by JA Low
“What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to say congratulations in person on your new job.”
My eyes narrow—I have only just texted him. He made it here quick.
“Thank you.” My eyebrows pull together because something isn’t right.
“You’ll be an incredible asset to our company.”
I still.
Our company.
“This is your charity?”
Luca realizes his faux pas because the tone of my voice pretty much tells him what I think of that.
“We raise a lot of money for that charity. I’m it’s patron.”
“And you didn’t think you should’ve mentioned this to me?”
“I thought you would be happy.” He looks at me, lines forming in his forehead.
“You tricked me.” The room goes silent at my accusation. “I can’t take it.”
“What! No. Lilly, no.”
I can’t do this.
Another lie.
Pushing past him, I search the enormous penthouse for my bag.
“How big is this fucking place?” I yell, opening up a million and one doors.
“It’s the door on the end. My bedroom.” His voice has a sad tone, but I’m angry right now.
“This is your home?” I look around at the opulent apartment.
“Si.”
“Why?” He looks at me, grimaces, then swallows hard. “Why did you bring me here?”
Luca digs his hands into his pockets. “Because I’ve missed you, Lilly. I hoped that maybe you would fall in love with it, the view, everything, and that you would want to share it with me.”
My heart beats uncontrollably in my chest.
He wants us to share this house? With me?
It’s warm in here, I feel hot.
I reach out to steady myself. Am I having a panic attack?
“Lilly.” Luca moves toward me but doesn’t touch me.
“I don’t belong here.” My words come out in barely a whisper. I lean back against the wall, letting the cool surface calm me.
“But you belong with me?” I can see the pleading in his eyes.
“We’ll never work.” This place is too opulent, too over the top for me.
“Why, because you don’t love me?”
Love.
Do I love him?
Of course, I do, but sometimes love doesn’t conquer all.
I close my eyes, trying to find the strength to tell him how I feel.
“I do love you…” I trail off, my words are faint.
“Thank God.” Luca moves closer, his body is inches away from mine, the heat radiating off of him. I open my eyes and watch as he takes off his suit jacket, then his tie, throwing them to the ground. He yanks off his cufflinks, and they bounce across the floor. He rolls the cuffs of his business shirt up over his gorgeous olive skin, and places his hands on either side of my head. “I love you, Lilly Simpson. You can run and run, but… I’ll always find you. You’re not ready for me yet, I can understand that. I will wait.”
His eyes are so serious as he stares at me. “I’ll wait until the time comes when you realize that there’s no one else in this world who means more to me than you do. I’ll wait until you know that I’m loyal and true to only you. I will wait until you realize we do belong together, and that no one will love you with all of their heart more than I do.”
Crap on a cracker. That’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.
The tears stream down my cheeks. How the hell is a girl meant to say no to that? Ugh, he’s playing dirty.
Fuck it! I lean forward and kiss him.
He’s shocked for a mere couple of seconds, but then my Luke is back, pressing me up against the wall, his thick fingers running through my hair, his large palm holding my face as his plump lips kiss me, then his teeth are nipping me. Groans and sighs come from the both of us as tongues collide in a frantic kiss that has built up from these weeks apart.
“Fuck, I’ve missed you, Lilly.”
“Hmmm,” I moan as he lifts my pencil skirt, the material pooling around my waist. “Do you have any idea what I have done to my hand since we’ve been apart?” I shake my head as my fingers unbuckle his belt as quickly as I can. “Blisters, I have given myself blisters from thinking about you. My fucking hand is the poorest substitute to your pussy.”
Oh, shit, Luca’s brought out the dirty talking already. Yes, Luca, yes.
As I push his suit pants and briefs to the floor, he says, “I need to be inside of you, Lilly.”
I nod, giving him the green light to do all the dirty, delicious things he wants to do to me.
Luca rips off my panties. Another pair that seemed pretty sturdy, but against his hands, just tear to shreds. He’s lifting one of my legs and hooking it around his waist as he enters me in one easy thrust.
“Merda, Shit, he hisses, burying himself inside of me.
I feel so full. Has he always been this big? My fingers dig into his fleshy globes, urging him on more, needing him, needing us. My back rubs against the wall, the painting further down shakes as he frantically thrusts into me. Yes, yes, yes.
If this is what fate had in mind, then I believe.
I’m a believer.
“You’re never running again, Lilly. Do you hear me?”
I mumble something incoherent because I’ll say yes to pretty much anything right at this moment if he continues to fuck me like he is.
“It’s you and me. We’re a team now.”
“Yes. Oh, yes.” See what I mean, I have no idea what I’m agreeing to.
Does it really matter?
As long as it’s yes to more of this, I’m fine.
“That was…” Both of us are breathing heavily.
“Unexpected,” he finishes my sentence and grins while tucking himself back into his trousers.
“Yes, unexpected.” Pulling my pencil skirt down, I’m going to have to go commando because he’s ripped my panties to shreds. Again. At this rate, I’ll have none left.
“I’ve missed you so much.” Luca reaches for me, but I move out of his way. Hurt falls across his face. “Lilly?”
