Temptation

by Smeltzer, Micalea

  Dev.

  Over and over again it says Dev.

  ***

  I pull my hair back into a bun at the back of my neck. A few curls escape framing my face. I put on a pair of jeans and a flowy tank top. The sun is shining brightly outside and I don’t want to become drenched in sweat. I slip my sunglasses on top of my head for easier access and grab my purse.

  I find Siva sprawled across the couch playing with his phone.

  “Ready,” he asks.

  “Yep,” I reply.

  He says nothing the entire elevator ride. Instead, he leans casually against the wall with a smirk lifting his lips. I pout my own lips.

  Instead of the NSX he heads to the Porsche.

  He pulls out of the garage and the sounds of a bustling London Sunday hit my ears. It kind of amazes me, this being the financial district and all. I never spent much time here before and it’s not at all what I expected.

  “Where are we going?” I finally ask when I can’t take the quiet any longer.

  Siva turns down a street, his destination clearly in mind. “Some place my family and I used to go to when I was a kid. It was one of the few times we were happy. I think it’s because my dad would never act unhappy in public. But …” He pauses, shrugs his shoulders, and stops at the stoplight. “I enjoyed it nonetheless. There’s also somewhere I want to take you today, if it’s okay?” he adds as an afterthought.

  “That’s fine.”

  His phone rings and he digs it out of his pocket.

  “Jacob,” he answers, “have you found anything?” The other man says something and Siva snarls. “Find him,” he snaps and hangs up.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing,” Siva shakes his head and continues down the road. “Just trying to find the bastard who destroyed my house.”

  “Oh,” I remark softly. “Why would Jacob be doing that? Isn’t it the job of the police?”

  Siva glances over at me. “Jacob is … better at finding people than the police are.”

  I nod my head like this makes sense. Which to me, it doesn’t.

  He finally turns into a little side parking lot and hops out. I follow.

  I struggle to keep up with his long-legged stride.

  “Siva, slow down,” I finally complain.

  “Sorry,” he says, slowing.

  “Thanks.”

  He opens the door of a small little café that I think looks far too expensive but I keep my lips zipped. I’m learning Siva has no problem spending money. It irritates me, though. If I had that much money I would be using it to help other people but maybe he does. After all, I haven’t bothered to ask.

  Besides, I also have to remind myself he grew up in an entirely different world than me. One of wealth and privilege. Things I think I are pricey are basic to him.

  He slides into a booth and smiles slightly to himself.

  “What?” I prompt.

  “This is where we always sat,” he says fondly.

  I look across at him, picturing him as a small boy, and Dev too. I bet they were handsome even as children.

  A waitress appears out of nowhere asking what we want to drink. “Orange juice and coffee,” Siva and I say simultaneously and then both laugh. The waitress smiles and disappears.

  I peruse the menu while Siva eyes me.

  “What?” I finally ask. “Is there something on my face?”

  “No,” he says. “But you’re very beautiful, Sloane.”

  I blush. Dev always told me I’m beautiful but coming from Siva … Well, it means something different.

  The waitress comes back with our drinks.

  “Are you ready to order?” she asks.

  Siva raises his eyebrows at me in question. “Yeah,” I answer. “I’ll have an egg sandwich.”

  “And for you?” She turns to Siva.

  “Two pancakes and two eggs.”

  “Certainly,” she says and takes the menus that were sitting on the table.

  Siva turns to face me. “I’m sorry your weekend was ruined.”

  “I’m sorry your house was trashed.” I laugh.

  His lips lift. “Good point.”

  “About this morning,” he says and clears his throat. Red stains his cheeks. “Sloane, I want you to know I would never take advantage of you. If you’re ever uncomfortable tell me,” he says. “I know things may be a bit awkward for you because of your relationship with my brother. I won’t push you,” he declares. “I would never ever do that.”

  I place my hands flat on the table and stare at them like they’re the most interesting things in the world.

