutes to bring him back down.”

  The bruises had started to fade, but I knew the memory would last a lifetime. The cops had caught the bastards who hurt my Aiden, and they tried to pass it off as “just messing with him.” The cast was proof enough that it wasn’t a game, but the video pretty much screwed them. The cops gave them a chance to roll over on the others, and they all sang. In the end, the only one who was charged was Gabriel Montes. Sixteen goddamn years old, and he thought it was funny to beat a man who couldn’t fight back.

  Fucker.

  “He’s seeing his therapist again. She’s helping him cope with the trauma. He says he’s happy he went back and tells me he does feel better, even if the dreams keep coming. She reminds him that therapy isn’t an instant fix and that he needs to be patient.”

  “That sounds good.”

  I bit my lip, because Aiden wasn’t the only one who was discovering things. Like how hard it was to find treatment options for Aiden, as well as services for us to meet as a family. Robert hadn’t been kidding when he said things moved slowly. Eventually we decided that we would find our own person to talk with. “I’ve learned that some of the things I did when I got together with Aiden were wrong, and potentially harmful to him.” I blew out a breath. “I honestly thought I was helping, but I could have made things so much worse. I was horrified when he told me all the things I’d done wrong.”

  The therapist, John, said that what I thought were simple things were anything but. When Aiden was having problems, I figured picking him up was okay, but when Aiden said not to, I should have backed off. I could have hurt him, and I never realized it. John was teaching me to listen to him, to watch him for signals, to understand that when he says he doesn’t want my help, I need to leave him alone. When Olivia found out that she was also feeding into the same problem, she asked if she, too, could come with us, because she wanted to understand.

  For his part, Aiden was learning things as well. He was so used to how everyone treated him, he got used to thinking it was okay when it wasn’t. He was coming to understand that he had the right to ask for help or to say no. He was also learning to be patient with me, our family, and himself if we messed up. All he needed to do was explain it to us, so we could understand. It’s hard to see someone you love in pain, and know you can’t do what you think is best, but to find out what Aiden needed. John said much of what we were doing would be considered ableist, ascribing what we thought things should be like for Aiden, instead of understanding his reality. God, even after the sessions, it was so hard to not rush to Aiden after a fall. I had to ask him if he was okay, and find out if he needed my help. I have to admit, he gritted his teeth and showed me a core of strength that was remarkable. When I said this to John, he laughed and told me that people with disabilities learned all manner of ways to cope with the world in which they lived. He said that Aiden could do anything he set his mind to, including things that I would have thought impossible. Mountain climbing, SCUBA diving, and even skydiving weren’t off-limits to him.

  Of course, when Aiden heard skydiving, his ears perked up. Personally, I thought he was trying to give me a heart attack. But I listened, and I learned, and I did my best to not be so much of a white knight, thinking I had to—or even could—fix things for him.

  John said not to be so hard on myself, because I wasn’t doing anything so many others had. He said that too many people thought those with handicaps needed able-bodied people to take care of them, and nothing was further from the truth. I felt awful, because I had done that. He said at least I was willing to listen, to learn, and to grow with Aiden as my partner, not as someone I thought needed to lean on me for my strength. He gave me a list of resources that were helping me understand Aiden’s needs, and how best to meet them without treating him like he was helpless. God, they were such eye-openers, and I cringed at the behavior I had thought was acceptable, but definitely wasn’t.

  “I messed up big time, Dad, but I’m trying to be there for Aiden when he needs me. And he’s blossoming. I screw up every so often, but I’m doing my best to stand back and let Aiden tell me if he needs help. I want to do right by him.”

  “One day at a time, Tom.”

  Like it had been with Brian. Patience and understanding were key.

  “I know. After a nightmare, he tries to tell me how sorry he is. I hold him until his heart stops racing.”

  “That’s great. You’re a good man.”

  I mock punched his arm. “I learned from the best.”

  “What does he have to say about moving in here?”

  I took a sip of my lemonade, then put the glass back on the coaster Mom insisted we use. “He’s excited. He’s also a little stunned over what Brian did, but he says he has no regrets.” I glanced around to ensure Mom and Aiden weren’t anywhere in earshot. “He wants to start a family.”

  Dad’s eyes widened. “Really? You mean….”

  “Yes! You and Mom might finally have grandkids to spoil. Now, are you sure you want to sell the house? We might need to call on you for advice and babysitting duties.”

  “I swear to you, if you and Aiden have a kid, your mother is going to make us stay.” He reached out and locked an arm around my neck. “And I can’t think of a better reason to.”

  “Maybe you should keep the house, then.”

  He smiled at me. It was warm and open, like my father. “We’re not going anywhere. We’re buying a condo in Bay View, because your mother can’t stand to be away from her family.”

  “But you said—”

  “It was your mother’s way of trying to get you to tell Aiden how you felt. We were planning on moving out so you could have the house. Oh, speaking of which, give me a dollar.”

