Spaced Out

by Korissa Allen

  I jumped into bed, and my mother pulled the covers up to my chin. “Sleep tight,” she told me. “I’ll see you in the morning. And I’ll tell your father to come and say goodnight once he finishes with those two men, okay?” She kissed my forehead and stood up to leave.

  “Okay, but tell him to hurry,” I said, and she nodded. I waved goodbye as she turned out the lights, and then she disappeared. I fell asleep right away, and never knew if my father came to say goodnight. I slept for awhile until I heard the door shut, and my parents start talking, their voices hushed and panicked. I walked over to the top of the stairs so I could hear them.

  “What did they want?” My mother’s usually soothing voice sounded rough, like it didn’t belong to her.

  “They told me I could no longer trade my Stoneards,” my father said with a sigh. “They said it made their business go down because they couldn’t keep up with me. I told them that it was my job, issued by the government, but they said they didn’t care. I would have to find a different job, one that had nothing to do with trading or Stoneards. I argued that the jobs here were all taken, so they suggested I move to another planet and search there. We eventually came to an agreement.”

  “And what, exactly, did you agree on? I heard they rarely make agreements with anyone unless they work for the Corps,” my mother asked.

  “That’s just it. We agreed that if I could find a Stoneard, on the other side of the galaxy, they would let me keep my job. If I didn’t, I had to work for them, as a slave.” My father delivered the news slowly so my mother could have time to process the information.

  “We could move you know,” my mother reasoned.

  “Not with Zandrea and Kyle being so little,” my father said. “Besides, who knows if we would be able to find a new home, let alone a new job? I think it would be best if we just stayed here.” My mother nodded slowly.

  “So, are you going to do it?” Her rough tone was back, and it scared me.

  “Yes. I will be leaving in a week,” he said sadly. “I’m sorry, but it’s for the best.”

  “I understand,” she said quietly. “Just promise you will return to us as soon as possible.”

  “I promise,” my father said. He kissed my mother on the cheek and walked upstairs. I ran to my bed as fast as I could so he wouldn’t catch me. But he only walked down the hall past my room and toward his room. He looked tired, sad, almost, but my father is one of the strongest people I know. I knew this was hard for him.

  A week later, his bags were packed, and he said his last goodbyes. My mother cried silently off to the side of the hallway. My father gave me a hug, holding on for too long. He knew something else but didn’t tell my mother. Kyle held onto my father’s leg, but he had no idea why we were all hugging and crying. He didn’t understand yet, being only three years old. I didn’t really understand yet either, but I also knew I didn’t want my father to leave.

  A week went by, and he still never came home. I would stay awake late at night, hoping and praying that he would find his way back to us. He told us the day before he left that if he couldn’t find a Stoneard, and he was forced to work for them, he would still come back to tell us the news and say goodbye again. That was one of their agreements. But since months had passed, my mother believed he was dead, which made me believe he was dead as well. I never thought ten years later I would find him, alive and in fairly good condition. And now it’s my fault that he isn’t safely home yet.

  “Zandrea,” Kyle says now, waving his hand in front of my face. “Man are you out of it.”

  Daniel rests his hand on Kyle’s shoulder. “She was just shot with a bullet. What do you expect from her? To stand up and lead us all into battle?” I roll my eyes at both of them. Daniel’s use of sarcasm is definitely not appreciated at the moment.

  “Of course I do,” Kyle says. “This is Zandrea we’re talking about. She’s the strongest person I know.” I look at him with confusion. I was just thinking the same thing about our father. I know he’s not kidding, but it doesn’t seem like something he would say. I turn my confused expression into a smile so no one will ask.

  Kelton and Daniel help me stand up so we can find a place to sleep for the night. My father walks ahead of us, and Kyle to the left of Kelton. I feel relaxed, knowing that they would not let anything happen to me. I’m comforted until I remember that Daniel is here, and I still don’t know how. I make a mental note to ask him once the pain in my stomach lessens.

