BLACKOUT

by Olivia Evans

  “So, you and E are good?”

  I waved her off. “Of course we are. Now, tell me all about Brett.”

  “One day we’re going to talk about what’s going on between you two.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You know how I feel about Ethan. And so does he,” I added.

  “I’m not so sure his memory is as good as yours,” Krista mumbled before crossing her legs and pulling a pillow into her lap. “Brett…is amazing.”

  For the next hour, I listened to Krista gush about her guy. I forgot how much I missed nights like this, where the two of us would sit up for hours talking about guys and whatever else came to mind. For so long, I had been withdrawn, and the absolute last thing I wanted to talk about was boys. A part of me began to wonder if maybe I was the reason Krista had avoided dating anyone for so long. Sure, that guy all those months ago had done a number on her, but Krista was resilient if nothing else. There was no way she’d let a guy get the best of her by having her sit home and sulk. But for me…well, Krista would do just about anything, including taking a hiatus from dating because she was sensitive to her best friend’s situation.

  It made me love her even more. I didn’t deserve such amazing friends, but I was grateful for them every day. When I fell into bed just before midnight, my thoughts once again drifted to Gavin. The last thing I saw as I drifted to sleep was the confusion in his baby-blue eyes when I’d fled the diner. I would have to make things right. Sunday had never felt so far away.

  “Are you going to your thing again?” Krista asked, making herself comfortable on my bed.

  I pulled a modest maxi dress over my head and turned to face her. “Yeah.”

  “I know Ethan has offered to go a bazillion times, and I totally get why you wouldn’t want him to, but if you want company of the female persuasion, I can be that female for you.”

  I sighed and sat beside her on the bed. “He just wants to go to see for himself if Gavin is some creep.”

  Krista shrugged. “I won’t lie, Lonna, I’m a bit curious too. Not like Ethan, obviously,” she added quickly. “He’s been on my last damn nerve this weekend, and I’ve hardly been around. Thank God Brett dragged him to the Braves game. I might have drowned him in the bathtub, otherwise.”

  I groaned and fell back on the bed. “You guys don’t have anything to worry about. Gavin is a nice guy. Besides, after the way I flaked out the other night, he’ll probably stay as far away from me as possible.”

  “Why do I detect a bit of disappointment in your voice?”

  “I’m embarrassed,” I admitted. “You should have seen the look on his face. And God, Pearl probably thinks I’m a lunatic. I can’t deal with that. I can’t quit that place.”

  “One of these days, I’m going to make you take me there. For now, let’s talk about this Gavin fellow you’ve been thinking about nonstop.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I have not. I’m just nervous about seeing him. It’s making me crazy. I need to get it over with.”

  “Then why don’t you leave now? Maybe you can catch him beforehand and explain you had a mini freak-out and left like you were fleeing the scene of a crime. I’m sure he’ll understand.”

  I shook my head and stood from the bed. “Have I ever told you how awful you are at giving positive reinforcement?”

  “Pfft. I’m just trying to make you tough. It’s a rough world out there, kid.”

  “You’re so dumb,” I laughed, turning to the mirror to fix my hair. I could see Krista watching me in the reflection, her lips pulled into a knowing smirk as I applied a little more makeup than I normally would.

  “I’m smarter than you give me credit for. Hell, maybe you don’t even realize it yourself. That’s okay. I’ll wait for you to catch up.” Standing from the bed, Krista walked over and gave me a smacking kiss against my cheek and walked down the hall to her room, closing the door behind her.

  “I’m smarter than you give me credit for,” I mocked under my breath, my face contorted with annoyance. When I realized I was checking my makeup for the tenth time, I let out a flustered sigh and grabbed my bag. My roommates sucked. Not really, but whatever.

  Stepping out onto the sidewalk, I drew in a sharp breath as the sweltering Georgia heat slammed into my body. It took zero-point-negative seconds for me to lift my arm and flag down a cab. No way was I walking anywhere in this particular circle of hell. Once inside the cab, I gave the address for Lucky’s and breathed a sigh of relief as the air conditioning kissed my skin. The ride was short, and before I knew it, I was standing in front of the diner.

