The Arch-Wizard’s Little Sister

by Natsume Akatsuki

  “It’s been a while since you came to my room, Elder Brother. Come on over here. I’ll get out some of the snacks Claire brought me.”

  After dinner, I had gone to Iris’s room. I stared around her chambers in amazement: They were big enough to host a small party in there. I noticed Iris quickly shove something from her nightstand under her pillow, as if she had realized it should be out of sight.

  “Ooh, what’s that? Sneaking around? Ahhh, I know—hiding the royal porno, are we? Hey, I get it—you’re of a certain age. Just be careful the maids don’t see it, or they might throw it away on you.”

  “That’s not what it was, Elder Brother. I don’t even possess any such thing! Here—what I was hiding was this ring!” She quickly pulled the thing back out from under her pillow, revealing that it was the ring I’d bought her as a souvenir when we were in Elroad. “When I try to wear it, Claire says royalty is better than such cheap trinkets and she tries to take it off my finger. So I can only wear it when I’m asleep. . .”

  When I saw how sweet and shy Iris looked, it nearly convinced me to stay at the castle for the foreseeable future, but I told myself not to get distracted. I’d promised everyone I would stay only one extra day, and then I would go home. If I tried to tell them, Oh yeah, guess I changed my mind, those three would probably cut me out of their collective life.

  With a great effort of will, I managed to avoid looking Iris in the eye as she gave me that soul-destroying frown of sadness; instead, I concentrated on the ring she was clutching in her hands.

  “Yeah, I guess I should’ve gotten you something more expensive. It’s not like I don’t have the money, but that was the only thing they had in the store. Sorry about that—Claire would be singing a different tune if I could’ve gotten you something nicer.”

  “No, I like this one. Expensive rings all have those huge, gaudy rocks on them, but this one is small and ever so cute.” Iris put the ring on her finger and looked at it with genuine joy.

  Ugh, no! Every word she says, everything she does, threatens to shake me of my resolve. Stay strong, Kazuma Satou—this girl is your little sister. My little sister.

  First of all, I’m not a lolicon, so while Iris might possibly be someone I could be interested in when she grew up, she was absolutely not someone I could fall in love with now. Plus, I had Megumin, whom I’d been getting a good vibe from recently. Was it really this easy for me to get swept away in one pleasant moment? I was starting to lose faith in myself.

  “W-well, hey, as long as you’re happy, that’s what counts. Bigger question: What do you want to do today? You wanna play that board game? . . .Ooh, wait, come to think of it, I picked up a card game in Elroad. I’ll lend you my B deck, so let’s play that.”

  I was about to head off to get my cards when Iris pulled on my sleeve. “Stop, let’s not play any games tonight. I finally have you to myself for once, Elder Brother. I want to hear some stories.” And then she smiled shyly.

  “. . .So I said to him, ‘If you’re playing games at this time on a weekday, you and I aren’t enemies. Come on—join our guild. Your true friends are waiting for you. . .’ And that’s how I got this guy, known as Mr. Destruction, to switch allegiances to our side, making us the strongest guild around. After that. . . Well, a lot happened, and that guild broke up, but I’ll tell you about that another time.”

  “Wait one minute, Elder Brother—you’re going home tomorrow, so we don’t know when ‘another time’ will be! At least give me some hints about what happened!”

  Iris and I were sitting on her bed, and we were taking a nice long walk down memory lane. Of course, I was mostly talking about myself. Iris had spent so much of her life shut up in the castle that she hadn’t had a lot of exciting experiences, and she really liked to hear me talk about my past.

  “Okay, you got me—but just a little, understand? . . .One day, a new member joined our guild. Her name was Dark†Angel. And that was all it took: One girl would be the beginning of the end of our guild.”

  “That’s no fair, Elder Brother. You can’t start a story that interesting and then stop! What did the girl do?! If you don’t tell me, it’ll keep me up all night wondering!”

  This wasn’t a story I was exactly proud of, but for some reason, Iris had gotten fixated on it.

  “I’m not eager to tell you a lot of the details, but. . . Okay, I’ll give you one word. Princess.”

