Body Switches

by Barbara G. Tarn

  "I'm not interested in you," he replied stiffly.

  "Honey, I was inside Babs's body when you impregnated her," she reminded him. "I bet she didn't let you touch her ever again afterward."

  "Of course not," he grumbled. "It wasn't in the pact."

  "What pact?"

  "Unicorn Books. Business partners, housemates, but no sex with the lady of the house."

  "I see." She observed him. He was fidgety and his eyes kept moving without stopping on anything. "But you have a crush on her."

  He blushed, but nodded without looking at her.

  "And weren't you happy when she was finally responsive?" she asked, caressing his arm.

  He pulled it away. "Yes. But you're not her."

  She sighed. "I wish we could switch bodies again, so I'd prove you wrong."

  He glared at her. Then Gab came back and they dropped the topic.

  Pat thought the vacation would be more interesting than expected. Maybe she could turn the dance lessons into something more. But if Rohit resisted, she could try to convince Babs to switch bodies again...

  ***

  "Are you out of your mind?" Babs screamed. "Don't you think you've done enough damage?!"

  She couldn't believe Pat suggested they switch bodies again.

  "You want menopause – I have menopause," Pat replied, unbothered. "I'd make Rohit happy."

  "And then marry him and live happily ever after?" Babs scoffed. "With my body? Breaking Kyle's heart? I thought I was Lady Ice, but you're an icy bitch who thinks only for herself! You'd love a younger trophy husband, wouldn't you? Well, seduce him with your own body if you can!"

  "I can't because he has a crush on you," Pat replied. "He was so happy in my arms... and you'd be blissfully happy too if you let him close enough."

  "Argh. Do you really think I never thought about it? I am the one who saw him first, but Kyle met him before me... You're worse than Sally Potter in The Tango Lesson! We should have known you weren't really interested in learning the Bollywood dance!"

  "Actually, I love those lessons," Pat replied. "They kinda helped, but not completely. Like I said, Rohit wants you, not me."

  Babs wanted to strangle Pat for her cool expression. Nothing seemed to shake her. Ma li mortacci de 'sta stronza! Swearing always felt better in Italian.

  "Get out of my life! I won't call Samantha to switch us back so you can have sex with Rohit in my body," she concluded with a snort of exasperation.

  "Will you keep the baby?" Pat asked bluntly. "Or have you scheduled an abortion already?"

  Babs glared at her. "None of your business."

  "You're Italian, right?" Pat continued, business-like. "You're a Catholic, so you'll keep it. I can adopt the baby if you don't want to raise him."

  "His father can raise him for all I care," Babs snapped. "I don't want to see you ever again."

  "If we switch bodies, I'll marry Rohit and we'll give proper parents to the baby."

  "Again? What makes you think I'd want to switch bodies with you?" Babs said, sarcastic. "If I could choose, I'd switch body with Charlize Theron, not you! What was your plan for switching with me anyway?"

  "I'd have paid for a medium or whatever it takes," Pat said coldly.

  "I don't think Samantha does it for the money. She doesn't need money. She's just bored from time to time. I'd get bored too, if I was stuck in my twenties for eternity and could have anything I could wish for."

  "So you don't want to live forever?" Pat narrowed her eyes, clearly skeptical.

  "Certainly not. I've had enough with this life and look forward to the next. I want to be a gay man with lots of gorgeous lovers – or maybe just one who is as handsome as me."

  Pat rolled her eyes. "Jesus! You're crazy!"

  "You bet I am. Stay away from Rohit, Kyle and me. Because you have no idea of what I can do."

  And neither do I, but if she drives me crazy enough, I might do something bad. Not murder, but who knows.

  Pat stormed off and Babs tried to relax, taking deep breaths.

  Stay calm. Don't panic. Everything is going to be all right.

  She was nauseous again. Shit. Samantha, where are you?

  Truth was – she hated doctors. She was scared of abortion. She'd rather believe in a witch who could solve problems with a spell than going to a hospital to have the fetus removed.

  ***

  Rohit had agreed to go out at night with Pat and Gab as long as one of his housemates came with him. Babs was not a party girl, but Kyle went, much like they'd done in LA with Kyle's friends at the beginning of their relationship.

