Without a Net

by Kimberly Cooper Griffin

  “Vanilla latte, coming right up! I’d give you this one, but it’s decaf for the new boss. I know you take yours fully loaded.” Katie winked, and she hit the switch on the espresso grinder. “Danny retired. Not sure why, because most of the time he’s here, drinking coffee and getting underfoot. The new owner’s over there doing inventory.” Katie waved toward the far corner of the store.

  “New owner, huh?” So much for things not changing around here.

  “She’s great. Why don’t you take this over to her and introduce yourself?” Katie suggested, and she handed Meg the two lattes.

  “I thought the place looked a little different.” She backed up and looked around.

  “It’s cleaner with a couple more light fixtures, but everything else is pretty much the same.”

  “Maybe you could get her to change out the twangy country music.”

  “And have the town revolt? Hell, no!”

  Meg adjusted the cups in her hands and laughed. “I’ll be back in a few. You need to fill me in on any gossip since the last time I was here.”

  “You’re on, girl!”

  She went in the direction Katie had pointed, though she didn’t see anyone. A head in a beanie bobbed between two rows of stacked feed near the front of the store. Meg wended her way in that direction. The new owner crouched with her back to Meg, intent on scanning a tag nailed to a pallet. Meg cleared her throat when she was a few feet away. The woman, who wore jeans and a loose blue work shirt with the sleeves rolled up, pushed herself up with some effort, and wrote something on her clipboard as she turned around. A double shock of recognition flared between them when she finally looked up.

  The eerie sense of anticipation Meg had felt when she entered the store blossomed into an explosion of emotions. The hazel eyes that had haunted her dreams for more than four months were staring back at her. Was she real? If she hadn’t been holding coffee in each hand she would have reached out to make sure.

  Fiona looked shocked. She pulled off the beanie and smoothed down her hair, which was in two cute braids. They faced one another silently. Neither of them knew what to say, although a thousand emotions caused a tornado of feeling to spiral dangerously between them.

  Meg remembered the coffee in her hand.

  “Katie made this for you,” she said stupidly, holding out the cup.

  Fiona simply stood there, staring. What was she thinking? Was she angry? Would she ask her to leave? Meg suddenly felt as if she were intruding, so she sat both cups down on the nearest pile of sacks and started to turn away. She needed to leave on her own, because if Fiona asked her to, she’d break into a million pieces.

  Suddenly, Fiona was in motion, and Meg found herself being held in her arms. It didn’t seem real.

  “I’ve missed you so much.” Fiona whispered into Meg’s neck, and Meg buried her face in Fiona’s hair. God, this better be real. The scent of Fiona surrounded her and she closed her eyes. An unfamiliar bump, partially disguised by the oversized shirt, pushed against her. A mix of emotions swirled within Meg, and she didn’t know which one to address, so she simply stood there and breathed Fiona in. The herbal scent of skin and hair made Meg’s head spin in a fury of remembered feelings. She kissed the side of Fiona’s face before she knew what she was doing and a knot of uncertainty lodged in her stomach.

  “Um… do you two know each other?”

  Meg hadn’t heard Katie approach.

  Slowly, Meg and Fiona stepped apart, while Fiona wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

  “Yes, we’re…” Meg wasn’t sure how to describe them. What were they? She settled on something safe—she hoped. “We’re old friends. We haven’t seen each other in a while.”

  “I can handle it out here if you want to catch up.” Katie studied Fiona.

  Fiona seemed to shake herself. “Thanks, Katie. We’ll be in the office.”

  Katie trailed them toward the back of the store. Meg followed Fiona into the office.

  Fiona held the door as Meg moved passed her. When she closed the door, she faced Meg who stood in the middle of the small room watching her. Fiona clutched the door knob behind her as if it was her only tether to safety. She wanted to be Fiona’s safety.

  Without a thought, she crossed the space between them and wrapped Fiona in her arms. “God, I’ve missed you,” she whispered into her hair.

