All I Ever Wanted

by Alexa Land

  I turned to Duke and said, “He literally has that on a T-shirt.” Cole’s roommate stared at me for a long moment, and then he turned and left the living room without another word.

  “He doesn’t like me,” Quinn said.

  “Sure he does.”

  “You really think so?”

  “No.” Quinn frowned at me and flopped back down on the carpet.

  *****

  Nana Dombruso had really outdone herself. She’d rented a huge beach house with a pool, about half an hour south of the city, and festooned everything that wasn’t moving in red, white and blue. As Quinn wandered onto the pool deck with a cat under one arm and the limp ‘palm tree’ under the other, he murmured, “Oh yeah, I could definitely get used to this.”

  I ran into Dylan as I wove through the crowd, and gave him a hug as I said, “Hey! I’m glad you’re here.” He’d become a good friend over the last few weeks, and I always looked forward to our semi-weekly video game showdowns.

  “Glad to be here! Nana invited the entire station, but most of the guys were on duty. The Fourth is always a busy day for firefighters.”

  “Aw, see?” Quinn exclaimed. “You totally should have let me bring my fireworks! The fire department is already on-site, so what could go wrong?”

  Dylan raised an eyebrow at that, and I said, “You remember my roommate, Quinn Takahashi.”

  My roommate took it as a compliment when the big firefighter muttered, “Oh believe me, Quinn is seared into my memory.”

  A moment later, Cole caught up to us, after getting sidetracked as he greeted friends in the crowd. I turned to Dylan and said, “There’s someone I’ve been looking forward to introducing you to. Dylan Hawkins, this is my boyfriend, Cole Ealy.”

  I was surprised when Dylan grabbed Cole in a hug and said, “I’m so damn glad you two worked it out.”

  Cole smiled at me around Dylan’s arm and told him, “So am I.”

  We chatted with Dylan for a few minutes before piling our stuff on a lounge chair and going in search of our hostess. Eventually, we found Nana and her husband Ollie on the beach with Cat and Conrad. Apparently Cat and Nana were having a dance-off to the pulsating techno music that blasted from hidden speakers. “Hey Nana, can you do this?” Cat asked her before breaking into a hip hop move and swinging her long ponytail.

  “Hell, that’s nothing,” Nana exclaimed. “Check this shit out!” Nana hiked up her red, white, and blue sundress and started twerking like nobody’s business, and Cat grinned and followed her lead.

  When Quinn joined us a moment later, he yelled, “Aw yeah!” Then he started twerking wildly with the two women. I grinned when I realized Cat and Quinn were dressed alike in their red booty shorts and sequined tank tops.

  Conrad tried to join in, and Cat exclaimed, “Not like that, Floppy! Like this!” She grabbed her husband’s hips and ground against his butt as he laughed and turned red. The couple had returned from the South Pacific happy, relaxed, and more in love than ever, and I couldn’t help but smile as I watched them having fun together.

  Cole slipped his hand in mine, and when I turned to look at him, he said, “I have a favor to ask you.”

  “Anything.”

  “Teach me to surf.”

  “Really? You always said no when I brought it up before.”

  “I know. That’s because it always seemed kind of terrifying. But it’s a big part of who you are, and I want to share it with you.”

  “That’s fantastic! I wish you’d said something sooner. I would have brought my board and started teaching you right now.”

  He grinned and said, “I actually planned ahead. I figured, as long as you were teaching me, you might as well teach some other people, too.” He glanced over my shoulder, and I turned and followed his gaze. Darwin, Josh, and all of Nana’s teens were walking toward us, dressed in wetsuits and carrying surfboards. “You mentioned you were keeping your board and wetsuit at the restaurant, since you go straight there every morning after the beach. I asked Dante to bring them along. The rest of us have rentals.”

  “Awesome! I’m totally excited about this,” I said as the teens gathered around us.

  “No damn way am I going in the ocean,” Josh muttered as he pushed his thick glasses up the bridge of his nose.

  “You don’t have to,” I told him. “But it does beg the question, why are you in a wetsuit?”

