Body Switches

by Barbara G. Tarn

  Pat tried to call him, but he was always very blunt. She tried to email him, but even in writing he didn't seem to want to communicate with her. No matter how much she tried to remind him of what a good time they had together, he didn't seem interested.

  Until she mentioned how much she enjoyed his dance numbers, how she'd started singing "Diwana Dil" in the shower, and asked him if he was willing to give her lessons. He must love dancing, since he relented a little and suggested she find a Bollywood dance school in New York.

  Pat began to think she should go back to Portland. Seeing him in person again might make things easier. But she had to convince him she only wanted dance lessons she couldn't get anywhere else. And maybe she could suggest New York was the place for him. If he hit the Broadway stages, he could be a star again – and much closer to her than to his crazy roomies.

  Then she went with Deb to see Gabrielle in her first stage play – she couldn't postpone meeting Gab any longer. She congratulated her long lost friend on her performance and then invited her to her apartment for a tea with an idea half-forming in her head.

  Glamorous Gab could help her see Rohit again, if Pat manipulated her the right way. Gabrielle wasn't Miss Smart, so it shouldn't be too hard.

  "I thought Deb would be here," Gabrielle said, looking around the living room. "I mean, the three of us together again – Glam Gab, Posh Pat and Dandy Deb... God, how many years ago was it?"

  "Nevermind, Gab. Anyway, it's just the two of us," Pat answered. "I'd like to show you something, and I don't think she'd appreciate it as much as you would."

  She had already one of Rohit's DVDs in the player and switched on the TV. Gabrielle sat, mildly curious, and admired the young man's dance skills.

  "Who is he? He'd make millions in Hollywood!" she said, pleasantly surprised.

  "I think he made millions with these movies, but now he's retired," Pat answered. "And he lives in Portland, Oregon."

  "You gotta be kidding me!" Gab was shocked. "And what does he do now?"

  "He's a writer," Pat explained. "But he still loves dancing, and I've asked him private lessons. Except he wouldn't have me, but maybe if I bring a friend..."

  "Why wouldn't he have you?" Gab asked, puzzled.

  "Okay, we had sex, once." Pat decided to be honest. Sort of. She wasn't going to tell anyone about the body switch.

  "You had... him?" Gab widened her eyes and pointed at the TV screen. "Whoa, way to go, girl!"

  "Yeah, well, he has a boyfriend now," Pat said sourly.

  "Oh, no! What a waste!"

  "Anyhow, if you'd come with me to Portland for a couple of weeks, maybe he'll agree to give us dance lessons. But he's mine. I want to get in his pants again."

  Gab giggled like a teenager, which made Pat cringe.

  "Okay. But if he rejects you, I want to have a pass at him too," Gab said.

  Knowing her friend was much more attractive than her, Pat internally groaned. But then, if Gab could take Rohit away from Kyle and bring him to New York, she'd definitely have other chances. So why not. Anything to take Rohit away from Portland...

  7.

  Rohit's parents were gone when Babs remembered to pick up her tests.

  "Nothing bad, ma'am," the doctor said. "You're pregnant."

  "I'm what? How the hell is that possible?" she protested. "I've got menopause!"

  "Uh... no. You missed periods because you're nine weeks pregnant."

  "But it's impossible!"

  The doctor raised one eyebrow like Dr. "Bones" Mc Coy of Star Trek – although he didn't look like the late DeForest Kelley.

  "I suggest you see a gynecologist as soon as possible," he said.

  "Thanks," she muttered, grabbing her tests and storming out.

  She went straight home and called for an urgent meeting with her flatmates. Kyle and Rohit sat on the couch and watched her pacing as she tried to figure out what had happened.

  "Will you be still and tell us what's up?" Kyle snapped.

  She stopped and stood in front of them.

  "Okay, there you have it. I got my tests back, and I'm pregnant. I'm still trying to figure out how it happened."

  "Are you sure you just slept in Kyle's bed?" Rohit asked, frowning at his boyfriend.

  "Honey, me and her were history long before I met you," Kyle replied.

  "Return of flame?" Rohit insisted.

  "What flame? We didn't do anything in the first place!"

