Body Switches

by Barbara G. Tarn

  "I didn't!"

  "Yes, you almost did."

  "I can't believe he told you..."

  "He didn't, and you better not mention that episode to him ever again," she warned.

  "So how do you know?" he demanded angrily.

  "I felt it. I had closed my eyes, but I knew you were about to kiss me. I don't think you were seeing him at the time."

  Now he looked upset. "How do you know?" he repeated.

  "I'm a witch," she answered, challenging him with her eyes. "You know, the mighty sorceress also known as the Lady of the Unicorn?"

  Slowly he relaxed, while his lips formed a hesitant smile. "I thought Lady Unicorn was killed lots of Halloweens ago. And you're the princess in the tower now."

  "But I have a Fairy Godmother. And I married Prince Charming."

  Obviously Johnny didn't believe in fairy tales and didn't know their private jokes. Chris grinned and held her tight.

  "I don't know where you've been, but I'm glad that you're back," he whispered in her ear. He pulled back to look at her and caressed her hair, thoughtful.

  "I'll have my natural color back as soon as the hairdresser opens," she promised. "I hate this Marilyn Monroe look."

  Chris smiled again. "Thank you, Marian. We'll figure out what actually happened some other time, what do you say?"

  "I say I love you," she answered before kissing him with passion. She had so missed him!

  ***

  Sebastian went downstairs and found Johnny asleep, fully dressed, on the couch. He sat by him, caressed his head and sighed. He really hoped to have him back in his bed soon. He missed the pretty face and sexy body.

  He lightly shook him. "Johnny, wake up, you have morning shift."

  Johnny moaned. His eyes snapped open. He jumped into a seated position, his eyes darting around as if he was trying to figure out where he was.

  Puzzled, Sebastian was about to say something, but Johnny focused on him and screamed, horrified.

  "Sebastian!" He burst into tears.

  Sebastian patted his shoulder, surprised by his behavior once again.

  Johnny stopped sobbing almost as suddenly as he had begun. "Why am I sleeping on the couch?" he asked, still whiny.

  "You said you didn't love me anymore," Sebastian answered.

  "I said that?" Johnny asked with worry. "And you believed me?"

  "You sounded pretty serious," Sebastian replied. "You were ready to move out."

  "I... shit!"

  Johnny jumped to his feet and rushed to the bedroom.

  "Why aren't my bags ready if I was about to move out?" he complained.

  "You hadn't found another place yet." Sebastian crossed his arms on his chest. His patience was running low in front of Johnny's pout.

  "Fine," Johnny snapped. "I'll be out of here as soon as possible."

  ***

  Johnny was furious. In spite of the sickness he had felt with Marian's body the day before, he wasn't happy to back in his own life. Me. At home. With Sebastian. In my body. No. Bitch. Marian took her body back. Bitch.

  Then Luke came, looking disappointed. "You're back in your own body?"

  Johnny took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "Yes." A whisper choked by anger.

  "I thought you'd be mad!" Luke said, confused.

  "I am!" Johnny screamed, knowing that Sebastian had gone to work. "That bitch took her body back! I want to go back inside her. I want to be in Chris's arms again. I want to have a romantic dinner with him!"

  "Whoa, calm down! Does Sebastian know?"

  "Nope." He shook his head in emphasis. "He's worried. He went to work anyway because I kicked him out!"

  "You kicked him out of his own house?"

  "Well, I'm about to move out anyway, so I'll be able to pack my stuff in peace."

  "And where will you go?"

  Chris's face and body flashed inside him. "I don't know!" he screamed again. "I wish Chris would take me in! At least he won't get me pregnant!"

  "What do you mean?" Luke stared at him, puzzled.

  "I was a woman, and I got pregnant," Johnny explained. "It's dreadful. I don't want to feel like that ever again. But I still want a woman's body, damn it! What am I going to do with myself now?"

  ***

  "So, where have you been?" Chris asked, cuddling Marian on the living room couch.

  "Johnny's body, where else? That's how I know you almost kissed him." She grinned at him.

