Waiting on Life

by Parker Williams

  “Your family is all kinds of fucked up.”

  “Psh. You think that’s bad, try running a business with divorced parents, one of whom is sexing up his new husband. That makes conversations awful no matter how you slice it.”

  I could only imagine. At least my parents stayed good friends for the most part.

  “I made plenty if you want to come have breakfast with us.”

  He snickered. “Nah, thank you, though. I think Toby only wants you there, sweetums.”

  I cocked my head. “What?”

  “You should have seen his face last night when you hugged him. I thought he wasn’t going to let you go.”

  “You’re being silly.”

  “No, I’m really not. He might not know it yet, but he’s gone on you big-time.”

  It wouldn’t do me any good to comment, so I stirred the eggs instead.

  “You didn’t know, did you?” Pete asked.

  “There’s nothing to know. We’re friends, and I’m trying to keep that as my focus.” I put the spatula down and turned to face Pete. “I like him, and if all we can be is friends, then that’s what I’ll take.”

  “Wow, I’m shocked. Usually you’re certain every man wants you.”

  I stuck my hip out and put a hand on it. “C’mon, can you blame them? I am the whole fucking package, after all.”

  Pete snorted as he stood up and moved to where I was. He put a hand on my arm. “Your mom was right. It’s a good thing you’re pretty.”

  And then the obnoxious bastard had the nerve to head for the bedroom, cackling like a loon. It was fine—I’d get even with him later. For now, though, I had a man to feed.

  Toby

  I was so damned nervous, and I couldn’t figure out why. Granted, Kyle was coming to my door any minute now, and he’d have breakfast with him, but it would just be the two of us sitting down and enjoying a meal. Right?

  The knock at the door was shave and a haircut, which made me smile. I looked down at Waldo, who stood by the door waiting.

  “He’s not feeding you, so get that idea out of your head.”

  He huffed and flounced out of the room, tail held high. He had to have been a princess in a former life, I swear.

  I crossed the room and reached for the door, and just as I was about to open it, a very loud crash and a plaintive “Motherfucker!” reached my ears. That was the Kyle I knew and… well, the Kyle I knew. I pulled the door open and found him on his hands and knees, picking up shattered bits of two plates and doing his best to scoop the eggs into a pile.

  He looked up, a sheepish grin on his face. “Tell me you didn’t hear that.”

  “Oh, I assure you, I did.” I knelt down to help. “I haven’t heard you swear in a while. The way you cursed during our first meeting, I thought it was your default.”

  His cheeks pinked. “I tend to overswear,” he admitted. “I didn’t want to offend you, so I’ve been doing my best to curb my natural tendencies.”

  “What? Why would you do that? Don’t change who you are for anyone. Ever.”

  The pink became crimson. As he was about to say something, he winced as he dropped what he’d picked up. “Son of a bitch!” he cried, then stuck his finger in his mouth.

  “What happened? Are you okay?”

  He pointed an accusatory finger at the floor. “That stupid plate attacked me.”

  “They are dangerous,” I told him. I held out my hand. “Let me see.”

  “No, it’s okay. You might have noticed, but I’m preternaturally clumsy. Our first meeting with the mailbox, then getting punched, and now this? It’s been a slow couple of weeks, you know.”

  “Let me see your hand, you goof.”

  He pulled his finger from his mouth and held his hand out to me. I took it in mine and turned it over. I couldn’t help but notice how soft his skin was and how warm his hand felt in mine. There was no blood, thank goodness, but there was a slight scratch on the index finger.

  I looked up to assure him that he’d be okay, when my breath hitched. He was peering into my eyes, and though I wanted to draw away, I was trapped like a fly in amber. Kyle’s lips parted slightly, his pink tongue darting out to moisten dry lips.

  “Toby, I—”

  Even if I wanted to stop myself—which I didn’t—

  I reached out to wrap a hand around his neck, then drew him in. The moment our lips met, those fireworks I’d often heard about shot off in my brain. Kyle’s soft whimper, that moment of surrender, was sweet and unlike anything I’d ever known. I tightened my grip, not enough to be uncomfortable, but I kept it firm so Kyle would know I was there. Or maybe it was so I’d know he was real. I wasn’t certain. He sighed, a soft sound that sent tremors through my body, and opened his mouth to me. It didn’t matter to me that Kyle was a guy anymore. What mattered was he was someone I liked, someone I respected, and someone I’d come to care for.

  He pulled back, his eyes wide. “Toby?”

  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed that it was okay for me to kiss you,” I whispered.

  “No!” He reached for my hand. “I just… I thought you were straight.”

  For thirty years, so did I. One conversation with Tammy, and the word demisexual swimming in my head, and all my thoughts were on Kyle.

  “You know, my dad always said it wasn’t the body we cared for, it was the spirit of the person we were drawn to. I never realized how true that was until the day I met a foul-mouthed guy at the mailbox. He turned my world upside down, in the best of ways.”

