Full Bloom

by Janet Evanovich

  “That’s his woe-is-me look,” Jamie said. “Since I’ve been on my diet we haven’t had any i-c-e c-r-e-a-m in the house.”

  “Poor baby,” Annie said to Fleas.

  “Then yesterday he caught me sneaking my s-u-i-t-c-a-s-e-s from the attic. You know how he gets when I l-e-a-v-e him.”

  Annie nodded. “Okay, let’s go into the dining room. Would you like something to drink? Or maybe some carrot sticks?”

  Fleas slid to the floor, covered his eyes with his paws, and gave a mournful sigh.

  Jamie shook her head. “No thanks. Vera has been force-feeding me carrot and celery sticks for two days. She won’t even let me have cream or sugar in my coffee.”

  Annie chuckled. Sixty-year-old Vera Bankhead was Jamie’s secretary and assistant editor. The fact that she was a strict Southern Baptist did not stop her from carrying a loaded Smith & Wesson .38 in her purse, which she had been known to use. “Well, you certainly don’t want to cross Vera.”

  “I almost prefer her shooting me point-blank to eating another raw vegetable,” Jamie said.

  Annie led Jamie into the large dining room, and they took a seat at the long table, a custom-built replica of an 1820 Imperial Extending Table, only this one was adorned with bronze and gilt, as was most of the furniture in the house, with the exception of the kitchen, which had been added on long after the house was built. Numerous leaves could be added to the table so that it could accommodate thirty people. A massive Regency gilt-wood mirror almost covered one wall, reflecting light from the chandelier. On the opposite wall, a large bowfront sideboard held Annie’s grandmother’s fine silver and china. As a young girl, Annie had thought the dining room one of the most spectacular rooms in the house.

  Until she realized that the deep red walls, black and red velvet draperies, and naked cherubs painted on the ceiling were not exactly tasteful. Not to mention the silk tapestry of women in highly suggestive poses. Unlike her mother, who considered it tasteless and downright disgraceful, Annie had learned to take it in stride.

  Except for the large marble, phalliclike sculpture that had been placed beside the graceful free-floating staircase in the foyer. Annie had been twelve years old when she’d asked her grandmother why anyone would want a carving of a man’s thing in the entryway.

  The elderly woman had chuckled. “It’s art, dear. And it’s been in this family for many years.”

  Annie had broken a cardinal rule when, after her grandmother’s death, she’d packed the sculpture and had it carried to the attic.

  Annie noted the amused look on Jamie’s face as she took it all in. “Are you sure you still want to get married here?” Annie said.

  Jamie looked surprised. “Why wouldn’t I? You have a reputation for putting on the finest weddings money can buy.”

  “Yes, but the guest list doesn’t usually include senators, heads of state, and tycoons. Some people might find the house, um, offensive.”

  “If that were the case, you wouldn’t have so many people wanting to marry here.” She sighed. “I just hope none of the guests talk,” she said. “I have never seen a man more determined to avoid the press than Max.”

  “People have a right to their privacy,” Annie said. “Even celebrities. And Max shouldn’t have to deal with TV cameras and newspaper reporters on one of the most important days of his life.” She reached for a manila folder that was simply labeled: H. Wedding. Thankfully, it was quiet in the kitchen. “By the way, how is Max?”

  “He’s working hard to tie up loose ends before we leave for the honeymoon, which he still insists on keeping a surprise.”

  “Everyone is talking about the new polymer plant he’s building,” Annie said. “It’s going to create a lot of well-needed jobs in this town.”

  Jamie nodded. “And hopefully save the lives of a few motorists. It’s the same material that was used to build Max’s car. He and a NASA employee experimented for a couple of years to make the product more durable, and I can tell you it’s stronger than steel. A leading car manufacturer is anxiously awaiting the first sheets to come off the production line.”

  “You must be very proud of Max,” Annie said, and then grinned. “I know it’s a little soon to ask, but have you talked about starting a family?”

  Jamie’s smile suddenly drooped.

  “Uh-oh, wrong thing to ask,” Annie said, wishing she could take it back.

