Stained Hearts

by Parker Williams

Olivia came in and handed Mom a cup of coffee, then took a seat beside me. Mom went over to talk with a nurse but kept looking over at me.

  “He’s okay.” Olivia drew in a breath that told me she was trying to convince herself as well as me. “They broke his arm, and he’s got cuts and bruises all over, but the doctor said if he hadn’t been curled up, it would have been a lot worse. When he was brought in, they sedated him because he was hysterical.” She peered into her coffee cup. “He kept calling for you.”

  And I wasn’t there. I knew I should have taken him to the studio, but I wanted him to know he had his independence too. This was my fault. Because of me and my stupidity, Aiden got hurt.

  “What happened?”

  “The police told me the witnesses said Aiden got off the bus, and was headed down Wisconsin toward the studio when he stopped on the bridge. A group of kids approached him and said something, to which Aiden shook his head. Then one of them stepped up from behind him and knocked him and the chair over. They were trying to take the chair, but Aiden was laying on the ground, doing his best to hold on to the wheel and screaming ‘Don’t take my legs! Please, Tom, don’t let them take my legs!’” When he wouldn’t let go, they stomped his arm and broke it at the elbow, but somehow he still held on. Then they hit and kicked him, trying to force him to let go. He curled up into a ball and lay there as they beat him, still begging them not to take his legs. When he finally couldn’t hold on anymore, they grabbed the chair and ran off.”

  Bile rose in my throat. “What the fuck? People watched this and didn’t do anything?”

  “Worse. They recorded it and a few uploaded it to social media. The cop I spoke with told me they knew the people and promised they’d get them.”

  I wanted every one of those sons of bitches found and beaten within an inch of their lives. Who could stand there and watch a young man being assaulted and not do a damn thing about it?

  She reached out and pulled me close. “I guess we should be grateful someone called the police.”

  Small comfort.

  “I’m going to check on him. I’ll be right back.” She got up and sort of walked-stumbled toward the desk. It was impossible to miss how much this was affecting her.

  Mom came over and held the cup of coffee out to me. “I think you need this more.”

  I shook my head. “I’m okay.”

  “No, you’re not. Your fingers are digging divots into your palms, and your face is redder than I’ve ever seen. You’re angry, and I get that, but—”

  I lurched up out of the seat. “You get it? How, Mom? Tell me how you get it. This? It’s all on me. I never should have let him go to the shop alone. I should have driven him there and waited. What happened to him? It all could have been avoided if I had just fucking told him I loved him.”

  She stood, and for a moment, I thought she was going to slap me. Instead, she got close to me and poked me in the chest. “Did telling Brian you love him stop him from getting cancer? You told him every day of your life. Did it save him? No. Stop being an ass, Tom. This had nothing to do with you, and you damn well know it.” Her gaze softened. “I know it hurts, and I get that you think you could have prevented it, but even wrapping Aiden up in wool batting and putting him on a shelf wouldn’t necessarily keep him safe.”

  Olivia came over to us. “Listen to her, Tom. Aiden wouldn’t love you if you tried to change him. He needs to be an equal partner, and I think he’s earned that right.”

  No. I wouldn’t accept this. It was getting hard to breathe, and I needed to get away from this place. “I’ll be back.”

  “Tom, I—”

  “I’ll be back!”

  I stormed out of the waiting room and went down to the doors that led outside. Once there, I got in a cab and had it take me home. Only it wasn’t my home anymore, was it? Brian said I should sell it and start a new life with Aiden. When we arrived, I paid the driver, then stormed inside and slammed the door. My heart was hammering so hard, it probably would have hurt less if it burst from my chest.

  I stomped over to the fireplace where Brian’s urn was and snatched it down.

  “You always had it all planned, didn’t you? You could see things none of the rest of us could. But you didn’t see this, did you? Oh, your great plan to find me someone to love worked really well, didn’t it?”

  Anger seared my soul, and I threw the urn at the wall. It hit, leaving a dent in the wood, and landed with a thud on the floor. I stared at it for a few moments, then turned my ire skyward.