Shaking my head. “How could you lie to me again?” I ask while straightening myself out.
“I didn’t lie.”
“You omitted the truth. This is your charity. I’ll be working for you, right?”
“I run many different charities. I also own vineyards, real estate, many different things.” He frowns. “Don’t do this, Lilly.”
Shaking my head, I can’t comprehend this again. “I appreciate your help, Luca, but I made it clear that I was done being pushed around for the benefit of others.”
“But… I… Lilly, please, you’ll make such a difference in this job. The charity needs you so badly.”
Tears well in my eyes. I know I could make a difference, but how is this any different to everyone else in my life pushing me into things, so it makes them look good.
“If you don’t want me then, I’ll understand, but please, please take the job.”
Looking up, I notice his hurt eyes. “I promised myself I was going to be selfish this year, Luca.”
His head hangs. “Did you mean what you said before, or was that you just being selfish and wanting to get laid?”
Taking a step toward him, I know I’ve just hurt his feelings, but I’ll not be spoken to like that. “I do love you, Luca.”
He sags against the wall, defeat written all over his face. “But you need to be selfish.” Luca can’t even look at me as he says it.
“I don’t deserve you.” Walking over, I kiss his cheek, but he reaches out and grabs my hand. “That’s it? You’re just going to walk out and never come back?”
I’m hurting him so much right now, but this is about me, not him. About my needs and my wants.
“I’m sorry, Luca.” Tears begin to fall rapidly down my cheeks, but I’m resolute in my actions.
“Go, Lilly. I’m sick of being the
only one who’s fighting for us.”
My shoulders roll in on each other. “I really am sorry, Luca.”
He simply shakes his head.
As I walk away, they are some of the most painfully slow steps I have ever walked in my life.
23
Lilly
Déjà vu. Here I am in my cottage crying into my duvet over a man. It was the hardest thing in the world to walk away from Luca in that moment. I know I broke his heart. Damn principles and shit.
I’m counting down the days until Lauren arrives back from Africa. They were supposed to be gone for a month, but they had so much fun, they extended it by an extra couple of weeks. It feels like it has been a lifetime since I’ve come back home.
Mom and Dad are still not talking to me.
Rob seems to have gotten the hint and left me alone—that’s a good thing.
I stare down at my phone, and even Luca has stopped checking in on me.
Flopping back onto my bed, I stare at the ceiling waiting for some kind of sign that I did the right thing.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
The sound of someone at my front door has me sitting up in my bed.
Who the hell is at my door?
Is it Luca?
Did he fly halfway across Europe to declare is love for me again? If it is, I’m so going to say yes. I miss him way too much to be apart. Excitedly, I jump out of bed and rush to the door with my phone in my hand.
Open it up, I freeze.
My eyes blink a couple of times. Goddamn, this has to be a nightmare. My phone falls on the floor with a thud.
“It’s been a while.” Rob smiles at me. Is he serious? What the hell? “It’s freezing out here, Lil. Can I come in?”
There are white fluffy flecks swirling around him. Fine.
Opening the door further, he steps inside and shakes off the frozen flecks, then shucks off his coat and hangs it up.
“Don’t get too comfortable, you won’t be staying long.” I usher him into the living room where he can warm up by the fire. Hurt falls across his face at my barb. “Would you like coffee?”
“Yes, please.” As he warms his hands in front of the fireplace, I busy myself in the kitchen. I grab a mug out of the cupboard and heap a couple of spoons full of instant coffee into it. A memory flutters through my subconscious remembering how much Luca hates instant coffee.
“What are you smiling at?” Rob’s voice catches me off guard, just seeing Luca again in my mind makes me smile. “I knew you’d be happy to see me.”
Yeah, right! Rob thinks I’m happy to see him. Delusional much? He strides into the kitchen.
“I’m not happy to see you, Rob.”
His steps pause for a moment. “Lilly?”
The whistle of the kettle grabs my attention. Picking it up off its stand, I pour the hot water into the mug, then grab the milk.
“You still remember how I like my coffee.”
Huh? Looking down at the coffee, I realize out of habit I’ve made him his coffee the exact way he likes it, and he’s taking that as some sort of sign. Whatever! So, I demand, “Why are you here, Rob?”
He takes the mug and holds it between his hands. “I think we need to talk.”
“No, we don’t.” I cross my arms over my chest.
“Your parents pulled some strings.” Ah, of course, they did. “I have one week’s leave.”
“And where are you going for that?” Because like hell he is staying here.
“Um…” His green eyes widen as he looks around the room.
“No way in this world. Ever!” I slam my hand down on the counter. “You can get on the next plane to who knows where, but you’re not staying here.”
“Lilly Pilly.” His horrible nickname for me instantly makes me gag. “We need to work out this misunderstanding.”
“There’s no damn misunderstanding, Rob. You fucked every single available woman at our camp.” Is this man a complete moron?
“And yet, you had someone in your bed not that long ago.” I remember his phone call when Luca ripped him a new one, but it has nothing to do with his infidelity.