  "Johnny's body, huh? I saw you kiss Sebastian..."

  "Yeah, well, I know what use Johnny himself made of my body," she retorted, caressing her flat belly. "I was already in his body when you knocked me up, honey..."

  "Uhm... OK, I guess we're even." Chris didn't know if he should laugh or get angry. He felt more like holding her tight so he wouldn't lose her again, though. "So, did you enjoy having a male body?"

  "Not really. I liked imagining having a dick, but not really having it."

  "You really imagined having a dick after those gay movies?" Chris wasn't really shocked, more curious to know what was on his wife's mind.

  "Yeah, and that I fucked you blind," she teased. "So thank me I didn't do it with Johnny's body!"

  "As if you could!"

  "Careful, he likes you – he might actually try to seduce you with his own body, when he has enough of Sebastian!"

  "You have a twisted mind, my lady!" he protested, relieved that she was definitely back and herself.

  "I am not Maid Marian and you're not Robin in the Hood, remember?"

  "So the mighty sorceress is really back?"

  "Lady Unicorn? Hell, yeah! Who do you think broke the damn spell?" She chuckled.

  "It was a real spell?" he asked, incredulous.

  "You lived it, Chris," she chided. "It was a nightmare for me. But it can't have been easy for you either."

  "No," he admitted. "Can you believe I was jealous of Sebastian's happiness?"

  "Can you believe I was breaking up with him because I couldn't enjoy his company?"

  "Oh, and why is that?" He knew the answer, but he needed to hear it.

  "Because I'm yours, no matter which body I'm in," she said before kissing him.

  The heartbreak was gone in their long embrace.

  ***

  Marian was happy. She had saved her marriage, changed her look again, and managed to keep her job. Mr. Moore had raised one eyebrow at the brunette with no makeup but more feminine clothes, but he had shrugged it off, probably like he had done when Johnny had dyed her hair platinum blond.

  Some of the clothes Johnny had bought she kept, while others she gave to charity. Her account had taken a blow with Johnny's extra expenses, but she'd work hard to replenish it before her maternity leave.

  The life growing inside her made her sick and proud at the same time. She did manage to go to work, unlike Johnny who had panicked for a whole day, and to call Valery for an urgent meeting. They met at lunch time as usual.

  "You know what women like you are called?" she told her friend with a frown. "Fag Hags. That's worse than wishing for a male body, trust me."

  "You took me to that wonderful club!" Valery replied, sullen.

  "I wasn't being myself. I was in Johnny's body at the time. You know, the guy you kissed."

  "That's why he talked just like you!" Valery was shocked. "How did it happen?"

  "Samantha is a real witch. She looks young, but I bet she isn't, and she's very powerful," Marian explained.

  "She's... Oh, my! She could have turned me into something else!"

  "If you wished for it in front of her, definitely."

  "Oh my God!"

  Marian smiled sympathetically at her. "You better go back to Steve and apologize," she suggested.

  Valery nodded, speechless.

  ***

  Johnny went to see Samantha, sick of brooding without someone to talk to. The gypsy always had good advice.

  "I had this extraordinary adventure," he told Samantha. "A real female body for a few w
eeks. But then I lost it..." He made a grimace of dissatisfaction.

  "And you want that body back?" Samantha smiled.

  "Well, any female body would do! Do you think I can have one? I'll be careful not to get pregnant this time."

  "Do you like Valery's body?"

  "Well, yes... she has bigger tits than Marian and she's much more fun..."

  "Why don't you come back with her, then?" Samantha grinned. "I might help you both. If you both stay away from Marian, of course."

  "That bitch!" Johnny muttered. "But Valery is her friend..."

  "Didn't she like you more when you were in Marian's body?" Samantha winked.

  Johnny stared at her, a little puzzled. The gypsy seemed to know everything, as usual!

  "I'll ask her to come here with me," he decided, standing to leave. "Thank you, Samantha."

  ***

  Johnny saw Marian and Valery entering the cafe and waved at them.

  "Hello, Johnny," Marian said, sitting at the table with her friend. She had gone back to her natural hair color and Johnny thought that she was right, she looked better as a brunette. No wonder Chris was mad at him for dyeing her hair.

