Broken Mercy

by Stacy McWilliams

  I needed a café with internet access and when I passed by, I was drawn to the smell of the fresh cakes and coffee. It was them, who were there the day I found out I was pregnant. They’d supported me every step of the way through my pregnancy. I loved them like family.

  I’d managed to get access to my trust fund again, but my father had emptied most of it out. All that remained was the cash from my grandparents, which was a lot less than the four million, that should have been in it. By the time I’d bought my apartment and my furniture, there wasn’t much left.

  “Okay, be right back,” she told me, and I saw her go over to speak to Jamie, who gave me a quick grin and wave from the counter.

  I sat down across from Lexa and saw her eyes narrow on someone, who’d come into the café at my back. She gave a swift shake of her head, then the door opened and closed again. She glanced towards me and opened her mouth to speak, when Jamie appeared at the table.

  “Hey girlie, we weren’t expecting you guys today.”

  Her dark skin glittered under the lights and her eyes glowed with warmth, as she surveyed me.

  “What’s up with you though? You look a little pale.”

  Her eyes appraised my skin, and she glanced down to see Zach sleeping soundly.

  “Is my boy keeping you up all night again? You want me to take him for a bit tonight, so you can get some rest?”

  Her eyes darted across to Lexa and baby Kristie, and she gave her a stern look.

  “And who’s this?” Jamie asked in a harsh voice.

  “Sorry, Jamie, this is my friend Lexa. We’ve known each other for years. She’s in New York with her partner, so we decided to meet up.” I told her, hoping she wouldn’t pick up on the Lexa part, because she did know who Mason was.

  She was familiar with Black Mercy and Mason’s reputation. She knew I had a friend called Lexa, who was with a member of Mason’s band.

  “Lexa from San Francisco?” she asked me pointedly, and I was about to say no, when Lexa reached over and smiled, as she held her hand out to Jamie.

  “Hi, yeah, I am from San Francisco.”

  Jamie quickly shook her hand, released it, and went back to work. She kept giving me concerned looks as she passed to go into the back part of the café. I knew I’d have to explain what Lexa was doing in town to her and Flora, but it could wait until later. I sipped my coffee that Flora had brought over and was buttering a scone, when Lexa opened her mouth, closed it, and then opened it again.

  “Okay, what the hell Amber?” she asked me in a low voice, and I glanced up at her to see tears forming in her eyes.

  “Why did you leave like that? Why did you leave Mason like that and why didn’t you tell me you were going? I saw you the day before and you didn’t say a word about leaving?”

  I could tell from her tone that I’d hurt her, but I had told her. I’d told her that I couldn’t stay somewhere I wasn’t wanted.

  “I did tell you Lexa, I told you that Mason didn’t want me anymore and that I had to leave.”

  Her perfectly manicured nails picked up a brownie and tore at it. She gazed down at her sleeping daughter, before she turned back to me.

  “I wish I’d known you were serious. Mason was a fucking mess after you left him.” She told me harshly.

  I leaned back to survey her. He wasn’t the only one who was a fucking mess, but she didn’t know that. Before I could say anything about how messed up, I was, she was speaking again.

  “He was fucking broken and it took ages for him to get sorted. Now he’s so close to the edge again because of you…”

  She broke off as I glowered at her and her eyes met mine, but instead of understanding, I saw reproach. I knew that she wasn’t here to try to see my side of things, but to fix things for him.

  “I’m not…” I began, and she leaned across the table and held her hand up to me, cutting me off mid-sentence.

  “I don’t understand why the fuck you took the ticket last night, when you had all of this going on. What possessed you to crawl out of the woodwork now? Is it money? Is that it?”

  My eyes burned with tears and I shoved my chair back, standing up quickly and kicking the lock up on the stroller.

  “I don’t need his money and I don’t want anything from him,” I hissed as I stared at the girl who used to be my friend.

  I didn’t know her anymore and she certainly didn’t know me if that was what she thought about me.

  “I just wanted to tell him how sorry I was for leaving him like I did, but maybe it was a mistake. Maybe I should have contacted him when I found out I was pregnant, but he wasn’t the only fucking person who was a mess.”

  My whole body shook with rage as I stared down at her and wondered how she’d become so cold and heartless.

  “I was the fucking one who was kidnapped and had a miscarriage on my fucking own, but poor Mason’s been through a lot…” I hissed, throwing her words back at her.

  She didn’t speak. Her eyes darkened as I called her out and I knew I’d made a colossal error in meeting her.

  “This was huge fucking mistake. See ya, Lexa,” I spat.

  I tugged my stroller backward and left the café. Half-way down the street, I realized I hadn’t paid and that I’d left my purse. My cell was in the pocket on the stroller, so I took it out and sent Jamie a message. Asking her to pick up my purse and take the cash for the coffee and scone from it. She didn’t reply, and I was too wired to go back to my apartment. I decided to take Zach for a walk to see the ducks. I marched towards Central Park, ignoring everyone around me and moved towards my favorite spot. It was secluded so I could feed Zach, who was beginning to stir without attention, but also pretty. We could sit and enjoy the ducks swimming on the lake after he’d fed. I parked the stroller beside our favorite bench and scooped him out, as I took my breast from my top and plucked a muslin square from the diaper bag. As I sat down and latched him on, my adrenaline left and my whole body began to shake.

