The Ingredients for Happiness

by Lucy Knott

  ‘I love you. Hope you’re having a rad session today. XX’ she texted with a smile.

  ‘The casatiello is prepped for tomorrow and I’ve put the eggs in the fridge to keep until we need them. The Easter menu is looking fab,’ Lauren said, snapping Amanda’s eyes away from her phone.

  ‘You’re a star, thank you Lauren. You can head out now if you’d like. I’ll see to the pastiera and cleaning up the last of my mess.’ Amanda chuckled, glancing at her work station that was still dusted with flour and scraps of paper she had been noting down recipe changes on, next to her book of her nanna and grandpa’s recipes that was bulging with similar torn pieces of paper. So much for keeping paper to the bowl on the counter, she thought. ‘And help yourself to a coffee and anything you’d like before you go.’

  Lauren discarded her apron, washed her hands and thanked Amanda before exiting the kitchen just as Amanda’s phone beeped.

  Amanda spun around and grabbed it from the bowl. If her sisters had been in the kitchen with her now, they would have wondered if aliens had altered her brain seeing her spin so giddily. It was true that Dan had the ability to make her walls crumble and give butterflies the right to permanent residency in her stomach and possibly her brain.

  ‘Hey. Is Dan with you? If he’s sat eating sambuca biscotti before work, I will be very disappointed … only if he doesn’t bring us all some. It’s been a long day. PS. Working on lifting the ban so please tell him to have patience with me and keep on the downlow. XXXX’

  The butterflies in Amanda’s stomach went into a mad, fluttering frenzy as Amanda read Sabrina’s text. If Dan wasn’t at the studio, where could he be? Had she been too late in putting his worries to rest? Had she not taken his insecurities seriously when he had done nothing but dote on her and support her when dealing with her own in the past? Had she been so focused at the café, harping on about all Liam’s help, unaware that Dan was battling with problems in his head? Were her and Dan better off as just friends? After all, had she just proven to be a terrible girlfriend? If these thoughts weren’t occupying her mind she might have just laughed at that fact Sabrina just said, ‘Keep on the downlow’.

  The kitchen door swung open, making Amanda jump. ‘I’m going to lock up out here, boss. You need any help back here?’ Kate asked.

  Amanda cleared her throat as the oven chimed, momentarily making her forget her worries. Pastiera she could focus on. Pastiera wasn’t complicated. Pastiera she was good at. ‘No, I’m all good back here. Thanks Kate,’ she said, grabbing her lemon-printed oven gloves and getting lost in the fragrant aroma of barley and cinnamon, as she began taking the golden-brown pans of deliciousness out of the oven. She had no doubt Dan would turn up at the studio soon. It was not like him to be late. And Amanda was sure he would have a good reason.

  Chapter 19

  Nanna’s Baci Cookies

  Ingredients:

  ½ cup slithered hazelnuts

  1 cup of roughly chopped Perugina milk chocolate

  1 cup of sugar

  2 cups of flour

  1 cup of melted butter

  1 egg

  Pinch of salt

  1 tsp baking powder

  Drop of vanilla

  What to do:

  Mix together the sugar and butter in a mixing bowl.

  Then add the remaining ingredients and combine.

  Roll small chunks of the dough into balls and place on baking tray.

  Flatten with palm slightly and bake at 160 degrees for 10–15 mins, until golden.

  ‘What are the two of them doing? They are late again, and this makes Dan late for the third time this week,’ Sabrina said, exasperated, as she stood in the sound booth with Dylan and James, away from Keira and Jack. ‘What’s going on with Dan? He is never late and now Levi too. Well, okay, so that’s a tad more believable, but ten to fifteen minutes, not an hour.’ Dylan and James were not soothing her frustration by looking from each other to her and shrugging.