  Rohit was aware that Gabrielle was as interested in him as Pat was, but he wasn't going to let her have her way. Gab was more cheerful and charming than Pat, and truly enjoyed dancing, so they soon went on the dance floor, where Rohit tried not to think at all.

  He didn't want to think about Babs's pregnancy. He didn't want to think about the two women lusting after him. He didn't want to think about what he was doing to Kyle – who was still sleeping on the couch. He closed his eyes and let the music play its magic on him. And if Gabrielle brushed herself against him, he didn't really care.

  "Did you enjoy Gab's company?" Kyle asked in the car as they headed home after dropping the women.

  "I'd have preferred you joined me on the dance floor," he replied. He felt exhausted, physically and emotionally. "I mean, you did dance in LA. We haven't gone out at night once since we moved to Portland, but..." He sighed.

  "You never mentioned you wanted a night life," Kyle said.

  "I don't need it, but maybe once or twice... if you join me on the dance floor, that is."

  "Do you want a date in a gay disco bar with me?" Kyle asked with a half smile.

  Rohit snorted. That wasn't what he wanted either. When had things become so complicated?

  Kyle parked the car and switched off the engine, turning to look at him. Rohit put his head on Kyle's shoulder, wishing he could rewind everything that happened up to when he'd fallen in love with Kyle.

  "We've never been to a gay disco bar," he muttered, nestling against Kyle.

  "No. And we never had a proper date either," Kyle replied.

  "True..." He pondered. "Why do I always get in trouble with women?"

  "Because you can't make up your mind?" Kyle squeezed him and sighed. "You're too tired to think tonight. Get some sleep, Rohit, and answer me when you're ready. I'm not going anywhere."

  Rohit nodded and pulled away with a sigh. He so hated sleeping alone...

  ***

  "He doesn't want either of us," Gab said, pouting. "He's definitely gay now. Like all the dancers of the world." She snorted.

  "Maybe," Pat replied absentmindedly.

  They were in their hotel room, ready to sleep. Rohit was always very formal during the dance lessons, and now either Kyle or Babs were always in the house, ready to "save" him from any seduction attempt. Not that he needed help, he was very good at fending off offers on his own.

  Even the night out hadn't brought either of them closer to him, and not because of Kyle's presence. But Pat knew he had a crush on Babs and that Babs was pregnant, while Gab didn't know any of that. Or the body switch. Let her think Rohit is gay, she'll forget him soon enough, Pat thought. She could see he was conflicted and wondered if she could find a way to convince him to raise the baby with her, since Babs didn't seem to want to be a mother.

  "But he's a good teacher," Gab continued. "And he's so sexy! Pity he doesn't want to act anymore."

  "Do you think you'll use his dance lessons in future roles?" Pat asked, amused.

  "Why not?" Gab jumped up in her silky underwear. "We can teach Deb! And then we'll go dancing all together and men will fall at our feet!" She mimicked Rohit's moves – she was actually quite good, better than Pat who burst out laughing at the thought of wooden Deb trying to keep up with them.

  "What?" Gab protested, stopping her dance.

  "Can you really see Deb moving like that?" Pat aske
d, rolling on her bed with laughter.

  Gab was stunned for a moment, then burst out laughing too.

  "Right, what was I thinking!" She plunged on her bed and hugged her pillow. "Thanks for bringing me here, Pat. It was very sweet of you. And even if Rohit keeps rejecting us, I still have the best friend in the world."

  "If you say so," Pat answered grumpily. She'd been a little unfair with Gab. She'd always thought she was all looks and no brain. But the vacation in Portland was proving how wrong she'd been. Probably about a lot of things.

  Not that she wanted to give up her career. When she went back, she'd be CEO of her own company. With or without Rohit.

  9.

  "Didn't you quit smoking four years ago?" Samantha asked, joining Rohit who sat on a bench in one of the many Portland parks, staring into space with a cigarette in hand.

  "Yes, so?" Rohit muttered, frowning.

  "What, you're suicidal again?" Samantha put her hands on her hips and stood in front of him. "Sorry, not going to happen. I won't let you ruin your lungs again." She snatched the cigarette and threw it away.

  Puzzled, he focused on her.