  Is that what they all think?

  That I just left and that I was fine, and that I didn’t care that Mason went off the rails. I felt so guilty when I found out what was happening to him. Hearing about it at work as people discussed his life, as though they had a right to comment on his private affairs, made me furious. Zach was latched on and feeding and for a few minutes, and I was sitting trying to get my emotions in check, when I sensed someone approaching. I didn’t have the energy for any more drama. I kept my eyes straight ahead and stared out at the duck pond, hoping they’d take the hint and leave.

  “Hey, is this seat taken?” Mason’s soft voice, asked.

  I sighed as I turned to see him standing beside me. He was holding two coffee cups from Jamie’s, so he must have gone in there, after I left to get them. I didn’t answer, and he set the cup down beside me and turned to walk away. The pain that lanced through me as he turned, was unexpected and unwelcome. I debated letting him go for a moment, but I couldn’t do it to Zach. He had a right to know his father, so I swallowed my pride.

  “Mason,” I called out, and he stopped walking.

  My eyes roamed all over him as he stood waiting on me to say something else. His leather jacket, and jeans were fitted and showed off his amazing physique. His hair was poking out of the back of his ball cap, longer than I remembered it.

  “Come back,” I told him tiredly, and he turned around slowly, giving me time to appreciate his body even more.

  “Are you sure?” he asked in an uncertain voice, as his eyes scanned my face.

  I closed my eyes as his blue ones met mine, because all of the emotions from the night before, threatened to overwhelm me, but I managed to choke out my answer.

  “Yes, come back, please.”

  I opened my eyes again and shook off the residual hurt, as he moved towards me and sat slowly down on the bench, as far away from me as he could get. Zach unlatched and I scooped him up, popping him up on my shoulder. Putting the square burp cloth
over it to protect my clothes, as I burped him. I didn’t look at Mason because I was scared of what I’d see, when I did.

  Would he still hate me?

  Would he want to take my son away from me?

  I had so many questions and no answers for them.

  “Amber,” Mason muttered.

  I turned to meet his gaze, but he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking at our son. Part of me wanted to get up, take Zach and run as far away as fast I could, but I managed to taper it down and stay sitting.

  “May I hold him?”

  His voice was low, pained and the guilt made me feel nauseated, because it was my fault, he didn’t know his own son. It was my fault that he was sitting out in the open in a park, asking to hold him, when he was almost three months old. I couldn’t help the guilt I felt over that.

  “Yeah, sure. Of course, you can.”

  I stood up and moved closer, before leaning down and popping a gurgling Zach into his arms. I quickly popped my boob away, took the burp cloth from my shoulder and passed it to Mason.

  “He gets a little vomity after his feed, so you might need this.”

  He took it without looking at me, which made me feel worse. He really did hate me now and that thought alone broke the tiny piece of my heart, that I’d managed to repair without him. Mason didn’t look up at me but continued to smile at his son and talk to him. He was so sweet, and Zach was watching him enthralled, as I took a photograph on my cell for Zach. He should know that he did meet his dad. He would know that I’d do anything for him, even if it meant making me super uncomfortable and causing me physical pain. I was about to sit down again, when a guy I didn’t know approached us.

  “Give me your cell,” he commanded, and I glared at him.

  “No. No way,” I hissed.

  He moved towards me, standing over me in a threatening manner. His body size alone intimidated me, but no way was I handing my cell over to a stranger.

  “Walker, what’s going on?” Mason asked in an angry voice and the guy, Walker, turned to face him.

  “She’s been taking photographs, Sir. They need to be deleted right now.” The man called Walker, told him and I bristled right past angry to furious.

  “What exactly do you think I’m going to do with these images? Sell them to the press? Post them online?” I shouted and Mason turned to face me.

  “No, but I think you could sell them and make a lot of money from them. Walker is right. You need to delete them.”

  His words were like ice and his tone burned through me. I didn’t know how to react, so I did the only thing I could think of. I stood up, walked over to Mason and scooped Zach from his arms. I didn’t speak to him, and he didn’t say a word, as I secured Zach in his stroller. Or as I turned to face Mason and his idiotic security guard. I opened my cell and deleted one of the photos of Mason and Zach, then the next, before I turned my cell to show them that the images were gone.

  “There you go,” I said in a pained whisper, around the lump in my throat as I showed them the images were gone.

  Only I’d sent one to Josie, so it was still in my cell, only not in my camera.

  “We’re leaving now,” I told them both.

  I moved away from the bench, but Mason stood and stopped me, by stepping in front of the stroller.

  “Wait, I don’t understand. Can’t you stay a little longer?” he mumbled, as he glanced between Zach and I.

  I knew he didn’t, because he didn’t think about other people, or their feelings. He just acted.

  “No, we can’t. I took a photo for my son, so I could add it to his memory book. There is a page there that says the first time my daddy held me. Not only did you ruin it, but you made me feel cheap and wrong for it, so I’m leaving and I’m taking my son with me.”