  “‘Princess’? . . .Oh! Could it be? Did this princess fall in love with one of the members of your guild. . .?”

  Players of Japanese MMOs sometimes talked about “the princess play,” where a single girl shows up and throws a wrench into a group of guys—that’s what I had been talking about, but Iris picked up on it remarkably quickly. I’d been hoping to throw her off the scent, but she saw exactly what I meant.

  “You’re a quick one. Yeah, that princess made life pretty awful for us.”

  “I see. She certainly would, given the difference in status between you. . .”

  As I was talking, though, I could see something in her hand. She noticed me looking and shyly held it out. “Here, please take this. I learned how to make it from the chief. . . I mean, from Miss Megumin. She said it’s a traditional Crimson Magic Clan charm. With all the trouble you seem to get caught up in, Elder Brother, I thought you could use one. . .”

  It was a charm just like the one Megumin had given me some time ago. She’d said something about putting a lock of magically powerful Crimson Magic Clan hair in it or something.

  “Hey, thanks. Believe me, I’d love a nice, quiet life, but trouble always seems to find me. ’Course, to be fair, it’s usually my friends causing it.”

  I put the charm in my pocket, and Iris said happily, “Once you go home, Elder Brother, I won’t be able to go on any more adventures. . . But I hope you at least let my charm go with you.”

  The smile she gave me then was tinged with loneliness.

  “. . .All right. It’s been a good chat, but it’s awfully late now. I’m going to head back to my room.”

  We’d kept shooting the breeze about this and that, sort of hoping to dispel the sweet but slightly awkward mood in the room after Iris gave me that charm, and all of a sudden, I’d realized it was almost midnight. If I stuck around any longer, Claire was really going to let me have it. I was about to stand up from the bed, but. . .

  “. . .I don’t want you to.”

  I found Iris holding tight to my sleeve, stopping me.

  “S-sorry, I kind of have to. But it’s okay; I’ll be back. Claire might get angry and the guards might try to stop me, but I have this pendant I got from Darkness. Claire took her clan crest back, but the Dustiness crest should be more than enough to get me into the castle anytime I want. So—”

  “No, don’t. I don’t want you to just be a visitor sometimes. I know I said my charm could go adventuring with you, but what I really want. . . What I really want is to go with you myself. I want to take another trip, another adventure, with you and everyone else. I want to find out what’s out there!” Like a child bursting with emotion, Iris went on. “Teach me everything you can! Those few weeks traveling with you were more fun, more fulfilling than twelve years of living in this castle. Please don’t leave me here. Please let me—” Then she stopped, as if she had suddenly realized what she was saying. Dejected and curling into herself, Iris looked so much smaller than the name Dragonslayer.

  “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m being selfish. . . You somehow make me act like a little girl, Elder Brother. But I’m a royal princess, and my duty is to my people.”

  She was a princess, and she had probably spent her entire life being told to control herself. Obviously, no one was exactly going to scold a person as important as Iris. Okay, maybe Claire or Darkness, but they both had an overprotective streak, and Darkness spent most of her time in Axel anyway.

  “Iris, you’re only twelve. You should act more like a little girl. Didn’t I tell you? Royals are supposed to be selfish
and demanding. Take a page from the life I’ve been living the last few days. Enjoy yourself, even if it means making other people miserable.”

  And then the princess, who was far stronger and more disciplined than I was, said, “Elder Brother, you mustn’t indulge me so. If you stay here one moment longer, I’m afraid I’ll be truly selfish and demand that you never leave.” She was smiling, but tears brimmed at the corners of her eyes.

  . . .Damn, this doesn’t look good.

  No, this wasn’t going anywhere good—I wouldn’t be able to stand it at this rate.

  “Until the day you defeat the Demon King, Elder Brother, I swear I won’t be demanding or selfish toward anyone. So. . .”

  Ohhhh man, this was bad. Specifically, the way my heart was pounding over this child was bad, bad, bad.

