Stained Hearts

by Parker Williams

  “Mm-hmm.” He snuggled up next to me, his arm draped over my chest. “Night.” Within moments his breathing evened out, becoming the rhythmic snores I found it hard to sleep without.

  I lay there, running a hand over his back. Life was good again. I was happy with Aiden, and he was happy with me. He’d become a member of the family and was loved by everyone. Before we left, Mom had hugged us both and said she loved us. Then Dad wrapped Aiden in a big bear hug and said the same thing.

  Why was it so easy for them when I couldn’t say it myself? I loved Aiden with my whole heart, but the simplest expression, three little words, were too much for me to get out, and I had no idea why.

  While I wanted Aiden to hear it first, maybe I needed some expert advice, and I knew just who to talk to. Tomorrow after I dropped Aiden off at the shop, I’d go to see Mom and finally come clean about what I was feeling. Maybe she could help me figure out what was wrong with me.

  And maybe I could finally tell Aiden how I felt.

  Chapter Eighteen

  AIDEN WAS awake and showered before the alarm went off. I was surprised when I woke up to find him in the kitchen, already dressed and sipping coffee.

  “Wow. When you get to a certain age, I guess it’s harder for you to get going in the morning.”

  I scowled at him. “Age jokes? Really?”

  He grabbed my arm and pulled me down into a kiss. “Good morning.”

  I kissed him back, this time claiming his mouth. He tasted of coffee with about fifty pounds of sugar. I could see why he liked it so much.

  “Tom….” His voice came out part whine and a little bit of pleading. “I have to go.”

  I tilted his head and sucked up a hickey. When I straightened, his eyes were glazed and I could see the need in them. “So if I said I wanted to take you back to bed and rock your world, you’d be opposed?”

  “Tommmmm….” He shook his head harshly. “Don’t do that to me. Now my dick is going to be hard all day.”

  “Good, because mine will be too. I’ll probably have to sit here and stroke it while I think about you.” I cupped my crotch. “Your lips, wrapped around my shaft, milking it. Then I’ll lean over and take you in my mouth, and we’ll start sixty-nining, each doing our best to make the other come first. When I stick a finger in your ass, though? All over.”

  He pressed a hand over his crotch. “You’re a… I don’t even have words strong enough for what a jerk you are.” He wheeled the chair back. “The bus will be here in ten minutes.”

  “So no quickie? I’ll give you a blowjob if you want.”

  “Rain check? Tonight you can suck me until I scream your name.”

  Okay, now my cock was hard. “Deal.”

  I walked him to the door. It bugged me to see him leaving, but he was right. He deserved some freedom. “I’ll be there at six, okay?”

  “Sounds good.” He reached out and groped me. “Just something to remember me by.”

  I grabbed his wrist and stroked his hand over my hard-on. “You made this, so tonight you’re going to be fixing it.”

  Aiden didn’t pull his hand away. In fact, he rubbed harder. “Tonight and every night. I’ll see you later.” He grabbed both wheels and rolled out of the house.

  I waited until he got to the end of the sidewalk before yelling, “You bastard. I’ll get even with you for this!”

  He laughed and waved, then headed down the street for the bus stop.

  I shook my head and pulled out my phone. It was time to finally find out what was wrong with me. I dialed Mom’s number.

  “Good morning! You’re up early.”

  It was good to hear her voice. “I was hoping you might have time to talk.”

  “Sounds serious. Are you okay?”

  Was I? “I think so. Maybe. I don’t know.”

  “Is this about Aiden?” There was a note of concern in her voice. “Is he okay?”

  Sometimes she was too intuitive for her own good. “Yeah, it is. And he’s fine. He’s heading to the studio to finish the window.”

  “Good, I’m glad. Your father’s out in the garage, working on some projects with his friends. How about if I meet you at the diner?”

  “Okay. Will thirty minutes be long enough?”

  She chuckled. “Unlike you, I’ve been up for hours. I can be there in ten minutes.”