  The meeting didn’t start for another fifteen minutes, and if I was lucky, Gavin would be inside setting up and I could talk to him before everyone started arriving. Just as I moved to step into the street, I felt a warm hand wrap around my bicep. Startled, I spun around, relaxing when I was met with Pearl’s warm brown eyes.

  “Hi, Pearl. You scared me.”

  “I could say the same thing about you,” Pearl shot back, her brows lifted. I was taken aback by her bluntness, but in a strange way, also touched.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left the way I did. I just…” I didn’t really have an explanation I was willing to say out loud. The voices in my head had a panic attack, and I had to run because I was worried Gavin was some kind of stalker serial rapist and I was going to die? Jesus, it sounded even more ridiculous now.

  “I know what those meetings over there are for,” Pearl said softly. I felt my throat tighten. Of course Pearl knew. Why wouldn’t she? All she had to do was walk across the street and read the damn sign. Still, I felt like I’d lost a little bit of our fun-loving relationship by Pearl knowing such an intimate detail. I didn’t want to be treated as if I was fragile or unstable, although I would understand the latter after recent events.

  Pearl pulled me into a hug. “One day, I’ll tell you about my life before Bill,” she whispered. “We all have dark places, honey. We just have to be smart enough to recognize the power of the stars. Find your star—darkness doesn’t stand a chance against that kind of light.”

  I patted Pearl on the back awkwardly, not understanding what the hell she was talking about. “Thanks, Pearl.”

  “Anytime you need to talk, this old lady will always be here to lend an ear. Will I see you after? I have a new cake for you to try.”

  I laughed. “I’ll be here. I don’t want to think what my life would be like had I not met you.”

  Pearl squeezed my hand and looked over my shoulder toward the building across the street. “Should I expect one or two?”

  I followed Pearl’s gaze and swallowed hard when I spotted Gavin standing outside the building, a wary expression on his face. “Two if I can fix my mess.”

  I sucked in a deep breath and turned toward Gavin, my nerves causing my hands to tremble as I darted across the street. “Hey.” God, I felt so lame.

  “Did I do something wrong?” Gavin asked, his voice filled with uncertainty.

  Well, so much for beating around the bush. “Would it be the most cliched thing ever if I said it’s me, not you? Because honest to God, that’s the truth.”

  “I don’t know what happened, but you looked terrified the other night. And if I did anything to cause that, I’m so sorry. I almost didn’t come tonight—”

  “No!” I scrubbed my hand down my face, embarrassed for screaming at him like a psycho. The thing was, the thought of him not coming because of me when I’d wanted nothing more than to see him for the last few days was the most frustrating thing ever. I made this mess; I might as well get to cleaning it up. “I have issues. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. Some days are better than others, but sometimes things get stuck in my head and I can’t shake them, and it just…”

  “Makes you bolt from a restaurant?” Gavin finished.

  “Yes. Exactly,” I said sheepishly. “I’m sorry. You must have thought I was nuts.”

  “Actually, I didn’t think that at all. I was worried about you. I started to follow you
, but Pearl told me to let you go. She can be pretty scary when she wants to be. Plus, she knows you better than I do, and she wasn’t the one you looked at like you were terrified. So, I decided it would be best to listen to her.”

  “Honestly, I’m glad you didn’t follow me. I wasn’t in a good place.”

  “And now?”

  I dropped my chin to my chest and peeked up at him. “How about we talk about it over cake?”

  Gavin’s full lips stretched into a wide smile, and his light blue eyes shone with relief. “I’d really like that.”

  Inside the building, the usual people filled in the chairs. I looked around, my brows pulling together when I noticed someone I’d never seen sitting in Bat’s chair. I wanted to ask if anyone knew where Bat was, but Gavin was next to Melissa, and I’d never really talked to the others. After Melissa began speaking, I tried to block out the uneasy feeling about Bat’s absence and listen as one of the regulars, Alice, spoke for the first time.