  “So tonight, just this one night, indulge me a little.” Iris clung to me, and that was bad, too. What was worse was that she was royalty; she could have snapped her fingers and changed the legal age of—

  No! Not the time! Or the point! Iris was my little sister, and I was not a lolicon!

  I was seriously going to run out of excuses at this rate. Take Megumin—she might have been legal in this world, but the average Japanese person would definitely have considered her out of bounds.

  Iris, oblivious to the struggle within me, hesitantly nuzzled her little body up against me. I knew her parents didn’t get to spend a lot of time with her; she probably didn’t know how to be close to someone like this. She realized she was stronger than average, though, so when she tightened the hands that were holding on to me, she did it ever so slowly. . .!

  “I w-w-wouldn’t mind indulging you every night, but. . .!” I was going to screw up and say something stupid from sheer nerves again! And what was I going to do about everyone waiting for me back in Axel? I couldn’t just sit here with Iris hugging me forever! And what about my vibe with Megumin? If I didn’t come home tonight, I bet that would go sour.

  And also—

  “Elder Brother. . . No, I mean. . .”

  And also, think carefully, Kazuma Satou. You’re going back to Axel, right? Remember the letters from those kids—that was only a few hours ago.

  That’s right. The Demon King. I had to defeat the Demon King—not just for them but for Iris. And for this whole w-w-world. . .!

  “. . .Big Bro.”

  . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

  “I love you. . .!”

  That settles it. I’m staying here.

  5

  It had been a week since Aqua and the others had returned to Axel. I’d sent them a letter when I decided to stay at the castle. It described how I wasn’t coming back to Axel after all. How I planned to live in the castle forever, so they could dispose of my stuff and whatever was left in my room however they saw fit. I said I was sure they didn’t need me, a weak-ass Adventurer, to defeat the Demon King and that I would be cheering them on, if only from the sidelines.

  Within the day after I sent that letter, I got an answer from Darkness. It told me to quit with the stupid jokes—I could practically see her sneering at me from the page. She probably really thought I was trying to squeeze out one more day because I couldn’t bear to leave Iris by herself. The letter told me to let “Lady Iris” down as gently but as quickly as possible (Don’t make her cry, I was instructed) and to come back home.

  Three days passed.

  The letter I got sounded a little more serious this time.

  Two days after that, I got another one, worded sharply enough to cut.

  And that brings us to today. There was a knock at the door to my room. “Master Kazuma, might I speak to you for a moment?”

  It was Claire. I nodded to Heidel, who was pouring my tea, and he hurried over to open the door.

  “Claire. Whaddaya want?”

  “‘Whadda’ I want? What a brusque way to speak to me—surely you already know why I’m here.” Claire sounded like she was trying to hold something in, choosing her words carefully as she talked to someone to whom she owed a great deal, namely me. “I’m sure you’re aware of your reputation among the castle staff by this point?”

  “Sure I am. I know people have been making slanderous accusations that I have no heart, but it’s all right—I’m too mentally strong to let that bother me. I survived my cousins’ teasing during the Festival of the Dead and my uncle’s lectures at New Year’s, so I think I’ll be fine.”

  Claire kind of flinched at that, like she really had to force herself to bite her tongue. “I see; that’s wonderful. Knowing how much personal fortitude you have and how much you’ve already contributed to our country, I have another favor to ask of you.”

  “Oh yeah? What have you got in mind?”

  I hadn’t always been Claire’s biggest fan, but when it came down to it, she wasn’t so bad. After all, both of us adored Iris. If there was something I could do for her, then I wanted to help.

  “Something only you could possibly do!” A sneaky little smile came over her face as she spoke.

  From behind her, someone said, “It’s been quite some time, Master Kazuma.” A wizard entered the room: It was Lain, Iris’s tutor. I wondered what could have brought both her and Claire here at the same time.

  Lain spoke as if in answer, but it sounded like the words genuinely pained her. “Ahem. . . I recognize that you worked very hard in Elroad to help our beloved Iris, Master Kazuma. And since you’ve been around to chat with her every night, our lady has grown ever more cheerful and seems to truly enjoy her life. . .”