  "Okay, what about an old Italian flame?" Rohit looked at Babs.

  "Guys!" she exploded. "I'm nine weeks pregnant! So it happened more or less... when Pat was here!"

  She stared at them in horror. Rohit gaped. It was Kyle's turn to glare at his boyfriend.

  "Why is she still stalking you online and by phone if you never touched her?"

  "I don't know! I never touched Pat, I swear!"

  "Rohit!" Babs narrowed her eyes. "Did you touch me while we were switched?"

  Rohit blushed and hugged his knees.

  "Um... yes..." he muttered, staring at the floor.

  "Jesus Christ!"

  "Cazzo!" Babs resumed pacing. "Damn you, Rohit, you could have used a condom!"

  "You didn't give me time to think," Rohit replied defensively.

  "It wasn't me!" she screamed. "And of course that bitch had menopause, so she didn't think my body was younger! But what about safe sex, huh?"

  "I'm sorry," Rohit whispered, hunching his shoulders and trying to hide his face behind his knees.

  "And what's with you and older women?" she continued, furious. "You flirted with Rekha while in Bollywood?"

  "No!" He protested. "I loved my wife! I never cheated on her – especially not with co-stars!"

  "Why did she dump you, then?"

  "She found somebody else," he grumbled.

  "And since you found somebody else too since, why did you have sex with my body?!"

  "I'm sorry," Rohit repeated, tearful.

  Kyle pulled him closer, protectively.

  "Gee, you're a grown up man and you didn't even think before taking my virginity!" Babs rolled her eyes, pacing again.

  "Sorry." Rohit sobbed.

  "And stop crying, for God's sake! Boys don't cry, real men do, but you cry way too much!" she exploded.

  "Well stop screaming at him!" Kyle yelled. "You know he's a highly sensitive person!"

  "Oh yeah? So am I!" she retorted. "Crazy kya re, Rohit!"

  "Oh, please, quit the song lyrics Hindi and sit down," Kyle ordered, patting Rohit's shoulder with one hand and the couch next to him with the other.

  Pouting, Babs crouched next to him and waited for Rohit to calm down.

  "I'm sorry," Rohit repeated for the last time, drying his tears. "What can I do now?"

  "Nothing," she muttered. "I'm too old to be a mother."

  "Obviously not, or you wouldn't be pregnant," Kyle said.

  "Gee, I was a virgin three months ago!" She snorted. "I still am, for that matter, since I wasn't in my body when it happened! And I don't want to give birth at fifty, who's going to keep up with the baby's energies? Not me, and that's for sure!"

  "We'll help," Kyle promised. "Especially Rohit, since he's younger and he's responsible for your state."

  Rohit nodded eagerly.

  Babs sighed and shook her head.

  "I don't know, guys." Suddenly the adrenaline was gone and she felt exhausted. "I don't think I can do this."

  She rose and went to her room to try to sort out her feelings.

  ***

  Kyle went to the office to get away from Rohit. He needed to think on his own. Learning that Rohit had made love to Babs's body hurt, although it wasn't completely unexpected. And watching Rohit's puppy look – begging forgiveness with his eyes – didn't help. Mostly because he wasn't sure who Rohit wanted to be forgiven by – him or Babs?

  He sat at the desk and went down memory lane. The meeting in Rome. The slow falling for the hurt sensitive person who had revealed himself very affection
ate and cuddly. Their first talk with Babs on Skype – Babs and Rohit studying each other through a web-cam.

  And then they'd all moved to Oregon and started living together, setting the rules. Kyle knew Babs didn't like being touched. When they'd first met, he had tried to get more intimate with her, but she'd made it clear that she wasn't interested, so he hadn't insisted.

  He knew she was attracted to Rohit, but it was completely platonic. Babs refused relationships because she couldn't believe they could last from a sexual encounter. She preferred friendship to love, so Kyle had been pretty certain she'd never put herself between him and Rohit.

  And she hadn't. But Pat had used her body to get into Rohit's pants and that had been a disaster. Rohit had grown very fond of Babs too, and even if he considered her an elder sister, obviously the physical part had been very welcome. Now Rohit was confused again, and Kyle wanted to bang his head on the wall.