  I reached into my wallet and pulled out a single, which I handed to him.

  “Congratulations. You’ve bought yourself a house.”

  My head was reeling. “But, Dad, the house is worth—”

  “Every penny you paid for it. The only thing I ask is that you give us a few months to move.”

  “We can do that.” I still couldn’t believe this was happening. “We put the house on the market and already have a few offers. I also sold the cabin, but Aiden and I bought a new one in Minong. It’s a gorgeous place, quite a bit bigger than we need, but we can sit out on the deck overlooking the lake. When he saw it, Aiden fell in love, and I put in an offer. It’s a small town, kind of quaint, and there are hardly any people, so it’s quiet. We’re going to be staying there for a few days, but we’re coming back for Lincoln’s wedding. I’ll get a hotel room for the night.”

  Dad’s eyes narrowed. “If you ever say anything so stupid again, I’ll…. Well, I’m not sure what I’ll do, but I promise you won’t like it. You’ll stay here. It’s your home, after all.”

  Our home. Mine and Aiden’s. A place for our love to take root and grow. Where neither of us would be held back by memories of
what had been, and could only look forward to the memories that would become.

  “Want some more lemonade?”

  I held up my glass. “Yes, please.”

  He took it from me and ambled off to the kitchen. I let my gaze drift around the room and land on places I remembered. Though Brian and I had been in the house plenty of times, it didn’t have the same memories as the house we shared. There was just a warmth in my stomach and my heart.

  “Thank you, Brian. For giving me love, then helping me to find a new one. I don’t know what I could have done without you.”

  And somewhere up there, I had to believe he heard me and was smiling down on us.

  “TOM? TOM?” Fingers tugged at my ears, while Aiden whispered urgently. “Tom?”

  “This had better be important.” I glanced over at the clock. “Did you have a bad dream?”

  “What? No.”

  “Are you sick?”

  “No, but….”

  “Dying?”

  “Not that I’m aware of.”

  “Then what? It’s only a little after two. What’s so important that you need to wake me up now?”

  I knew the answer, but I wanted to hear him say it.

  He blew out an exasperated breath. “It’s Christmas morning!”

  The grin I’d been doing my best to suppress finally won out. I rolled over on my side, and even though the lights were down low, I could see the twinkle in his eyes. “Okay, and?”

  “Tommmm….” He tugged on my arm. “C’mon, let’s go out into the living room.”

  “You know the folks are still sleeping, right?”

  He snickered. “Your mom woke me up fifteen minutes ago. The door opened, and I barely had enough time to pull the covers up so she wouldn’t see that fantastic ass of yours shining bright.”

  I sat up. “Why the hell was my mom in here?”

  “She wants us up for Christmas morning!” He slid his legs over the edge of the bed. “She’s already got Galen and Robert downstairs setting the table. Marco is taking care of the flowers he brought, and Andy is…. Well, Andy’s passed out on the couch. Marco said he would take care of anything Andy needed to be doing. Livvy is in the kitchen, helping Mom cook up enough food to put us all into a coma.”

  His words caught my attention. “Aiden, do you realize what you just said?”

  “You mean Mom? Yeah.” He flipped the switch, bathing the room in bright lights. “Is it okay? I mean, I don’t have to if you’d rather I didn’t.”

  I grabbed him and pulled him back down on the bed. “Baby, nothing would make me happier. I told you, this is your family, and she’s your mother as much as she is mine. The two of them will be so happy if you call them Mom and Dad.”

  God, this was an unexpected gift. Aiden finally accepted his place in our lives, and now everything was right with the world.

  “Come on. Let’s get dressed and go out and greet the family.”

  “Okay.” His smile was radiant. “I love them, you know.”

  “And they love you, almost as much as me. You’re precious to them, in ways you’ll never fully understand.”

  God, it felt good to be able to say the L-word without melting down in a panic.

  “C’mon, we have to go.” He reached for his walker and pulled it close to the bed. When I thought he was about to stand up, he glanced over his shoulder instead. “Can I say something and have you promise not to get upset?”

  Those conversations never went well. “Best I can do is promise I’ll try. What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing, it’s….” His eyes fluttered closed. “Remember how I said I wanted you to take me to that club for Christmas?”

  He hadn’t mentioned it since the first time, but I did remember. “Yeah. We can go this weekend if you want.”

  He shook his head slowly. “I don’t want to go anymore.”

  I quirked an eyebrow. “I thought you were excited about it.”

  He flopped back down on the bed. “I thought so too, but now?” He rolled over so he was facing me. “I want us to experiment. There are still things I want to try, but I want it to be something just between us. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I don’t want to share that part of my life with anyone else. Does that make sense?”

  I blew out a breath. I was grateful he’d decided he didn’t want to go, because I knew I’d have a hard time tamping down my jealousy. Aiden might not believe me, but he was so damned beautiful, and I knew if we went to the club, men would be checking him out.