  His uncertain expression morphed into something I couldn’t understand.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I’ve… I’ve been with a guy who turned around and told me he was straight. He might have reinforced his words with his fists. I can’t do that again.”

  Someone hit Kyle? My blood boiled as I thought about someone who was given the gift of this beautiful man in front of me and threw it away over something so stupid as… oh, I had been ready to do the same thing. Except I would never hurt Kyle.

  “I wouldn’t ever hurt you,” I assured him. “And anyone who was stupid enough to not hold you tight is someone who doesn’t deserve a person like you.”

  He reached out to do some more cleaning, but I stilled his hands.

  “Let me. You go find Waldo and give him some love, but whatever you do, don’t let him tell you he hasn’t been fed.”

  “No, it’s fine. I can do this.”

  He wouldn’t look at me, and for some reason, that hurt. “Kyle?”

  Though his head was still down, I caught the tremble of his bottom lip.

  “Hey, what’s wrong?”

  He clenched his fists. “I can’t do this,” he whispered.

  “Do what? Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in your head.”

  “You’re straight. I told myself that I shouldn’t hope for anything more from you.”

  So he’d been hoping too? Somehow that made me incredibly happy. I reached out for him, but he pulled away.

  “Listen to me, okay? I don’t know for sure what I am, but I know and accept that I’m not straight. I could be bi or something else, but I am most certainly not straight. How I feel about you has proven that to me.”

  His head snapped up. “So what? Are you going to hold my hand when we go out? Are you going to kiss me in public? I won’t be a side piece for you when you get horny. I deserve better!”

  Man, that asshole had done a real number on Kyle. I pushed up from the floor and crossed over to Kyle’s apartment. I knocked three times, ignoring Kyle’s demands to know what I was doing.

  The door opened, and Pete stood there, nearly dressed. He frowned when he saw the plates on the floor. “Our good china?” he demanded.

  “You have good china?” I asked.

  “Well, it sure as hell isn’t good anymore is it?” Then he chuckled. “You okay, Ky?”

  “He’s fine, but he’s questioning my intentions, so I figured I’d put his mind at ease.”r />
  “Told him you like him, huh?”

  I turned to Kyle and gestured in Pete’s direction. “See? Pete knows. I’m not ashamed of how I feel for you. Am I confused? Maybe a little, but not about you. Never that.”

  I reached out and grabbed his arm, then pulled him to his feet.

  “So let’s get that out of the way, okay?”

  Once more I leaned in and kissed him, and damn if it wasn’t every bit as sweet as our first kiss. I didn’t have a lot of experience, but out of all the kisses I’d been a part of, Kyle’s were by far the best. He snaked his arms around my neck and squeezed as the kiss deepened.

  “Yeah, fine. He likes you Ky, just like I said. Now I’m gonna go finish getting ready for work, because I haven’t been laid in far too long, and I’m afraid if I stand here much longer, the two of you will start going at it in the hallway, and then I’ll start jacking off. It would just be awkward.” He stepped back into the apartment and started to close the door when he stopped and said my name. I broke the kiss and gave him my attention. He narrowed his gaze at me. “Hurt him, and I’ll hurt you.”

  With those words, Pete closed the door, leaving Kyle staring at me awkwardly.

  “Sorry, he’s overprotective.”

  I doubted that. Where Kyle was concerned, I doubted anyone could be protective enough.

  “Let’s finish cleaning the mess. I… still have the burrito from last night, if you want to split it.”

  He scowled. “You were supposed to eat that.”

  “Came home, talked to my sister, went and crashed, because I knew this morning, I’d be seeing this guy I want to know better.”

  Almost imperceptibly the frown became a sorta-but-not-quite grin. “Smooth talker.”

  That rattled me a bit. Most times my relationships ended because the people I was with said I was too gruff. No one had ever said I was smooth, and it felt kinda good.

  “So can I ask you a question I’ve been dying to know the answer to?”

  I bent and gathered some of the larger shards of plate. “Sure, go ahead. Ask me anything you want.”

  “How many tattoos do you have?”

  “Six. An armored pegasus on my right shoulder, a chimera on my right leg, a gryphon on my left leg, Cerberus on my back, and a phoenix on my chest.”

  Kyle cocked his head. “That’s five. You said you had six.”

  My cheeks were heating. No one, other than the couple of women I’d been with, knew about my sixth tattoo.

  “I have a….” My voice trailed off, because it was embarrassing as hell.

  Kyle grinned at me. “I’m sorry, could you speak up? I didn’t quite catch that.”

  “I have a dragon tattooed on my dick, okay?”

  “On your….” He cringed and gave an exaggerated shudder. “Didn’t that hurt like a motherfucker?”

  “You don’t know the half of it. It was my first tat. I was eighteen, thought I knew everything, and my buddy wanted a spider on his bicep. I scoffed and said that was sissy shit. I was big and strong and no little wimpy tattoo for me. I told the guy I wanted a dragon on my dick. Even now, Ben never lets me forget how I cried.”

