One Last Summer

by Connelly, Victoria

  Things were still a little tense between Audrey and Lisa, Harrie couldn’t help noticing, but she was confident that they’d be back to normal in time. She had been taken aback by Audrey’s anger at Lisa. She’d never seen her friend so riled before and, while it was wonderful to be the recipient of Audrey’s protectiveness, she couldn’t help feeling sorry for Lisa being on the receiving end of so many warning looks.

  Another thing she was truly grateful for was the fact that her friends weren’t overly mothering her. She would have hated it had they started treating her as an invalid, fussing over her and not letting her get on with things as normal. Okay, they’d insisted on making her endless cups of tea, but they also gave her the space she needed.

  And that reminded her. She owed somebody a phone call. Just the night before, she’d received a text from Dr Russell asking her to get in touch. Harrie knew that her call was overdue, but she’d been putting it off – not wanting to break the holiday mood by talking about her health.

  Making her way to her room, she closed the door and rang the number. She was put straight through to Dr Russell and immediately felt at ease when she heard her warm voice greeting her.

  ‘Harriet – how are you?’

  ‘I’m good.’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Yes!’ Harrie replied. ‘Truly. I was going to message you so you wouldn’t worry. I’m feeling really great. Maybe I’m getting a bit more tired than usual, but then I’m walking more and I’m even swimming every day too.’

  ‘That’s fantastic.’

  ‘It is,’ Harrie said, and then paused. ‘Is that . . . normal? I mean, feeling as well as I do at the moment?’

  ‘Like I told you, everybody’s different. If you feel well, then that’s normal. Don’t let what you have stop you from doing what you want to do – not if you have plenty of energy.’

  ‘But I sometimes feel like a fraud telling people I’ve got terminal cancer and then jumping into a swimming pool.’

  ‘I’m sure people don’t want to see you sitting around doing nothing with a blanket on your knees.’

  Harrie laughed. ‘No, I’m not quite ready for that.’

  There was a pause and Harrie couldn’t help wondering how far along the horizon that awful fate was, just waiting for her. She shivered. Well, it wasn’t here today, that was for sure.

  They talked for a few minutes about Harrie’s medication – the pills she was currently taking and what was available to her when she needed it.

  ‘You can ring me any time,’ Dr Russell said. ‘Just let me know what your needs are. And Harriet?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Enjoy your summer.’

  The two women said their goodbyes.

  Harrie sat for a moment on the edge of the bed. The room was warm and sunny and she looked out into the tops of the trees beyond. Talking to Dr Russell always left her feeling anxious. She felt like she was being pulled into a world where she still didn’t belong; a world she didn’t want to be a part of.

  She glanced towards the bottles of pills she’d brought with her on holiday. She’d noticed that Dr Russell had told her what would be available when she needed them. When, not if. Like she was hurtling head-on into a future she couldn’t stop.

  Harrie took a deep breath and repeated the little mantra that only just managed to control her emotions when she felt so vulnerable and when she couldn’t help dwelling on the dark future that lay ahead. She knew she’d have to face it, but not today.

  But not today. But not today.

  It was late one evening as the sun was setting over the garden. The women had been sitting by the pool, having enjoyed a cold buffet left by Mrs Ryder.

  ‘I have a plan,’ Lisa declared, swatting a moth away from her face in disgust and standing up. ‘Go and get changed into something loose-fitting and keep out of the chapel.’

  ‘What are you up to?’ Audrey asked.

  ‘You’ll see soon enough.’

  Fifteen minutes later and Lisa met them in the kitchen, leading the way through the cloister to the chapel.

  ‘We’ll have to ignore the scaffolding, I’m afraid,’ Lisa told them as she opened the great wooden door into the oldest part of the priory.

  Harrie, Honor and Audrey gave a collective gasp.

  ‘Lisa!’ Honor cried. ‘It’s beautiful.’

  Harrie looked around in wonder. There were candles everywhere: on the bare stone windowsill, on saucers along the floor and on a little table which Lisa had set up with a jar of fresh flowers from the garden, a little collection of gemstones, some meditation beads, a copy of a book called The History of Now and a rather spooky statue of the god Ganesh.

