110-Million Bride

by Natsume Akatsuki

  “For crying out loud, we came all this way to rescue you, and you throw yourself right at them?! Aqua, back her up! Get on it, now!”

  “Leave it to me! You want my entertainer magic, by any chance?”

  “Just what the doctor ordered! I love that spell!”

  Behind us, Alderp was still desperately sweeping up money, as were a few of the guests. Now equipped with Aqua’s special spell, I covered my mouth and then shouted: “You lot! Forget about them—we’ll deal with them another day. Get over here and help me collect my money!”

  I was imitating Alderp’s voice, naturally. It worked.

  “Huh?” the thugs said, interrupting their duel with Darkness. “Y-yes, sir! Right away, sir!”

  They rushed past us and over to where their lord was trying to claim his debt.

  “You idiots!” he exclaimed. “Why are you over here?! Go bring back my Lalatina!”

  “?!”

  They came rushing back toward us. Now we had close to a dozen of them on both sides. Their arms and armor weren’t anything noteworthy, but even with Aqua’s buffs, it was an open question whether we would be able to push past them.

  This was it. Time for me to get serious again, just like I’d done at the castle. I had stolen back my friend, and I was starting to feel pretty heroic. That was when—

  “Light of Saber!!”

  A familiar voice rang from the door, and a bright light carved through the bricks of the church wall.

  This was a spell favored by the Crimson Magic Clan, one that allowed them to imbue a knife with light magic that could cut through anything.

  After a moment, the door, and the entire wall around it, simply fell over. Bright daylight streamed in, silhouetting two figures. The adventurers who had been gathered around outside were giving them a wide berth, a nice, respectful distance… They also appeared to be very eager to see what would happen next.

  “Megumin, I did it! I—I did it! Because we’re friends, right? F-for a friend like you, I would do anything, even commit what’s basically a crime, like this! I mean, you were all, ‘I beg you to help me, my friend!’ and how could I say no?”

  “Yes, yes, fine work, Yunyun. That is my friend for you. You can go back to your inn now.”

  “Whaaat?!”

  Two girls with crimson eyes stood before us. Megumin took a step forward, and that was enough to send the lord’s servants scuttling back. Their collective gaze was fixed on the glowing tip of Megumin’s staff.

  Geez, look at this… It was obvious her reputation as the girl who wouldn’t hesitate to blow up anything and everything in pursuit of her goals was now complete.

  Megumin raised up her staff, looking more serious than I had ever seen her. The red of her eyes seemed to glow. She gave a dramatic flap of her cape.

  That was when I heard a quiet murmur run through the assembled crowd.

  “The evil wizard has come. The evil wizard is here to steal away the bride.”

  To be fair, I had stolen Darkness first. But standing there in the church entryway, framed by the sunlight, Megumin looked more heroic than I ever had.

  …And this was supposed to be my moment!

  7

  Each person in the church, noble and goon alike, was watching every move of the “evil wizard” with an emotion akin to panic.

  “You are all acquainted with my nickname, I presume? Then you must know what magic brims at the end of this staff. I warn you, it takes a great deal of focus to control this spell… If I were to be surprised and my concentration suddenly broken, it would be bang! Good-bye! If you have any intention of trying to stop me, do so with that in mind.”

  So basically, if anyone so much as tried to lay a hand on her, she would “lose control” and blow the place to smithereens.

  Whoever the “evil wizard” was, they would be proud of this performance.

  Alderp’s people formed a circle around Megumin, but they didn’t look very happy about it; they carefully kept their distance. All of them—the ones Darkness had charged at and the ones I had sent back in the other direction—seemed none too eager to get their hands on us.

  Yunyun, standing beside Megumin, took a glance around the church.

  “Wait…what? Look, Megumin, Mr. Kazuma is already here…”

  Finally, Megumin noticed Aqua and me, along with Darkness in her torn dress. She seemed to grasp immediately what had happened, because a broad smile came over her face. Then she pointed her staff at us. She was giving us a way out: At the mere gesture, the goons in front of us scuttled away and hid among the pews.