  “Or was it you? Did you need a big old cosmic laugh and decided to fuck with me again? You took Brian, one of the best men who ever walked this planet, and you give him a fucking disease that ate away at him until he begged me to let him die. That was really fucking funny, wasn’t it? I bet you had them rolling on the floor with that one. And now you’re going to start with Aiden. And this is just the beginning, isn’t it? First it’s a beating, then what? Can’t be cancer, because you did that one already. No, it’ll be something even funnier.”

  My rage continued to build. They gave me something precious, then turned around and tried to take it away.

  It was at that moment I realized what I’d done. Brian’s urn lay on the floor, its lid open. I rushed across the room and picked it up, putting it to rights, before I returned it to the mantel.

  “I’m so sorry. For everything. I know this wasn’t your fault, and you did what you thought best. I want to believe it wasn’t my fault either, but…. God, how could I have been so damned stupid? Three simple words, and I couldn’t get them out.”

  And that was the crux of it all right there. Brian was right in that a lot of it had to do with the house and the memories, but there was something he missed. A tiny kernel I’d kept buried deep inside. I didn’t tell Aiden I loved him because I was afraid to lose someone I cared about again. I barely survived when Brian died, so what would happen if I lost Aiden too?

  The horror swept through me as I realized I’d left him alone in the hospital. God, I was fucking up everywhere. When Aiden needed me most, I ran off feeling sorry for myself.

  I took my phone from my pocket and dialed Mom.

  “Feeling better?”

  “I’m so sorry, Mom. I shouldn’t have snapped at you, and I never should have left.”

  “It’s okay, Tommy.”

  She hadn’t called me Tommy since I was probably ten and told her big boys were Tom, not Tommy. How could she know that right now, I needed my mother?

  “I’m scared, Mom. I can’t lose Aiden.”

  “Sweetheart, you know as well as I do there is nothing promised to you in life. You love Aiden, and that’s the start. What happens now is up to you. Do you step up and tell him, then start walking together on that scary journey, or do you run back and hide away, giving him up because you’re afraid? Is that what love is for you? Something convenient until you’re scared, then you turn tail and hide?”

  Ouch. That one cut me to the quick. I never ran when Brian was sick, and she knew it. But dying was something else entirely. It scared me to my core that I might lose Aiden, but to walk away from him would hurt both of us, and I swore to him I wouldn’t do that.

  “No, I’m not running. You’re right. It’s scary, but I made Aiden a promise that I would be there, and I never break my word.” I drew in a deep, calming breath. “Besides, I love him. What kind of person would it make me if I walked away now?”

  “Maybe you should be telling him that and not me. He’s awake now, and he’s asking for you. He’s scared, Tom, and he needs his rock to hold on to. Are you going to be that for him, or would you rather it be me or Olivia?”

  The thought that someone else would be caring for Aiden pushed me into action.

  “I’m on my way back.”

  Aiden needed me, and I needed him. There was nothing more important right then.

  “TOM! WHERE’S Tom?”

  Aiden’s shrill voice carried down the hall. When I stepped around the corner, he saw
me and tried to get up. If Olivia hadn’t been holding Aiden down, he would have been off the bed, doing his best to get to me. I swept through the room and to his side. He reached up with his right hand and grabbed my jacket, then pulled me down into a frantic hug.

  “They took it, Tom. They took my legs.”

  “No, sweetheart.” I ran my hand down and let it rest on his knee. “They’re still there.”

  He shook his head harshly. “My chair. The only thing I have that will help me keep up with you. How can I be by your side if I don’t have it? You’re going to keep walking, and I’m going to be lying on the ground, begging you to come back.”

  Aiden was still hysterical, and I knew it. He was trembling, and tears from bloodshot eyes streaked his cheeks. I tamped down on my anger, because Aiden didn’t need that from me. He needed comfort and support and to finally hear the truth from me.