  My father finds a sleeping area in a hallway that lies around the corner and assigns us each a room. They are all empty, which makes me wonder when they were last occupied. The guards who slept here must be out in the war, otherwise most of these rooms would be full and we would already be caught.

  I walk to the room my father assigns me and slide open the thin metal door. The air in the small room feels cold against my skin, and I don’t see any heaters. There is a thin mattress on top of a short bed frame and a neatly folded blanket on top of the mattress. I sit in a chair across from the bed that’s positioned adjacent to the door and lean against the two-drawer dresser. I open the bottom drawer and find two shirts that look about two sizes too big, but I could use a change of clothes.

  The walls of the room are poorly decorated, painted gray with only one picture frame on the wall across from the bed. There’s no picture in it, just a newspaper article that tells about the war. It must be a newer article, considering the war has only been going on for a few months. Whoever was here last took care of their room. Everything was folded neatly, and the furniture seemed recently polished. I idly stroke my hand along the dresser, checking for dust. Nothing floats off, so the person must have left recently, or maybe someone came by and dusted. Either way, I’m impressed.

  There is a small knock on my door. I move to try to open it, but my stomach reminds me that I am incapable of walking on my own. “Come in,” I say. The door opens and Daniel walks in.

  “Hey, mind if I sit down?” He gestures to the bed.

  “Go ahead. I’m not busy,” I say with a smile. His facial expression is serious, and I figure he wants to talk to me about something.

  “I figure now is a better time than any. You wanted to know what happened when I jumped, right?” There is no smile on his face. I can tell he wants to get this over with. I nod. “I had to wait for the right moment. There had to be clouds so you couldn’t see anything. Kelton and I had planned that I jump out the window. After I told him to leave, which was a setup, he found some boards and made a platform for me to jump on. We had gone exploring on the floor below the platform while you were unconscious and found a window with a huge hole in it that would be perfect to set up a small platform.” He pauses to make sure I’m catching all of this. “I had to convince you that Kelton was the better choice for you. I knew you would choose me unless you had a motivation to choose otherwise. My death might make you forget about us and you could move on. After I jumped, I told Kelton that he should go back to you and pretend he didn’t know what had just happened. I would have escaped and flown around the galaxy, lived a new life.”

  “You did all of that for me? Just to make my decision easier?” I can’t help but let the cheerfulness enter my voice.

  “Yes, I would do anything to make sure you were happy,” he says. “That was the one thing that I told you that day that was not a lie. Things would’ve continued perfectly, but two Corps guards found us.” My hands fly up to my mouth to hold back a gasp. It’s like he’s telling me a ghost story, and the ghost just ate someone. He continues. “We fought with them for a while, but they eventually took over and hauled us both away. On the way, Kelton whispered to me that he knew where they were taking us and that he had been there before. His face was pale, and he was shaking. I could tell that this place wasn’t going to be fun. I found out the place was called the Torturing Room. The name is pretty self-explanatory.”

  “What happened in there?” My voice shakes, and I stop talking. He shakes his head.

>   “I don’t want to remember the pain from that room, but just imagine someone prolonging your death until you become useless. Every ounce of strength and energy drained from your body. Kelton told me the Corps do this kind of thing to all of their prisoners. It burned me to hear that, which I guess made me stronger in that room,” he spits. I don’t press him anymore. He’s like a nut, and my questions are the nutcracker. He stands up to leave. “Did I answer your questions?”

  I look up at him, wondering if he was being serious. It’s not like him to leave so abruptly. I clear my throat. “Yes,” I say. “You definitely answered my question.”

  Kyle comes in my room later that night. I’m already half asleep, uncomfortably, on my thin mattress. He pulls the chair over to the side of the mattress and sits down.