  If Babs had that baby, what would happen to them?

  Kyle decided to sleep on the couch until they had a clearer idea of the situation. The broken pact had upset the balance of the household and the unexpected pregnancy could put an end to his relationship with Rohit – who didn't even have to courage to tell his parents he slept with a man...

  ***

  Rohit didn't like sleeping alone. He woke up grumpy, wondering if that was the reason he'd ended up in Kyle's bed in the first place. He'd been sleeping with him for months now, close to a year, and already his parents' visit had upset him more than what he thought.

  But now that Babs had found out she was pregnant and Kyle had moved to the couch it was even worse. He wished Babs would try to sleep with him – after all she'd spent a couple of weeks in that bed with Kyle – but she obviously didn't want to be anywhere near him at the moment. And Kyle was rightfully hurt by his weakness that had so unbalanced their relationship.

  He got out of bed and went downstairs. Kyle was in his armchair with coffee and newspaper, as usual. Babs was in the kitchenette, preparing the moka pot with a brooding expression. Rohit made his tea, unable to look his housemates in the eyes. Unicorn Books would be closed today, at least until they came back from the gynecologist appointment.

  They were all going, of course. Kyle would drive them, but he was also concerned. He might not be the father, but he was involved and was worried for Babs's health – pregnancy at forty-nine wasn't the safest bet. The final choice was hers, of course, but they'd both do their best to support her.

  Knowing she didn't like to talk in the morning, Rohit left Babs alone and went to sit next to Kyle with his tea.

  "Did you sleep well?" Kyle asked, dropping the newspaper.

  "No," Rohit answered, sipping his tea.

  Kyle stared at him, waiting for more, then averted his eyes, shaking his head.

  "You didn't miss me," he muttered.

  "I..." Rohit blocked his protest. He obviously hadn't, or he would have said so immediately. He sighed. "I wish I could have slept with her," he whispered, glancing towards the kitchenette.

  Kyle smiled ruefully.

  "I'm glad we have contracts for Unicorn Books," he said. "If our relationship goes to hell, we'll still be able to conduct business. If that's what you still want, I mean."

  "I don't know what I want," Rohit admitted, dejected.

  Then Babs joined them with her cup of Italian coffee and a morose "Morning." She slumped on the couch as far as she could from Rohit and drank her coffee, staring into space.

  Kyle checked his watch.

  "We better get ready, the doctor is waiting."

  ***

  "Everything is fine, ma'am," the gynecologist said. "Although it's a little early to determine the sex. The ultrasound won't be able to tell before fifteen weeks or more."

  "I don't care about the sex," Babs grumbled.

  She sat between Rohit and Kyle in front of the doctor as he explained to all of them what to expect.

  "May I ask who the father is?" the gynecologist inquired a little puzzled by the total lack of response or questions from any of them.

  Rohit shyly raised his hand. The doctor looked quizzically at Kyle.

  "I'm his boyfriend," Kyle snapped.

  Babs scoffed. Poor doctor must think them all nuts.

  "It wasn't exactly planned," she said, more sarcastic than she intended. "Sorry, it's complicated," she muttered averting her eyes.

  "So you don't really want this late pregnancy?" the doctor asked.

  She snorted. "I'm too old for this, why did it have to happen?"

  "Because you're still fertile."

  "Gee, Rohit, did you have to fuck me on my fertile day?" she complained. Rohit glared at her, but didn't say anything.

  "We don't normally suggest this," the gynecologist said. "But in your case, you might consider abortion. Or you'll have to be very careful during the next few months."

  "My health is failing me anyway," she grumbled. "I hurt everywhere. I have nausea, headaches and now this!" She wanted to curse aloud, but thought better of it. She sounded whiny enough already. And her throat was knotted closed. Oh, yes, let's not forget these fucking mood swings and wanting to cry every minute of this awful life!

  "You think about it," the gynecologist said, giving her her next appointment.

  Yeah, think about it. Rohit fucked you, but you don't remember it because you weren't there. And now he has this puppy look begging you to give him another chance! No way, Rohit! You're gorgeous, but you've done more than enough, thank you!