  Fiona didn’t reply, but she let go of the door knob and held onto Meg. The closeness of their bodies was both familiar and foreign, causing Meg’s heart to break. It took a moment for Meg to realize they were both crying.

  After several minutes, Fiona lifted her head and looked at Meg. Meg had to blink a few times to make the blur of her tears subside.

  “I can’t seem to pull myself together.” Fiona smiled self-consciously and ducked her head as she moved away. Not far, but any distance was too far. Meg missed her touch immediately.

  She watched Fiona turn and lean against the edge of the desk, where she gripped the edges of the desk so hard, her knuckles turned white. The roundness of her belly was more pronounced with the shirt pulled across it. She was so beautiful.

  They stared at one another intently for a moment before Meg broke the silence.

  “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.” Meg’s voice broke on the last word and she cleared her throat, though she couldn’t look away from Fiona.

  “Seeing you here—I can’t remember why… I mean, I know why, but…” Fiona said. Her voice started to drift away as she continued to gaze into Meg’s eyes.

  “You had good reasons,” Meg offered.

  Fiona’s eyes searched hers. “Do you hate me?”

  Meg was shaken by the question. “Hate you? How could I hate you?”

  Fiona swallowed and looked down. “For leaving like that. For pushing you away.”

  “Never.” Meg took a step closer to her and Fiona looked up. Meg couldn’t read her expression, but it didn’t look angry or scared. She took another step so she was right in front of her. “I never hated you. I hate what happened. But I understood. I still understand.”

  “I thought I had gotten used to missing you.” Fiona’s voice was a whisper. “But you’re here… and I don’t know what to do. How did you know I was here?”

  “I didn’t. I came to snowshoe. Please don’t ask me to leave.” The thought of leaving again killed her. Fiona shook her head and Meg was relieved. They stood quietly for a few minutes before she found the courage to touch Fiona’s hand. “I never expected to find you here.”

  “I couldn’t raise a child in the city. Once I made the decision, it seemed like the universe conspired to send me here. I looked all over, but nothing captured me like this place. I thought it would be too close… but… in the end, Winthrop chose me as much as I chose Winthrop.”

  “When Mrs. Rickles told me you moved, I thought I would never…” Meg began, but her throat tightened up and she couldn’t finish. She remembered the day after Thanksgiving, when she had broken down and tried to get in touch with her. Her life was upside down and she needed to talk to her. When the message on the other end of the line said it had been disconnected, she had tried the only thing she could think of without interrogating Mike, which she refused to do. Her heart had shattered when Mrs. Rickles told her Fiona had moved. After that, it was easy to not ask Mike. By moving without telling her, by disconnecting her number, Fiona had made her intentions very clear.

  Fiona touched her face. “I’m sorry, Meg.” Fiona was crying again. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

  “I know.” Meg kissed her hand. “Maybe it would have been easier if I thought you hated me, but I never thought you did.”

  “Maybe I should have keyed your car or thrown a drink in your face?” A trace of a smile warmed Fiona’s face.

  “Or a scathing note. Maybe one of those.” Meg teased Fiona weakly as she wiped he
r eyes with the back of her hand.

  Fiona’s face turned serious again. “I’m so sorry, Meg. I wish I could take away any pain I caused you.”

  “And I wish I could make you happy again.”

  “You’ve always been so good to me.” Fiona tugged on Meg’s hips and Meg moved to stand between her legs as Fiona slid her arms under Meg’s open winter coat and laid her head against her chest. Meg wrapped her arms around Fiona’s shoulders and rested her chin on the top of Fiona’s head. The warm smell of Fiona filled her senses, making Meg melt.

  “Can you stay for dinner?”

  The invitation made Meg’s heart speed up. “I can stay as long as you want me to.” She pulled back to see Fiona’s face, afraid to get her hopes up.

  “I think we should keep it at just dinner tonight.” Fiona gave her a hesitant smile. “I can’t bear to see you leave, but I’m not sure what’s up or down right now.”