  “Can I get you anything? Water? A blanket?” His eyes gleam in the soft glow of the nightlight, and he looks older, stronger. A sudden pang of grief hits me as I realize he’s not my little brother, but more accurately, my younger brother. He is old enough to take care of himself. He doesn’t need me anymore to tie his shoes or comfort him when he has a nightmare.

  I missed out on him growing up. That is one thing I will never get back. At least my mother has pictures of him, or I would never know what he was like as a child. If I stare at him any longer, he’s going to leave.

  “Maybe some water. My throat is a little dry. Thank you,” I say. He pushes back the chair and walks out of the room, slightly closing the door behind him. Through the silence of the room, I can hear Kelton breathing lightly. It almost lulls me back to sleep until Kyle comes back with a glass of water.

  “Here you go,” he whispers. He sits down in the chair again.

  “Where did you get this?” I take a sip and feel the icy water slip down my parched throat.

  “There was a bathroom at the end of the hall. It had a few glasses in it and a bucket of ice,” he says and then squints his eyes at me. “It was weird that the ice wasn’t melted. It must have been put there recently.”

  I shrug and take another sip of the water, my mind too groggy to form any somewhat reasonable thoughts. “Maybe someone keeps the bathroom stocked. I mean they must have some kind of maintenance staff to keep the building clean,” I say.

  “I know, I’m just saying it’s kind of weird,” he says, like he’s trying to prove a point. I decide to change the subject so he doesn’t wake anyone up.

  “Did you mean what you said earlier? About me being the strongest person you know?” I ask him quietly.

  He looks at me. “Of course. I meant every word, but I was also saying it to get Daniel to be quiet. I was actually surprised that he said that about you. He thought that you couldn’t lead us into battle. I mean, sure, you got shot in the stomach with a bullet. Who wouldn’t be out of it? But I know you. You’re a fighter, you always have been, and I want to be just like you someday.” His eyes look hopeful in this light.

  “Kyle, you already are a fighter,” I say. “You’re braver than I am, and I mean that. You came all this way to save our mother, and you’re still young. You have a long life ahead of you to do great things. I think you should be the one to lead us into battle, if we ever encounter one.” I almost start shouting, but then I remember it’s the middle of the night.

  “I don’t feel brave,” he says quietly. “I feel like I can’t do anything.”

  I open my mouth to protest but shut it when I remember something my mother once told me. “Mother said something to me before I left all those years ago, something I will never forget. She told me that even the strongest people have things they can’t do. As long as I remember who I am, and what I was made to do, nothing can stand in my way.”

  He eyes me, like he’s trying to figure out what I’m saying. “I guess that makes sense,” he finally says. Then he yawns. “I should probably get some sleep. Do you need anything else?”

  “No,” I say. “Thank you for everything.” He smiles, returns the chair to its corner, and shuts the door behind him. I slip off to sleep, a smile on my face, and dream calm, happy dreams.

  To my relief, my dreams are not nightmares. I hear Daniel across the hall wake in the night, breathing deeply, and I ache. I wish his nightmares would go away, but they aren’t just nightmares. They are his reality, something he can never unsee—his mother leaving and then getting murdered for coming back, and his father arguing with his second wife and then leaving him because he had to. I thought my own childhood was bad enough with my father leaving, but at least I found him again, and my mother never physically left, but she wasn’t always present emotionally.

  After that, I have trouble sleeping. The light from the small window in the corner of the room keeps me awake. I want to sleep; my stomach aches from the bullet wound. I toss and turn but can’t get comfortable. The night wears on for far too long.

  It feels like I have only been sleeping for a minute when Kyle bursts into my room. “Zandrea! Wake up! It’s time for breakfast,” he says excitedly. I turn over and moan. The bullet wound sends jolts through my body as I try to stand up. I slowly make my way over to the dresser and pull out a shirt. I keep my same pants on because they don’t seem too dirty yet. I slip the shirt over my head, which requires a lot of effort, tuck the shirt into the waistband of my pants, and limp down the hall. My leg didn’t get injured, but limping makes the wound hurt less.

