Lost in You

by Lexi Blake

  Seeing her kindness, how she’d handled his men with care and empathy, had sparked something deep within him, and he hadn’t been able to douse that flame.

  If only she were another agent. If she’d been an Erin Taggart or hell, Charlotte Taggart, he would have been all over her. He would have pretty much fallen at her feet and begged her to take him, but she wasn’t a warrior. She had no real defenses against the kind of violence he could bring into her life.

  “Everything went all right in Paris?”

  “Of course. I met with an old friend and did some shopping and had some lovely meals.” She frowned his way. “I did not need a bodyguard. I heard you went to Damon and requested one be sent. The last thing I needed was Brody or Nick being forced to follow me around while I shopped for handbags.”

  “They could use you to get to us,” he argued. “I don’t think Damon is taking this threat seriously.”

  “Did Ezra bring new information to light? Because if he hasn’t then I doubt anyone would kidnap me in an insane attempt to get McKay-Taggart and Knight to exchange me for the lads. Anyone sane would understand that would end poorly for them.”

  He hated that she wouldn’t take her safety seriously. He’d spent two whole days worried about her. “And how about all the insane assholes? Because they’re out there, Ari.”

  “I can handle myself. I’m quite good at self-defense and I’m not exactly unarmed.”

  He knew she carried, but that didn’t mean she was good with a gun. “Let’s go to the range and you can prove to me you know how to use it.”

  “I don’t have to prove anything to you. And I don’t need a bodyguard.” She shook her head. “I didn’t intend to fight with you.”

  “Then don’t. The next time you want a girls’ weekend, take a guard with you.”

  “As long as that guard is you, maybe I will.”

  When had he backed her against the wall? They hadn’t made it far into her office. Now he realized he’d been stalking her, getting into her space without even realizing he was doing it. Ariel’s back was to the wall but she wasn’t pushing at him. She wasn’t trying to take back her space.

  Her eyes had dilated and her chest moved with her breath. Toward him. Not away.

  All those months of training, first at Sanctum in Dallas and then here at The Garden, had taught him to watch a woman’s body. Everything about Ariel told him she wasn’t afraid. She was aroused.

  That made him afraid, though not so much that he moved away from her. “You know why I can’t do that.”

  “I want you to tell me.”

  Where the hell was this coming from? “We’ve talked about this.”

  His hand was moving toward her like she was magnetized.

  “A long time ago and we resolved nothing,” she replied. She brought her hand up to rest on his chest. “We agreed to shelve the discussion for another time and go on as we had been. It can’t last, Rob. I know you feel the electricity between us. And you don’t ignore it. You act like my boyfriend all the time. You take rights over me that aren’t yours.”

  “I’m trying to protect you.” He’d inched closer. He could smell her. Ariel’s unique scent washed over him. It was more than enough to get his cock going.

  “From all the evil agents out there who want to kidnap me?”

  That was where she was wrong. “I need to protect you from me.”

  “I don’t want to be protected from you. That’s the last thing I want or need.” She went up on her toes and her lips were mere centimeters from his. “I can take care of myself. Play with me tonight. If you can’t handle a relationship outside the dungeon, I understand, but give us that much.”

  Because he’d been playing her Dom for months. Whenever he could he ensured her comfort, watched over her, acted like a bossy asshole at times.

  Before he could reply, his lips were touching hers and he couldn’t think straight. His every sense was attuned to her. Something primal threatened to take over, and damn if that didn’t feel good.

  Her arms wound around him and the minute he felt her tongue trace the seam of his lips, he was gone. He dragged her body to his. There was nothing sweet in the kiss. There was hunger so long denied. He’d needed her arms around him from the moment he’d awoken in that fucking lab, blinking into the white light and finding only pain.

  She could be his prize, his reward. She could make all that torture worth it because she would submit to him. She would sit at his feet and he would feel like the king of the world. Beyond that, she would let him have his way with her. Any way he wanted. Any time he wanted. She would be his.

