A Forgetful Heart (Whispers In Wyoming Book 8)

by Rachel Skatvold

  “It is stunning,” Laina agreed as they walked side by side.

  After a few moments of silence, Austin decided to keep up the small talk. At least it was better than nothing. “Did you have a good talk with Charlotte?”

  “Yeah,” Laina said, smiling over at him. “She’s become a good friend over the past couple months.”

  “So Tom’s wife, Bridget, was her sister?”

  “Yeah, she moved here from London to be Emma’s guardian after Tom and Bridget died in the car accident. I guess you could say God brought something good out of the tragedy. Trevor, Charlotte and Emma were all still reeling from the loss, but now they are a happy blended family. It wasn’t easy and they’ve had more than their share of ups and downs, but they’ve come a long way.”

  Austin nodded, but didn’t say a word. Now he had pinpointed the difference in Laina. Somewhere along the line she had found religion. It was ironic, considering they had both been so against it as teenagers, even though his father had been a deacon at the church in town and very involved in the community. After his mother’s death, his father lost some of his zeal. He spent more time raising cattle on their land instead. However, he still tried to convince Austin of the importance of finding God. It ended up pushing him even further away.

  “I know what you must be thinking,” Laina said, interrupting his thoughts. “I’ve gone soft, turning to religion, but actually, I’ve never felt stronger. It’s so much more than religion. It’s a relationship.”

  “That’s great, Laina. It really is,” he said while mustering a smile in her direction and tried to steer the conversation away from religion. “And just for the record, I would never think you’ve gone soft. You’re the most spirited woman I’ve ever met.”

  Laina chuckled. “Spirited? That’s nicer than you used to put it.”

  He raised an eyebrow “Okay, you’re a real pain in my backside sometimes. Is that better?”

  She nodded as they shared a laugh and stopped in front of his trailer. “Now, that sounds more like the Austin I used to know.”

  The beagle, who had been following them since they left the farmhouse interrupted and started to whine and paw at the trailer door. “All right. Go on in, crazy mutt,” he said after a few moments and opened it. Copper hopped inside and turned in a few circles before sprawling out on a rug by the kitchenette.

  “Well,” Laina scoffed with her hands on her hips. “He sure knows how to make himself at home!” She patted her leg and called to the dog. “Come on, Copper. This isn’t your house.”

  “That’s all right. He can stay tonight, if you’re okay with it.”

  She rolled her eyes playfully. “You’re spoiling him for life…but I guess I don’t mind.” They shared another laugh but then Laina stopped and her smile faded.

  Austin gazed deep into her eyes, trying to decipher her change in mood. “Does it feel weird to be joking and laughing with me again?”

  She nodded. “It’s been so long since we did anything but fight.”

  For a moment as they gazed at each other in the moonlight, he caught a glimpse of an old spark in her eyes. Austin cupped her cheek in his hand, relishing the feeling of being so close to her. Suddenly the urge to kiss her overwhelmed him, but he resisted, not wanting to scare her. “Laina, I know you’re reluctant to trust me. I can’t remember what I did…but I want you to know that I’m determined to work on this relationship. I still love you. I always will.”

  Laina’s hand trembled as she reached up and covered his hand with her own. “I…I’m sorry. I want to forgive you. I really do…but I just can’t trust my own feelings right now.” She paused for a moment, like the words tormented her. “Can you give me some time?”

  “Of course I can,” he said, leaning down to kiss her forehead. “You can have all the time you need.”

  After a restless night with hardly a wink of sleep, Laina struggled to keep her mind out of the clouds the next morning at the stables. Austin’s face remained in her thoughts as she fed and watered the horses and then let them out in the pasture to graze. Whenever she looked up at the Wyoming sky, it reminded her of the light blue shade of his eyes—how they had gleamed in the moonlight when he said he still loved her. Why hadn’t she possessed the courage to admit she still loved him, too? It was the truth. She’d never stopped loving him.