  “Dinner is more than fine.” Meg would take whatever she could get. She saw Fiona scanning her eyes and wondered what she was trying to see. “We should make it an early one, though. The weather is going to get dicey tonight and I’ll need to leave for Okanogan before it gets too bad.”

  “Let’s go now, then.” Fiona stood and Meg reluctantly let her go. “Katie can finish up here. We close early in the winter, anyway.”

  Meg followed Fiona out of the office.

  “Katie, I guess I don’t need to tell you I’m leaving for the day.” Fiona called over to Katie, who sat innocently on her stool by the cash register. “Can you close up?”

  “Huh? Did you say something?” Katie lowered the book she was reading.

  “It’s upside down…” Fiona said.

  Katie looked confused. “What is?”

  “The book you’re reading…” Fiona tilted her head to read the title. “How to Lasso a Cowboy… Seriously? Katie…”

  Meg hid her smile behind her hand.

  “Uh… I’m thinking to get it as a gift for Rickie.” Katie closed the book and looked away.

  Fiona rolled her eyes and Meg laughed out loud.

  “I told the boys to go an hour ago. Why don’t you close up now? It’s dead here.”

  Fiona led Meg to the door and shrugged into an oversized coat she pulled off a coat rack near the store’s front door. When Fiona struggled to pull it closed, Meg finally realized how pregnant Fiona was. Up until then, she had been too preoccupied with the shock of seeing her to really take it in.

  “Wow. Look at you.”

  “I’m enormous.” Fiona frowned and buttoned the coat. “I feel like an elephant.”

  “You look beautiful.” Meg held the door open.

  Fiona blushed. “Thanks.” She didn’t look like she believed her.

  The door shut behind them.

  “The diner across the street?” Meg asked.

  “Dinner’s already started at my house if you’re up for beef stew. It’s less than a block away.”

  “Sounds amazing. With biscuits?”

  “Close. Fresh baked bread.”

  Meg pretended to think about it. “I guess it’ll do. You know I’m a real fan of your biscuits, though.”

  Fiona’s face broke into the first real smile Meg had seen on her since before everything fell apart. Fiona took Meg’s hand and led her around the corner and down the street that ran beside the feed store.

  It had started to snow and they walked in silence until Fiona turned them onto the little path leading up to a yellow two-story house with white trim. The house looked warm and cozy against the gray backdrop of the sky. Meg could envision kids making snow angels and building snowmen in the front yard. Someone had recently shoveled the walk and scattered rock salt on a patch of ice at the foot of the porch stairs. Meg wondered who the someone was with a pang of jealousy.

  “Danny’s such a sweetheart.” It was as if Fiona had read her mind. “I haven’t had to shovel a single sidewalk since the snow started.”

  “Katie said he was still around.”

  “He lives next door.” Fiona pulled keys out of her coat pocket as she mounted the steps. “Everyone says I don’t need to lock it out here, but it’s a habit.”

  Meg rarely locked her own doors in Okanogan, but she was relieved to see Fiona took her own safety seriously. Meg shuddered to think of Fiona all by herself with a baby to take care of.

  Fiona pushed the door open. “Has Claudia had the babies yet?” Meg reached past and held it open so Fiona could precede her.

  Meg nodded. “Exactly a month early. December 4th.” Fiona shut the door and struggled with the deadbolt. Meg remembered another day in another city. “She was on bed rest for a month with preeclampsia, but everyone is doing well now. Two girls and a boy.”

  “What did she name them?”

  Meg smiled. “Kayden is the boy, and the girls are Tristin and Fiona.”

  Fiona stopped and looked over her shoulder at Meg. “Really?”

  Meg shrugged. The name had given her mixed feelings.

  “Huh…” Fiona pushed the door open.

  Meg watched a parade of emotions flit across Fiona’s face, but she didn’t say anything.

  Fiona led Meg into the house, turning on lights as she went. Meg helped Fiona with her coat and then shrugged out of her own, hanging them on hooks next to the door. Following Fiona’s lead, she kicked off her damp boots.