  God, I loved my mother. “Okay, I’ll see you then.” A brief pause. “Mom?”

  “Love you too, Tom.”

  She hung up, and I knew I was going to ask the right person for advice. Before I left the house, I called Aiden’s cell. He picked up, chuckling.

  “The bus is pulling up. Did you need something already?”

  God, when he put it that way, I sounded needy. Well, fuck it. I was. “Just wanted to hear your voice.”

  “Oh.” A sharp breath. “I could come back.”

  “Go on. I’m eager to see the window. I’m going to meet Mom at the diner.”

  “Okay.” He clucked his tongue. “Tom?”

  “Yes, dear?”

  “I…. The bus is coming. I’ll see you tonight.” And he disconnected.

  I chuckled and slipped my phone back into my pocket. Hopefully, if all went well, I’d be sitting on the couch, with Aiden wrapped in my arms, and whispering those three little words in his ear.

  God knew he deserved to hear them.

  LINCOLN LOOKED up as the bell over the door clanged. He grinned when he saw me. “Noel’s going to be coming down shortly.”

  “Actually, I’m here to see my mom.”

  “Oh, then grab a booth. Make sure she gets a good view.” He turned his attention to Katy. “Take care of his mom. I love her more than my own.”

  Lincoln had been out to see her once, and she’d taken a shine to him. Though he’d been invited to several dinners, he’d always declined because he had no one to watch the diner. Still, whenever she came downtown, she would stop in and said hello.

  When the door opened, we all looked to see who had entered. Mom strode in, wearing jeans and a brown bomber jacket. She had her hair done up in a bun and somehow managed to pull off the cool, hip older woman on the prowl. She saw me and her eyes lit up. She came over and pulled me into an embrace.

  “Thank you for coming.”

  She chuckled. “I can count on one hand the number of times you’ve called and said you needed me. I’d come just for curiosity’s sake, if nothing else.”

  We took a seat, and Katy came over with menus. “It’s good to see you, Rachel. How’ve you been?”

  “Not too bad. How about you? Meg keeping you on the straight and narrow?”

  Katy snickered. “Not much straight about it.” With a flourish, she handed out the laminated sheets of paper. “Lincoln’s made some french toast that’s to die for. I heartily recommend it.”

  Mom gave her back the menu. “Sold.” She peered at me, then snatched mine from my hand. “Tom will have it as well.”

  I guessed I was having french toast. “Can we get some coffee too?”

  “Coming right up.” She walked away with a spring in her step. Katy was the heart of the diner, and I couldn’t imagine the place without her.

  “So, what’s up, kid?”

  The moment was at hand, and I found myself tongue-tied. I was never at a loss for words.

  Mom reached for my hand. “Let me help you start. It’s about Aiden.”

  Yeah, that helped. “You know we’ve been together now for a while. Aiden’s… I don’t even know how to describe him. He makes my heart beat faster when I look at him. He can get me to laugh when nothing else will.” I looked at her, hoping to convey what I was trying to say.

  She steepled her fingers and stared at me. “Go on.”

  Damn it. I should have known she wouldn’t make this easy on me. “Mom, I….” I took a deep breath. “I love him.”

  She clapped her hands together. “Finally!”

  I opened my eyes wide. “What do you mean?”

  “Oh,
Tom. None of us are blind. It’s not like you were hiding it. Your heart was always on your sleeve.” She squeezed my hand. “So what’s the problem?”

  Noel stepped through the kitchen door and waved. Mom nodded at him, and he gave her a smile, then disappeared once more.

  “I haven’t told him.” That sounded pathetic. “I’ve wanted to, so many times, but I just couldn’t get the words out.”

  Even more pathetic.

  She folded her hands in front of her. I felt like I was on a psychiatrist’s couch.

  “Why does this bother you?”

  The only real answer was the truth. “Because he deserves to know.”

  “You’re right. He does. So why are you having trouble saying it? Does it have to do with Brian?”