  ‘Nothing should have quite as many limbs as that,’ Audrey whispered to Harrie, who let out a giggle. ‘Personally, I’ve never trusted anything with a trunk.’

  ‘Are those arms or legs?’ Honor asked. ‘I’ve never really known.’

  ‘I think they’re all trunks,’ Harrie said.

  ‘Come and sit down,’ Lisa interrupted. ‘We need to make a start.’

  It was then that Harrie noticed the yoga mats set out. There was Lisa’s pink one, a green one and two blue ones.

  ‘Where did you get all these mats from?’ she asked.

  ‘I usually carry these two around with me,’ she said, pointing to the pink and the green, ‘but I bought the others online and got next-day delivery after’ – she paused – ‘after we had our chat.’

  Harrie smiled. ‘It’s a lovely thought.’

  ‘I think it’s important to take time out – for everyone – not just Harrie,’ Lisa blurted. ‘We all need to de-stress, and decompress.’

  ‘I definitely need to decompress after that second helping of chocolate cheesecake,’ Honor said.

  Harrie and Audrey laughed, but Lisa was in teacher mode by this stage and Harrie could see that she was only just managing to resist clapping her hands for attention.

  ‘Let’s sit,’ she said, lowering herself beautifully onto her pink yoga mat. ‘Find a comfortable position that you can maintain for a few minutes whilst we relax.’

  It had been a long time since Harrie had sat on a yoga mat and she took a few moments to find a position that suited her. She definitely couldn’t curl her legs inward as Lisa and Honor had done, so she chose a kneeling position which Audrey had adopted too. How stiff she felt. Stiff and awkward. Even with all the walking she did, she couldn’t help feeling that she was still in pretty bad shape even if it wasn’t for the cancer. Was that inevitable with the onset of middle age, she wondered? Lisa certainly seemed to be very flexible, but that took work and dedication and, although Harrie admired it and hankered after a portion of it, she really didn’t want it enough to put the hours in. Not when she didn’t know exactly how many hours she had left. Since her last diagnosis, she’d had to learn how to prioritise things, but there was a wonderful calmness that came from yoga, she knew that, and it would be most welcome in her life now. Perhaps it was something she could ease into over the rest of the summer. After all, that was part of the reason she’d booked the priory – to find ways to relax and simply be.

  ‘Take a deep breath in and sigh it out through the mouth,’ Lisa said.

  Harrie did as she was told, inhaling the centuries-old atmosphere of the chapel, and wondering if Samson was aware of that glorious smell while he worked. How could he not be? He seemed to her to be very sensitive to his environment, in tune with the stone and his tools.

  ‘Focus only on your breath,’ Lisa told them. ‘In and out – two more times and then let your breath settle into a natural pattern.’

  Harrie did her best to focus on the movements of her body as she breathed. She wondered if Samson had ever done yoga. She couldn’t quite imagine it, but the thought amused her. The image of his great bulk sitting cross-legged on a mat made her smile.

  ‘If your mind strays away from your breath, which is only natural, bring it back,’ Lisa said, interrupting Harrie’s thoughts. ‘Acknowled
ge the thoughts you are having and then let them drift away and come back to your breathing.’

  Goodbye, Samson, Harrie said to herself. It was funny that she had been thinking about him but, then again, she was sitting in his workplace. She thought of the chapel as being very much his space. She hadn’t seen him since she’d first imparted the news about her cancer to Audrey and Lisa and now she found herself wondering if she should tell him. Did he count as a friend? Would he want to know? Would he feel uncomfortable if she told him something so personal? He might think her strange to be revealing something like that. It might make him uncomfortable, and yet she couldn’t help feeling that there was more to him being there than mere coincidence.

  ‘Slowly blink your eyes open and, when you’re ready, come onto all fours,’ Lisa said. Harrie looked across the space of the cold stone floor between them. Lisa was backlit by candles and her wavy chestnut hair looked so pretty – like a Botticelli angel’s.

  Your mind’s drifting again, Harrie told herself, taking another deep breath to try and regain control. She really was terrible at this yoga business.

