One Last Summer

by Connelly, Victoria

  But Lisa didn’t seem to be listening now. Instead, she leaned down to pick up her belongings and, without saying another word or looking at Harrie again, headed towards the priory.

  Chapter 14

  Audrey cried for most of the night and her ribs felt sore by morning. She’d never felt so wretched in her life. Nothing could have prepared her for Harrie’s news. It just seemed so unfair. Harrie was too young and too nice to be taken. What kind of a crazy world took somebody like Harrie? If Audrey had believed in God, she would have been furious with him.

  When she had left Harrie by the pool to try and talk to Lisa, she found Honor in the kitchen putting her mother’s shopping away. Honor had turned around to reveal a red and tear-streaked face and Audrey had run to her.

  ‘Honor!’ she’d cried. ‘How have you coped?’ she’d asked as her own tears began to fall again.

  ‘I haven’t. Not really.’

  ‘But you have! Your mum’s so proud of you, you know that? But I wish you’d reached out to us.’

  ‘I wanted to, but Mum wouldn’t let me.’

  ‘I know. I know.’ She’d stroked Honor’s hair. ‘I blame myself now. We should have made more of an effort to keep in touch. If we had, we’d have known something was going on.’

  ‘She wouldn’t have let you know. She’d have made some excuse not to see you.’

  ‘Really?’

  Honor had nodded.

  ‘You might be right,’ Audrey had said at last. ‘She didn’t even want to tell us now, did she?’

  ‘I think I kind of forced her hand.’

  ‘I’m glad you did,’ Audrey had said.

  They’d spent a further ten minutes crying and embracing. Audrey had been so desperate to comfort Honor, but had also needed comforting herself.

  Now, lying in bed with the morning light spilling onto the dark floorboards, she felt that she had to talk to somebody about it and she knew who that person should be.

  Finding her phone and switching it on, she rang Mike. It was early and he would still be at home. Sure enough, a moment later, he answered the phone.

  ‘Audrey! Why didn’t you ring me last night? I was worried sick! I told you that you were to keep in touch.’

  ‘Mike – listen! I couldn’t call you.’

  ‘Why? What’s happened? Are you okay?’

  ‘Yes, yes! I’m fine.’

  ‘Then what is it?’

  She felt the tears rising once again and a large lump formed in her throat. ‘It’s Harrie,’ she managed. ‘She’s dying, Mike!’

  ‘What?’

  ‘She told us yesterday. She’s been hiding it from us for years! I can’t believe it. Why wasn’t I there for her? I’m such a bad friend!’

  ‘Aud, love! Slow down. You’re not making any sense.’

  Audrey took a deep restorative breath, trying to corral her thoughts, and then she told Mike what had happened the day before. When she’d finished, he swore and she could hear that his voice was thick with emotion.

  ‘I can’t believe it. I don’t want to, Mike.’

  ‘Come home.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘You should come home.’

  ‘I can’t do that! I can’t leave Harrie – not after what she’s just told me. Why would I do that?’

  ‘Because I’m worried about you. It’s too stressful.’

  ‘But you don’t understand – this is her last summer.’

  ‘I understand perfectly. It was nearly your last summer too, remember?’

  ‘That’s rubbish.’

  ‘Have you forgotten you ended up in hospital?’

  ‘No, of course not. But I feel fine and I’m staying here to be with Harrie.’

  Mike swore again.

  ‘Don’t fight me on this, Mike, because you won’t win. I’ve got to be here for her, especially with the way Lisa’s behaving.’

  She heard him sigh and imagined that he was pacing up and down the front room, raking a hand through his hair.

  ‘We’re losing her, Mike. I have to be here with her. It’s what she wants. It what I want.’ Saying the words made her feel suddenly very calm. She knew that, whatever Mike said, she would be spending the rest of the summer with her dear friend.

  ‘All right,’ Mike said at last. ‘If you’re sure it’s what you want and that you’re okay.’

  ‘Of course I’m sure.’

  ‘Because I can be there—’

  ‘I know – you can be here in the blink of an eye and whisk me away.’

  ‘I’m just worried about you,’ Mike said. ‘I was worried enough before this bombshell.’