  I watched as the realization of what he’d done dawned on him, and he stepped back, leaving my way out clear and I walked away without looking back. It didn’t matter how much it hurt me, or how painful it was to leave Mason; I couldn’t stay, when he believed that I would do something like that to him.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Hurting Her, Hurt Me

  Mason

  I couldn’t stop her from leaving and I didn’t blame her for it either. Not only had I messed up, but I’d ruined what should have been a special moment between me and my son. No wonder she hated and had left me.

  My heart broke when she scooped Zach from my arms. When I glanced up to see the devastation written all over her expression, I was shaken and broken all over again. No matter what I did, I hurt her. No matter how much I tried to protect her, I always ended up hurting her and it wasn’t fair.

  I didn’t mean it personally. I just meant that she could sell the images and make a fortune. After I’d said it though, I wanted to shove the words back in, but it was too late. I had to watch her walk away with my son, knowing that I couldn’t say anything to let her know how sorry I was. I’d been holding my son and trying to pluck up the courage to talk to her. I was so scared of hurting her again and I’d ended up doing it anyway. I was such a fuck up and Walker was only doing his job, but I was so angry with him for interfering, that I could barely look at him.

  When we arrived back at the hotel, Lexa came to see me and asked if I’d managed to talk to Amber. She was feeling guilty about how cruel she’d been to her. When she’d tried to message Amber’s Facebook account, she’d found that the messages bounced back.

  I couldn’t believe how much I’d screwed up in the previous twenty-four hours. Not only had I found the girl I loved, I’d managed to scream at her, hurt her and offend her, in less than a day. I knew I didn’t deserve shit for how I’d treated her, but I wanted a chance to apologize. I wanted to make things right and to somehow tell her what she meant to me.

  I spent the rest of the day pondering my next move and was contemplating going to her apartment, when Quinn burst through the door.

  “Mase, turn on channel six,” he said in a loud voice as he moved into the room.

  I picked up the controller and hit the on button, scanning to channel six, where an image of myself and Zach was showing. It wasn’t from Amber’s angle though. You couldn’t see much of Zach or her at all, but you could tell it was me, because I’d taken my sunglasses off to see my son.

  “Amber sold you out.” Quinn hissed.

  I shook my head as I tuned the TV out, but I couldn’t keep their words from reverberating around the room.

  “And playboy musician Mason Michaels has had another child, this time with party girl Lucia Davis…”

  “Amber wouldn’t have done that,” I explained because she wouldn’t have.

  She wouldn’t have sold her own baby out to get revenge on me. That was too cruel for words, but a part of me couldn’t help thinking that, maybe she had. Maybe she hated me that much, that revenge was more than appealing to her.

  “Why not? How did today go anyway with you? Lex said Amber was angry with her and that you hadn’t fared much better?”

  “I didn’t. I accused her of being capable of something like this, and she got all offended and then left.”

  “Do you think she did it for revenge?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t think so, because the angle is off. Amber was sitting beside me, and these photos were taken from the opposite side, ahead of where I was sitting. You can see the exit to the park, but not from the angle Amber was at.”

  “Are you sure man?”

  I could tell he didn’t believe me, but I knew I was right. It wasn’t Amber who’d taken the photos. It was someone else and I had to try to figure out, who’d taken them and what their reason was.

  “What are you going to do?” Quinn asked after a few moments of silence.

  I shrugged because I didn’t know. I was tempted to put out a statement, saying that Zach wasn’t my kid. That I’d been at the park with a friend, but it didn’t feel right to me to deny my sons existence. I wished I could ask Am
ber what she wanted me to do. I didn’t even know how that would go down, or if she’d even want to hear, from me. I also didn’t know how to get in contact with her. I didn’t have her cell number, or anything. My head was swimming with everything, and I just wanted to press pause, because I needed a breather. Until this was all sorted, I couldn’t pause anything. I couldn’t leave Amber to deal with the shit storm around us on her own, especially when I’d already hurt her again.

  “I need to get in touch with Amber. I have to find her. Can you call Donny?” I asked Quinn, as I stood up and glanced into the bedroom to see Alicia sitting, reading to the kids.

  She was so good with them, and she’d been with us for years. I just hoped she’d be okay with watching them for a few hours, so I could try to sort all the shit out with Amber.

  “Alicia,” I said as I approached her, and she glanced up at me with a smile.

  “Mr. Michaels?” she answered, as I grinned at her.

  “Could you do me a favor and sit the kids for a few hours? I have something that I need to sort out and I can’t take them with me”?

  She gave me a wide smile and muttered, “Of course. We’re just getting ready to go for a nap, and then we’ll be playing with the building blocks.”

  I mumbled a quick thank you and gave the kids a quick kiss to their forehead, before I left, closing the door softly at my back. Donny was standing in the suite and I heard Quinn fill him in, as I approached them.

  “So, you’re willing to take me to her apartment building?”

  I asked Donny, because I was so worried that he’d say no. Then I’d have to hire a PI to track her down, but I didn’t want to have to do that. I wanted to find her on my own and sort this clusterfuck of a mess out, before she hated me forever.