  "Valery has something to tell you," Marian added. She looked quietly beautiful and the pregnancy didn't seem to be as hard on her as it had felt for him.

  He looked at Valery who was blushing and kept her eyes low, embarrassed.

  "Yes, I won't be coming with you at night anymore," Valery said. "I will go back to my husband."

  "Oh, no!" Johnny moaned. "I wanted to tell you we should go together to Samantha!"

  "To do what?" Marian asked.

  "None of your business," he snapped. "It's between me and Valery!"

  "Very well, I'll let you two talk." Marian shrugged. "Can you lend me something?"

  "Something what?" Johnny asked, hostile. He didn't like how Valery looked subdued near her friend. And what she had come to tell him. He really needed to talk to her and tell her that Samantha...

  "The Icelandic pendants," Marian said.

  "What?" Johnny stared at her, puzzled.

  "Gabe's gifts," she explained. "You don't need them, do you?"

  "No... What do you need them for?"

  "I want to copy those runes."

  "Sure." Johnny shrugged.

  "Thanks." Marian smiled and squeezed his wrist. "Can I go get them at Sebastian's?"

  "Yeah."

  "I'll be right back," she told Valery who nodded.

  Johnny followed her with his eyes, frowning, and then turned to look at Valery again.

  "Hey, Valery, would you like to be in my body?" He pulled out a picture of Sebastian and saw her eyes widen at the sight. "This is the boyfriend I'm about to dump unless someone else steps in my body..."

  12.

  Ten years passed fairly quickly for Marian and Chris. They became friends with Sebastian, who redecorated their new house and was asked to be the godfather of their first child.

  Johnny and Valery switched bodies willingly in front of Samantha. Johnny went on to become a single career woman with a catering service, while Valery, who enjoyed her much younger body and experimenting with sex, was delighted to land in Sebastian's house.

  It took some adjusting for both of them – Valery to get used to her male body, Sebastian to get used to his lover's new personality – but eventually they found their balance and quiet happiness.

  Valery in Johnny's body was the "godmother" of Chris and Marian's second child, who graced the married couple two years after the first. The four of them kept seeing each other, but lost track of Johnny somehow. Steve found a new wife and remained their friend, as Johnny managed to get a fair divorce before starting his new life with Valery's body.

  And he ignored them, hanging out with Luke and Doris and all his old friends. Valery's tits were the right size, so he didn't do anything to her body. He kept her fit and elegant, while she wore casual male clothes for the first time, discovering how comfy they could be.

  Then one day Johnny showed up at Sebastian's and asked to see Valery.

  "I want my body back," he demanded. "Yours is ten years older than mine, it's already forty!"

  "Well, you knew that when we switched," she observed.

  "Yes, and it was great at first, but don't you have enough?"

  Valery pondered. The only reason to get back her own body was to have "proper" sex with Sebastian and have a child or two before it was really too late. But at the same time, maybe it was already too late. She had never really wanted babies in the first place – pregnancy would disfigure her body and Steve hadn't been interested in kids. And neither was Sebastian.

  "Ten years as a man were tough," she had to admit. "But I don't miss my body anymore."

  "What? How can you do this to me?" Johnny exploded, furious. "I'll go back to Samantha and..."

  "You won't find her," Valery warned, mildly amused. "Her shop is gone. Actually the whole building is gone, but she was already gone when they took it down. You totally forgot about her for ten years, didn't you?"

  Johnny gasped, staring at her, horror-stricken. "Samantha is gone? Where?"

  "I don't know." Valery shrugged. "She wasn't my trusted astrologer. I never went back to see her after we switched."

  Johnny glared at her. "I'll find a way to get my body back." He swirled around and stormed out.

  Valery exhaled as Sebastian joined her. "What did she want?"

  He had never been introduced to her former body, so he wasn't really aware of what was going on, although he knew about the body switch.

  "That's what I looked like before the switch," Valery told him, putting her arms around his neck. "That was Valery Hunter."