  Lisa then took them through a series of stretches, all the time reminding them to link everything to their breath, and Harrie lost herself completely in the movements, her arms reaching up towards the fan-vaulted ceiling, her eyes adjusting to the candlelight as the evening darkened beyond the windows and her breath finding a purpose that linked the mind and the body in perfect harmony.

  Harrie felt amazingly focused. Since her last diagnosis, she had been looking for ways of escape. Although she had calmly accepted what was happening to her, she still found that she sometimes needed to leave her own mind behind and sink into the world of a beautiful novel or a moving film. She was finding that the yoga practice was having the same effect – that she was able to forget about herself for a while and focus entirely on just being.

  But then the practice ended and Lisa encouraged them to lie back on their mats. As soon as Harrie stopped moving, she found that her mind was crowded with thoughts once more.

  ‘Let’s return our focus to our breathing again, letting go of our physical practice tonight. Think about how your body is feeling. Perhaps you feel lighter, looser, warmer.’

  Harrie was only half listening to Lisa’s voice because she had caught sight of something high up on the wall near Samson’s scaffolding. She hadn’t spotted it before but maybe it was only visible to those on the scaffolding or flat on one’s back. She squinted up at it now, but it was hard to see in the semi-darkness. However, she was pretty sure it was some kind of face. A gargoyle, perhaps, although it looked more beautiful than a gargoyle.

  ‘In and out.’ Lisa’s voice suddenly cut into Harrie’s thoughts. She’d drifted again and, like before, her thoughts had turned to Samson, wondering if he was restoring this particular feature, and then she remembered that he had said something about an angel. Was this the angel? She would have to ask him. She was quite determined to make it up the scaffolding and see exactly what he was up to.

  ‘Let your breath come easily. It shouldn’t be laboured or forced, but natural. The rhythm of life.’

  Focus, Harrie, she told herself, and she managed to for about twenty seconds, but that’s when she lost it. She just couldn’t help it. Her nose was making a funny sort of whistle and it set her off giggling, which, in turn, set Honor off. They were meant to be lying down with their eyes closed, but they kept peeping at each other and that made things even worse, especially when Audrey’s eyes opened too and she joined in with the laughter.

  It was unstoppable, infectious laughter and there was nothing that Lisa could do to control it.

  ‘Hey!’ she cried. ‘What’s going on?’

  ‘I’m sorry!’ Harrie said, happy tears streaming down her face. ‘It’s my nose! It’s whistling and I can’t stop it!’

  That set Honor and Audrey off even more.

  ‘Oh, you lot are impossible!’ Lisa said, getting up from her mat. ‘We’re meant to be relaxing.’

  ‘No, no! Don’t give up on us!’ Harrie said, wiping the tears from her face.

  ‘We’re meant to finish in a calm, serene state, not rolling around the floor laughing like hyenas!’

  That set everybody off even more and the ancient walls of the chapel seemed to reverberate with the laughter. There was a sound of fluttering wings from high above from some disgruntled roosting pigeons. It was time to go.

  ‘I’m so sorry, Lisa,’ Harrie said, moving forward to hug her friend.

  ‘It was a brilliant session,’ Audrey said as she stood up.

  ‘Yeah?’ Lisa said.

  ‘You’re a really good teacher.’

  Lisa looked genuinely surprised. ‘Thanks!’

  ‘You know what?’ Audrey said. ‘I really fancy a glass of wine after that.’

  Harrie looked at Lisa, wondering if it was a good idea to open a bottle of wine after her recent binge.

  ‘Anyone else?’

  ‘Love one,’ Honor said. ‘I feel wonderfully mellow and a glass of wine would be perfect.’

  Honor helped Lisa to blow out all the candles and then the four of them went into the kitchen, where Audrey opened the fridge.

  ‘You can thank me for having the foresight to chill a few bottles later,’ she said.

  ‘Are you allowed to drink?’ Harrie asked her.

  ‘Do you mean has Mike told me not to?’ Audrey asked. ‘He advised against it, which is really silly because wine relaxes you, doesn’t it? Isn’t that exactly what I need at the moment? What we all need?’

  Harrie looked across at Lisa, who was picking at her nails. ‘I’ll just have one glass,’ she said.