  Claire picked up the thread. “Yes, definitely. She seems to be having fun every day. And we’re grateful for that. In the capital, we never know when the Demon King might attack, so we can hardly let Lady Iris out of doors. I can only imagine how hard it must be for a sensitive young girl like her. . . You have no idea how grateful I am to you for helping to take that burden off her shoulders even the slightest bit. And when I thought your heart might already belong to Lady Dustiness. . . But. . . But even so. . .!”

  What on earth were Claire and Lain trying to say?

  At that moment, there came yet another knock on my door. It was already open—maybe they were just being polite?

  The face that peeked into my room then was my little sister’s. Her melancholy look had vanished completely. I’d been teaching her some Japanese lately, and she’d been soaking it up like a sponge. Now, with perfect diction, she said happily:

  “Big Bro, aren’t you going to get yourself in trouble, sleeping so late? It’s wicked gorgeous outside. I made us some packed lunches, so why don’t we go eat outside, for real, though?”

  When Claire and Lain heard that, they both bowed their heads and exclaimed tearfully:

  ““Master Kazuma, please, please go home!””

  No way. For real, though.

  6

  “He went that way! Get him!”

  Several hours later, believe it or not, I was being chased around the castle by armed troops. I could hardly remember ever having thought so fast or fought so hard.

  . . .Well, maybe once. And come to think of it, Iris had been involved that time, too.

  “There’s only one of him, but don’t underestimate him! He’s defeated several generals of the Demon King and some major bounty heads—there’s no telling what he might do!”

  The voice belonged to Claire, who was leading the chase for me. Maybe her shout was what inspired the soldiers in front of me to freeze in place.

  “Sir,” one of them said, “we can’t let you go any farther!”

  “Please stop fighting and come quietly. . .!”

  Yeah, as if. I kept my hand concealed in my bag as I murmured quietly, “Create Earth.”

  It was the prelude to a favorite tactic of mine.

  The soldiers in front of me were obviously confused. “Wh-what are you—?”

  “Wind Breath!”

  “Hrk?! Gaaaghhh?!”

  “My ey
es. . .!”

  The blinded soldiers fell to their knees. Hmm. . . I could see one of them carried a rope, presumably for tying me up. I grabbed it—the poor guy was in no condition to stop me—and resumed running.

  I had to shake these guys somehow and get to Iris. I couldn’t go home, not yet. If I could just make it to Iris, I could sucker her into—er, I could persuade her to help me out here.

  A soldier grabbed my arm, and I slapped my hand over his nose. “Create Water!”

  “Hrgh!” He teared up as water shot into his nostrils.

  “M-Master Kazuma! The way you’ve been fighting. . . Is it possible. . .?!”

  Claire seemed to be dangerously close to putting the pieces together. And whereas I had thought I had been doing a pretty good job of running away, I suddenly discovered I was in a cul-de-sac. I registered that the alleyway I’d ducked into was a dead end at the same time as I heard Claire’s familiar voice from behind me. “. . .Sheesh. It seems perhaps I’m not the fine judge of character I thought I was.”

  I looked back and saw Claire flanked by several soldiers, all ready for a fight. I had to get past them, had to get to Iris. With that resolve in my heart, I confronted the woman who stood in my way. “It’s a real shame, Claire. That wine I drank while you told me stories of Iris’s childhood tasted really good. If we’d met some other way, we might have been friends.”

  “Master Kazuma. . . Believe me, I regret having to say good-bye to you this way. And I do owe you my thanks for at least one thing. You saved Lady Iris from a dangerous magical item, and I’m grateful for that. However. . .”

  “. . .However what?”

  Claire replied by drawing her sword. Ah. Someone was feeling peppy today. All right, then. . .

  “The one thing I can’t forgive is you stealing Lady Iris’s ring,” Claire went on. “I think I’ll have it back now. That ring is not for you to have. If you refuse to return it, I merely need to reveal your identity to the world. Yes, it will hurt Lady Iris terribly, but in this case, I’m left with no choice. If you don’t want to see that happen, then kindly give it to me. . .”