  “Hi, everyone,” she started, dropping her eyes to her clasped hands. “My name is Alice. I, uh, I’ve been coming to Melissa’s groups since her days at the Peachtree Women’s Shelter downtown. My story is a little different, I guess. I was raped on a regular basis for fourteen years.”

  It took everything I had to stop from gasping out loud. I looked at the plump woman with her short, curly black hair and alabaster skin. If I had to guess, she couldn’t have been more than early forties. How did something like that happen?

  “See, the thing is, it’s really hard to prove that you’re being sexually abused by your own husband. Jack, that’s my husband—was my husband,” she corrected. “He’s about fifteen years older than me. I was in a really bad place in my life. I was broke, homeless, and on the verge of suicide. He was my savior. He took me in, cared for me, loved me…until he didn’t. The first time, I just thought he’d been drinking. But after a few months of him forcibly taking sex from me when and how he wanted, I realized it was so much more than a drunken man looking to get his rocks off. I didn’t know what to do. He was my husband. Could a husband even really rape his wife?” she asked, her eyes wide like she was still searching for the answer to her question. My palms became clammy, and a cold sheen of sweat broke across my forehead. How could someone do that to their wife?

  “I wanted to leave, but where would I go? I didn’t have any family, and the selfish part of me didn’t want to go back to living in a shelter and being broke and homeless. He owned me in every way possible. One night, he came home drunk with his best friend.” Alice wiped at the tears under her eyes and shook her head. “I’m not ready to talk about that part. But after…that was it for me. I went to the police, who looked at me like I was insane and told me to go home. They were all buddies with Jack, and I realized they’d never do anything. So, I packed what few belongings I had, took every penny in the house because I deserved that shit, and came to Atlanta. With Melissa’s help, I got my story out, and because of the pressure, Jack was arrested. I’m speaking about it now because Jack was sentenced to eight years in prison today. I’m finally free,” Alice cried, her body shaking with emotion. “I’m free.”

  Melissa jumped from her seat and wrapped Alice in a hug, and several others followed. I was frozen in place, tears streaming down my cheeks and my breaths coming out in choked pants. My heart ached for the woman across from me who had endured such torture. “Now you can truly begin to heal,” Melissa said, her face breaking into a tearful smile as she wiped away the tears under Alice’s eyes.

  “I can. Thank you for everything.” Alice looked around the group, her eyes lingering on me when she spoke. “Thank you all for being my silent supporters. I’ve known some of you for more than a year from other support groups, and you’ve let me work through things at my own pace. I wanted to tell my story tonight because, without all of you, I don’t think I could have made it through this hell. I hope that one day I can return the favor.”

  I felt myself trapped in Gavin’s tortured gaze, his blue eyes glistening with unshed tears, the pain radiating from him palpable. He understood all of it. The thought caused my heart to clench. The rest of the meeting was focused on Alice and Melissa, as those around Alice offered words of encouragement and support. All the stories were hard to hear—none of it was easy—but something about Alice’s story was tougher than the others. Most of us were attacked by strangers, people we shared no love or bond with. Alice had trusted her husband, and he had violated that trust in the worst possible way. I couldn’t imagine a more dreadful thing to happen than that kind of betrayal.

  “Are you sure you’re up for dinner?” Gavin asked, standing outside the building.

  “Yeah,” I answered. “That was really hard to hear. I could use the distraction.”

  “Okay, but if you decide you’re ready to bail, just let me know. I’ll understand.”

  As we walked into the diner, Pearl and Bill wore matching smiles. I frowned when I looked at the back booth and noticed a sign taped on the end that read “Under Construction.” “What’s going on?”

  “Well,” Bill said, lifting a small cooler on top of the bar. “There’s a crack in the table that’s just got to be fixed.”

  “Okay,” I said, still confused by their strange behavior. “We’ll just sit somewhere else.”

  “How about instead you take this cooler of food and walk over to the park? There’s a storm rolling in, and it’s cooled everything off. Plus, it’s going to rain for the next several days, and this one,” Pearl said, coming to stand next to Bill and nodding toward Gavin, “looks like he needs to spend a little more time outdoors.”