  With their wine glasses filled, they walked through to the living room and Honor switched on a couple of the great fat lamps. The sound of an owl hooting came from the garden as Harrie drew the curtains against the inky night.

  ‘So, you really enjoyed the yoga?’ Lisa asked.

  They all spoke over one another, eager to show her that they had.

  ‘Perhaps that young gardener can join us next time,’ Audrey teased.

  Lisa instantly blushed.

  ‘He’s having special private tuition,’ Harrie said.

  ‘Not special,’ Lisa was quick to point out. ‘I’m just helping him out.’

  ‘That’s nice,’ Honor said.

  ‘Yes, it is.’

  Lisa nodded. ‘Yoga can help everybody. It really can.’

  ‘Well, it’s got rid of some of the cricks in my neck,’ Audrey admitted. ‘Or maybe that’s the wine beginning to work.’

  They talked some more, their conversations rambling from subject to subject as more wine was poured and enjoyed. Finally, Audrey yawned and got up from her place on the sofa.

  ‘I am completely done in,’ Audrey said.

  ‘Me too,’ Honor agreed, and the two of them said their goodnights and left the room.

  It was only then that Harrie realised she was alone. At some point, Lisa had got up to go to the kitchen. She was meant to be bringing nibbles back but, so far, they weren’t forthcoming.

  Putting her wine glass down, Harrie went in search of her friend, finding her with her head in the fridge.

  ‘There you are! Where did you get to?’ she asked.

  Lisa visibly jumped and span around and Harrie could tell immediately from the pink of her cheeks that it hadn’t been nibbles Lisa was after from the kitchen.

  ‘Have you been drinking again, Lisa?’

  ‘Just a little bit!’

  ‘Oh, no!’

  ‘Oh, yes!’

  ‘I thought you were hunting for peanuts or something.’

  ‘Listen – come here,’ Lisa said, hiccupping dramatically.

  ‘How much have you had?’

  ‘I – erm – I’m not sure. Not enough probably.’ She swayed a bit and put an arm around Harrie’s shoulder. ‘I’ve got a brilliant idea. It’s so good, you’re not going to believe it.’

  ‘Really?’


  ‘Yes, really.’

  ‘And are you going to tell me this idea?’

  Lisa frowned. ‘What idea?’

  ‘The idea you just said you’d had.’

  ‘Oh, the idea! Yes, yes!’

  ‘Well?’

  ‘I’m going to shout at it.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘It – the cancer. I’m going to shout at it!’

  Harrie laughed. ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘I’m pretty bossy, you know. Pupils tell me I’m scary when I want to be. So I’m going to shout at this cancer. Scare it away,’ she said, jabbing a finger into Harrie’s shoulder. ‘Sorry.’

  ‘It’s all right.’

  There was a pause and Harrie was quite convinced Lisa was about to swoon onto the kitchen floor, but she seemed to right herself.

  ‘Come on!’

  ‘Where are we going?’ Harrie asked.

  ‘To the chapel to shout.’

  ‘The chapel’s too echoey. We’ll wake the whole of Somerset if you start shouting in there.’

  ‘Where shall we go then?’

  ‘I don’t think we should go anywhere other than up to bed. I really think you need to lie down.’

  ‘Nonsense! We’re going to shout at this thing, okay?’

  Harrie took a deep breath. There was no arguing with Lisa when she was like this. ‘Okay,’ she said, thinking it best to get it over and done with.

  ‘Let’s go outside, come on!’

  Harrie couldn’t help smiling at her friend’s determination as they headed out into the darkness. The lights from the priory lit their way as they crossed the garden and then an obliging moon allowed them to make a silvery progress into the orchard.

  ‘How about here?’ Lisa asked.

  ‘Aren’t we still too close? I don’t want to wake Audrey or Honor up.’

  ‘It’ll be fine. They’ll be sound asleep by now after all that wine.’

  ‘And so should you be,’ Harrie said.

  ‘I’m not ready for bed. I’ve got work to do,’ Lisa declared.

  ‘Well, hurry and get on with it. I’m getting cold.’

  Lisa stretched her arms towards Harrie, resting her hands heavily on her shoulders as if to steady herself.