  “Then I’ll carry you. I would never leave you there and walk away. Where I go, you go. We’ll get you a new chair, but you need to know that whether you have it or not doesn’t matter. If we can’t go together, then we won’t go.” I leaned back and touched his cheek. “I love you, Aiden.”

  He sobbed and clutched me again. Mom and Olivia smiled and left the room.

  “You mean the world to me, and I should have told you before, but I was afraid.”

  He leaned back and sniffled. “You?”

  “Yep, me.” I pushed him back until he was lying on the pillow. “I’m going to tell you something no one else knows, okay?”

  He nodded.

  “I’ve been in love with you for months, but I couldn’t say the words. I was afraid because I lost Brian, and the thought of losing you scared the crap out of me. I was afraid if I let you into my heart and something happened, it would kill me.”

  “Oh.” He nibbled on his lower lip. “Does this mean you would rather not be with me?”

  “What? Oh hell no. That’s not what I’m saying at all. I was wrong. Having you in my heart gives me strength, and loving you makes every day a blessing for me. Not having you would be worse than risking everything to be with you.” I reached out and stroked a hand over his cheek. The bruising was horrid, mottled purple and red, especially around his left eye. If that was the damage they’d caused when he was curled up, I would hate to have seen what would have happened if he hadn’t been.

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

  He tried to move closer to me, but the only way he could have was if he was in my lap. “I was so scared. I stopped on the bridge to watch the boats, and they came up from behind me. They asked for money, and I told them I didn’t have any. Then one of them said he wanted my chair. I said no, and as soon as I did, he grabbed the handles and dumped me out of it. I was able to grab one of the wheels, but….” His voice lowered to a whisper. “I couldn’t stop them. They took it, and there wasn’t anything I could do.”

  An icy fist crushed my heart to hear Aiden sound so afraid and broken. I stroked his hair, making the movement soft, gentle, and as nonthreatening as possible.

  “And all the while, people were standing there like it wasn’t happening. Finally I couldn’t hold on anymore and had to let go. They laughed, and one of them jumped in the chair as the others pushed him in it.”

  My parents had taught me not to hate anyone. It was wasted energy, they said. Today that didn’t matter. I hated the people who had made Aiden afraid.

  “I’m sorry.”

  He reached for my hand and wrapped his fingers around mine. “Why? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  I wanted to tell him it was my fault, to say that I should have taken him or that I should never let him be alone, but the truth of the matter was, none of this was about me. It was about Aiden and helping to take that fear from him.

  “No, I know. I just wish it hadn’t happened. You didn’t deserve it—no one does. I can’t tell you how proud I am of your strength, Aiden.”

  “Strength?” He barked a laugh. “I couldn’t stop them from stealing my chair.”

  “How many guys were there? You were one person, so tell me how many people it took to take it from you.”

  His cheeks pinked. “Five.”

  “Do you know anyone who could fight off five people? Seriously, anyone at all? Against all odds, you held on, trying to keep them from taking what was yours. That’s not the act of a weak man. You took a beating from them over a chair. You should have let them have it, but you didn’t. Why?”

  “Because it’s mine!”

  “And that’s the only reason?”

  He mumbled something, and I noticed he never let go of my hand. “Say again.”

  “Because I need it to keep up with you. Aren’t you listening to me?”

  His voice was shrill, and I knew he was struggling to find some bit of normal in this whole debacle. He needed his rock. He needed me. I reached out and put a hand on his leg.

  “And why did you think that? Have I said or done something that made you think that was even a possibility?”

  He shook his head.

  “Talk to me, Aiden. Tell me what’s going on in your mind.”

  He sighed. “When they knocked me from the chair, the only thing I could think of was when you said you could end up in a chair one day too. In my head, we were both in a chair, and you just kept going without me. I was so afraid of losing you.”

  And the tears started again. I reached over and wrapped an arm around him, doing my best not to jostle his broken arm.

  “That’s not going to happen. I promise.” Though I knew I should have waited, I thought Aiden needed to hear about Brian’s letter. “Something happened today, and it involves you. I think it’ll be something you want to hear, but if you prefer, we can discuss it later.”