  ‘She needs me,’ Audrey said. ‘She needs her friends around her and the peace of this place. I can see why she booked it now. She planned this. You know, she was going to tell us and then changed her mind when she found out about my episode? That’s the kind of a friend she is – putting others before herself even when she’s dying.’ The words caught in Audrey’s throat and she had to will herself not to burst into tears again. ‘It’s not going to be easy, but I’m going to do my very best to be what she needs. You understand that, don’t you?’

  They talked for a little while longer and then Mike hung up. Audrey sat perfectly still for a while, the air seeming to hum with her emotions, but she really did feel strangely calm now and that’s what had struck Audrey most about Harrie – she too had been so incredibly calm. She’d told them that she was dying as if she might have been telling them that she’d just had a nose job. It was no big deal. But maybe she’d already cried herself out. Maybe she was being calm for her friends’ sake. And that’s when something struck Audrey. She had to be calm and strong for Harrie now. There would be time enough for tears later. This holiday, this special holiday which Harrie had arranged for them, had to be happy. Harrie wouldn’t want to see her and Lisa crumbling around her.

  With that in mind, Audrey left her room and walked across the landing towards Lisa’s, knocking lightly on the door. There was no response and so she turned the handle and pushed it open.

  ‘Lisa? Are you awake?’ She tiptoed across the room towards the bed. Lisa’s back was to her and she didn’t seem to respond when Audrey touched her shoulder, which told her that Lisa was either a very heavy sleeper or was just as awake as she was. Audrey suspected the latter.

  ‘I’ve been thinking about Harrie.’ She sighed. ‘How can I think of anything else now? We need to be really strong for her. I know this is going to be difficult and there are going to be tears. I don’t think I’ve cried as much in years, but she doesn’t want to see our miserable faces, I’m sure of that. She doesn’t want to watch us having a meltdown, okay? She hired this place to be happy, to have fun with us. One last time. One last summer.’ Audrey felt a lump in her throat. ‘And we’ve got to make that happen. It’s going to be hard and I know what you went through with your mum, Lisa, but we’ve got to push aside our own needs now and be there for her.’

  She paused. ‘Lisa? I wish you’d talk to me, goddamn it! I don’t want to be alone in this. I need you.’ Audrey reached out again and squeezed her friend’s shoulder. ‘Are you even listening to me?’

  Lisa didn’t respond and, feeling angry, disappointed and horribly isolated, Audrey left the room.

  ‘What are we going to do about Lisa?’ Audrey asked the next day. It was late afternoon and Lisa had done her best to avoid them both, breakfasting early and spending her time in the secluded corners of the garden.

  ‘I don’t think there’s anything we can do,’ Harrie said matter-of-factly.

  ‘Are you going to try and talk to her again?’

  ‘I don’t know. She didn’t respond well yesterday. I think she’s shut herself down and I’m not sure I’ll be able to get through to her no matter what I say.’

  ‘But this is ridiculous! She’s behaving like a child.’

  ‘Don’t be cross with her.’

  ‘How can I not be cross? She shouldn’t be treating you like this, Harrie. It’s unacc
eptable.’

  ‘It’s fine. It’s just her way of coping with all this.’

  ‘Well, it’s not good enough.’

  It was later that evening when Lisa came downstairs. Harrie, Honor and Audrey were at the trestle table, having just polished off the very fine meal Mrs Ryder had left for them. Audrey, who was facing the door, spotted her first.

  ‘Hi!’ she cried. ‘Come and join us.’

  Lisa paused for a moment but, instead of joining them, she walked to the fridge, took out a bottle of wine and then headed back up the stairs.

  ‘Lisa!’ Audrey called after her, rising from her seat. ‘Hey! I’m talking to you!’

  ‘Leave her,’ Harrie said, reaching a hand out to try and settle Audrey.

  ‘Are you crazy? She’s going to drink herself into a stupor.’

  ‘She’s a grown woman, Aud,’ Harrie said.

  Audrey shook her head, her face reddening with anger.

  ‘I’m going to talk to her, Mum,’ said Honor. ‘This has gone on long enough.’

  ‘No. Just leave her for now,’ Harrie told her. ‘I’ll try her again later.’

  It was almost ten o’clock when Harrie tried the door to Lisa’s bedroom and found it unlocked. She hesitated for a moment, almost too nervous to venture inside.

