The God Wheel

by Brian Clopper

  Because she can’t truly be a part of it without disturbing it.”

  “But you and the rest of the gods can.”

  “Only in a rather indirect fashion, and we are not nearly as powerful. She is ancient. She was one of the first, and because of that she exerts more sway. If she wanted to, she could slip in without raising much fuss, but that’s not in her nature. She subsists on chaos and cosmic unraveling.”

  Gabe approached and tossed the ring at me.

  I caught the jewelry and ping-ponged it back and forth between my palms, fearing the ring was still too hot. It turned out to be only slightly warm. Feeling foolish and on display, I stopped my spastic moves and held the ring up, closed one eye and looked through the finger opening.

  The troll said, “Try it on. I can make adjustments if it’s not a perfect fit.”

  It slid into place on my left ring finger with ease, its residual warmth comforting. “Just right. Thank you. What do I owe?”

  Gabe smiled, again displaying his unsettling teeth. He bowed. “Just try your best not to die. And maybe humor the prophecy and defeat the Entropy Queen.”

  I nodded slowly.

  Slif thanked the troll as he sauntered toward the vault exit. He called out, “Good fortune, you two.”

  Did the troll know who he was speaking to? I bet he did. I looked over at Slif to gauge her reaction. Come to think of it, Slif hadn’t brought me any misfortune that I couldn’t handle. And the crow attack had delivered us a key. So that was a little good fortune thrown into the mix.

  She rolled her eyes and snatched her knife from its sheath. “Go on. Head back to the god wheel yourself. I’ll be right behind.” She lowered the blade, stopping just an inch above her forearm.

  Wanting to avoid witnessing another bloodletting, I closed my eyes and pictured my ridiculous wheel tucked away in its cavern. For good measure, I visualized it nestled in the midst of a giant brain.

  This trip had done more than just forge a ring. I somehow felt more solid, defined. My own role in this caper was now substantial. I was committed to seeing this through and desperately determined not to show up on the troll’s app as another mortality statistic.

  After all, I had a puddle of reality to save.

  I opened my eyes and hopped into a large purple portal. Luckily, Slif stood off to the side having not yet drawn blood. I disappeared into the rift, pleased that it seemed like I could successfully work the ring.

  Chapter 6

  Of Nuggets and Meet Cutes

  I appeared in my god wheel in a matter of seconds. The portal gem mounted in my ring glowed briefly but darkened as soon as my portal collapsed in on itself.

  A full minute later, Slif arrived, drawing her blood back into her body through her fingers once again. I looked away and studied my god wheel. Nothing had changed. There were eight names, nine if you counted the scratched-out one. The wheel’s indicator still pointed at Slif’s slice.

  The goddess eased up beside me. “That took too long. Go ahead and spin, summon another.”

  “I’ll do my best.”

  The wheel flew round and round, stopping on the god with the simple name of Ed.

  Slif waved at me as she faded. “See you soon.”

  I moved to return the farewell, but she was gone before I could even get my hand up.

  Ed resolved into existence in mid-air.

  He hovered above the wheel, specifically over his designated slice. His wings fluttered hummingbird fast. He landed next to me, settling his wings.

  Once he brought them to rest, I could see they were black and leathery, much like a bat’s.

  The god only came up to my chest. He wore a black T-shirt and jeans. His stylish black sneakers weren’t any brand that I knew of, the logo being a gold sideways eight.

  I pointed at his footwear. “That’s infinity.”

  He grinned. “Quick on the uptake. C’mon, we need to ditch this insufferable place.” He grabbed my wrists, and our surroundings melted away like they’d been painted in place and someone had thrown water on them. It was weird to see my environs streaking downward in a slurred rush.

  Seconds later, my kitchen appeared, resolving into existence in an upward fashion, the exact reverse of how my god wheel refuge had fled.

  I wobbled, thrown by the motion of reality reasserting itself.

  Ed sat on a barstool, studying my kitchen.

  “We didn’t have to use a portal.”