  ‘They’ll be here soon, no worries boss,’ James said, attempting to reach out and stroke her forearm, but Sabrina was pacing too quickly for him to connect, so he simply wobbled precariously against the stool he was leaning on. Sabrina was baffled by their collected demeanours – Dylan’s even more so than James. James and Levi were as thick as thieves, the two most likely to be getting up to trouble. Dylan was more on Dan’s wavelength and did not care for tardiness. Why was he cutting him so much slack? This should be bothering him, why wasn’t it bothering him? Sabrina stared at Dylan with narrowed eyes, trying to study his face for hints and intimidate him. He simply stared back, a smirk playing at the side of his mouth, his fierce, bright hazel eyes not wandering from hers and very aware of what she was doing.

  Sabrina huffed when Dylan didn’t offer up any information on their whereabouts.

  ‘Did we say six tonight, boss? Maybe we scheduled for seven-thirty?’ James queried, his hand propped up under his jawline, his dark eyes squinting playfully. But she was not in the mood for games, not tonight, not when she had a Skype meeting scheduled in an hour with Keira and their publicist to talk about San Francisco Beat’s image, which was causing her anxiety to already be through the roof.

  ‘Do some work, you two,’ Sabrina started, shaking her head at James and withholding a smile that proved slightly challenging when you had two ridiculously good-looking rock stars in front of you who were trying to turn on the charm with just their facial expressions. Sexy smirks be damned. ‘Maybe warm up your vocal chords and practice a few beats on the drums, in case I have to fire your best buddies.’

  ‘Anything for you, boss,’ James called after her, unphased by her order, as she marched out of the record booth and plastered on a smile for Jack.

  ‘Sorry Jack, they’re just caught up and should be here any minute. No need to worry,’ Sabrina said airily, trying to convince herself.

  ‘It’s all good love. We’ve no rush,’ Jack replied, while performing hand gestures through the glass to Dylan who picked up his bass and followed Jack’s instructions.

  Sabrina sat down to rifle through some of her notes for later and to check over responses for the upcoming gig she had initiated with the label. All involved had given her the go-ahead which meant she had been working around the clock with the labels, booking agents and events promoters to make it possible. But it was difficult to concentrate, and she felt uneasy with Dan and Levi’s absence. After speaking with Amanda the other day, her relationship with Levi had begun to improve but she knew it would be better once she got this meeting out of the way so she could be less jittery. She had apologized for her behavior, and normalcy had crept back into their relationship with simple ease. She hadn’t realized how tiring it had been building a wall whenever her natural instincts wanted to hug him or kiss his cheek. Of course, she was still a professional but those subtle gestures of togetherness – a graze of hands, a hand on the knee when sitting next to each other during a long day – reminded her of how much she and Levi were a team and why they worked so well together. It felt great to feel like her work and life balance was steadying out, or it would feel great if she didn’t now want to strangle Levi for being late.

  Stepping into the darkness of the corridor to get some air, away from the cramped recording studio, Sabrina heard voices coming from the tiny reception area. There was a weak ray of streetlamp light coming from the crack in the front door and though she knew other musicians sometimes stopped by, there was no one about; the receptionist had already left for the evening. The voices made her freeze.

  ‘Who knew keeping a secret like this would be so difficult? How are you holding up with Amanda?’ Levi’s voice was soft and anxious. Sabrina’s heart was pounding in her chest. What was Dan keeping from Amanda? She would kill him if he hurt her.

  ‘Dude, can we not talk about it? It’s all good. I will make it up to her.’ There was no mistaking Dan’s raspy voice. However, it contained a slightly troubled infliction, that contrasted with the smile he was giving Lev
i that Sabrina could just make out in the shadows.

  ‘But how are things between you guys, dude? You’ve not been yourself lately. I know she’s the one and you know she’s the one. You’re not like your dad and she’s not either man. If you’re bugging out, you gotta talk to me,’ Levi said, a softness to his voice that was reserved for Dan and that Sabrina had only been privy to over the years if something was going on with Dan’s family and Levi was concerned. It tugged at her heart strings how close these boys were – they weren’t just best friends, they were brothers. But now her worrying brain sped up a mile a minute agonizing over what was bothering Dan, in addition to her mind repeating the words ‘the one’ and homing in on Levi mentioning a secret. Didn’t people usually talk about ‘the one’ when referring to marriage? Was Dan going to propose to Amanda? Sabrina let out a small gasp of excitement, before clamping her hands over her mouth and squinting her eyes as if it would make her hear better in the dim lit corridor.