  He held her tight and took control of the kiss. She followed his lead beautifully, moving with him like they’d kissed a thousand times, like she’d been made for him.

  He let his hand trail down until he found her breast. His cock strained against his jeans.

  Just a moment. He would let go for a moment. It was only a kiss and honestly, what was really stopping them from becoming lovers? They were adults and consenting. They could play in the dungeon because no one would let him hurt her down there.

  He could indulge his dark impulses, and someone would be there if he lost control. Someone would save her.

  No one would let him wrap his hands around her throat because he lost sight of who she was in the moment.

  A sudden vision of Hope McDonald blazed across his brain.

  He stumbled away, backing up as fast as he could. “I’m sorry I did that.”

  Ariel took a deep breath. He’d managed to pull at her dress enough to drag it over her shoulder. He’d been halfway to ripping it off her and shoving his cock deep, with no thought at all to her.

  “Did what? Kissed me? Rob, I’m not sorry about that. I’m only sorry you stopped. I know this is difficult for you, but you can’t let that woman take everything. Please. Sit down with me. Let’s talk about it. I spent the entire time I was away thinking about you.” Her gorgeous eyes beseeched him.

  His hands were shaking. She was right. Hope fucking McDonald was always there. She was the monster under his bed, and he was still a damn child who couldn’t get up and turn on the light.

  He needed. He needed to hurt someone, to break something.

  It wasn’t going to be her.

  “I can’t.” He had to get out of here. All the nastiness that resided inside him was bubbling up, threatening to boil over. It needed an outlet. He’d kept it under the lid for too long, pretending he was better than the rest of them. Like he was above it all.

  “Talk to me. Don’t leave it like this.” She stepped in front of him.

  He pushed her out of the way. Harder than he’d intended. She stumbled but managed to stay on her feet.

  “It’s okay. Something triggered you, love. Let’s figure it out and work through it.” There were tears in her eyes.

  Fuck it all. He’d hurt her.

  Without another word, he strode out the door.

  Sasha was there, walking off the elevator with a bunch of files in his hands. Sasha. He didn’t understand the man half the time, but he had to hope he would understand what was going on now.

  Ariel came out of her office. “Don’t leave it like this. Come back.”

  If he went back, he would take it out on her. He knew himself well enough to know when he couldn’t pretend to be the nice guy anymore.

  “Let him be,” Sasha said, stepping between them. “He needs a minute.”

  The beast inside Rob didn’t like Sasha coming between him and Ariel. Logic meant nothing when he was in this state.

  Sasha put his hands up as though showing him he wasn’t going to try anything. “Let’s go to the gym.”

  Rob stared at her, indecision wracking through him. Sex would be the more pleasurable way to go, wouldn’t it? She was here. She was asking for it.

  Fuck, he hated himself when he got like this.

  Sasha slapped him lightly, enough to drag his attention back. “No. We go to the gym now. You would not allo
w me to do this. Look at me, Robert. You do not want to do this.”

  He growled Sasha’s way, but now there was a hint of fear in Ariel’s eyes.

  When Sasha gripped his arm, Robert let him.

  She was too vulnerable to ever handle him. He walked away from Ariel and knew he’d made the right choice.

  Chapter One

  Present day

  Robert stared at the monitor and listened to the big boss drone on about what was a simple op. He’d thought they would have time while they were in the air to relax a bit before they got to Munich. He’d planned on sitting next to Ariel and having some time to talk to her, but no. The private jet they were on came fully equipped with a conference room and Internet, so he got to listen to Big Tag instead of sharing a glass of wine with Ariel and talking about where they would have dinner this evening.

  He had it all planned out. He’d found a nice Italian restaurant since he wasn’t sure how Ariel felt about sausages made from all kinds of weird meat. They were staying in a lovely hotel in downtown Munich—two rooms, of course, because even if the night ended up going the way he hoped, he wouldn’t sleep beside her. He would go back to his own room to sleep.