  “Yeah, I favor teleporting. More fun.” He hopped off his perch and marched over to my fridge. He whisked it open and stared inside. He reached in, pushing the gallon of milk aside to reveal what was hidden behind it. He scowled, apparently disappointed to find only sour cream and a half-full jar of salsa for his efforts.

  He had a nice tan, and his dirty blond hair was disheveled and curly in surfer fashion. I noticed an infinity tattoo on his right wrist when he slid it out of the fridge and closed the door.

  He whipped open the freezer and peered inside.

  “Looking for something in particular?” I asked.

  “Nuggets. Always been curious to sample them.” He rummaged through the freezer.

  “Don’t you guys ever get out in the real world?”

  He stopped and looked over at me. “Pretty sure the sisters were clear on that matter. We sit outside of reality and guide you. We don’t get out except during the transition from an expired host to a new one. We get a week off tops.”

  “So the last time you were out was twenty-nine years ago?”

  “Try eighty.” He peeked under a box of fish sticks and his face soured. “You don’t have nuggets.”

  “No, I don’t.” I didn’t like how he seemed so focused on something as trivial as breaded chicken morsels. Shouldn’t he be moving things along? Weren’t we sitting ducks, ripe targets for the queen’s next attack? “I’m not eighty years old.”

  “No, but my last gig made it to fifty-one before kicking it. Through circumstances beyond my control, a divine staffing shortage, really, I only got a day off. I spent it on a deserted island, soaking up some rays and hitting the waves.”

  “Oh.”

  He walked past me. Spying Marty in his crate, he said, “Not a dog person. Keep that beast caged, would you?”

  The retriever whined and clawed at his crate door. How had I not noticed my furry roommate? I raced over and petted him through the crate’s metal frame. “Sorry, buddy. Been out and about working on saving the world. Didn’t mean to forget you.” Checking my phone, I realized I’d been away for close to five hours. A peek out the window above my sink verified it was mid-afternoon. I spied the sun already on its descent. Where had the day gone? I knew the answer.

  Ed flew up to my key hook and grabbed my keys. He flung them at me without warning.

  I caught them, just barely. “Wait, what are you doing? Where are we going?” Did he expect me to drive to the Entropy Queen’s prison?

  “You’re taking me to the grocery store.” He glided toward my front door.

  “Wait, why?”

  “Haven’t you been listening? Sheesh, dude, follow the conversational thread.” He puffed out his chest and proclaimed, “I require nuggets.”

  “What are you, the god of hunger?” That would explain my own sudden rumbling stomach. I was famished. I opened Marty’s crate and hooked the leash to his collar. The dog lunged, eager to greet our newest houseguest with a wet nose and a polite, if robust, face licking.

  Ed glared at the emancipated canine. “I told you to keep that locked away. And, no, I’m not the god of hunger, starvation, or the munchies.”

  I raised my voice a little. “I need to walk him and then we’ll be on our way. I just don’t understand why you’re worried about sampling some stupid nuggets when the Entropy Queen is on the loose.” I slipped past the god, who had drifted close to the ceiling fan to keep himself safely out of reach from Marty’s affectionate leaps.

  “Executing this errand will advance the cause. It’s what I do
.”

  “I don’t understand. What are you?” I opened the door and led Marty onto the lawn.

  A second later, Ed walked out to join me, his wings gone. At least he knew not to draw attention to himself.

  He still kept his distance from Marty, who was torn between finishing his lawn watering and launching a full-blown offensive heavy on the snuggling.

  “The god of happenstance. I exploit coincidence. Things happen, progress is made through doing what initially seems mundane but then turns out to be relevant in retrospect. Your hunger influenced mine. Don’t tell me you’re not hungry?”

  I didn’t want to admit I was but felt at a loss. I really didn’t know the right course of action. Hadn’t he gotten hungry first? Who was influencing who? “So we don’t attack the queen directly?”

  “No, it’s not yet time. And if you were truly going to leap into the fray, you’d want Zartua at your side. And do you see that puffed up blowhard on the loose? No. When you spin her, you’ll be smack dab in the middle of conflict for sure.”