  "Who are you?" he asked bluntly.

  "I'm a friend." She grabbed his arm and pulled him to his feet. "You look like you need to talk and it's a fine morning to stroll. What's next, partying hard to forget the woman who gives you heartache? And then try to cut your wrists again? Uh-uh, now way, Rohit, I won't let you do it."

  "How do you know all these things about me?" he asked, jarred.

  "Told you, I'm a friend," she said patiently. She better not scare him with her knowledge, though. "My name is Samantha. Feel free to pour out what's bothering you – I won't tell your housemates." She raised her right hand in a promise of secrecy.

  "I don't know, some things I can't express in English," he said, frowning.

  "Say them in Hindi." She shrugged. "Maybe you just need to say it out loud."

  "But will you understand what I'm saying?"

  As a matter of fact, yes. But you don't need to know that.

  "I think you need to get it off your chest," she said. "Whether I understand or not is irrelevant. I'm not here to give advice, but to help you sort your feelings."

  Quite garbled at the moment. But I won't let you fall into the hell of depression again.

  He took a deep breath as they walked slowly under the trees. And then he said it, almost non-stop, how he'd been confused by the body switch and had hoped the pregnancy would bring Babs closer to him but it obviously didn't so he didn't know what to do now that Pat was pressing him and suggesting they find a way to switch again so they could all live happily ever after.

  "I mean, she'd give up her career to be the mother of my child!" He almost whined as they reached a coffee shop.

  Samantha patted his back and asked what he wanted.

  "Nothing," he muttered, staring at his feet. "My stomach is in a knot."

  "Do you want to keep walking?" she suggested.

  He nodded, so they kept going.

  "Well, I know what Babs and Pat want," she said. "But what do you really want? Do you still love Kyle? Do you think that Pat in Babs's body will be your ideal woman?"

  "I don't know!" Rohit was desperate, torn between his love for Kyle and his crush on Babs. He didn't think he liked Babs's body, more her mind. So putting her in another body might take away the physical attraction and they could be friends for life, but what could he do with Pat in Babs's body?

  "But do you want to be a father or not?" Samantha insisted.

  "Yes, but I don't want my child to grow up in a house with one woman and two men, with his father not sleeping with his mother," he said, determined. He was way too traditional for such an unconventional family.

  "Well, this settles it, then," Samantha said cheerfully. "Babs won't have any babies, you can tell Pat to bugger off and everything will go back to normal."

  "Really?" he stared at her, hopeful. "That would be awesome!"

  "It would have been better if you hadn't touched Babs's body, but whatever." Samantha giggled.

  "Please!" He moaned. "I wish I had never done it!"

  "Okay. Let's imagine you never did..."

  She weaved her spell. She found his guilt and deleted it. She found the morning in question and faded it to a dream, all the while singing a silly song that seemed to calm Rohit.

  She stopped as Rohit kept walking, lost in thought. She smiled and vanished

  ***

  Babs huffed as her abdominal cramp finally subsided. She relaxed a little and closed her eyes to catch her breath, then rose from the toilet. She noticed the water was reddish and she felt light-headed.

  As she exited the bathroom, she inhaled deeply.

  "Are you okay?" Kyle asked, worried.

  "Yeah." she sighed. "Been bleeding. Either my periods are back or..."

  "You miscarried."

  "Mm." She leaned on the kitchenette counter, both drowsy and relieved. "Told you I'm too old to be a mother."

  "Let me take you to the doctor," he said. "We need to make sure you're fine."

  "Okay." Mostly, she didn't have the strength to fight him.

  She followed him to the car, and since she had no idea of how much blood she'd lost, he opted for the ER. Rohit called as they headed for the hospital – he was walking home and wanted a lift – but Kyle told him to find a taxi and wait for them at home.

  "Complete miscarriage," the doctor said after the tests. "And a quick one at that."

  Babs was glad it had been over in an hour or so, but didn't comment. Thank you, Samantha, she thought as the doctor dismissed her, giving her a flyer for a miscarriage support group.

  "Think you'll go?" Kyle asked as he drove home.

  "Not really, no," she answered. "I'm glad it's over."

  "Heartless woman." He flashed a smile at her.

