The Ingredients for Happiness

by Lucy Knott

  *

  The orange and yellow flames danced around in her nanna and grandpa’s fireplace, flashes of blue catching Sabrina’s eyes, as she kicked off her slippers and flopped onto the couch. It was nearing 2.30 a.m., they had just wrapped up tonight’s incredible studio session and everyone was spent. But the problem with the late-night sessions was that even though everyone was tired, it was often hard to fall straight to sleep due to adrenaline. Sabrina could still hear Dan’s raspy vocals in her head. His husky tones and deep melodic sounds mixed with the words for what they had decided this evening would be their first single. The lyrics of ‘All of You’ were now ingrained in her mind. It was one of her favourites and she had no doubt it would be one of Amanda’s too when she heard it.

  A whistle and a hiss came down the chimney, the soft spring wind present in the early hours, but the fire soon warmed the room. Her meeting earlier had started off as well as expected, with the publicist not being all too willing to go along with Sabrina’s ideas or seeing it from her point of view. But Sabrina had put her foot down. With her family’s best interests at the forefront, Sabrina had laid it all on the line. The boys would remain true to themselves, they weren’t going to parade around and draw attention to their personal lives, but they would not shy away from living them. Their music was honest; they weren’t about to build their success on the false pretense that they’d jump into bed with anyone who fancied them. They had families and girlfriends, and this was something they valued and believed their fans would value too. Sabrina had also touched on the new songs and the lyrics that had been coming through in Dan’s writing. He was going through a new stage in his life with Amanda; it poured into his words making for the most vulnerable and heartfelt songs and Sabrina anticipated this truly connecting with their fans and audience. She had finished her argument by saying this was the only way to move forward and that the label could work with them or against them, it was up to them. A weight had lifted off Sabrina’s shoulders when she was reluctantly given the go-ahead to proceed as she wished.

  Now, she nestled into the couch, picking her phone up from the armrest and contemplating messaging Louisa. Amanda had been right again the other day; work had been getting on top of her – she had been getting caught up in the mad game of it all and disregarding her family. Granted, they knew how much getting the boys signed by City Heights Records was a huge achievement that brought with it an awful lot of work, stress and strain, but it was no excuse. Her sisters were working just as hard too, though they probably had the sense to be sleeping now. Amanda was getting an early night ready for tomorrow’s Easter rush and Louisa had mentioned through text that she was preparing for a busy day at Giulia’s boutique working on a few dresses that had been giving her some trouble. Hopefully with the shop closed for the Easter holidays, Louisa would have fewer distractions and be able to get them finished. Sabrina was happy to know that, despite her little sister’s heartbreak over not winning the showcase and the dresses being quite the challenge, she sounded in good spirits.

  A yawn made Sabrina stretch and return her phone to the armrest, not wanting to disturb anyone for the night. Tomorrow was Saturday, the day of the show Sabrina had been busy working on with the booking agents and events team. It was the day before Easter and Sabrina had thought this a great day to bring people together; people who may or may not celebrate the holidays could spend some time with the boys and have a place to belong. It was an intimate gig, only released on San Francisco Beat’s club members website. Sabrina hoped it would be a lovely way for their die-hard fans to get a little more up close and feel appreciated. On Sunday, she and the boys would then be taking a break from the studio to enjoy the Easter celebrations. Sabrina couldn’t even pretend not to be jealous that Louisa was getting to spend it in Italy. It was one of the girls’ favourite holidays to celebrate there. They had so many fond memories from childhood; she had texted Louisa earlier telling her to eat a Baci chocolate egg for her and to take lots of pictures. Thinking of Easter, Sabrina would have to pop in and see Amanda tomorrow at Torta per Tutti, after all the kerfuffle, which had mostly been her own doing due to succumbing to pressure. She hadn’t spent much time in the café since opening day, or catching up with Amanda. Tomorrow she would make an effort to call by before it was action stations with preparing for the boys’ gig and that way, she could tell Amanda that the ban had been lifted. Sabrina hoped that things would settle down with Amanda and Dan. She felt terrible for the tension she had forced upon them and played a part in, though she felt something else was bothering Dan. Suddenly her stomach did a flip. Maybe this would be the week Dan popped the question? Maybe he’d just been ridiculously nervous for the past few months building up to it. Now that she had lifted the ban, it could happen any time. She patted herself on the back, just a little.