  Laina sighed as she closed the gate to the pasture, pushing her tormenting thoughts far away. Then she passed under the open-air walkway and made her way into the Morgan Stables lobby. Hope, the new receptionist, was on the phone but smiled in her direction. She offered a smile in return and then headed to her office. It wasn’t much, just a little room with a small desk, phone, computer and file cabinet so she could keep her riding students’ records and schedule appointments. She relaxed into her computer chair and rested her feet on the desk so she could take a twenty minute cat nap before her next lesson.

  Laina had just started to doze off when she heard the bell on the door and then a man’s voice. “Hello, ma’am. I’m one of the new stable hands. Do you know where I can find Mrs. Gaines?”

  She heard Hope starting to respond to the man, but came out before she finished. “I’m Mrs. Gaines. Are you Andy?”

  The tall blond man held his cowboy hat in one hand and gave her a charming smile. “That’s me. Anthony Harris. Pleased to finally meet you.” He stepped forward and shook her hand. “Trevor said you’d show me the ropes around here.”

  Laina nodded, trying to calm her racing heart. Meeting Andy in another setting, she may have thought he was a model out of one of the western outfitter catalogs that came in the mail. He had perfectly straight teeth, a flawless complexion, and had a tall, athletic build most women would swoon over. However, Laina couldn’t afford that kind of foolishness. She pulled herself together and cleared her throat. “Sure, come with me.”

  She led him through the stables, explaining his duties as a stable hand. Then they went outside to see the corral and pasture. They made small talk as they walked back to the stables and Laina discovered he was down to earth and easy to talk to. Great, could he get any more perfect?

  “Thank you for showing me around,” he said. “I worked at a ranch in Casper before this, so it all seems pretty straight forward.”

  “Okay, great!” Laina motioned toward the stables. “So you can start with mucking out the stalls and then shoveling in some new straw.”

  “Sounds good.” Andy tipped his hat with a charming smile. “See you around lunch time, Mrs. Gaines.”

  She let out a light chuckle. “You can just call me Laina.”

  “Well, Laina it is then. Pretty name…just like the lady it belongs to.”

  She smiled and turned away blushing. The new ranch hand was almost too charming for his own good. With everything so up in the air with Austin and now this charming ranch hand who was obviously flirting with her, Laina knew she’d have to take extra precautions to guard her heart. She refused to let it get broken again.

  Chapter Eleven

  Austin sat straight up in bed, panting for breath. A wet tongue licked his face and he could only see a blur of brown, white and black for a moment and hear a whining dog. Austin held Copper with his good arm and spoke in a comforting voice. “It’s all right, boy. I’m fine. It was just a bad dream.”

  As soon as the dog calmed down and plopped down to a comfortable place beside him, Austin slowly eased his body back against the pillows to catch his breath. He groaned at the throbbing in his arm caused by his sudden movements and closed his eyes for a moment. The warmth from the little dog beside him helped calm him down.

  After a few moments, the dream came flooding back. He’d been two rides away from winning the championship when a bull got the best of him. He bucked hard right when they had barely cleared the gate. Austin had lost grip of the rope and went flying into the fence and then tumbling to the hard ground. Something released in his back, sending waves of fiery pain through him.

  Then the dream had fl
ashed forward to a fight between him and Laina. She held a bottle of pills in her hand and shouted at him, her eyes bloodshot and filled with disappointment. “Is this what we’ve come to, Austin? You’ve been lying to me all this time! I can’t do this anymore. I can’t stay here and watch you destroy yourself. I just can’t.” With that, she had turned and walked out, slamming the trailer door behind her.

  Austin rubbed his face with his hands and blinked hard, realizing the truth. What had startled him awake from his mid-morning nap weren’t just dreams. They were memories. The doctor had said that his memory could return little by little, or all at once. Now he wished it wouldn’t come back at all. Maybe then, they could just start over and put the past behind him. However, it was obvious that it wasn’t going to work like that. Sooner or later they’d have to face it whether they wanted to or not.

  Austin sat up slowly and dressed, remembering that he had a physical therapy appointment in a few hours. Laina had promised to drive him there and he was supposed to meet her at the stables after lunch.