  “What? No.” Did it? Now that she brought it up, the house we were living in was filled with his memory. I didn’t feel like I was cheating anymore, but…. “Maybe?”

  Noel came back into the dining room and headed for the table. I wasn’t in the mood to talk right now, but he went to Mom and handed her an envelope.

  “Here you go, Rachel.”

  She smiled up at him. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

  He turned and walked away. Mom held the paper in her hand for a few moments, then held it out to me. The familiar scrawl on the front made my heart ache. With trembling hands, I took it from her and opened it. He’d written this one on a piece of light blue paper that made the black ink stand out like a beacon.

  Tom,

  You’ve finally said the words. You don’t know how happy that makes me. The problem? I’m going to guess you didn’t say them to Aiden, and that’s a pity.

  Wait. How could Brian possibly know that it was Aiden I wanted to say I loved?

  I can see your mind working even now, trying to figure out how I knew you’d end up with Aiden. The answer is simple, of course. I chose him for you.

  What the absolute fuck?

  All those times I spent with Noel, we were coming up with a plan to find you someone after I was gone. Aiden was the only person who I could even see you with. He was funny and headstrong and needed to be loved, just like I knew you would. When I met him, I knew he was the man for you.

  This was too surreal. “Mom?”

  She raised her hands. “Don’t look at me. I only heard about it after he did it.”

  “You knew?”

  She gave a sad smile. “We all knew. Brian went to me, your father, Robert, Galen, Andy, and Marco. He told us what he had planned, wanting us to help him. I was against it at first, but the more we talked, the clearer his idea was. That’s how much he loved you, Tom. He didn’t want you alone. Finish reading the letter.”

  My palms were sweaty as I brought the paper back up to eye level.

  Aiden had everything I knew would draw you to him. He was beautiful, sweet, caring, and he needed someone. You and your white knight complex wouldn’t be able to stay away from him. I told Noel he couldn’t have picked a more perfect person.

  So now I’m guessing that you want to tell him you love him. I wish you could do it without prodding, but you always had to be the stubborn one. There’s a reason you haven’t said anything yet. You’re surrounded by memories of what we had. You’re afraid to say the words, because everywhere you look, you see me and what we shared.

  Now I don’t know if you’ve asked Aiden to move in with you, but if so, what the hell were you thinking?

  That brought me up short. Why was he asking?

  It’s our house, our memories. You need a place where the two of you can make your own. Somewhere that doesn’t have reminders of the things we had everywhere you look. I want you to sell the house, sell the cabin, and get a fresh start with Aiden. It’s what he…. No, it’s what you both deserve.

  This is going to be my last letter, Tom. You’ve done everything I needed you to do. You found love, and now you’re going to go out and show Aiden how you feel. Every day you’re going to wake up and thank the stars above that he’s with you.

  You know as well as I do that you have to stand up and take what you want. If you wait too long, you could lose it, and then you’ll have nothing but regrets. I don’t want that for you. I want you to pull Aiden close and live a life filled with joy and love. And that’s what I see for you both. Happiness and new memories.

  Thank you for all the years you loved me, Tom. They filled me with laughter and bliss. You made me complete, and I’m grateful you let me belong to you. You need to go show Aiden why he’s first in your heart now.

  Be at peace, Tom, and know that wherever I am, you’ve made me happy.

  Brian

  I folded the letter and put it back in the envelope. Tears stung my eyes, but this time they weren’t for Brian. They were for Aiden, who had to suffer while I pulled my head out of my ass. I’d royally screwed up, and Brian, just like always, was more than happy to point it out for me.

  “I fucked up, Mom.”

  “I know.”

  I glared at her. “Thanks. No, really.”

  She chuckled. “You have no idea how many times I wanted to say something. Brian convinced us that you needed to find your own way, though. He said you would never learn a lesson if someone had to teach it to you.”

  Wasn’t that the truth? I turned my head and saw Noel standing by the counter, staring at us. I waved him over, and he took a step toward Lincoln, as though he was afraid of what might happen.