  ‘Hey baby.’ Levi’s smooth tone brought her thoughts back to the present.

  ‘Hey,’ she replied, gratefully taking the mug of decaf coffee he handed her. She really wanted to ask about Dan’s possible proposal but didn’t want to give the game away and spoil the surprise. But surely Levi trusted her not to spill the beans? Sabrina looked at him over her mug, contemplating his gorgeous features. She squinted her eyes almost as though she was telepathically trying to tell him she knew what he knew so he could talk to her about it. ‘So, weddings are fun, huh?’ she chirped as casually as she could manage, wriggling her toes towards the fire to warm them up, an air to her voice that she thought sounded unsuspecting enough.

  Levi choked, spluttering on his coffee. ‘Hot,’ he noted, waving his hand in front of his mouth then carefully setting his mug on the coffee table as he sat down.

  ‘Are you okay? I wasn’t talking about us, don’t get your knickers in a twist,’ she chuckled, rubbing his back. ‘Do you think that’s why Dan has been so anxious lately, being late for sessions and getting jealous over Amanda? It’s all just not very like him.’ Sabrina shrugged, placing her coffee mug next to Levi’s so she could turn to face him. She put her legs across his as she did so, making herself comfy.

  Levi had turned a wonderful shade of pale. She felt bad for having scared him. Though she had loved him from the moment she met him, they had only been dating a few months and she didn’t want to pressure him with the idea of marriage even if she had briefly let thoughts of marriage and babies with him occasionally float around in her mind.

  ‘Sweetheart, you’re right that Dan hasn’t quite been himself recently, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. He wouldn’t propose to Amanda while he’s got troubles fogging his mind. You know our boy is more sensible than that,’ Levi said matter-of-factly, rubbing the back of his neck, his cheeks now turning a rosy shade of red.

  ‘I guess that makes sense,’ Sabrina noted, prodding his thigh playfully with her big toe, before scrunching up her nose with concern. ‘What’s troubling him? Anything I can help with?’ she added, feeling worried now that if Dan wasn’t about to propose, then what had him and Levi been discussing when they said ‘secret’?

  ‘I love that about you, you know? I love that you always want to fix everything and help everyone,’ Levi started, an elbow propped up on the back of the couch, his hand playing with her wavy hair. Sabrina scoffed.

  ‘Cause problems more like. It’s my fault Dan has been struggling, isn’t it? Me enforcing a silly rule that he had to stay away from his girlfriend. How horrible am I? But he has no reason to worry about Amanda and be jealous over Liam, they’re just friends,’ Sabrina told Levi, as she fiddled with the drawstring on her lemon print shorts. Levi sighed.

  ‘Bri, you’ve seen the media attention Dan gets right? But you know none of the women he’s been caught with are ever anything serious. With Amanda it’s entirely different. He worships the ground she walks on and it’s a huge transition. She makes him feel all these things he’s tried to keep bottled up. Not being there for her over the past month, someone else stepping into help, well, it threw him for a loop. He wants to be there for her,
give her all she needs,’ Levi explained, stroking Sabrina’s cheek with his thumb, easing the guilt that was rising from the pit of her stomach. ‘But it’s all good. And don’t beat yourself up. It’s not your fault. You’re our manager – we get it and I should have been more patient and understanding. And yeah, being away from the café didn’t exactly help but it’s Dan’s mind he’s got to address. He knows it’s unrealistic him being around her 24/7. He’s just got to get his head around it.’

  Sabrina caught Levi’s stroking hand in hers and kissed it, before resting it on her lap. ‘I understand,’ she said softly. ‘I hope he knows Amanda would never do anything to hurt him and that she loves him a crazy amount.’

  ‘He does, baby.’ Levi paused, as if unsure whether to continue. ‘You’ve met Dan’s mom?’ Levi asked, Sabrina nodded, realizing it was more of a statement that a question; he had been there when she met her. She was a lovely lady and it was easy to see where Dan got his looks and penchant for being both a charmer and a sweetheart from. Though Emma was a lot more boisterous than her son.