  “Because they said they wouldn’t do this unless I did, too.” Josh pointed toward the beach house, and I smiled at the sight of Dante, Charlie, Vincent, and Trevor heading toward us in wetsuits, with boards under their arms.

  “I am not getting in the water,” Trevor called. “I barely even swim. The only reason I’m dressed like this is because I’m trying to set an example for my son and show him it’s good to try new things. But those new things don’t include drowning.”

  “If Trevor’s not surfing, then I’m not either,” Vincent said.

  “Oh yes you are,” Dante told his brother. “Josh and Trevor, you’ve both been taking swim lessons for over a year, so I’m not buying that excuse. If I have to get out there and make a fool of myself, so do you.”

  Jayden walked over to Dante and told him, “You won’t make a fool of yourself. I took surf lessons for two summers, I can show you what to do.”

  Dante grinned at the kid and said, “Thanks. I need all the help I can get.”

  I was pleasantly surprised when Joely stepped forward and told Dante, “My kid brother’s actually really good at this. Just listen to what he tells you, and you’ll be alright. You too, Charlie.”

  Charlie tossed his board on the sand and hopped on top of it. “My ex-boyfriend taught me how to surf a long time ago. I wonder if I still remember how to do it.” He pointed at Jamie, who was jogging out of the water with his surfboard, and added, “That ex-boyfriend, specifically.”

  “Cowabunga, dudes,” Jamie called. “Welcome to Jamie and River’s surf school!”

  “And Jayden’s,” Dante added. The kid beamed at him.

  I smiled at my boyfriend and said, “This is going to be awesome.”

  *****

  A few hours later, as the sun started to sink behind the Pacific, I wrapped my arms around Cole and kissed his cheek. We were straddling my surfboard, which rose and fell as a swell passed beneath us. Both of us grinned as Dante awkwardly leapt onto his board in an effort to catch a two-foot wave, then immediately face-planted into the ocean. “He’s a good sport,” Cole said as he leaned against me.

  “He is. Terrible surfer, though. But it’s sweet that he’s willing to do whatever it takes to bond with those boys.” Even Joely had let his guard down a bit that afternoon. We knew the little would-be family still had a long road ahead of them, but they were making progress.

  When Dante bobbed to the surface and shook out his hair, his friend Dmitri laughed and called out, “Come on, Dante! Follow Lily’s lead!” He gestured at his husband and their daughter. Jamie was gliding effortlessly across the gentle waves while holding Lily by her shoulders. The little girl looked cute in her tiny, pink wetsuit and life vest, and she stuck her arms out like a pro as she found her balance on the front of her father’s surfboard.

  “I had an ulterior motive for asking you to teach me to surf,” Cole admitted a few minutes later, as he ran his fingertips over the sleeve of my wetsuit. He turned his head and smiled at me over his shoulder. He’d left his glasses on the beach, and I noticed the way the seawater turned his thick eyelashes into a spiky fringe. “Remember when you told me about the dream you had about your perfect wedding? I want to be able to make that a reality someday.”

  I whispered, “Oh my God, Cole,” and he twisted around and kissed me.

  Then he said, “Come on, let’s try one last time to catch a wave. If a three-year-old in pigtails can do it, so can we.”

  “I suspect the pigtails are the source of her superpowers. That, or they act as tiny ballasts,” I joked as we shifted around on the board. We’d gotten t
he idea to try tandem surfing after Cole’s solo attempts had left him frustrated.

  “It helps that she’s utterly fearless,” he said as he stretched out on the board and I straddled him. “I have this theory that kids are born believing they can do anything. It’s not until life kicks them in the teeth a few times that they start to revise that opinion.” I felt like he was speaking from experience.

  A few moments later, I glanced over my shoulder and said, “Okay, here’s our chance. Paddle with me.”

  I had to lay on top of him to make it work, but neither of us was complaining. As a medium-sized swell rolled in, we both began to paddle hard to keep pace with it. We reached the break at just the right time, and I stood up and found my footing, which definitely felt peculiar with the weight of another person on my board. As the wave propelled us forward, I called over its roar, “This is it, Cole. You can do it!”