  Marty finished and strained at the leash to try and reach Ed. The god stood just out of reach and waved tauntingly at the pup. I led the retriever back into the house, delivered two treats to his crate, and closed it up when Marty dashed in to scarf them up. “Be good. I apparently need to snag some nuggets, which may or may not lead me to the next stage of this crazy thing.”

  Marty crunched up the treats and waved a paw at me before settling back on his dog bed. He watched me leave, barking only twice after I locked the door.

  Ed stood at the end of my walkway. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

  “You sure this is what happens next?”

  “Positive. Trust the process, dude.”

  ****

  The short car ride over to the grocery store didn’t yield any earth-shattering revelations. Ed insisted that I go with my gut, that coincidence was quite essential to my undertaking.

  We grabbed a basket and headed toward the frozen foods. I looked around, nervous we would be attacked. No crows in the parking lot, but I still felt on edge, exposed. What if Ed’s silly errand was simply moving us into an ambush? I honestly didn’t know what the next logical step was. After all, the Entropy Queen was still imprisoned.

  Ed scanned the freezer doors, zipping right past the vegetables and pizzas. I noticed he stepped too lightly, several times almost looking like he was suspended in the air a few inches off the ground. I guess he could become airborne without his wings making an outright appearance. Each of my pantheon had their own unique qualities and powers. It seemed altogether random. What did a slight surfer personality and the ability to fly have to do with coincidence? And what did Slif’s cape have to do with misfortune, other than it could wipe away blood. I guess that was somewhat related to calamity.

  He flung open a freezer door and plucked a large bag of Tyson chicken nuggets from the shelf. He lingered, scanning the other varieties. He also grabbed a honey barbeque, but just as quickly put it back in favor of a bag of dinosaur-shaped nuggets. He held up his finds. “Let’s get both.”

  “So when’s it supposed to happen?”

  He marched toward the checkout. For someone who didn’t get out in the real world often, he sure knew his way around a superstore. Of course, these deities were abreast of everything; they monitored my life like a bunch of 24/7 peeping Toms. “It will present itself.”

  “Like how?” I stared at the ceiling, fearful some giant monster would rip off the roof and reach in to gobble up myself and any other nearby shoppers. “Something big and obvious?”

  Ed got in the self-checkout. “Maybe, but also maybe something smaller, like a sign showing you your next move.”

  I scanned the nuggets and inserted my credit card. Ed snatched up our bag of purchases and grinned. He looked past me, recognition flashing across his face. Who did he know in the real world?

  “And here it is,” he said.

  I jammed my credit card back in my wallet and spun around, afraid I was about to be tackled by some hideous creature.

  “Felix?” Lorna walked toward me, a very large muscular man wearing sunglasses and dressed in all black at her side. In fact, he had a bulging arm looped with hers.

  “Lorna, um.” I didn’t know what to say. Hi, this is my personal god of coincidence. We’re picking up some nuggets before we save the world, and also the universe, I suppose. Nope, better to say he was my cousin.

  Her friend stared at Ed. He pointed a meaty finger at the god. “See, I told you this was meant to happen. He’s one of us.” He removed his sunglasses and closed his eyes as he held his hand out. His body language was such that it almost seemed like he was soaking up some hidden vibes from Ed. “In fact, we’re practically brothers.”

  Lorna slipped her arm free of her companion’s and pressed against me, tugging me forward and out of the checkout area. Both Ed and her escort stared at each other. Luckily, there wasn’t anyone waiting to use the checkout they blocked.

  “I can explain,” I said.

  “No, let me.”

  We made eye contact, and I spotted the worry and wonder simmering inside.

  Lorna said, “That’s Kni. K-N-I. The K’s silent. Don’t tease him about that. He can get a little testy about it.” She waved for Kni to come over.

  Kni did, and Ed followed. Neither said anything to each other. Both sent us eager looks.

  Ed said, “Well, get on with it. This is the happenstance I was talking about, and it looks like a delicious one.”

  Kni remarked, “It’s more kismet and synchronicity at work here.” He smiled at Lorna. “Tell him.”

  She huffed, sending a random tendril of red hair flying. “Kni is my god of serendipity. I have a pantheon.” She glanced at Ed. “And that’s one of your gods, isn’t it?”