  “I started the stew this morning and the bread machine should have kicked on a minute a go.” Fiona unwound her scarf. “I didn’t expect to be home so early. The stew is probably done, but the bread won’t be done for another hour. Can you wait?”

  “I’m not sure, but I’ll try my best,” Meg joked. “It smells great. This is a domestic side of you I never suspected. I like it.”

  “It’s sheer necessity. Takeout’s a little scarce around here,” Fiona said with a smile. “However, Boonjira did give me her recipe for Pad Thai before I left. I think I’ve almost got it.”

  Meg hadn’t had the heart to eat at Boonjira’s restaurant since the last time with Fiona. “I definitely miss her cooking.”

  They both fell silent as they remembered. Fiona absently rubbed her pregnant belly, and Meg looked around, noting all the familiar furniture and a few extra pieces she had never seen.

  “I guess you had to go out and get some new things to fill up this place, huh?”

  Fiona shook her head. “I had a lot of stuff in storage. Most of it’s from Aunt Corny. I can’t seem to part with any of it. I have more out in the garage. I don’t have room for it all, even here.”

  “I like it.” Meg followed Fiona into the kitchen, where she checked on dinner.

  A large window looked out on the backyard. Like most of the houses in the area, there was no fence to delineate where one backyard ended and another started, but the landscaping provided a good point of reference. The yard boasted a large sandbox with a setup worthy of a public park. It had swings, teeter-totters, rings, bars, and slides. A tire swing hung from a cottonwood tree in the corner. Next to the play area was a picnic table, and Meg envisioned a spring afternoon and kids from the whole area coming over to play.

  “The backyard was one of the reasons I bought this place.” Fiona came up behind her without touching her. “That and the short walk to the feed store. The place needs some serious renovations, though.”

  Fiona’s proximity was like an electric current. Moving away to keep her wits about her, Meg took in the kitchen furnishings. Aside from the refrigerator and stove, which looked brand new, the countertops and cabinets were probably as old as the house. The windows even had manual storm windows on them.

  “It’s very cozy,” she said.

  “I had all the wood flooring and stairs redone before I moved in, but I figure I’ll wait until next spring to get started on the rest. The house is old, but livable. Want the g
rand tour?”

  Meg nodded and they started with the ground floor. There was the open foyer they had entered through, a large family room, the kitchen and dining area, a small bathroom tucked under the stairs, two large rooms connected through a set of French doors and a double-sided fireplace, and a mudroom with a washer and dryer. One of the rooms looked like Fiona’s office. She envisioned a blazing fire, while Fiona worked at the huge cherry wood desk covered in law books.

  They took a peek from the top of the stairs into the basement, which was dark and musty, even when the light was turned on. “I don’t go down there,” Fiona said with a shiver Meg thought was cute. “Thank goodness the washer and dryer are on this floor.”

  Fiona led her up the shining wood staircase. As they climbed the stairs, Meg couldn’t help but worry about Fiona slipping on the smooth risers.

  “The riser rug is in the closet ready to be installed, but I’m helpless with tools.” Fiona, mysteriously read her mind again. “I wish I was as good with my hands as y… you are.”

  Meg noticed the stutter and thought about a similar conversation from months ago. She didn’t feel it was appropriate to remind Fiona of the moment, although she probably didn’t need to, based on the stutter.

  Upstairs, Fiona showed her the spare room, which was full of boxes and disassembled furniture stacked against the walls. Next to it was the nursery. The only thing in it was a crib. The mattress was bare and several department store bags and online store packages with crib linen and baby clothes with tags still on them were stacked in it. In the corner were several gift bags. It looked like she’d recently had a baby shower. She wondered what friends Fiona had made in Winthrop and the thought of the life she wasn’t part of made her sad.

  Fiona stopped next to the crib. “My mom saved my crib. It’s the only thing I’ve been motivated to assemble so far. They say pregnant women are supposed to get a nesting thing in the last trimester, but I think mine is broken.” Fiona looked absently around the room. “I need to get to work on the rest of the room. The baby is due in a month.”