  “I’m scared, Annie. Terrified. I don’t know anything about being a wife; what on earth would I do with a child? I don’t even know how to raise this dog. I mean, look at him,” she said, pointing to Fleas. “He has no self-esteem.”

  As if trying to prove her point, Fleas managed to look even more pathetic.

  “Take a deep breath, Jamie,” Annie said. “It’ll be okay.”

  Jamie sucked in air.

  “Like I said, you’re just having pre-wedding jitters and that’s perfectly normal. And nobody says you have to have a baby. Oprah Winfrey doesn’t plan on having kids, and everybody adores her.”

  “Yeah, but I sort of want a family,” Jamie said.

  Annie suspected as much. Jamie’s mother had left while Jamie was still in diapers, and her father had not been able to fill the gap. “So take your time and stop stressing over it,” Annie said. “You’ll know when you’re ready.” She laughed. “I mean, good grief, Dee Dee’s going to have a baby in how long?”

  “Three weeks. But she doesn’t count, because Frankie has hired three nannies.”

  Annie chuckled. Frankie and Dee Dee were well liked in the community because of their eccentricities and fun-loving nature. A retired wrestler, Frankie had turned his attention to politics the previous year when he suspected the local government was corrupt. He’d called on brother-in-law Max Holt to help him look into it, and they’d found more than they’d bargained for. In the end, Frankie had emerged a hero and won the mayoral election hands-down.

  Annie suddenly remembered the injured man in the kitchen; she needed to get down to business. “Let’s concentrate on one thing at a time,” she said. “You’re marrying a great guy who’s madly in love with you. The fact that he’s drop-dead gorgeous and filthy rich is only the icing on the cake. And speaking of cakes—” Annie pulled out a picture of the wedding cake Jamie had selected, a French pound cake with Grand Marnier buttercream frosting. It was simple yet exquisite. “I’ve been thinking,” she said. “Since you’re planning on white tea roses for the wedding, how about I tint the frosting on the cake off-white and place some of the rosebuds on top for decoration? That sort of thing is real popular now.”

  “Sounds beautiful.”

  “Great.” Annie hurried on. “As for the menu, I typed up everything we agreed on so you and Max can look it over in case you want to make any changes.”

  Jamie reached into her oversize handbag and pulled out several envelopes. “I’ve received the last of the responses to the wedding invitations, so we’re looking at about fifty guests. I hope you know that Max and I cut the list to the bone,” she added.

  “I can easily accommodate that number of people,” Annie said, having hired someone to knock down the wall separating the den and oversize study when she needed the space for various businesses that held monthly meetings there. It also served well for small weddings. “I’ll situate the tables near the walls in the ballroom so there will be room for dancing,” she added. Annie hoped she could do something about the water damage before the wedding. “Okay, what’s next?”

  “Oh, wait; I forgot to mention that Max’s parents can’t make it. His mother had a mild heart attack several days ago. She’s getting out of the hospital tomorrow, but her doctor wants her to stay close to home. So you can scratch their names from the list.”

  Annie made a note to herself. “I know Max will be disappointed.”

  “He is. But he wasn’t that close to them while growing up. His cousin Nick and his wife, Billie, practically raised him.”

  “Moving right along,” Annie said, hoping they c
ould wrap things up, “the minister will be here early in case you or Max would like a private moment with him. The photographer is all taken care of, and the flutist and harpist will play before, during, and after the ceremony, at least until the band starts. Well, it’s not really a band, just a three-piece ensemble.”

  “I have no idea what I’m supposed to do when I get here,” Jamie said anxiously.

  “That’s what the rehearsal is for. No change in number of people for that?”

  “Nope.”

  “The florist will arrive a couple of hours early, so we’ll have plenty of time to decorate.”

  “I just hope I fit into my dress,” Jamie said grimly.

  “You will. Any questions?”

  “I think that covers it.”

  Annie checked her wristwatch. “Oh, look at the time!” She stood, hoping she didn’t appear rude but knowing she needed to check on Wes Bridges, who was probably on the telephone with his lawyer that very moment.

  Jamie stood as well. “I need to get back to the office anyway. By the way, how is Destiny settling in?”

  “Theenie and I really like her. She’s hilarious. Perhaps outrageous is a better word.”