  “Siva, I’m not going to lie to you. It is a bit strange for me feeling this way about you. You’re Dev’s brother,” I say.

  “But Devak’s gone,” he replies softly in reminder.

  “But Dev’s gone,” I echo, “and I have to move on. I have to move on. I’m ready to move on,” I reiterate.

  “Are you ready to move on with me?”

  I nod my head. “But I want to take things slow,” I warn. I laugh and add, “You’re a complicated person, Siva.”

  He laughs too. “You’re quite complicated yourself.”

  ***

  “Where are you taking me now?” I inquire.

  He sighs. “I want you to know everything about me. Scars and all.”

  “Scars and all,” I repeat with a nod.

  He turns into the parking lot of a very nice brick building.

  “Brace yourself,” he warns.

  “Why?” I ask.

  He looks at me and sadness clouds his violet eyes. “Just do it.”

  Siva takes my hand and leads me around to the front of the building where we have to be buzzed in.

  The place is clinical and smells strongly of disinfectant like a hospital but the place is clearly too small to be a hospital and isn’t decorated like one. It’s clearly made to look like … a home. I see a nurse pass by and figure it must be some sort of care center.

  Siva leads me down the hall and to the right; clearly he knows the place.

  “Morning, Dr. Kern,” he says, nodding to an older man.

  “Oh, Mr. Kapur, it’s so nice to see you,” he crows, smiling from ear to ear.

  “How is she?” he asks.

  “Today is a good day,” the doctor answers.

  Siva smiles. “This is Sloane,” he says, pointing to me, “my girlfriend.”

  Girlfriend. He called me his girlfriend. My insides are singing.

  “It’s nice to meet you,” says the gray haired man, extending his hand. I shake it. I notice he wears a very expensive watch much like the one Siva always wears.

  Siva gives me a small smile. “Ready?”

  “Yeah,” I say, even though I have no clue what I’m agreeing to.

  He walks a short ways down the hall before stopping in front of a closed door. He takes a deep breath and braces his shoulders as if for battle. He looks pleadingly at me, as if for strength, and pushes the door open.

  “Hello, Mum.”

  Mum?

  “Mum, I brought someone to meet you,” he says softly, hesitantly, like he’s speaking to a flighty bird.

  She kind of does look like a little bird. She’s rocking slowly, back and forth, in a rocking chair. Her arms are folded around herself like she’s holding herself together. Her hair is black and gray and fluffed around her skull with random patches of skin showing through. She sings a song softly under her breath. It sounds like the one Siva sang to me.

  I wonder, if this is a good day, what does a bad day look like?

  She continues on like she doesn’t hear him. Siva sots down on the couch and pulls me down beside him. He puts his arms around me and pulls me against his chest. But I know the movement is more about his own comfort than mine.

  “This is my mum.” He turns to me with sad eyes. “Isla Kapur.” He breathes deeply for a moment. “She’s been like this ever since Saia died. It got worse once my dad threw me out the window. She isn�
��t taking Devak’s passing well either. She won’t talk but she listens.”

  “Did … did Dev ever come to visit?” I ask, my voice suddenly hoarse.

  “No,” he answers, and I see a single tear roll down Isla’s cheek. I really don’t think I knew Dev at all and it breaks my heart. I squeeze Siva’s hand.

  “Mum, do you want me to bring you some more books?” he asks her.

  She continues with her song.

  “Work’s been good,” he says. “Stressful but good.” He clears his throat. “And Mum, this is Sloane. The girl who has stolen my heart.”

  Isla continues rocking in her chair and singing her song. Her voice is soft and haunting.

  Siva continues to talk to her and she continues to sing. She finishes one song and goes right into another. It breaks my heart seeing her this way and I don’t even know her. She has the same violet eyes as her oldest son and they’re still vibrant, not clouded like one might think. She looks so sad and lost. It has to be hard on Siva seeing his mother this way, basically the only family he has left. Isla is still here but in many ways she’s … gone. It’s heartbreaking.