  ‘Lisa?’ Harrie whispered, peering around the door.

  Lisa was lying on her bed, her face buried in her pillow.

  ‘I don’t want to talk to you,’ she said, her voice muffled.

  ‘I wish you would.’ Harrie walked inside and moved towards the bed, noting the empty bottles around the room. ‘We’ve been worried about you. Have you eaten anything today?’

  Lisa didn’t respond.

  ‘You must be starving,’ Harrie continued, ‘and it’s stifling in here.’ She went to open one of the windows and was greeted by a blessedly cool breeze. ‘There, that’s better.’ She looked around the room again, trying to gauge exactly what Lisa had been up to. She couldn’t see any evidence of food other than an empty packet of chocolate digestives. The bedding was a messy tangle and, when she peered into the en suite, she saw that all the towels were on the floor.

  ‘Oh, Lisa!’

  Suddenly, her friend sat up on the bed, her eyes bright with tears in her swollen face.

  ‘I don’t want to lose you!’ she cried.

  ‘But you haven’t!’ Harrie said. ‘I’m right here. Right now!’ She sat down on the bed and, as she’d done with Audrey, just let her friend cry for a while. ‘It’s okay.’

  ‘It’s not fair!’ Lisa said, sniffing loudly. ‘Why did this have to happen to you?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Harrie said honestly. ‘I wish it hadn’t, if only so I wouldn’t have to hurt you all like this.’

  Lisa inched back a little, turning her bright, teary eyes to Harrie. ‘You always think of others, Harrie!’

  ‘But I know what you’ve been through already.’

  Lisa closed her eyes for a moment and nodded. ‘It took me right back there – that moment when you so casually said you had cancer out in the blazing sunshine.’

  ‘I thought that’s what had happened.’

  ‘I couldn’t face it.’

  ‘It’s okay.’

  ‘I’m sorry!’ Lisa said at last. ‘I didn’t know what to do.’

  ‘It’s all right.’

  ‘No, it’s not! I’ve wasted all this time when I could’ve been with you. You needed me and I turned away from you.’

  Harrie hugged her close. ‘You needed to process it, that’s all. I understand and I know what you went through with your mum. It’s okay.’

  ‘I still remember when Mum sat me down to tell me her diagnosis. It was so horrible. It was such a shock. We’d just been eating chocolate ice cream.’

  Harrie blinked. She’d never heard this story before. ‘You had?’

  Lisa nodded. ‘I’ve never been able to eat it since.’

  Harrie wasn’t quite sure why. Maybe it was the way Lisa had said the line – like she was an actress in a cute romantic comedy – but a tiny smile tickled the corner of Harrie’s mouth and she couldn’t stop it from spreading.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Sorry!’

  Lisa sniffed again and wiped her eyes. ‘It’s not funny.’

  ‘I know it isn’t. It’s just the way you said it.’

  The tickly smile seemed contagious and Lisa’s lips twitched with it now. ‘Stop making me laugh.’

  ‘I’m not!’

  Lisa took a tissue out of a box by the side of her bed and pushed her hair away from her face. ‘Do I look a mess?’

  Harrie smiled. The old Lisa was resurfacing. ‘I’ve seen you looking better.’

  A smile spread across her friend’s face.

  ‘Listen!’ Lisa said. ‘I’ve been thinking. I’ve not been comatose the whole time I’ve been in here.’ She paused and Harrie couldn’t help wondering what she was going to say next. ‘I can help you.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I mean, I can help you beat this thing.’

  Harrie shook her head. ‘No, Lisa.’

  ‘Yes – yes, I can!’

  ‘I’ve tried everything, believe me.’

  ‘But I haven’t tried!’ Lisa cried.

  ‘Lisa, aligning my chakras and teaching me how to breathe through one nostril isn’t going to save me.’

  ‘Don’t say that!’

  ‘This thing’s got me good and proper.’

  ‘I won’t believe that.’ Her tears rose again. ‘We’ve got to fight it!’

  Harrie took hold of Lisa’s hands and squeezed them, speaking slowly to her. ‘Listen, I know this is going to sound slightly crazy, but I’m at peace with this now. I’ve done all the fighting I’m going to do.’