  Jamie laughed. “Most of what she says is in fun, so don’t take her too seriously.” They had turned for the living room when the swinging door leading to the kitchen was suddenly thrown open and a frantic-looking Theenie poked her head through. “Trouble in the kitchen,” she said. “Big trouble.”

  Annie darted a look at Jamie. “Gotta run.” She raced into the next room, where she found Wes slumped at the table. “Oh no!” she cried. “What happened?”

  “He passed out,” Destiny said.

  A frowning Jamie stood in the doorway, trying to make sense of what was going on. “Who is that?”

  Annie glanced her way. Damn. She hadn’t even heard Jamie follow her. “Long story.”

  “You wouldn’t believe it anyway,” Destiny told Jamie.

  Annie tried to shake the man awake. There was no movement. He began to snore lightly. “Oh, great!” she muttered. “Wes, you have to wake up!” she said loudly. She shook him harder, so hard he slipped from the chair and hit the floor with a resounding thud. His head bounced once, and he groaned.

  Theenie cried out in alarm and then covered her mouth, but her eyes slid side-to-side, clearly panicked. “We’re going to kill the poor man yet.”

  “Would somebody puh-leese tell me what’s going on!” Jamie insisted.

  “We should try to sit him up,” Annie said as Theenie gave Jamie a rapid-fire rundown of events. “Maybe that’ll wake him.”

  Jamie blinked several times as though trying to digest the explanation. “I’ll help.”

  Working together, Annie, Jamie, and Destiny managed to get Wes into a sitting position, but his head lolled to one side. Annie stood over him, bracing her feet on either side as she slipped her arms beneath his and pulled. He was too heavy, despite Destiny and Jamie trying to pull him up from behind. Annie paused to catch her breath and Wes fell back once more, dragging her with him. Fortunately, Jamie prevented his head from hitting the floor again.

  Annie suddenly found herself lying flat against the man, chest-to-chest, thigh-to-thigh. Before she could make a move, Wes smiled in his sleep and enveloped her in his arms. Her jaw dropped. Whoa, mama! She couldn’t remember when she’d last been this close to the opposite sex, but danged it if didn’t feel good. Too good, she thought, his tight muscles pressed against all her body parts.

  Her stomach fluttered.

  Her nipples hardened.

  Her gizzard quivered.

  “Oh my,” Theenie said, one hand at her breast as though she feared her heart would fly right out. “This won’t do. This simply won’t do.”

  Annie sighed.

  Destiny and Jamie gawked.

  Theenie stepped closer. “Annie, this is not proper behavior. You must get up this instant!”

  Destiny laughed out loud. “You really do need to get off of him, honey. The man needs medical attention. You can lie on top of him once he’s better.”

  Jamie grinned openly.

  Annie tried to pull free, but it was useless. “He has me in a death grip.” She craned her head so that she could see Theenie. “You might want to call Doc.”

  Theenie hurried to the telephone and dialed while Destiny and Jamie looked on in amusement.

  “This is not funny, you guys,” Annie told them. “He could be badly hurt. Not only that; he has already threatened to sue me.”

  “Doc’s on his way,” Theenie said, hanging up the phone. She gave Annie a funny look. “What’s wrong? Why are you squirming?”

  “She’s copping a feel,” Destiny said. She bit her fist.

  “I am not!” Annie said. “I’m just, um, trying to get comfortable.”

  Jamie looked at Destiny. “I’m sure it’s not as easy as it looks, just lying on him like that.”

  “I should not be listening to this,” Theenie said, eyeballing each of them. “I know three young ladies who are going to feel terribly guilty if something happens to that poor man.”

  The back door swung open a few minutes later and Doc stepped in, once again carrying his black bag. “Now what?” He came to a dead halt when he spied Annie lying across Wes. “Oh boy,” he mumbled. “I’m almost afraid to ask.”

  “He’s out cold,” Annie said, “and he won’t let go of me.”

  Doc suddenly looked sheepish. “I was afraid of this.”

  “Afraid of what?” Theenie said.

  Doc sighed. “I’m not positive, but I’m pretty sure I gave him the wrong medication.”

  “What did you give him?” Annie almost shrieked.