  ‘God, I know.’ Dan’s gruff voice sent a spasm straight to Sabrina’s heart, an air of vulnerability in it that didn’t often accompany Dan. ‘I’ll figure it out man.’ Sabrina could make out Dan stroking a hand over his chiseled jaw that this week bore a little stubble; seemingly representing Dan’s more disheveled and unusually out of control vibe.

  ‘Yeah? I need to meet this guy, Liam, who’s got my boy shook up. Must be a real heartthrob,’ Levi noted with a teasing inflection. It may have been dark, but Sabrina could see the cheeky glint in his eye and the cocky smile that Levi was no doubt wearing. Dan let out a laugh. ‘And thanks man. I owe you,’ Levi said, patting Dan on the shoulder, before Sabrina heard footsteps; they were heading her way.

  ‘You don’t owe me anything. You can just tell Dylan and James they’re on their own when …’ Dan stopped abruptly when he noticed Sabrina fumbling with her phone trying to pretend she had only just entered the corridor and was too busy dealing with business to have even noticed them. Dan’s eyes gave her a knowing look. Levi’s on the other hand looked like they were about to pop out of his head. He at least looked sorry that they were late and that they might have possibly just been overheard. Dan remained as cool as a cucumber. Sabrina shook her head, waving her phone in the air. ‘Busy, busy,’ she muttered with a sigh, then remembered that she was supposed to be mad at them both for being late. If she was to keep up her charade that she hadn’t heard a peep, she needed to snap back into manager mode and do her thing. Yet, Dan’s eyes were still on her, which had the annoying effect of somehow calming the mixture of confusion, excitement, worry and anger, that had been bubbling up inside her for the past hour due to their tardiness and then now upon hearing their conversation. She didn’t want to be calm, she uncharacteristically wanted to yell at them both for being way past unprofessionally late, or squeal with glee and beg them to impart whatever secret they were keeping from Amanda. She wanted in on proposal plans.

  ‘I apologize for our delay. I had a family matter to address and got held up speaking with my mom. I hope you don’t mind that I needed Levi to see to some things for me,’ Dan said, his tone relaxed and matter of fact.

  Sabrina’s hands were on her hips, as she tapped her foot. She looked away from Levi who was nervously scratching the back of his neck and eyed Dan suspiciously. His dark eyes didn’t blink; he held her gaze. Of course she cared about the wellbeing of Dan’s mum – Amanda raved about her – so she momentarily let her guard down, feeling slightly deflated that Dan had not just offered up information on his secret.

  ‘Is everything okay? How is your mum?’ she asked, hands still on her hips, her head tilted with yet another thing to add to her list of worries.

  ‘She’s wonderful, thank you,’ Dan said, reaching out and placing a hand on Sabrina’s forearm, his brown eyes boring into hers with warmth. ‘Now, I’m sure that my boss is going to fire me should I not get my ass in that record studio this instance, so if you will excuse me.’ He removed his hand from her forearm with a gentle squeeze and stepped past her. Sabrina’s eyes followed him.

  ‘Me too, and I’m rather fond of our boss, I’d hate for that to happen,’ Levi said, making to follow Dan. Sabrina caught his arm, while still watching Dan. ‘Not so fast,’ she said. She watched Dan hesitate, not taking his next step. He seemed to contemplate something for a second before pushing open the studio door and continuing in.

  Sabrina spun around, trying to ignore the flex in Levi’s forearm as she gripped him tighter. Don’t you dare get distracted by his muscles she told herself sternly. When she met his brown eyes, they were wide, his eyebrows drawn in, awaiting her words.