  They would talk about that, too. Even though she’d been his therapist for a while, there were things he’d never told her.

  He was more in control now. He could handle a relationship.

  “Do you think there’s something wrong with the signal?” A deep voice cut through his thoughts. “He’s been still for a long time. If it was Tucker, I would say he’s fucking with me. But Robert’s always been solid.”

  He held himself still a moment more. Maybe if Big Tag thought the system was down, he could get out of this. The flight from London to Munich wasn’t a long one, then a car would pick them up and they would spend the afternoon prepping. If Big Tag took up all his time on the plane, it would be hours before he got to be alone with Ariel.

  “He’s been blinking,” the man beside Big Tag said. “How are you in charge of everything? I think old age is hitting you hard.”

  Adam Miles. He and Big Tag were sitting next to each other and bickering like an old married couple.

  “So he’s not listening to me?” Big Tag put a hand on his chest. He wore a dress shirt and tie that let Robert know he was probably meeting with clients at some point in time today. There would be a suitcoat hanging off the back of his chair. “I’m deeply offended. What do you think has his attention if it’s not our very important mission?”

  Miles’s lips quirked up. “I think I can guess.”

  The only thing worse than Miles and Big Tag arguing was when they teamed up. There was only one thing to do now. He was the “reliable” one, after all.

  “I’m to facilitate Rebecca and Ariel’s meetings with several employees of Kronberg Pharmaceuticals, the company that formerly funded Dr. Hope McDonald’s research. You’re sending me files on each of them. Rebecca knew them each personally and our cover is that she’s in town and wanted to get back in touch. We’re trying to discover if Kronberg has any data left from Dr. McDonald’s research that might help us decode the files we found in Toronto. Additionally, we’re to try to find a woman named Veronica Croft and attempt to interview her.”

  Veronica Croft might be the most important part of the mission since they had real intelligence placing her in the right place and the right time to have worked on McDonald’s experiments.

  “We have reason to think she’s still in Europe.” Adam seemed to get serious, opening a folder in front of him. “But she doesn’t want to be found. She didn’t finish out her internship. From what I’ve been able to find out, she didn’t even pick up her last paycheck. The last time we can trace her, she was coming back into Germany from France. Might have been a vacation. I don’t know because I can’t find records of her in any hotel or use of any of her credit cards with the exception of her buying a train ticket from Paris to Munich. From there I’ve got her at the train station and then she disappears for the next two years. Her passport has expired. She has no status with any European country. I have to think she’s hiding.”

  “Wouldn’t you, after the rest of the team you worked with died mysteriously? All of them with the singular exception of Rebecca Walsh.” Soon to be Shaw. Rebecca was a doctor specializing in neurological diseases. At one point she’d worked at the very building they were going to check out. She’d worked with Hope McDonald, though she’d had zero idea what the doctor had actually been experimenting with.

  Him. She’d been experimenting with him. And Tucker and Jax. Dante and Sasha. Theo. Victor. He’d hated Victor, but not even that psychopath had deserved what she’d done to him.

  “Are we sure she’s not dead?” Big Tag asked. “With the exception of our Dr. Walsh, everyone else seems to be dead or out of his mind.”

  “Tucker is not crazy.”

  “We’ll have to agree to disagree on that.” If Big Tag had heard the warning in his tone, he didn’t show it. “You should know that I have reservations about taking Tucker on this op. I believe he needs to be carefully watched.”

  “Because of what happened in Toronto, or do you have other reasons?”

  What had happened in Toronto was Tucker had discovered who he’d been before McDonald had erased his memories. He’d been positively identified by Rebecca as Dr. Steven Reasor, McDonald’s right-hand man.

  Tucker had not taken the news well.

  “He’s the only one of us who worked in that building, and you know he often remembers things he shouldn’t.” The door behind him opened and his whole world brightened. She was also his partner for this mission. “Dr. Adisa, thank you for joining us.”