  ‘She didn’t have it easy throughout her married life; her husband sucked. Dan vowed never to be like his dad. He was a cheat and Dan was the one his mom turned to for support. He was her shoulder to cry on, but he was a kid when it all started. His mom is his world; he would never dream of putting a girl through the suffering his mom went through, but it plagues him. He’s never gotten serious with anyone before fearing the worst – fearing that he’d become like his dad. I guess now it’s come out in an ugly way, Dan doubting Amanda too and fearing someone else can give her things he can’t.’ Sabrina gulped down the lump in her throat. Levi wiped the trickle of tears that had sprung involuntarily from her eyes.

  ‘I didn’t know that,’ she whispered, her voice small, her cheeks burning up from the flames. ‘But Levi, does Amanda know this? Maybe it would help. She’s been so busy at work that she’s been getting frustrated that he doesn’t trust her when she’s putting her own past behind her to focus on him. Surely he needs to talk to her and work on doing the same?’

  Levi shrugged and brushed back his messy locks.

  ‘He doesn’t like to talk about it. His mom is doing great now, but I spent nights at his house when she was struggling to cope, witnessing the arguments when she took her husband back only to find out he’d done it again with someone new or never stopped seeing the women when he said he had. His poor mom fought depression and Dan felt helpless when she loathed herself and lost her confidence. But hey, that’s all in the past now. I just want you to know Dan’s a good guy. And like I told you, a love like theirs isn’t going anywhere. Amanda trusts him, I can see it and deep down he trusts her too. They will figure it out together. That’s what love is,’ Levi finished, touching a knuckle to Sabrina’s chin and flashing her his dashing smile that sent tingles down her spine. Sabrina was trying to comprehend all that he had just told her about Dan and his mum. Her heart broke for what they had been through, but it also made her feel content that Amanda’s heart was in the right hands. Amanda and Dan had both known hurt, they would look after each other. She stretched her legs above Levi’s thighs and raised her arms above her head. Her yellow pajama tank top rose above her toned stomach. No sooner had she brought her arms back to her sides did Levi have his hands on her waist pulling her on to his lap.

  ‘How about after tomorrow’s gig, we take our minds off work and enjoy us?’ Levi said, raising his right brow and planting a kiss on her nose.

  ‘Hmmm,’ Sabrina pondered. ‘How about us and chocolate cookies?’ she said, brushing a finger over his lips.

  ‘Ooh. You got it,’ he replied, his voice rough with lust for her. His hands shot up to her face to pull her to him so he could kiss her. The kiss made Sabrina’s doubts ebb away. She felt like she had been on a rollercoaster these past few months. Though her heart ached for Dan and Amanda, she had faith in their love and she also had faith in her band and that the fans that would stick around no matter if the boys were loved up and off the market. But Levi was right – she felt it would do her a world of good to take her mind off anything that didn’t revolve around cuddling Levi, kissing Levi and eating chocolate cookies come Sunday.

  Chapter 20

  Grandpa’s Cheese

  Ingredients:

  Milk

  That weird name of a product Grandpa used to talk about, but I can never remember – it begins with ‘R’, I’m sure (ask Nanna)

  Salt

  What to do:

  See also, ask Nanna.

  Find Grandpa’s cheese making tubs.

  ‘Pfft, pfft.’ Louisa was simultaneously blowing and wafting tulle away from her mouth, trying not to choke on tiny specs of glitter sprinkling from it. She was buried underneath the dress that Giulia had been adamant Louisa work on the alterations for herself. Even on the mannequin, the dress looked like something out of a fairytale. Louisa had tapered in the waist from underneath the mass of plumes, added another layer of an extremely delicate lace over the skirt to add more detail and dimension and she just had the neckline to alter before she would be able to leave the boutique for the night.

  It was already way past home time, but after the news about the showcase just days ago she had ashamedly allowed herself to stew in an uninspired funk. So now, while the rest of Italy sipped their evening wines and tucked in to bread and burrata, she was being suffocated by tulle trying to get this dress – which she truly adored and really wished was hers, but also kind of hated right now – finished before she left for the UK the next morning.