  ‘Is Dan’s mum really okay?’ Sabrina asked, eyeing the door that Dan had just walked through, making shapes with her lips as she figured out how to question Levi without giving away that she had heard their conversation.

  ‘Yes, she’s fine babe. I’m sorry, we got caught up talking to her, that’s all,’ Levi replied, placing his hands on her shoulders and drawing her attention back to him.

  ‘Is Dan okay? I know I haven’t helped matters with the rules that I set recently. I promised Amanda no more ban and I will see to that today, but is Dan happy? Is he mad at me?’ Sabrina said, aware that she was becoming more flustered as each word escaped her lips. Levi rubbed her shoulders.

  ‘Bri, he’s good. I promise. Nothing I can’t help him with and yes, I think allowing him some freedom to be Dan and not some sought-after sex god twenty-four seven would be nice. He misses his girl and wants to pick her up from work without everyone and their brother giving him their views.’ Sabrina cringed at how bad her judgement had been on banning the boys from the café.

  ‘I’m sorry about that,’ she started, placing her hands on Levi’s hips and stepping closer to him. ‘Amanda mentioned something about Liam the other day. She said there was tension in the air and Dan has never been jealous before; she was struggling with how to handle it and upset that Dan doesn’t trust her now.’

  Levi hesitated and dropped a kiss in her hair. ‘I haven’t got all the answers for that one right now baby. I do know that Dan never had anything to be jealous of before; he’s never loved anyone more.’

  With Levi’s words, Sabrina squeezed him tight around the waist, understanding Dan’s feelings. Ever since the day she and Levi had kissed on the balcony of San Francisco Beat’s debut album launch party, a little over two years ago, she had loved him. She had loved him even when she had pushed him away. She had loved him even when he was dating other women and she was dating other guys trying to forget about him. She loved him when she watched him play the drums. She loved him when he wrapped his arms around her at night so he could fall asleep holding her. She loved him when he made her coffee just the way she liked it and the way he winked at her when she bossed him about or ran through the band schedule with him. She loved how he didn’t take life too seriously and how that megawatt smile of his, the one that was very rarely void of mischief, always made her heart beat faster.

  ‘Ahh, okay. But they’re going to be good, right? He’s not keeping secrets from her?’ Sabrina spoke, her head tilted against Levi’s chest. She knew she risked him learning she had overheard his conversation with Dan if she said too much, but she hoped she had said it in a way that sounded nonchalant. Everyone could tell that Dan hadn’t been acting himself recently.

  ‘I think they will be fine,’ Levi replied, wrapping his strong arms around her neck so she could nuzzle on his biceps.

  ‘How can you be so sure?’ she asked quietly.

  ‘Because Dan and I have been friends for over twenty-five years. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him and I’m not ashamed to admit that I love him. He’s stuck with me and I’m stuck with him, for forever at this point. Amanda loves him something fierce and I know that Dan doesn’t take that love lightly. He adores her, he respects her and loves her something terrible. You don’t walk away from that kind of love, even when it gets tough, and he will do anything to make sense of his demons and not allow them
to ruin what they have.’ There was something about the way Levi took a step backwards to look at her, his brown eyes big, his hands on her shoulders, his knees bent slightly so he was at her eye level, that made her worries melt away. The fact was she did trust him; she trusted the man in front of her. There was a truth in his eyes that rendered Sabrina speechless. No words were forming in her brain, she simply stared at Levi with glassy eyes.

  ‘Come here, I have a secret to tell you,’ Levi added, pulling her into him. She shuffled her feet making him work for it, which he was game for, practically lifting her off the floor back to his embrace. ‘I love you,’ he whispered in her ear, his warm breath tickling her neck causing goose bumps to rise on her skin.

  ‘I love you too,’ she whispered automatically, putting her head against her favourite pillow – Levi’s chest – her eyes closed, melting into him. ‘But that’s not a secret,’ she added, with her own playful smirk.

  ‘But it made you forgive my tardiness,’ he whispered into her ear, then gently kissed her neck before she pushed him away, held open the door and gestured for him to get inside.