  “It’s okay, Noel.” Mom’s voice was steady, probably way more than mine would be.

  Noel came toward us so slowly that he reminded me of a man walking his final mile. When he got to the table, I stood up and wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

  “Thank you.”

  It took a moment, but he eventually embraced me. “I’m sorry we had to do it that way.”

  “I’m not. Brian knew me better than anyone in the world. He understood how I felt, and he figured I wouldn’t listen to anyone else. I almost didn’t, to tell the truth. But the day you brought Aiden over to introduce me was the day I started healing.”

  I hugged him a little tighter, then stepped back when I noticed Lincoln’s arched eyebrow.

  “I have to ask, though. How did he happen to be here?”

  Noel’s cheeks were flushed. “There’s a story there. The concert Brian and I were supposed to go to? It never really happened. None of the things he told you we did together happened. He and I met alone, because he wanted my help to find you someone. I told him about Aiden, and Brian said he’d like to meet him. So I called and invited Aiden for lunch, and things progressed from there. I’m not kidding when I tell you Brian had this all planned. He knew what to say, what needed to be done, who I had to talk with. He laid it all out, and not one damn thing wasn’t addressed.” He sighed. “He knew he only had a short time left, so he had to move quickly.”

  “That was Brian. He was meticulous in his planning, and his way of thinking always surprised me.” A warmth filled me at the pleasant memories of the two of us together. The pain was gone, and only the remembrance of love remained. “I can’t believe he did this.”

  “He knew you’d come around eventually.” Noel put a hand on my shoulder. “He wanted me to let you know how much he loved you.”

  The evidence was in my hand. My husband, knowing he was going to die, made it his last mission in life to ensure my continued happiness.

  I peered at Noel. “What would have happened if Aiden had met someone?”

  He smiled. “Brian told me that he would trust my judgment to find someone for you. It was just that he thought Aiden was perfect, and hoped that you’d see that before it was too late.”

  “Thank you.” The words were inadequate, but they’d have to be enough. I had other words I needed to say to someone important to me.

  “Noel, order up.”

  He turned to Lincoln, a wide smile gracing his face. “Coming.”

  Lincoln’s brows knitted together. “You’d best not be.”

 
I doubt any of the other customers caught the innuendo, but when Lincoln winked at Noel, I knew he was teasing.

  Noel sauntered toward the counter, and I turned my attention back to Mom.

  “Feel better?”

  I did. A great weight was lifted from me. “He wants me to sell the house and make a home with Aiden somewhere we can build new memories.”

  Mom smirked, and I knew a moment of fear.

  “What’s the look for?”

  “Those projects your father’s been working on? He’s getting the house more accessible for a wheelchair.” She leaned forward. “We want you and Aiden to take the house.”

  “I thought you wanted to sell it.”

  She cocked her head. “I didn’t say for free. You’re going to buy it from us, and then the two of you are going to live there. You’ll host the holiday stuff, and you’ll have a room for when we come visit.” She reached out and put a hand on my arm. “You’ll start a family of your own.”

  “You’re planning my life for me? Don’t I have a say in this?”

  “Of course you do, but I know this has been a dream of yours for years. Brian knew it too. He wanted this for you, but you can say no.”

  I could, but I had to be honest. I didn’t want to. It all sounded so good, and I couldn’t wait to talk to Aiden about it.

  When my phone rang, I glanced at the display. “It’s Olivia.”

  “Say hi for me.”

  I swiped a finger over the screen to answer the call, then put the phone to my ear. “Hey, how are you?”

  “Tom?” Her voice cracked, and I was on alert. “Tom, I….”

  “Olivia? What’s wrong?”

  She sobbed, and my heart froze. “It’s Aiden. He… I need you to come to the hospital.”

  The world cracked open beneath my feet, plummeting me into an abyss.

  Chapter Nineteen

  I HAD no idea how we got to the hospital. After Olivia said she needed me, I froze. Mom took the phone and spoke with her, and the next thing I knew, we were sitting in the waiting room at Froedtert.