  Siva looks at me expectantly. What to say, what to say?

  “Uh … Isla, you raised two amazing sons. I’m only getting to know Siva now but you raised an amazing man. I know he’s not perfect but who is? But he’s kind and caring and … well he’s Siva and I’d not have him any other way.” There I said it and I’m done. My back muscles relax and I have a sigh of relief.

  “You like me the way I am?” he whispers in awe.

  “Yeah,” I say honestly, “I like your crazy, moody self. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes you piss me off, but at the end of the day I like you always.”

  He grins. “That’s good.”

  He stands, squeezes my hand before letting go, and strides toward his mom. He bends and kisses her head.

  “Bye, Mum,” he murmurs into her hair, he sounds choked up. “I love you. I’ll be back again.”

  I stand up and follow him out of the room.

  He stops and talks to Dr. Kern. I stand off to the side giving him privacy. I don’t want to be in his way when he discusses his mom. After about five minutes he comes back to me, takes my hand, and heads back to the car.

  I buckle my seatbelt and turn to him. “Is she always going to be like that? Is there nothing they can do?”

  He sighs and rubs his face before pulling out of the parking lot. “Dr. Kern believes her condition is self-inflicted. Nothing we do helps her. He thinks she has to decide she wants to be fixed.” He sighs heavily again, a deep shuddering breath. “It’s hard seeing her like that. She was always so vibrant. Now, she’s merely a ghost of herself.”

  “I can’t imagine if something like that happened to my mom,” I admit softly. It’s scary to think about. “My mom’s my best friend.” And I haven’t been much of a friend lately. I need to send her another email. No doubt I have a lengthy one from her. I’ll check it when we get home. Home. Now I’m thinking of Siva’s place as my home.

  “It’s harder thinking she’s like this by choice. It’s been ten years. Ten years, Sloane. I was eighteen when it happened. I hope one day she wakes up and snaps out of it. I’ve lost my brother, my sister, I hardly have a mother, and my father is a useless piece of conniving shit.” He hits the steering wheel with his fist. He turns to glance at me and so much pain shines in his eyes. “What if I’m destined to lose everyone I love?”

  What am I supposed to say to that?

  “Life doesn’t work like that, Siva,” I finally say.

  “Oh, but doesn’t it?” He laughs gruffly.

  “I can’t think like that.”

  He hits the steering wheel again. “Life is one big punishment, Sloane, that’s all it is.”

  ***

  I pull my laptop out and join Siva in the family room. He seems relaxed now, watching TV and munching on popcorn. He has never looked more normal than he does in this moment.

  The computer whirls to life and I bring up my email. Sure enough, a chipper email is waiting in my inbox from my mom.

  Sweetie,

  It’s so nice to hear from my baby girl. I miss you so much. Glad to hear things are good with work. I wish you worked out here, near me. And please do try and stay in touch more. I worry about you out in that big city all by yourself. You’ll understand it better when you have your own kids to worry about but please try and keep me from having a heart attack. I’m so sorry about Dev, I never met the boy but I know you cared for him. How’s it going living with his brother? You never told me he even had a brother. I really wish you’d come see me. The dogs miss you too! If you can get the time off I’ll send you a ticket. Sloane, you don’t need to worry about me. I’m perfectly capable taking care of myself. You know I have my garden club and my book club. I have plenty of things to occupy my mind besides worrying about you and wondering when you’re going to visit. Oh, and I got a job working at the local nursery for the summer. You know the one owned by Mr. and Mrs. Harrelson? Their son runs it now, Nate, do you remember him? He’s a bit older than you I think and very handsome. Anyway, I won’t bore you any longer.

  Love Mom.

  I quickly hit the reply button.