  A few minutes later, he walked down the path with Copper trotting by his side. When they reached the stables, he saw Laina at a table in the lobby eating a sandwich, but she wasn’t alone. Austin’s blood pressure climbed to an alarming level, noticing a blond cowboy sitting next to her, smiling and laughing in a flirtatious manner. When he touched her hand, it was the last straw. In an instant he reached the table and crossed his arms. “It doesn’t look like I was invited to this indoor picnic,” he said in a sarcastic tone, but smiled to make it appear like a joke.

  The color drained from Laina’s face when she looked up and saw him standing there, but she quickly recovered. “Oh, hi Austin. This is Andy, the new ranch hand. We were just discussing his new job duties. Andy this is…”

  “Her husband,” Austin interrupted in a low tone, but then his voice softened as he extended his hand. Andy shook his hand and then scooted a few inches away after hearing the word husband. He smiled in amusement but wasn’t through putting the cowboy in his place yet. “Nice to meet you, Andy. Good luck with your new job. If you’re half as good with horses as you are at flirting with married women, I’m sure you’ll do great.”

  Andy gritted his teeth and looked ready for a brawl right there in the lobby, but Laina interrupted. “Austin, are you almost ready to go to your appointment?”

  “Yes, more than ready,” he said, with his eyes still fixed on Andy, who continued fuming silently in his chair.

  Laina said a quick farewell to Andy before tossing her trash in a nearby bin. They left side by side about thirty seconds later, but Austin had a hard time catching up with her on the path to the cabin. He’d obviously struck a nerve, but Austin didn’t regret his actions. He planned to fight for Laina and a pretty boy ranch hand wasn’t about to stand in his way.

  “What was that all about?” Laina demanded as they pulled onto the gravel road leading away from the Morgans’ house.

  “What?” he asked innocently.

  “You know exactly what I’m talking about, Austin,” she spat out. “You were like a bull dog guarding your turf back there.” She glanced in his direction for just a moment, catching a slight grin on his face. “Were you jealous?”

  He shrugged. “I just thought the guy needed to be put in his place. That’s all.”

  Laina’s blood boiled. “Austin, he’s my co-worker! And to top it off, you almost made a scene right in the middle of the lobby. Do you want me to lose my job?”

  “You and I know that Trevor would never fire you,” Austin grumbled and looked out the widow.

  She gritted her teeth, but in the end realized it was true. “Okay, you may be right, but he could kick you off his property. Then where would you go?”

  “He turned toward her again and huffed in frustration. “I’m not sure…but what I do know is that I walked into the lobby and saw some guy flirting with my wife. I reacted how any husband would.”

  “Any husband?” Laina asked, trying to hold back her temper, but it was too late. Six years of pent up frustrations came pouring out of her like a raging river. “A husband wouldn’t have left me in limbo for six years without a word. A husband wouldn’t have lied to me. A husband would have let his wife help him with his problem, not push her away.” Laina wiped her moist cheeks and let out a deep sigh before continuing in a calmer voice. “Yes, Andy was flirting with me. Men do that from time to time, but I’ve never been unfaithful to you…because that’s not who I am.”

  After Laina’s explosion, complete silence fell over the truck. There seemed to be nothing else to do except look out the window and avoid each other for the rest of the hour trip. Guilt filled her the entire time, knowing she hadn’t been fair. The Austin she had yelled at wasn’t the same one who had done all those things. He couldn’t remember any of it. Yet, deep down she knew it had to be said out loud. Somehow, it seemed like the start of letting the pain and resentment go.

  Chapter Twelve

  Almost two weeks later, on Sunday morning, Austin woke up hearing Laina’s words over and over in his mind. She had been completely right. He should have trusted her, but his jealousy had gotten the best of him. Laina had avoided him for the most part ever since, except when he had his two other appointments. They made small talk, mostly about his recovery, but nothing like the way they had talked after the dinner with Trevor and Charlotte. The awkwardness proved harder than he could bear. He had to think of some way to apologize.

  Austin looked out his window and saw movement inside Laina’s cabin, so he knocked on her door. It only took a few seconds for her to answer. To his surprise, she wore a blouse and skirt. Her hair was also half way up, fastened with a barrette. He’d never seen her so fancied up. “Good morning, beautiful. Where are you headed to?” he asked with a tentative smile, still feeling guilty about his actions the other week.