  Ariel smiled his way and took the seat next to him. “Sorry I’m late. I had some trouble with my laptop but it’s working now. Hello, Ian. Adam. What did I miss?”

  He could feel Ian’s disbelief from a thousand miles away. “Seriously? Dr. Adisa?”

  Adam elbowed him. “Don’t. I want to see how far they’ll take it.”

  Ariel chuckled and proved she was far better natured than he was. “I worked hard for that title, Adam. It doesn’t hurt to remind you how smart I am.”

  “Is he going to call you doc when you’re cuddling?” Ian asked.

  “Hey,” Robert began, his shoulders tensing. Maybe he wasn’t as settled as he thought he was.

  Ariel put a hand on his arm. “It was Canada, Ian. Our cuddle on the couch was strictly to share body heat. It’s good to know the gossip flows steadily between the teams. How is your brother? The last time I saw him he was trying to track some mysterious intelligence. Care to share since he obviously did?”

  Theo and his wife, Erin, had shown up during the recent mission to Toronto that resulted in Dr. Walsh joining the team. Theo was the youngest of the Taggart brothers, but he was apparently as gossipy as the rest.

  “Nothing I can talk about yet.” Tag sat back and his expression seemed to shutter. “This is something I won’t let out until we’re absolutely certain it’s true.”

  Robert felt his gut tighten, and it took all his willpower to not reach for Ariel’s hand.

  He was not going to use her like a freaking teddy bear. He was going to be strong and in control. “So it’s about the traitor.”

  “We don’t know there’s a traitor,” Ariel replied quickly.

  “I’ve got the bullet wound that proves otherwise.” They’d been careful when they’d fled Toronto. They’d gone to a safe house, and no one beyond the team had known where they were, and yet Levi Green had been waiting for them. Green had flushed them all out and nearly cost he and Ariel their lives. Owen and Rebecca as well, but Robert had been the only one that asshole had shot. “According to Owen, Green told him he has a plant in our group.”

  “Levi Green has been known to lie,” she pointed out.

  Tag sighed, a weary sound. “Yeah, well, the devil knows when the truth is far more harmful than a lie. I can’t talk about that now, but if this lead pans out,
you’ll be getting someone else to interview.”

  Somehow that felt more like a threat than a promise.

  “Dr. Adisa, did you get the files I sent on the employees I think we should target?” Adam’s tone had lost its playfulness.

  Because this was serious, and someone in their group had sold them all out to Levi Green and his faction of the Agency.

  She was perfectly professional again, too, and he missed her hand on his arm. “I did. I’ve gone over them. I think the secretary might be an excellent source if we can convince her to talk openly. Rebecca is almost certain she will. Apparently she loves to gossip, and when the booze is flowing, she’s a little loose lipped.”

  Tag nodded, his lips turned down. “Do what you can. If there’s a fount of information in some safe or backed up on a computer at Kronberg, I want to know. According to the reports, Green claims to have a cure. I don’t suppose he’s going to use that in the manner we would like that to be used.”

  “He told us exactly how he intends to use it. He’s going to reverse engineer it and between that and the notes, he’ll figure out how she did what she did to us,” Robert explained. Another generation of brainwashed soldiers would be born, this time in service to the CIA. “I think he’s also interested in the time dilation portion of her meds.”

  There had been two parts to Dr. McDonald’s torture techniques. The drugs she used wiped clean personal memories but left the patient with full muscle memory and language skills. He’d woken up in a lab with no idea how he’d gotten there or who he was, but he’d known how to fight. He couldn’t remember what pizza tasted like, but he knew what it was called.

  He’d been a soldier of some kind. He’d figured that much out. He knew far too much about US military-grade weapons to have been anything else.

  The second part of her protocols used a drug that tricked the brain into thinking more time had passed than had in reality. She could use that time to punish her men for insubordination. His body hadn’t aged during those long periods of pain, but he wasn’t sure he could say the same about his soul.