  She chuckled. "Not everybody wants to be a mother. And Rohit is all yours again now."

  "Do you think so?" he sounded skeptical. "Maybe I shouldn't have talked to him in the first place when I saw him in Rome."

  "Talking to him was fine, since he was so depressed, but you should have kept your hands off of him," she teased.

  "I wonder how you manage that," he retorted. "When he makes his puppy eyes..."

  "I know, irresistible. Okay, sometimes I do want to cuddle him. But it's all just... too complicated."

  "I think you've bitten the dust." It was his turn to tease.

  "No, I love you both and I'd never be able to choose between you two," she replied. "And not because you're a couple, but because you're both wonderful in different ways. I wish relationships weren't so complicated..."

  And then they got home and Rohit rushed out of the front door worried.

  "What happened?" he asked, staring at both with a creased forehead.

  "Complete miscarriage," Babs answered. "I'm fine. I'm actually hungry – did you cook anything?"

  "No, I was too worried!" Rohit protested. "Are you sure you're all right?"

  "Yes, I'm fine. Since dinner isn't ready, why don't we go out?"

  As usual she sat in front of them at the restaurant, and enjoyed watching them bicker. Rohit seemed to be back to his usual sweet self, so maybe the miscarriage was good news for him too.

  Babs felt relieved. Now things could really go back to normal.

  "I think you should stop taking Pat's calls," she told Rohit. "The princess on the pea should stop bothering you."

  "A little old for a princess of a fairy tale," Kyle commented. "Although coming from Sleeping Beauty who isn't in her prime anymore herself..."

  Babs stuck her tongue at him.

  "You know, in Italian pea is another word for dick. So she's the princess on the pea, since she enjoys dicks so much."

  "And you're Sleeping Beauty?" Rohit asked, a little puzzled.

  "Of course. Unless you consider yourself the Beast."

  "Nah, he's too gorgeous to be the Beast," Kyle said. "Besides, that Be
auty doesn't sleep."

  "Well, I might be sleeping, but I'm not waiting for a Prince Charming," Babs warned Rohit. "So don't think you can awaken me."

  "He's not a Prince Charming, he's a Bollywood Hero!" Kyle said.

  "Worse! Supposed to sweep me off my feet!"

  "You're not his Heroine!"

  "Lucky me!"

  "I'm not a Bollywood Hero anymore!" Rohit protested, lost.

  Both Kyle and Babs burst out laughing.

  "No, you're just our Sweet Rohit," she said, putting her hand on his and staring fondly at him.

  He smiled shyly, glancing at Kyle, unsure of how to react.

  "We're teasing, Rohit," Kyle said tenderly. "Sorry for making fun of you."

  "Theek hai." Rohit wobbled his head. "I forgive you."

  "I so love you guys," Babs said, squeezing the hand of both men.

  "We love you too," they chorused with a laugh.

  ***

  Kyle saw Rohit brighten when he followed him upstairs.

  "You're sleeping with me again?" Rohit asked, hopeful.

  Kyle wanted to hug him and shower him with kisses, but stopped by the door, pretending to think about it.

  "I don't know... you think I should?" he asked.

  "I've so missed you!" Rohit threw his arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. "I'm so sorry, I don't know what possessed me," he apologized then. "Will you forgive me?"

  "Is that all you're going to do to be forgiven?" Kyle chided. "A kiss?"

  Rohit licked his lips.

  "No, I was planning a full service as soon as you're naked," he said with an impish smile.

  "Oh, really?" Kyle pulled him closer, ready to rip his clothes off. "We'll see in the morning if I can forgive you, then."

  Rohit chuckled. "Deal."

  But Kyle knew he had already forgiven him. Rohit proved he'd make up his mind and they could live happily ever after. The balance was restored – at least for now. And Kyle was too happy to care about the future. He'd enjoy the present as much as he could.

  ***

  Pat felt like waking up from a dream. What on earth had possessed her to waste her precious vacation time in Portland, groveling at the feet of a gorgeous young man who didn't want her, was anyone's guess. Okay, he'd taught her a few dance steps – but why keep asking him for more? Where was her pride? She was a successful career woman, Rohit in all his handsomeness wasn't worth her time!