  “Tell me, please.” He drew in a breath. “I need to hear your voice.”

  “Noel gave me a letter today that Brian had written. It was about you.”

  “Me? Why?”

  “It seems that our meeting wasn’t an accident.”

  And I started the story from the beginning, telling him about their initial meeting and how Brian had gotten the family together in order to bring me and Aiden closer.

  “So it was like a job interview?” His lower lip jutted out. “Is that what you’re saying?”

  “No, I don’t think so. Brian truly did like you. He said, of everyone, you were the only person he could see me being with.” I leaned in and kissed him. “And you know what? He’s right. I’ve known for months how I feel about you, and now that I think about it, I know Brian was a genius. You’re everything I could want in a person, and he knew I wouldn’t be able to resist you.”

  “I love you too.” Aiden took my hand and kissed it. “I was afraid to say it, just in case you didn’t feel the same way.”

  That was another thing that was on me. I should have let Aiden know his place in my life and in my heart. I would never make that mistake again.

  “So another thing…. Brian wants me to sell the house and cabin. He wants me to buy something new where you and I can start building memories of our own and….” I wasn’t sure how he’d take this. “Raise a family.”

  His eyes opened wide. “Really? You’d want a family?”

  Brian had been adamantly opposed to a family. After what he considered his shame, he never wanted to pass that along to a child. I tried to talk to him about it a few times, but he shut me down hard. I gave up, not wanting to upset him.

  “I’ve always wanted one. Having a child with you? That would be amazing.”

  “I’d like that.” Aiden sighed. “It was one of the things I used to dream about. After I figured out I was gay, I often thought about having a child. In my heart, I knew I could raise them happy and they’d know they were loved for who they were, and that when the time came and they told me they were in love, I would tell them no matter who they loved, all they needed to do was love hard. If they could do that, then I was happy for them.”

  The door
opened and a tired-looking Meg walked into the room. “I thought I saw you. What’s going on?”

  “Hey! It’s good to see you. Just getting off?”

  She sighed. “I wish. I thought it would be great to have the promotion, but now? Ugh. I never get to see Katy, and that sucks.” She strode over to the bed. “So who do have we here? And what happened to you, sweetheart?”

  Aiden’s lower lip jutted out. “I got mugged. They took my wheelchair.”

  “Aw, I’m so sorry to hear that.” She picked up his chart. “It seems like you’re going to be able to go home today. The doctor will let you know for sure. Will you have someone there who can help you?”

  “Meg, I’d like you to meet my boyfriend, Aiden. Aiden, this is Meg, girlfriend of Katy from the diner.”

  “Hi, it’s good to meet you.”

  He tried to smile, but I could see there were still conflicting thoughts in his mind. I figured it would take Aiden time to process everything, and that was something we had plenty of.

  Meg smiled at us. A call over the PA system had her moving for the door. She glanced back over her shoulder. “Will I be seeing you at the wedding?”

  “Wedding?” Then I remembered. “Oh shit. I didn’t RSVP, and it’s going to be Christmas Day!”

  She chuckled. “Noel had talked about having it in the summer on the day they shared their first kiss, but when Lincoln mentioned Christmas Day, Noel jumped at it.” She cocked her head. “Are you going?”

  “That depends.” I turned to Aiden. “Would you accompany me to a wedding?”

  The little bastard gave me a smug grin. “I already RSVP’d. I’m going to be up with Noel. If you want, you can come as my plus-one, since I already said I was coming.”

  “What about Olivia?”

  “Already going. Noel said the guest list was longer than Lincoln’s…. Um, it was a long list.”

  It started with a grin, which morphed into a chuckle, then became uproarious laughter. Meg and I both stared at Aiden, whose face was flushed. When he finally had himself under control, he turned to us.

  “What? It’s funny.”

  Seeing him shed the fear of a few minutes ago gave me hope that Aiden would be okay.