  "Oh." Sebastian squeezed her. "Hope you told him to fuck off. I guess Johnny hasn't changed after all."

  "He's a successful woman used to running a company, but he suddenly realized I'm older than him." She chuckled, hugging him back. "Glad Samantha is gone and he never got along with Marian. But we better wear those Icelandic pendants from now on, just in case."

  "And we will," Sebastian decided, kissing her.

  Author's note

  Originally a short story titled "Being someone else" (2001) and slowly expanded, then translated and turned into a screenplay that had a few more titles (Sixty Hours Madness, Untitled Body Switch, and the final draft Living it!), it's now become what you have just read. And it changed title one more time because that's what usually happens when I tinker with a story too much. The working title was simply Body Switch, but I enjoyed it so much I might use Samantha again and do a series of body switches – hence the need for another title!

  The original short story had two first-person points of views, but hating first person as much as I do, the final story had to be third person. Omniscient, like a movie. With some thoughts, like a comic book. And don't think the first-person version had me dig deeper in the characters' heads – it hadn't.

  The screenplays were written under the pen-name of Barbara G.Tarn. A version of the original short (2007) is in English, so I enclose it for your pleasure. Enjoy. Now you know why I got rid of B.G. Hope anyway!

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  The author would like to thank Kelly Coffey, Barbara "Abby" Palmer, C.S.Splitter and John Rouse for their comments and Mighty Editor Tricia Kristufek for the editing.

  Ciaran & Harith

  Ciaran kissed the children good-bye, brushed Charlene's cheek with his lips, and went to work. It was just another manic Thursday at the bank where he'd been appointed manager. At lunchtime he barely had time to grab a sandwich with Jim – a friend more than a colleague, since they were about the same age.

  "So, is the wife happy with the move?" Jim asked. "I bet it's going to be tough for a California girl like her to get used to our snowy winters..."

  "Indeed," Ciaran grumbled. "And by now I'm not happy either. Took me a year to convince her – it feels like it's too late."

  "And Angela, of course, has nothing to do with the estran
gement," Jim teased.

  Ciaran snorted, frustrated. He had spent one year alone, waiting for his wife and children to join him, and he'd felt lonely – Angela was a colleague and their relationship was platonic, but it had changed something between him and his wife Charlene.

  "I don't know, Jim. Charlene obviously still loves me, and she's complaining only because she had to relocate away from her mother. Although I thought you Americans were used to moving around the States. It's much easier than moving around Europe."

  "You took the longest leap," Jim smiled. "Coming here all the way from Ireland..."

  "I didn't mean to stay, but then I met her and I fell in love. Since I met Charlene, we've been together all the time. Until I moved here. If it was Angela or being alone or the new place, I have no idea. Maybe it's just time passing – I mean, it's been ten years... I'm supposed to celebrate this year, but I'm not really in the mood."

  "A talk with your wife is definitely in order." Jim bobbed his head, thoughtful. "Hire a babysitter and take her out to dinner. I wish I had kids or knew any babysitter to send your way."

  "I'll ask around. Or maybe our neighbor can keep an eye on them for one night." Old Mrs. Miller probably wouldn't be enthusiastic about it, but she'd probably do it if he told her his marriage was on the rocks and he needed some time alone with his wife. Mrs. Miller was a sweet widow who still missed her late husband after fifteen years and was appalled by the divorce rate of younger generations. She'd do anything to prevent one, especially if there were kids involved.

  And Ciaran had two – Colin, who was now eight, and Hugh, five. He loved them and was proud to be a father, despite Charlene's complaints that he couldn't understand her and what it meant to give birth. As if it hadn't been an emotional and mental turmoil for him as well while she was expecting.

  After Hugh was born there had been a miscarriage and other health problems for Charlene, so they had to stop at two kids. But God must think two was good enough for them and he wasn't complaining. And because of his full-time job, he couldn't be the primary caregiver, but he spent all his free time with his children. He had missed them more than their mother during the time he'd lived alone.

  Coming home that Thursday, he told Charlene they needed to hire someone and have a serious talk out of the children's hearing.