  “I, well, accidentally gave him a tranquilizer. It’s mostly used for large animals.” He swallowed, and his Adam’s apple bobbed. “Livestock.”

  “Oh, shit!” Annie cried. “He’s going to be mad as hell when he wakes up. Wait! Maybe we shouldn’t let him wake up. How many more of those pills do you have?”

  Theenie planted her hands on her hips. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.” She turned to Doc. “Is he in danger?”

  “No, but he’s probably going to be out for a while. That’s not good considering he has a head injury. That and the fact he won’t let go of Annie.”

  “Life can be hard like that,” Destiny said.

  Annie felt a sense of dread. “We have to get him to the hospital.”

  Theenie shook her head and began to pick at her fingernails. “If we do, they’ll ask questions. Doc could get into a lot of trouble for dispensing medication, seeing as how he’s not practicing anymore.”

  “Oh boy,” Doc muttered under his breath.

  Annie gave a huge sigh. “I’m going to lose my house. I’ll have to sleep in the bus station and keep my stuff in a grocery cart.”

  “We’ll be homeless,” Theenie said. “I’ll have to sleep in a cardboard box. Everybody will find out. I won’t be able to show my face in Susie Q’s Cut and Curl.” She pulled a lace handkerchief from her pocket, put it to her nose, and sniffed. “My hair will be a mess.”

  Destiny and Jamie exchanged glances.

  Annie looked at Doc. “Think of something fast.”

  “Be nice if we could wake him. Maybe we could get him into the shower and douse him with cold water.”

  “Okay,” Annie said calmly. “Theenie, call Erdle. We’ll need all the help we can get. Doc, don’t you think you should check his pulse or something?”

  “Good idea.” Doc got down on his knees and pulled a worn stethoscope and penlight from his bag. He listened to Wes’s heart, shone the light in his eyes, and took his pulse. “Everything seems normal.”

  Erdle came through the door and almost stumbled over his own feet. “Miss Annie!”

  “Don’t just stand there, Erdle, help me!” she said. “See if you can pry the man’s hands loose.”

  Erdle hurried around behind her and tried to pull her free. “Golly, he’s str
ong as a bull!” He pulled with all his might.

  Wes opened his eyes and stared into Annie’s face. His words were slurred when he spoke. “You got, um, a nice, um . . .” He frowned as if trying to come up with the word. Finally, he closed his eyes.

  Annie shook him. “What?”

  His eyes remained closed. “A nice ass,” he said. Once again, he began to snore.

  “Oh, I shouldn’t be listening to this,” Theenie said, covering her ears.

  Everyone in the room was silent for a moment. Annie stared openmouthed at the man beneath her. So he’d noticed her after all. Her ego moved up a notch. Not that he was her type, mind you. Not that she had a type. But Wes looked, well, he looked a little dangerous, a little rough around the edges. Besides, she’d sworn off men.

  Still . . . Wes made her feel sort of feminine, like she should go upstairs and put on a pair of panty hose.

  Not a good sign.

  Erdle managed to lift Wes’s arms, and Annie shimmied out, her cheek rubbing every bone and muscle along the way, although she did her best to lift her head and not touch his crotch.

  “Wow,” Destiny said. “I hope it was as good for him as it was for you.”

  Annie shot her a look as she took a deep breath. “Okay,” she said, trying to pull her muddled thoughts together. “I think it’ll be easier if we drag him into the bathroom. Theenie, you hold his head off the floor so it doesn’t bounce. Erdle, you grab the other arm. The rest of you, get his legs and try to shove him in the direction of the bathroom while Erdle and I pull.” She waited until everyone was in place. “Okay, let’s do it!”

  The six of them went to work, pulling Wes across the kitchen, the hall, and finally into the bathroom. They paused in the cramped space to catch their breath. Annie pushed the shower curtain aside. “Okay,” she said, “I think it would be better if we got his legs in first.”

  “Are we going to put him in with all his clothes on?” Theenie asked.

  They exchanged looks. “Maybe we should at least strip him down to his underwear,” Annie said.

  “What if he doesn’t wear underwear?” Theenie asked. “He doesn’t exactly look the type.”