“I’m single, Rob. I can do what I want.” Crossing my arms again, I continue, “Unlike you who was messing about on your fiancée right in front of her eyes.”
“It was just sex, Lilly. Goddammit. What don’t you get?” His raised voice stuns me for a second or two.
“Then, why don’t you go back and just have sex?.” I point to the front door.
“Because you’ll make a good wife.”
“You want a shiny trophy wife on your arm. Is that what you want, Rob?”
The bastard has the audacity to roll his eyes at me.
“What has gotten into you, Lilly? You were never this combative.”
“That’s because I finally grew some balls, and I’m sticking up for myself.”
His lip curls up at my words. “You know this…” he waves his hands in the air, “… is very undignified. Your parents would be most upset.”
“Hear me and hear me good… I do not give a single fuck.”
Watching Rob’s face pale at my words gives me butterflies, something he’s never been able to produce before.
My phone starts ringing. Rushing around the kitchen counter, I frantically look for where the hell it is as the ringing tone echoes through the small cottage space. I dropped it at the front door when my single worst nightmare walked through it. Looking down at the screen ‘Luca’ flashes.
Shit.
No.
Why now?
I’ll have to call him back.
Muting the phone, I let it ring out. I need to deal with the dickhead in my kitchen before I can deal with Luca.
“Rob.” Looking over at my former fiancé I wonder what the hell I ever saw in him. I mean he’s not ugly with his blond hair, sparkling green eyes, his height, he looks after himself, and he’s a doctor. Let’s face it, he’d be a catch for most women, just not for me.
He turns around, and I see hope flash across his face. “Can we have a proper talk? Cut out all the other bullshit.” I point to the two armchairs in the living room. He picks up his mug of coffee and joins me there.
“Were you ever happy with me?” I ask.
“Of course—”
I cut him off because I can see the bullshit ready to flow from his mouth. “Be honest, Rob. Please?”
He lets out a heavy sigh. “No.” Praise be, he is finally being truthful. “It’s not that I didn’t like you.” He looks over at me sheepishly. “I mean you’re beautiful and accomplished.” Okay so I think that’s the first time he has complimented me, ever. “It was easy to like you.”
“But not to love me?”
Shaking his head, he says, “I thought love would grow over time.” He looks apologetically at me and adds, “Like my parents.”
“Why did you never talk to me?”
“I thought you were in love with me already, and I didn’t want to rock the boat.” He shrugs.
“So, instead, you chose to sleep around with everyone and make a fool out of me instead?” My anger bubbles to the surface.
“Not on purpose.” He stares intently into his mug of coffee and sighs.
“Then why?”
“Because I wasn’t sexually attracted to you.”
Geez! That was a sucker punch to the stomach I wasn’t expecting. Tears begin to well in my eyes, but I somehow hold it together.
“Yet, you constantly tried to have sex with me?”
“I’m a male.” He shrugs his shoulders as if that reply answers everything.
“You do realize you never made me come, not once when we were together.” His eyes widen. “That once you were finished, I’d always have to finish myself off.”
“I doubt I never ever gave you an orgasm. I don’t see anyone else complaining.” Well damn, have I hurt his little ego now.
“Some women are used to faking it.”
Rob’s eyes narrow in on me, while his c
heeks turn red. “Then why did they come back for seconds and thirds.”
“Maybe they ran out of batteries in their vibrator.”
“Or maybe it was because I wanted to fuck them,” he hurls his insult at me. The room falls silent. “Lilly…”
Tears well in my eyes, and the first one falls down my cheek. “I…”
Shaking my head, I get up and walk out of the living room. That man out there isn’t going to get the satisfaction of seeing me cry. Walking into my bathroom, I slam the door shut.
Fuck him!
Letting the tears fall fast now, and I know I made the right decision walking away from him in Africa. If my family can’t see that, then screw them all. I’d rather be alone.
Collecting myself, I walk back out into the living room where Rob is playing with my phone.
“What are you doing?” I question him.
“Checking the time.” My eyes narrow in on him. “Lilly, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say those things to you. You bruised my ego.”
“You and me… we should never have gotten together. We’re not right for each other.” Rob nods in agreement. “Our families pushed us together, but they don’t care that we aren’t the right fit, they just care about how they look to their friends.” His head sags. “But they are still our parents.”
“Yeah, and it’s my life.”
He nods his head in agreement. I think he understands now there’s no chance between us.
“What do we tell them?” He looks so confused at the prospect of telling his parents.
“Tell them whatever you want, Rob.” He frowns. “I think it’s best you leave.”
“For what it’s worth…” Rob stands and walks over to me. “I do think you’re a pretty special woman. I wish you all the best, Lilly.” He leans in to kiss me a kiss on the cheek, then heads on out the door, grabbing his jacket on the way. He gives me one a sad wave and disappears into the night.
Grabbing my phone, I dial Luca. I need to tell him I’ve made a gigantic mistake. I shouldn’t have let fear guide my decisions. He is a good man and a man who loves me. I’ve been a complete fool.
“The number you are calling is currently unavailable,” the telephone voice tells me.
I keep trying all night and then again in the morning.
Nothing.