  “It makes perfect sense, and if I’m honest, I’m glad, because the thought of other men looking at you would drive me crazy.”

  He opened his mouth.

  “And if you say no one would be looking at you, we’re going to have problems. One day, and I make this promise to you, you’re going to look into the eyes of our child, and you’re going to see how beautiful you are.”

  A grin ghosted over his face. “You said our child.”

  “I did.” I took his hand. “Having a family with you? It’s very high on my list of things I want in life, coming in only second to you.” I gestured to the room we were in. “This family? We’re better for having you and Olivia with us. I want our child to know so much love that they’ll never doubt the power of family.”

  I thought back to Brian’s family and to Aiden’s parents who dismissed them simply for being gay. There was no doubt in my mind that our child would never fear coming to us with their concerns, because they would find that everyone from Grandma and Grandpa to Daddy and Papa to Uncles and Auntie would be there, ready to listen.

  “Tommy, I….”

  The second froze and stretched out into eternity for me. “What did you say?”

  The blood drained from his face. “I’m sorry. I—”

  “No!” I pulled him close. “Say it again.”

  “Tommy.”

  God, I never realized how much I loved that name. I grabbed Aiden’s face and kissed him deeply. “Thank you.”

  He smiled and his eyes twinkled. Just as he was about to say something, there was a pounding at the bedroom door.

  “Tom!”

  Oh, great. They’d sent Robert.

  “If you’re having sex, let us know now so we can get to opening the gifts without waiting on you. Andy’s awake and chomping at the bit to see what Santa brought him.”

  I turned to Aiden. “He knows Santa isn’t real, right?”

  Aiden shrugged. “Andy’s… different. He’s all wide-eyed and innocent, so maybe he does believe. I don’t know.”

  Could someone be friends with Galen and be someone who, allegedly, had quite the sexual past, yet still be wide-eyed and innocent? Maybe. From what Galen said, Andy had a hard time believing himself worthy of love until he met Marco. Maybe that was what his history had been, trying to find that person who could make him feel safe and wanted, and now that he had Marco, he could let that guard down.

  “Do you want to go down?”

  He grinned at me. It was lascivious, and his gaze was filled with heat. My cock reacted.

  Robert knocked again, louder this time. “What do you want me to tell Mom?”

  The mention of Mom was like splashing ice-cold water on my erection, causing it to shrivel.

  “Yeah, we’ll be down in a minute.” The receding footsteps echoed down the hall. I turned to Aiden. “Quickie blowjob?”

  He snorted. “With Mom wondering where we are? Fat chance, buddy.”

  The next few minutes were a blur as we each dressed, and then he grabbed his walker and pulled it in front of him.

  “We can do the chair, if you want.”

  The police had recovered Aiden’s chair, and when he looked at it, he went chalky white. I got rid of it while Olivia comforted him, then went back and held him until he calmed. A few days later we went out and bought him a brand-new electric one.

  “No, I want to walk there.” He bit his lip. “Is that okay?”

  “Whatever you want to do is fine. You
r therapist said I needed to not only listen, but to hear you.” I got up and opened the door, gesturing to him. “Après vous.”

  “I think you mean apres toi.” He snickered. “And either way, speaking French ain’t getting you laid, Morticia.” He winked. “At least not until we get back to our place.”

  I followed him into the living room, where everyone sat around the eight-foot tree, which was decked out in lights that raced around, chasing from one end of the string to the other. There were kitschy baubles of all kinds adorning it, some beautiful, some whimsical. The crowning glory was the star atop it. It had been my grandparents’, and their grandparents’. As far back as I could remember, the star had always enthralled me. It was like a link to the history and made me feel closer to those who’d come before me.

  And with that thought came another. One day this star would belong to our child, who would pass it on to theirs. The circle would continue to be unbroken.

  And that made me deliciously happy.

  “Aiden, here’s a gift for you.”

  From the wrap, I knew it was mine to him. It was our first Christmas together, and I wanted to give him something special. It was awkward with his arm in a cast, but he managed to open it and take out the cards. He let loose a small gasp.

  “Chocolate of the Month Club?”

  I grinned at him. “Twelve months of some of the best chocolates in the world.” I stroked a hand over his face. “For my little sugar fiend.”

  “But there’s like ten different ones in here.”

  My cheeks warmed. “I wanted you to have chocolate every day, if you wanted it. There’s enough there that you won’t run out for a year. If you like it, we’ll renew it again next Christmas.”

  He grabbed me and pulled me down into a kiss. When he drew back, his eyes glistened. “Thank you. I love it.”

  For the next hour, we handed out the gifts for each other. Robert gave Galen a rust-color sweater he said would make Galen’s gray eyes pop. In turn, Galen gave him an envelope that Galen said contained something Robert had wanted for a long time. Robert opened it and drew out a sheaf of papers, which he scanned quickly. As he did, his eyes misted over.