  The three of us took the opportunity to head for Megumin and Yunyun, but Alderp, still collecting his money, shouted: “Wh-what are you fools doing, letting her intimidate you? She’s bluffing; she has to be! Who would use explosion magic in a place like this? It’s obvious what would happen! Stop them!”

  That, however, was all it took.

  * * *

  “Oh-ho! Intimidate? Bluff? Do you truly believe that I would ever mention explosion magic with anything less than total sincerity? Well! Very well! I accept your challenge!”

  This sent our antagonists into a panic.

  “Stop! We won’t get anywhere near you, so please, stop!”

  “We swear not to attack you, so please don’t do it!”

  “Lord Alderp! I beg you not to provoke her!”

  Just how gruesome was her reputation? I mean, even Megumin wouldn’t set off an explosion right in the middle of town.

  …Would…she…?

  With the goons shaking in their boots, the three of us managed to link up with Megumin and Yunyun.

  “I was about to do something really cool!” I shouted. “And you had to go and steal the spotlight! But you did save our necks, so thanks.”

  Megumin laughed. “Crimson Magic Clan members have a sixth sense for dramatic opportunities. Given all your jabbering, Kazuma, I assumed you would do something eventually. But I admit I didn’t expect you to show up here before I did!” She actually seemed a little bit pleased.

  “Megumin! And Yunyun, they got you, too—? When we get home… We can talk when… I’ll thank you after we—”

  Maybe Darkness was overwhelmed with gratitude, or maybe the excitement of earlier hadn’t quite worn off. Whatever the case, she seemed unable to produce an entire sentence.

  “Why so distant?” Megumin said, almost a little shy. “We’re…party members, aren’t we? Friends. Surely you didn’t think we would let such a f-fine Crusader go so easily!” She seemed to hope her emphatic finish would conceal how awkward she felt about admitting her friendship.

  “Friends,” Yunyun breathed. “That has such a nice ring to it, Megumin! And if—if a dear personal acquaintance like me were to be in this same situation, you would have come to help me, right?”

  “No. A close personal acquaintance you may be, but you’re also my self-proclaimed rival… We aren’t exactly friends in the way party members are.”

  “?!”

  Gosh, and Yunyun was leaning into the friendship thing so much. You’re merciless, Megumin.

  “Hey, I’m sorry, but I don’t think this is the time for cute banter!” Aqua interjected. “We need to do something about this!”

  Alderp’s lackeys were slowly encircling us where we stood at the entrance to the church. I didn’t think they would attack us while Megumin was there; she was the most dangerous person in the room, and her notoriously short fuse was lit.

  The local lord, however, had evidently had enough of his subordinates’ reluctance. “All of you out there!” he shouted. “I can tell by the look of you that you’re adventurers. These people are criminals! Take my bride back from them! A rich reward awaits her rescuer, I assure you. For starters, I’ll hire you as a guard at my mansion! You need never grub about on another adventure again! Now, bring her to me! Bring me Lalatina!”

  The onlooking adventurers, who had been watching all this develop with no small interest, now exchanged a collecti
ve look. Nobody moved. In fact, they spontaneously began to look in the other direction or yawn and pretend they hadn’t heard anything…

  “…? All of you! Do you not hear me? I’m offering you riches! Name your price!”

  I guess they were going to let us get away with this. Thank you, everyone! Sometimes all good needed to triumph was for…well, for other good people to stand by and do nothing.

  “Hey, Darkness. Remember when you stupidly tried to go beat the hydra by yourself, and how stupid that was? Well, running off to make a bride of yourself was even stupider, but all these people forgive you and are trying to help. Take a good look and see if you can get that through your rock-solid skull.”

  Happiness tinged Darkness’s cheeks red; she looked down at the ground with just a hint of tears in her eyes.

  What a happy ending. I decided not to ridicule Darkness any further, because I knew what those adventurers were thinking. All of them had big grins on their faces…

  I had no doubt that for a long time, whenever Darkness showed up at the Guild, it was going to be, “Why, young Miss Lalatina! Aren’t you going to wear one of your lovely dresses today?”