  ‘How can you be so calm about all this?’ Lisa cried.

  ‘Because I’ve been through all the other emotions,’ Harrie explained. ‘Believe me, I’ve sunk to the very bottom with this but, somehow, I’ve bobbed back up – maybe not to the top – but I’m in a good place now.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes! Truly.’

  Lisa shook her head. ‘But there must be something . . .’

  ‘I would have found it. Trust me on this.’

  ‘But we could try—’

  Harrie squeezed her hands again. ‘Please, just be with me now. That’s all I want.’

  They embraced again and Lisa wiped her face with the back of her hand and sniffed.

  ‘Are you okay?’ Lisa asked at last. ‘I mean, I know you’re not, but – oh, god! I’m not saying this very well.’

  ‘I’m okay,’ Harrie told her. ‘Sometimes, my mind can’t help but dwell on all the things I’m doing for the last time – like seeing my last cherry tree in bloom or birthdays and anniversaries, but there are compensations too, believe it or not.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘Like never having to go to the dentist again.’

  Lisa laughed and Harrie was pleased to see her friend smiling again.

  ‘And really, it’s a blessing in so many ways,’ Harrie went on.

  ‘How do you mean?’

  ‘I mean I can plan things – make sure everything’s in order for Honor and the rest of my family. It’s the poor sods who die on the spot of a heart attack or who get run over by a bus that I feel sorry for.’

  Lisa looked aghast for a moment, but Harrie gave an encouraging smile and, luckily, Lisa mirrored it back to her.

  Honor was delighted to see Lisa up and about and there was a tearful reunion in the kitchen where Lisa apologised to both her and Audrey. But Audrey was still angry with Lisa.

  ‘You shouldn’t have locked yourself away like that,’ Audrey told her. ‘Not when Harrie needed you.’

  ‘I’ve said I’m sorry,’ Lisa said.

  ‘I hope you’ve told Harrie how sorry you are.’

  ‘Of course I have!’

  ‘She needed you, Lisa, and you shut her out.’

 
Lisa looked at Audrey, her eyes bright with tears. ‘I’m here for her now and, unlike you, she’s accepted my apology.’

  Mrs Ryder was also not in the mood for forgiving, it seemed.

  ‘Had a little party, did you?’ she asked later that day, eyeing up the bottles which had been rounded up from Lisa’s bedroom.

  ‘Not exactly,’ Harrie said.

  ‘Oh, I see. You told them, didn’t you?’ Mrs Ryder said.

  ‘I did.’

  Mrs Ryder nodded. ‘Good girl.’

  Harrie found it strange to be called a girl when she was, in fact, a forty-six-year-old woman, but she rather liked it.

  ‘Let me help you with the bottles.’

  ‘There’s no need,’ Mrs Ryder said. ‘I’ve only to take them to the recycling.’

  ‘But I can help carry them.’

  ‘Suit yourself.’

  Harrie and Mrs Ryder took their share of the bottles and left the priory, walking down the drive to where the bins were stored.

  ‘So, what did they say when you told them?’ Mrs Ryder asked.

  ‘Audrey cried a lot and Lisa went into meltdown. She shut herself in a room and, well, drank.’

  ‘All this was one person?’

  ‘I’m afraid so. You see, her mother died of cancer and I don’t think she’s ever really got over the loss.’

  They’d reached the bins now and carefully placed all of Lisa’s empties into it.

  ‘You can see why I’ve delayed telling them now,’ Harrie continued.

  ‘You did the right thing,’ Mrs Ryder assured her.

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘They needed to know and I think you probably needed to get it off your chest.’

  Harrie gave a little grin. ‘Don’t talk to me about getting things off my chest. I’ve had my fill of that already.’

  Mrs Ryder looked quite shocked by Harrie’s black humour and had to have a smile nudged out of her.

  ‘They say laughter is the best medicine,’ Harrie added, ‘but I don’t think it’s going to cure what I’ve got.’

  Chapter 15

  A couple of quiet days went by at the priory. More tears were shed and Harrie received more hugs in those forty-eight hours than she had ever before in the rest of her life. She felt so humble and grateful for her dear friends and for the daughter who was being so strong for her.