  Mom,

  First off, you could never bore me. I love my job here and have no intention of moving back so don’t start with me, missy. I know you miss me and I miss you too. I do plan to visit sometime soon but don’t you dare go and by me a plane ticket. I have money of my own you know. It’s been strange living with Siva, that’s Dev’s brother, but Mom… I like him… a lot. A lot more than I should. Dev and Siva weren’t very close so that’s why I never mentioned him. I noticed you said you are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, does that mean you think I’m not? I’m a grown woman mom. I’m twenty-three years old you know? Also, isn’t Nate the kid that used to dump dirt on my hair and are you seriously trying to play matchmaker? You are aware of the ocean separating us right? Not ideal for a date if I even wanted to date him. Which I don’t. I’m glad you got a job though. I’m sure you’re going to really enjoy it. How’s book club and Mona?

  Love Sloane.

  I hit send and look up to find Siva staring at me.

  “What?” I ask.

  “You were smiling, why?” he asks curiously.

  “Just my mom,” I answer. “She’s trying to play matchmaker with me and this guy from back home.” I shake my head. “I don’t know what she’s thinking.”

  Siva grins. “Did you tell her you were taken?”

  “No,” I say slowly. “Should I have?”

  His face falls and he looks hurt. “No,” he says stiffly.

  “Siva,” I probe. “We haven’t exactly talked about this, about us. What are we?”

  His violet eyes flash at me. “I thought you were my girlfriend.”

  “Oh,” I say and blush; he had said that to the doctor, but we haven’t spoken about it so I wasn’t sure if he said it because it was the easiest explanation. “I didn’t want to seem presumptuous.” It’s been almost three months since Dev died. Am I moving too fast? Is this right? I’m not sure, but I know I have to follow my heart.

  Following my heart turns out to be easier said than done. Stupid, sticky emotions keep getting in my way. I’m falling hard for Siva. He’s changing and who he’s becoming is the person I think he was always meant to be. And he’s amazing. He still has his moments where his mood will darken but it’s happening less and less. But then I think about Dev and feel like my feelings for Siva are wrong, so wrong. Especially because I’m starting to think Siva’s words on the beach were right and I wasn’t in love with Dev. My feelings for Siva are so different, so much stronger. I feel sick when he’s away and I never felt like that with Dev. It’s heartbreaking because I did love him. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if Dev hadn’t died. Would I have gone on my merry way? Settled down with him and had kids and never known what I was missing? I’m pretty sure the answer is yes. />
  Now I can’t imagine my life without him. We complement each other so well.

  “What are you thinking about?” he asks, leaning down to kiss my cheek before he grabs his mug and pours some coffee. I sip at my own coffee to hide my smile.

  “You, actually,” I admit.

  Siva only wears a pair of loose sleep pants. He’s become more comfortable with showing his scars around me but the minute we go to leave the house it’s long pants and long sleeves again. It’s progress, though, and that’s what matters.

  “All good things I hope.” He wiggles his eyebrows at me.

  “You know it.” I stick my tongue out mockingly at him.

  He kisses my lips before sitting down beside me. “Oh, Sloane, I never thought I could be tamed. What have you done to me?” he jokes dramatically, hand pressed to his chest at all. This Siva is new to me, and while it’s weird, I love it.

  “I’m not sure the beast is tamed. You still have your moments.”

  He laughs and nuzzles my neck. The dark scruff on his cheeks rasps against my skin. “You know you love my dark side.” He growls the words and a shiver snakes its way up my spine.

  “It’s a part of you and I lo—” I snap my mouth closed. I can’t say it. Not yet.

  He clears his throat and pulls away, sensing my unease. He’s so attuned to me now. He takes a sip of his coffee and says, “When is it you’re going to visit your mom?”

  “I fly out next Wednesday,” I answer. It’s the end of September almost October now.

  “I’m going to miss you.”

  It’s the first time he’s said anything like that.

  I finish my coffee and I’m washing out the mug when he says, “I might be in late tonight. I have a meeting.”

  “Oh,” I say, taken by surprise. “That’s fine.” I shrug my shoulders. “Lyndi has wanted to go out for drinks after work. I guess I can finally say yes.”