  Everyone in town already knew that Darkness was actually the daughter of nobility. Axel’s adventurers were shameless enough, and had known Darkness long enough, that I couldn’t imagine they would treat her any differently at this point.

  It was going to take a while for Darkness to live this one down, and I thought maybe I would keep my distance from her until she did.

  …But as for the present moment? The guards outside the church, and the thugs inside it, had converged on us, resulting in something of a stalemate. These guys weren’t idiots, and they weren’t amateurs. They didn’t look like they were going to do us the favor of being pushovers. On top of all that, they had numbers on their side. I didn’t think we were going to get away without a fight.

  I didn’t want to pull a weapon; doing that right here in town would for sure make me a criminal. Of course, I sort of got the sense that I was already a criminal…

  “Hrrgh…! Kazuma, my ability to hold back this magic is reaching its limit! Can I fire it already? Whatever we do, we’re already lawbreakers! I’m ticked off, and I want to just drop an explosion on these clowns!”

  Megumin’s sudden outburst caused everyone around us to blanch. Me included, of course.

  “Arrrgh! It’s no good! I can’t control it! Get away from me, everyone!”

  No way! This was the moment when she lost control?!

  If it had been anyone other than Megumin, I would have taken it for a bluff. But everyone there knew her too well. Faces pale, they all scrambled away. I made myself scarce, too, as—

  “Explosion!!!”

  Megumin let rip with a magical blast aimed straight at the sky. There was an immense noise and a blinding light above us. The shock wave shattered glass all over town and sent everyone in the vicinity diving for the ground, covering their ears.

  “Now… Go now…” Aqua lifted up Megumin, who was drained of all her MP; for some reason, her voice trailed off, and finally she just fell silent and looked at me. Her cold stare eventually made me aware of my own situation. Specifically, the fact that I was currently crouched right behind Darkness, trying to stay hidden…

  “Hey, Kazuma, hiding behind the person you’re here to rescue is pretty low even for you,” Aqua said.

  “True,” Megumin added. “I thought Kazuma looked awfully cool today, so cool that I was starting to worry I was seeing things. Thank goodness it was just my imagination.”

  “M-Mr. Kazuma… You’re the worst…”

  It was this last remark of Yunyun’s that was hardest to bear.

  For that matter, the other attendees were all looking at me from their places on the ground like I was human garbage.

  But that wasn’t important. What was important was that Megumin’s explosion had shaken our opponents enough to give us a chance to escape. We broke through their blockade and set off running…or tried to.

  “She can only use Explosion once per day! Get her! Get her now!”

  I guess the shock just lasted a second, because the goons didn’t show any hesitation this time.

  Megumin shouted from Aqua’s back, “Yunyun! I leave this to you—we will go on ahead! Whatever should happen to me, don’t look back!”

  “You moron!” Yunyun exclaimed. “We’re friends now, aren’t we? How could I ever leave you to— Hold on, what did you say? Megumin… Do you remember in Crimson Magic Village…? Doesn’t this feel awfully familiar?!”

  “I will trust you to buy us time, dear companion!” Megumin said. “Then from this day forth, I shall introduce you as my friend!”

  “Fine, leave it to me! I’ll do anything for a friend…!”

  Yunyun seemed all too happy to run interference for us, and she gave our pursuers pause.

  Dear, sweet Yunyun! I’d be your friend, if only you’d let me…!

  We left her there and started running. Behind us, we heard someone shout, “She may be Crimson Magic Clan, but she’s just one girl! Grab her before she finishes her spell!”

  It was more than I could stand. Fine! I would stay behind, too, to give Darkness the chance to escape…!

  I was just turning around when…

  “Eeeyowch! He shoved me! Grr! My bones! It’s breaking my bones! Dust, help meeeee!”

  I heard a guy cry out and saw him rolling around on the floor.

  “Hey, Keith, are you okay?! Yikes, that’s nasty… I’m gonna knock you down and grind your bones to butter!”