  Gavin grabbed the back of his neck and cut his eyes to me. I knew he was worried I’d be uncomfortable alone with him, and it made me feel guilty and grateful all at once. “I could use the fresh air, honestly,” I said, a small smile on my face. The meeting had been emotionally draining, and the idea of sitting out in the open with lots of distractions sounded more and more appealing.

  “If you’re sure.”

  “Yeah. I am.”

  “Well, here you go,” Pearl said, handing me a patchwork quilt, while Bill passed the cooler to Gavin. “You should have everything you need. You kids have fun.”

  “What do we owe you?” Gavin asked, pulling out his wallet. Pearl waved him off.

  “Don’t worry about it. Consider it free advertising. If anyone asks where you got that delicious-smelling food, you send them our way.”

  I smiled. “Okay.”

  Outside, Gavin looked to the sky. It was still a bright blue with wisps of white clouds, but in the distance, the beginning traces of gray were moving in. “Do you think we’ll have time to eat before it starts raining?” he asked.

  “Yeah. I think so. Let’s go to The Meadow. We should be done before the clouds roll in.” We walked side by side, the backs of our hands brushing every now and then. My mind swam with thoughts of the last couple hours. We found a spot under a tree and spread out the blanket before having a seat and pulling off the cooler top. “Wow,” I exhaled.

  “Looks like there’s enough food in here to feed an army.” Gavin pulled out the trays of food and bottled water and passed one of each to me.

  I grabbed a fry and swirled it in a puddle of ketchup. “Thanks for coming out here with me. I needed the fresh air.”

  “I did too, but I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. Aside from my name, you really don’t know me.”

  “Well,” I said, taking another bite of food. “Tell me.”

  “Tell you what?”

  “Whatever you’re comfortable with.”

  Gavin looked nervous and shy suddenly. It was unbelievably endearing. I crisscrossed my legs and leaned forward, propping my elbows on my knees. Gavin let out a small laugh at my eager expression.

  “All right.” He turned to face me and mimicked my position, the cooler set between us like a tiny table. “I graduated from Georgia Tech a couple years ago with an undergrad in sports medicine. I we
nt to UGA for my master’s.”

  “Whoa. Talk about a conflict of sporting interests.” As a Tech grad, I couldn’t imagine stepping on “enemy soil.”

  Gavin laughed. “Tell me about it. I stayed in my apartment whenever Tech and Georgia played. It just wasn’t worth it.”

  “So, what brings you back to Atlanta?”

  “My heart has always been with Tech. I knew that, if possible, I wanted to work here.”

  “It can’t be easy to get in with the athletic department. That’s impressive.”

  Gavin ducked his head, and if I wasn’t mistaken, his face seemed a little flushed. “I was on scholarship here my first two years of school.”

  My brows rose in surprise. “You’re a jock?”

  “Not a jock,” Gavin chuckled. “I ran track. I was damn good at it too until this happened.” He extended his leg and pulled the bottom of his cargo pants up to his knee. I sucked in a hissing breath and grimaced. A wide, angry scar ran up the middle of his knee, starting a couple inches below and ending a couple inches above. Before I realized what I was doing, I reached out and trailed the tip of my finger along the raised ridge of the scar.

  “What happened?”

  “The first time,” Gavin said, a sardonic smile on his lips, “I was in high school. Tore my ACL. It took a while, but after a lot of rehab, I was able to get back to racing. My sophomore year of college, though, that time was different. I tore my ACL again, but I also tore my PCL. I’m still not sure how it happened. One second I was running, and the next, the toe of my shoe scuffed the track and popped my knee backward. I had surgery, but it was just never the same. I’d lost my edge.”

  “I’m so sorry.” I stared at the scar a moment longer before Gavin pulled his pant leg back down and crossed his legs again. “That must have been devastating.”

  Gavin shrugged. “I’d wanted more. Every athlete does, but sports medicine had always been the long-term plan. I just got a start sooner than expected. I came back to Atlanta after graduation last December, and I’ve been working for the practice I interned with while I was in school. I start with Tech next month.”