  Giulia had left her three hours ago; she wasn’t kidding when she said these dresses were all up to Louisa. She was one straight-to-the-point and stubborn Italian and though Louisa was grateful for her belief in her, she also felt a tiny bit sick at the thought of ruining such stunning masterpieces. She stepped back to take in her work so far and eye up the alterations of the neckline and nearly brought the whole mannequin with her.

  ‘Oww,’ she exclaimed to the walls, as her hair tugged, caught in the mesh of the fabric, pulling her back into the dress. ‘Mamma mia, Grandpa, I could do with some help,’ she cried, making herself laugh. She didn’t know if the laughter was because of nerves, tiredness or the fact that she could picture her grandpa laughing at her current state, but whichever it was, the giggles were needed. She managed to spin into the dress, her hands fiddling with the strand of hair, pulling it free, before she lost her balance. ‘Uh, we’ve got to get this done, Grandpa. How would you do this neckline?’ she asked the heavens with a chuckle, once she succeeded in taking a step back to give the dress a once over.

  Squinting her eyes, Louisa tilted her head from left to right and pursed her pale pink glossy lips. ‘I think if we took the neckline to a deep V and meet the waist band and add a sheer lace, almost like a bandeau, just over the chest, that would make the top just as elegant as the rest of it. There’s too much fabric on top,’ Louisa said out loud, waving a pen in the air as she took to her sketch pad to test out her theory. ‘Thank you, Grandpa. If the lady doesn’t like it, I’m blaming you.’ She chuckled to herself once more.

  With one knee kneeling on her stool and the other leg planted on the floor, she hunched over her worktop, picking up coloured pens, shading, drawing and rubbing out until she was satisfied. ‘Yep, wow, I love it,’ Louisa gasped. ‘Right.’ She busied herself grabbing fabric scissors, thread, needles, pins and a measuring tape, before gently, albeit with some difficulty, trying to lift the dress off the mannequin.

  ‘Amore?’ came a soft voice just as she was getting to the tricky bit of lifting the final piece of the dress up and off the mannequin. It got stuck and she was once again suffocating under a blanket of tulle. Was this to be her life? Not being good enough for the top designers and being left to drown in a sea of fabric? Okay, now even she thought that was a tad dramatic. It had been a little harder to let go of her devastation of not winning the showcase than she thought. Amanda had been gutted for her but sent her lov
e and words of encouragement to keep going and Sabrina had actually texted a few days ago to apologize for being a bad sister while sending her support for Louisa to keep her chin up and not give up. Her mum and dad had gushed about how proud they were of her over the phone and how it was the designer’s loss, not hers. And Nanna had pinched her cheeks and told her good things were coming. Somehow all their positivity made her feel more like a disappointment. But she didn’t have too much time to dwell on it, due to this other worldly behemoth of a dress that was occupying all her time and energy. The other two dresses were complete but her trip to England for Easter was resting on the balance of finishing up this one.

  She was pried away from her thoughts and saved from a humiliating death by Luca, who after scaring a hiccup out of her, rushed over and helped her lay the dress on her workspace.

  ‘Grazie,’ she said, smoothing down her hair and patting down her red pencil skirt to dust off the glitter it was now sprinkled with.

  ‘Buona sera,’ Luca said with a coy smile, humour in his eyes. He often gave her that look. Flashing his dazzling pearly teeth, his blue eyes piercing in to hers, his lips curved at the edges like she surprised him.

  ‘Well, I’m glad my troubles amuse you, Luca. I’m happy to have been able to put on a show for you. At least one of us is smiling.’ She was aware that as she spoke her lips too creased into a smile. Luca’s smile was infectious. She couldn’t exactly be frustrated right now – he had swooped in and helped her out – but she couldn’t wait to start on the dress, and she was pretty sure Luca had brought cheese and wine if the wicker basket by the door was anything to go by.

  ‘Amore, no,’ Luca said with a chuckle, stepping towards her and kissing her on each cheek. ‘I like to watch you work. If I can help, I help,’ he added, moving back towards the door and presenting her with a wine glass. She eyed it suspiciously, then put it down a safe distance away from the dress.