  If only she could make up her mind... Did she want the baby anyway? Did she want to stay in the same house with Kyle and Rohit? Did she want to keep living that way? Well, suicide was not an option – never had been, even in her most depressing times. Still, she must find the strength to make up her mind...

  8.

  Pat headed back to Portland for a much awaited vacation with Gabrielle. Rohit had agreed to give them both a crash course in Bollywood dance. She looked forward to being in his presence again and hoped she could convince him to have sex with her once more. And if she failed, maybe Gab could convince him to go back to acting – and move to New York.

  Since she traveled with Gabrielle, she'd booked a hotel. As soon as she got there, she called Rohit. The lessons would be in the trio's living room, and Pat wanted to make sure they were still on.

  "Yes, we can start tomorrow at ten, like we said," Rohit answered. "Is your friend with you?"

  "Yes." Pat passed the phone to Gab. "Say hello to Rohit."

  "Hello Rohit!" Gab said cheerfully.

  "See, there's two of us," Pat continued her call. "Like I told you, Gabrielle is an actress and she wants to learn the Bollywood dance as much as I do."

  "Okay, see you tomorrow, then," Rohit said.

  "Will your roomies join the fun?" she asked lightly.

  "Um... no. They're busy."

  "Or they hate me..."

  "It's because you're stalking me."

  "I'm not! I want to discuss your books and your movies with you!" She sounded like a fangirl, hopefully. "And learn the Bollywood dance! I'm glad you don't think I'm too old to start."

  "It's never too late to start a new life," he said gravely.

  Not that she planned on starting a new life. She looked forward to her first lesson.

  The next morning she rang his bell on time with Gab. He let them in, but didn't smile and looked sad. Still gorgeous, but also with a hint of melancholy on his face. Maybe he'd fought with Kyle?

  Gab was greatly impressed, but he remained professional.

  "You said you had some dance lessons?" he asked as they stood in the middle of the living room.

  "I did ballet dancing as a child," Pat said.

  "I took some tango lessons in my thirties," Gab added eagerly. "It was for a movie..."

  "So you should have a good headstart," he said, serious.

  Pat let him guide her through the steps and movement, without music at first. Every time he touched her, she struggled to
control herself. And she could tell Gab was even more excited than she was. Good – she'd look like the sane person next to her friend.

  The two hours flew by and finally Rohit switched off the stereo and said it was time to eat something.

  "Can I buy you lunch?" Pat offered.

  They sat outside a café with a soup and a salad. Rohit still looked troubled and didn't talk much.

  Pat tried to put him at ease, discussing his work. She enjoyed his stories, but the movies didn't make much sense to her. She could replay his dance numbers until she knew them by heart, but she didn't like the movies themselves. Gab had seen only one movie – and didn't like it very much – and all his dance numbers, so she chimed in from time to time, but mostly listened.

  "I guess Babs and Kyle are an exception," he commented, a little sad, at the end of the meal. "They keep telling me I should go back to acting."

  "Well, you should! Why don't you try Hollywood? With your looks and your dance skills... I mean, even Broadway – wouldn't you like to be on a stage, dancing for a live audience?"

  He glared at her. "No, thank you. I've had enough of fame."

  "Sorry," she apologized, as Gab's smile faded away.

  "It's a real shame, Rohit," Gab chided, leaning forward. He shrugged and averted his eyes. Gab snorted. "Sorry, gotta go to the girls' room," she said rising and heading to the restroom on her high heels.

  Good, Pat thought, satisfied. Rohit hadn't looked impressed by her glamorous friend, but still...

  "How are your roomies doing?" Not that she cared, but they were obviously important for him.

  He hung his head and sighed.

  "You fought with Kyle?" she insisted, feigning concern and putting her hand on his.

  "No... no." He hesitated, then looked her in the eyes. "Babs is pregnant. After you threw her body at me."

  Pat opened her mouth, stunned, then burst out laughing. The virgin loser was pregnant – served her right!

  "It's not funny!" Rohit protested. "We should have used a condom!"

  "Sorry, sorry," Pat apologized, controlling herself. "Whoa, makes me want to switch bodies with her again. Maybe you'd make love to me if you knew I carried your child."