  He was wobbly when he jumped to his feet, and he crouched down with his hands on the front of the board. But then, slowly, he stood up, and I grasped his narrow waist. He flailed a bit, waving his arms, and I pushed on the back of the board with my left foot, changing our angle slightly as we rode the wave. He yelled, “We’re doing it,” and then he laughed delightedly.

  I basked in that perfect moment with Cole, reveling in his joy and the exhilaration that always came with catching a wave. We rode it nearly all the way to the shore, and then we hopped off in knee-deep water and I tucked the board under my arm. Cole bounded ahead of me, splashing through the surf as he exclaimed, “We did it! We actually did it!” As soon as we were both on dry land, he grabbed me and kissed me passionately, and our friends cheered and applauded.

  Darwin called, “I got it on video! I’ll text it to you.”

  “Thanks,” Cole said. “Feel free to delete the forty videos you probably shot before that of me wiping out.”

  Darwin and Josh were lounging on a blanket beneath a big umbrella, and they both smiled at us as we walked up to them. Josh had given surfing a try for about twenty minutes, mostly for his family’s sake, before retreating to the shade. One of his dads, on the other hand, had discovered a talent for and a love of surfing. I looked around and spotted Trevor a short distance down the beach, balancing on his rented board as he caught a four-foot swell. Vincent hovered at the water’s edge, ready to leap in and save his husband at a moment’s notice, but Trevor really didn’t need rescuing.

  Jamie and Dmitri joined us a few moments later. Lily was almost asleep in Jamie’s arms, and he said, “We’re going to take her into the house and get all of us cleaned up. See you in a bit. Cole, great job out there!”

  My boyfriend grinned and said, “It took me three hours to catch one wave, and even then, I needed River to hold me up, but thanks.”

  Dmitri glanced at Dante, who looked exhausted as he trudged out of the water with his board, and said, “Hey, I count that as a victory.”

  After we peeled off our wetsuits, rinsed ourselves in an outdoor shower, and dried off with the thick beach towels that Nana had thoughtfully left for us, we rejoined our friends on the pool deck. Cole found his glasses, and then he grinned and said, “I’m about to eat everything on that buffet over there. Don’t judge me.”

  We were both ravenous, and we heaped our plates with food and stuffed our faces as the sun went down. When we finished eating, he shivered a little, and I jumped up and found him a dry hoodie and another towel. Cole and I curled up on a lounge chair, using the big towel as a blanket, and he said softly, “What an absolutely perfect day.”

  A moment later, we both jumped a little as about thirty fireworks went off all at once, directly overhead. Everyone at the party burst out laughing and applauded. The only one who didn’t seem to enjoy it was Puffy. He’d been tranquilly floating on his castle raft for the last half-hour, but when the fireworks went off, the cat shrieked and leapt from the raft, puncturing it with his claws on the way out.

  Quinn yelled, “Oh no Puffy, I’ll save you,” and dove into the water after him as the castle deflated. Meanwhile, the cat held his head above water and paddled across the pool with quick, sure strokes. He was still wearing the shark costume, and Cole and I couldn’t help but chuckle as the fin sliced through the water.

  When Puffy reached the edge of the pool, Conrad bent down and hoisted him out of the water. The angry, dripping animal looked so scrawny under his costume that I murmured, “Who knew the cat was ninety percent fur?”

  While Catherine and Conrad wrapped the soggy feline in a towel and talked baby talk to it, Nana joined us and said, “Oops.”

  I asked her, “Are you alright?” She looked a bit wind-blown, and there was a dark smudge on her cheek.

  “Oh yeah,” she said. “I’m fine. I hired a fella to sneak up onto the rooftop deck and put together a not exactly legal fireworks display for us. When I went to check on him, I accidentally pushed a button, and kapow! What a shame that it was all over so quickly.”

  “I thought it was fantastic, Nana,” Cole told her. “Usually, you have to wait for the grand finale, but we got to enjoy it right away.” That seemed to cheer her up.

  As Nana went off with a sheepish smile to seek forgiveness from her firefighter friends, Cole and I settled back onto the comfortable, padded lounge chair. I pulled the towel up to his shoulders and said, “You know who we haven’t seen yet? Ash. I thought your bestie was supposed to be here.”