  That name… That voice… They sounded familiar.

  “What’s that?! I hardly touched him; why’s he making such a racket? He’s the one who threw himself at me! And then threw himself on the ground! If his bones are so broken, how is he holding on to my foot like that? Let go!”

  That voice belonged to one of Alderp’s goons.

  I heard someone punkish behind us even as we ran. “Hey, hey, hey! Don’t tell me you’re gonna leave him paralyzed on the ground and try to run away without even saying you’re sorry! I don’t care if you work for the governor or God; you can’t get away with that!”

  The lackeys sounded more annoyed than anything else. “First his bones were broken; now he’s paralyzed?! Forget it—you’re in our way! Move! Get back or you’ll regret it!”

  I assumed that next, the goons tried to push the punk away.

  “Eeeyowch! Here I was being all polite, and you had to go and get violent! You all saw it; he made the first move! Perfect, just what I wanted! Oh, you’re gonna get it now! A certain noble gave me an awful lot of trouble just recently, and I didn’t like nobles to begin with. You’re the perfect way to work off a little steam!”

  “Huh?! Hey, stop tha—!”

  “Get him!”

  “Get him! Get him!”

  “Hey, let me have a piece of that!”

  “I never did like that governor!”

  “Ack! No! It’s broken! I told you, it’s broken!”

  I took a glance back as we ran. The crowd of adventurers had turned Alderp’s lackeys into punching bags. When all this had blown over, I would have to treat them to another round at the bar.

  From what seemed like a great distance, I could hear a pained cry: “Lalatina! Don’t go, Lalatina! Lalatinaaaaa!”

  8

  “Y-Young Lady?! What in the world happened to you? A-anyway, get inside!”

  We had successfully escaped our pursuers and returned to Darkness’s mansion. One of the guards hurriedly let us in. Between the fact that we had run out on the wedding ceremony and the tattered remains of Darkness’s dress, everyone in the house was pretty shocked, but Darkness ignored them. She just started walking through the mansion.

  The three of us followed her, not really sure where she was going.

  Darkness ended up in front of one particular room.

  “Father? I’m coming in.”

  Father? Ah. When I snuck into
the house that one time, I’d shattered the window of his sickroom getting out. They must have moved him somewhere else.

  Darkness didn’t wait for an answer before entering. I thought maybe that was a little untoward for a noble maiden, but it turned out I was wrong: Her father was no longer in a state to answer her.

  He was even thinner than he had been when I saw him last. There were dark bags under his eyes, and he was asleep, breathing deeply. The noise of our entry must have awakened him, because his eyes fluttered open.

  One by one, Darkness and then the rest of us came to his bedside.

  When he saw his daughter, he said, “…Ah…Lalatina. You look so beautiful. Just like your mother…” Then he smiled, kind but weak.

  Darkness hid her face, unable to meet his gaze. “…Honored Father… I can only apologize to you. I know I was the one who pushed to go ahead with this wedding, but…I’ve broken the engagement, in the most humiliating way possible.”

  At that, her father’s eyes crinkled in real happiness. “Is that so?! I’m so glad. You have nothing to worry about and nothing to apologize for.” Then he turned to me. “Young Kazuma. Could you come here for a moment?”

  I took a step closer to the bed.

  Sensing the mood in the room, Megumin said, “…I believe I’ll step out for some fresh air,” and went into the hallway.

  My other party member, on the other hand, who couldn’t sense a mood to save her life, also stepped up to the bedside. I decided to let it go; even by my standards, it would be brutish to yell at someone right in front of a sick person.

  Darkness’s dad looked me in the face and smiled broadly. “…You’ve done well. Thank you. You have my gratitude.”

  All this thankfulness seemed a little sudden. “Me, sir? I only repaid my debt to your daughter.”

  That merely caused his smile to widen. Then he had to go and say something completely outrageous, considering Darkness was there and all.

  “Young Kazuma. Please take my daughter for yourself. Please be so kind.”

  “Huh?!” Darkness said, shocked.