  Kelton hands me a thin slice of bread when I reach the end of the hall. A small table has been set up, and food fills it. They couldn’t have found all of this food; someone would have had to put it here on their own terms. It makes me recoil and refuse the bread, my trust issues kicking into high gear.

  “Okay,” Kelton says wearily. “It tastes good. No complaining later if you’re hungry.” He winks at me, and I smile. Daniel rolls his eyes and finishes his piece.

  “Good morning sweetheart,” my father says. “How did you sleep?”

  “Fine,” I reply. “The wound made it harder though.”

  “I’m sorry that happened,” he says. “It should heal soon.”

  I stare down at my feet and realize everyone seems a little extra cheery this morning, at least everyone, except Daniel, who seems extra grumpy. I decide to sit next to him to see what’s bothering him.

  “Hey, are you okay?” His eyes meet mine for a second, but then he turns away.

  “Why do you care?” His tone surprises me, but I don’t flinch.

  “I don’t know, maybe because I care about you,” I say, nudging him in the shoulder.

  “Oh really? Because it seems to me that you care more about Kelton than me,” he spits. I’ve played this “game” with him before. He acts like he’s mad at me, but then I make him smile, and he gives up, although this time, he seems to be serious.

  “Why would you say that?” I use the same fiery tone he used with me.

  “Of course you go and find what cell he’s locked in before me. I mean why not? He lied to you and then trapped you. Who wouldn’t go help someone like that first?” He fake-laughs, so I know he’s being sarcastic.

  “You jumped out of a window,” I almost yell. “I knew he was alive, but you convinced me that you died. You’re right, who wouldn’t help someone that they knew was alive? Maybe because they know and that would make the most sense! Helping someone alive versus helping someone who is dead. Think about it Daniel! Would you rather help someone alive or dead?”

  “He lied to you and then got us both trapped! How can you trust someone like that? Tell me,” he demands.

  “How can you? You’re the one who trusted him enough to jump out of a building and hope that there was something below to catch you. I’d like to understand that, because right now, I’m having trust issues with everyone at this table, and in the entire galaxy,” I retort. His face softens, but his tone is still hard.

  “You’re right,” he says calmly. “I can’t trust anyone either. You want to know why? Because my parents lied to me and left me to fend for myself at a very young age!
If anyone at this table should have trust issues, it’s me.” His fiery tone is back.

  I scowl at him. “I know you had a rough childhood, but that has nothing to do with now. You trusted me, and we didn’t even know each other. I didn’t trust Kelton right away, but I learned to let my guard down because sometimes that’s the only way to get to know somebody.”

  Daniel stands up, kicking his chair back. “Do whatever you want; I’m not going to stop you. But don’t think for one second that we’re back to being friends or anything.” He storms off down the hall and goes into his bedroom. I look at my father, but he doesn’t say a word. Neither do Kelton or Kyle.

  “Did you guys hear most of that?” I look at each of them in turn. It’s a stupid question, really. Of course they heard us yelling at each other.

  “The sun is shining bright sweetheart,” my father says without looking at me. “Come and enjoy the bread that has been put out for us.” Kelton nods, and Kyle hands me a slice. I shove it away, scowling. My father would never say something like that. He would never force me to eat something I didn’t want to.

  I walk over to Kyle and playfully shove him. Kyle would usually retaliate and shove me back, but he doesn’t. He stands there, buttering another piece of bread. “Today is a lovely day, wouldn’t you agree?” He finally looks at me, but the irises in his eyes are a deep black. I step back, as if he is on fire. I hobble down the hall toward Daniel’s room, my wound burning my insides. I knock, but he doesn’t answer. Kyle, Kelton, and my father slowly move toward me like zombies but with their hands at their sides.

  “Daniel, open up,” I shout, banging on the door. “They’re coming!” The door finally opens.

  “Who’s coming?” He looks down the hall and pulls me into his room before I can answer.