  She blushed and he caught the hint of a grin bloom on her lips. “Church. You’re free to come along if you want to.”

  Austin shook his head, having forgotten Laina’s new Sunday routine. “You know how I feel about church.”

  “Maybe next time then,” she said, her serious expression returning.

  She turned to grab her purse and Bible. Then she locked up and walked past him to her truck. “See you around lunchtime.”

  Austin watched her as she opened the driver’s side door. He couldn’t allow her to slip through his fingers again. In an act of desperation, he heard himself call out, “Okay, I’ll go. Just give me a few minutes to get ready.”

  Walking into the old country church with Laina and the Morgan family, Austin remembered how he used to joke with Laina when they were teenagers. I’ve sinned too many times to go to church. The roof will collapse on top of me the second I walk through the door, he used to say. Laina had always felt the same way, until now. He paused for a moment, worried about all the judgmental looks he might receive after going in. The congregation probably already knew about him—Laina’s sinful estranged husband.

  “It will be fine,” Laina reassured him and gripped his hand. “Everyone’s really nice. You’ll see.”

  Austin’s shoulders relaxed at her touch. It was all worth it just to feel Laina’s petite hand in his. “Okay,” he agreed and walked in with his wife, still holding tight to her hand. To his surprise, most people greeted him warmly and were curious about him. They settled into a pew with Trevor, Charlotte and Emma about halfway from the front.

  The preacher gave an interesting sermon about some fishermen who were casting their nets on one side of the boat and not catching any fish. However, when Jesus told them to cast their nets on the other side, the nets became so full that their boat began to sink because of it. The pastor linked the story to having faith and trusting God, even when things in life seem impossible.

  After the service, Austin was pleasantly surprised. It wasn’t as bad as he expected. In fact, the pastor’s words gave him some things to think about. He had a lot of obstacles in his life at the
moment that seemed impossible. Maybe later he could discuss his questions with Laina.

  Trevor invited them for lunch and then afterwards they walked back down the path together. Austin wondered if he should tell Laina about the dreams he’d been having. Each night his memories became more vivid and upsetting, but in the end he decided to keep it to himself for the time being. “I’m sorry about last week,” he offered instead as they reached his trailer. “I acted like a jealous maniac.”

  Laina nodded with a faint chuckle. “Yes, you did…but I’m over it now.”

  Austin breathed a sigh of relief, surprised that his fiery tempered wife had cooled down already She really had changed. “You’re forgiving me that fast?”

  She nodded. “Yes, let’s just put it behind us. Sunday is a day of rest after all.”

  “Sounds good to me. I could get used to this whole religion thing if it means I can take a day off to relax every week.” He knelt down and rubbed Copper behind the ears, who insisted on pawing at his leg for attention. Then he looked up at her from the ground. “You know, with all the talk about fishermen in church, I got to thinking…it’s been a long time. I saw a boat tied up to the dock on the pond. Is it stocked?”

  Laina nodded. “Sure is. I catch bass in there a lot.”

  “Wanna join me…say around two this afternoon as a peace offering?”

  Laina paused for a moment, seeming to think over his suggestion. Then a smile spread across her face. “I’d like that.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Laina grinned at her reflection as she pulled her wavy, blond hair into a single pony tail and pulled it through the back of a baseball hat. She’d spent almost an hour working on it that morning for church, but she didn’t mind. Austin’s reaction that morning when she came out had made it well worth the effort. After unleashing all of her pent up frustrations on him the other day, she felt surprisingly better. Now she realized something that scared her a little. She missed Austin—his quirky sense of humor, charm and wit—everything. Before the accident resulting in his drug addiction, he’d always treated her like a queen. So what if she had only been the queen of his fifth wheel camper—in his presence she felt like the most beautiful woman on the planet. Now the old Austin was back and she liked it, except one thing—his stubborn resistance toward God. He’d gone to church with her that morning. That was a good start, but she could still feel his uneasiness about the whole notion of the faith she’d learned to hold so dear. She prayed his heart would soften toward God soon.