  “He will be. He was DJing a wedding all afternoon, so he told me he’d probably get here a little before ten.”

  Sure enough, at about nine forty-five, I spotted his lavender-haired friend rushing through the crowd. His expression was grave, and I wondered if I should brace myself for a confrontation. But when he reached us, Ash didn’t even look at me. Instead, he grabbed Cole’s hand and said, “Where’s your phone?”

  “In my beach bag with River’s phone, I guess. What’s going on?”

  “Your mom’s been trying to get ahold of you! She called your cellphone, then River’s, then your house. Duke picked up the messages and called me when he couldn’t reach you.”

  The people around us turned to see what was going on as Cole asked, “Why? What happened?”

  His friend’s voice broke. “It’s your grandmother.”

  Cole blurted, “Oh my God, is she okay?” Tears tumbled down Ash’s cheeks as he shook his head.

  Chapter Twelve

  Cole’s voice was barely audible when he muttered, “I never thought I’d see this place again.”

  I glanced at his profile as he drove through downtown Gomsburg, Idaho. We’d been in the van for about fourteen hours at that point, with just two brief pit stops for gas. At one of the stops, I’d randomly grabbed some water, energy drinks, and snacks, but Cole hadn’t touched any of it. He hadn’t slept either, not even for a minute, and had insisted on doing most of the driving, even though I kept offering to take turns behind the wheel.

  It wasn’t news to me that Cole shut down when he got upset, but this was another thing entirely. After he’d talked to his mom the night before and learned of Gram’s sudden death, he hadn’t cried. Instead, he just became totally focused on getting to Idaho, and had driven through the night with grim determination. That comment about his former hometown had been the first thing he’d said in nearly three hours.

  The walls he’d pulled up around himself in the face of overwhelming grief were an almost tangible thing. Knowing he was in pain and that there was nothing I could do about it shattered me. But I couldn’t push Cole into opening up. All I could do was hope he’d turn to me when he was ready.

  Because I wanted to be strong for him, I fought back my own tears as I stared unseeingly out the window and remembered his cute little Gram. I’d met her several times and had been overwhelmed by all the love she’d shown me. She’d been kind, and funny, and most of all, understanding, everything a grandmother should be and then some.

  One of the many things Gram understood was why Cole left Gomsburg for good at nineteen. S
he’d spent enough years patching up his scrapes and bruises to know what life had been like for him in that small town. Instead of complaining about the fact that he didn’t visit, Gram had said, ‘If you can’t come here Coley, we sure as hell can pick up our asses and come to you.’ And that was just what she did. Every year on his birthday, she and his mother would ride the bus down to San Francisco for a visit, and every Hanukkah he’d fly them in so they could spend the holiday together. In between, he called her every Sunday, and they’d chat happily for at least an hour, seeming more like old friends than grandmother and grandson. I remembered how upset he’d been for missing a call when we were in Napa, and I also remembered the sounds of their laughter and their animated conversation during their video call that past Sunday. I took a deep breath and pressed my eyes shut, because the tears I’d been fighting all night were dangerously close to the surface.

  Cole pulled to the curb a minute later and muttered, “Nobody but me ever thought it was morbid that the town doctor was right beside the funeral parlor. Doc fucks up and loses a patient? No problem, just wheel ‘em next door.”

  When I got out of the van, the heat and humidity rose to meet me. I stretched my stiff back and legs as I looked around. Downtown Gomsburg had probably been nice once. It had an old west feel with its vintage buildings and covered sidewalks. But time hadn’t been kind to the town. Eighty percent of the storefronts were boarded up, and the ‘for lease’ signs in the windows were faded out. All that remained on that particular block, besides the doctor and the funeral home, were an Army recruiting office and a pawnshop. I thought that said a lot.

  Stepping into the funeral parlor felt a bit like exiting a time machine into the 1970s. Blue shag carpet, large oil paintings of landscapes, a big desk, and fussy blue and white chairs decorated the combination waiting room and office. To the right, through a large archway, was a casket showroom. A stained glass window at the front of the showroom cast weird, colorful reflections over the lavish coffins and large arrangements of fake flowers.