  Ed gave a chummy slap to Kni’s back. “How you like that? So similar. I’m happenstance. So, so perfect. You with your serendipity. Really guaranteed this meet cute was supposed to happen.”

  Lorna frowned at Ed. “Hey, none of that love and destiny stuff. Heard enough from Lyle on that front.” She smiled sheepishly at me. “Lyle is my god of romance. He apparently was on duty when my squire went off the reservation, so to speak.”

  “Um, this is crazy. You know about your god wheel?”

  “Keep up. That’s old news.” She smirked.

  I winced. “Yeah, so looks like we’re in the same boat.”

  Ed put an arm around me. “And so, that means the next logical thing to do would be . . .”

  “Team up?” I said, rather non-committal.

  Lorna smiled. “I was hoping you’d say that. All of this is just too much.”

  “My place is close. Let’s go there.”

  Ed held up his bag. “And I shall prepare the nuggets. It will be a wondrous repast.”

  Kni slid his sunglasses back on. “We never got the nachos you were craving, Lorna. Should I go get them?”

  “There’s a Taco Bell on the way.” I looked at Lorna. “You need my address or do you want to just follow?”

  “Nope, I know where you live.” She added, “Don’t go thinking I’m a stalker. Lyle looked you up, insisted on doing what he called a ‘background check.’”

  ****

  Kni and Lorna were all over the dog when I let him out of his crate, while Ed stayed airborne. He eventually headed to the kitchen to prepare the nuggets.

  Lorna and I dug into the Nachos Bellgrande at the table. She had bought four sodas as well. I sipped at my Pepsi. Kni declined to eat with us, commenting on how he didn’t want to pollute his body with fast food.

  “This is crazy,” I said. “So you met your gods yesterday, too?”

  “Yeah, right after you dropped me off. Kni was in my apartment, waiting and eating chicken he’d grilled.”

  Kni said, “What? I needed protein. Can’t lose my gains.”

  I leaned in to Lorna and whispered, “It’s a little odd that they need to eat at all. And shouldn’
t it be ambrosia they’re slurping up? All they do is hang out in our heads, right? I don’t know about you, but there’s not a food court up here.” I mechanically tapped my forehead with my index finger.

  She laughed. “Skireen, my goddess of tidiness, explained it to me.” She drilled a stare into me. “And, believe me, I find it embarrassing I have a goddess of that. She reorganized my junk drawer and mail slots as she spilled the beans.”

  “I don’t know if I have a god like that. I’ve met only three.”

  She held up four fingers. “Four and Kni twice now.”

  “So what did Skireen say?” I asked.

  “They frequent the Dominion, a dimension where all the pantheons hang their hats, helms, or skullcaps. Even when they’re away from our god wheel, they are receiving a feed of what we’re doing. It’s kind of like being on call. The deity on duty can yank them back for a consult. They also have to come when the wheel lands on their name.”

  “What else do you know? The prophecy?” I asked.

  Ed slid the baking sheet loaded down with nuggets into the preheated oven. He set the timer, while staying mindful of Marty. Not that he needed to worry; Kni kept the dog busy giving him a rigorous rubdown.

  “Yes, but not a lot about it. They didn’t know much.”

  “I have yet to spin my god that supposedly knows the most about it. Mnemon.”

  “Hey, that’s one on my wheel. Haven’t met him either.”

  So they could work double duty. I wondered how common that was.

  Kni slow clapped and looked our way. “More coinky-dinks with you two. You share a god. That’s rare. Most of us don’t like splitting time between two mortals.”

  Ed said, “One is enough.”

  Kni replied, “Preach.”

  “I didn’t think deities would be so snarky. All of mine are to some extent.”

  Lorna put her hand on mine as she finished off the nachos. “Mine too. I’m betting that’s a little bit of our influence. They spend so much time in our heads, our sarcasm can’t help but rub off.”

  Neither god spoke up to disprove her theory.

  “This is weird. What should we do next? I mean, how do we stop the Entropy Queen from escaping?” she asked.