  Kyle snickered, then sobered. “I’m not laughing at you. I’m laughing….” He burst into raucous, stomach-clutching laughter. “No, it’s at. I’m sorry.”

  His laugh was so much like the rest of him. It was sweet and lilting, and I could listen to it for hours.

  “You okay, Toby? You got this weird look on your face.”

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” I said as I picked up the last bits of plate I could find. “Let me get something to sweep this up with. Why don’t you go play with Waldo? He seems to like you better than me anyway.”

  “Nah, I’ll go grab a broom and dustpan. My mess, so let me clean it.”

  “You were the one who got punched yesterday, so you’re going to go sit down while I clean.”

  “I’m fine,” he protested.

  “Great. Let me see the release from your doctor, and I’ll be happy to put you back to work.”

  He sobered. “Um… how will it be if we’re, I dunno, dating and working at the same place? You said don’t shit where you eat, which is a disgusting thing to say anyway.”

  Truth be told, I hadn’t thought about that. There wasn’t much going on in my mind beyond getting to know Kyle better.

  “And what about the guys? What will you tell them?”

  Oh, that one was easy. “It’s none of their damned business. If they don’t like it, they know where the door is at.”

  All of these things should be scary for me, but none was nearly as frightening as walking away from Kyle without knowing if we had a chance together.

  “We see each other, we don’t hide it, but at the bar, we act professional. Will that work for you?”

  His smile was as big as it was beautiful. “Sure, I can do that.”

  “Good. Now, go sit down. Oh, and you should prepare to be grilled by my sister at some point.”

  I left him gawping as I went to find something to clean up the mess.

  Chapter Ten

  Kyle

  “How’s the burrito?” Toby asked me.

  “It’s good.” And it was. Tofu scramble with vegan cheese wrapped in a flour tortilla. It was better when it was fresh and hot, but still good reheated. “You’re not eating.”

  “I was waiting to see if you wanted the rest,” he said, his cheeks ruddy.

  “No, I want you to eat,” I insisted. “When’s the last time you actually ate?”

  He tilted his head up and peered at me through his thick lashes. “I had some mozzarella sticks yesterday afternoon. I think.”

  And I’d screwed it up by dropping breakfast. That sucked. It was getting near seven, and our time together had been great. He told me about Tammy, why she would want to talk to me, a bit about his childhood, and a few other tidbits about his life. I have to admit, I was a little jealous. His sister obviously loved him to bits. I was an only child. His parents were still married and got along. Mine were… divorced, and though friendly toward each other, they didn’t go out of their way to talk.

  “I should get going,” he said, pushing his plate toward me. “Eat. You need to keep up your strength.”

  No one but Pete ever worried about me, and it was strange, yet nice.

  “What about you?”

  “I promise I’ll grab something when I get to work.”

  Which meant he’d be eating deep-fried snacky foods. So healthy. I had to ask myself if it was up to me to worry for him. I mean, we’d been… whatever we were for a whole five minutes, so surely that didn’t entitle me to have a say in anything. Right?

  No, not at all. I could have practically swooned over the fact that he cared for me. And that kiss? Oh, don’t even get me started. In my life, I’ve kissed a lot of frogs, but never before had I been kissed by a prince. Toby was more than I thought he could be. Gentle, but at the same time, commanding. An impressive combination, to be sure. And when he pulled me against his body, oh God. I’m surprised he didn’t comment about my boner being pressed into his leg. Shit, I’m surprised I didn’t start humping him like a horny puppy.

  “Eat, Kyle. You need to get some meat on your bones.”

  At this point, I’d like to say that any other guy who’d said that would get a snarky remark, but Toby was saying it not to be sexual, but to be caring, and that stole the words on my lips.

  “I think you should eat it,” I said. “I can go home and make myself something.”

  His lopsided grin turned down. “Let me take care of you,” he said, his voice husky. He reached for my hand and squeezed my fingers gently. “I want you to get healthy so you can come back to work.”

  “And is that the only reason?” I asked, doing my best to sound sweet and alluring, and knowing I wasn’t coming off as anything but awkward.

  His lips flattened out, and I had the urge to grab the lower one and give it a tug. That was now up there with my desire to strok
e my hands over his beard. I wanted to explore Toby, to get to know what drove him crazy. Funnily enough, my thoughts didn’t go to sex, but to holding and touching each other. God, I had to be sick if I wasn’t thinking about getting him in me.

  “What’s wrong? You’ve gone pale.”

  And I knew why. I was thinking of Toby as a fuck, not a friend, not as something potentially more.

  “My bump is gone,” I blurted out. I pulled his hand to my head and rubbed it over where the mailbox had left its mark. “See?”

  His touch was gentle as he stroked his fingers over my scalp.

  “I wish you hadn’t cut your hair,” he whispered. “I liked feeling it slide through my fingers. I’ve never felt anything as soft.”

  “Good conditioner,” I said, feeling slightly uncomfortable. From the way his gaze lingered on my face, I had no doubt Toby was seeing inside my head, and I got the distinct impression that he was going to pull all my secrets out of me. And the weird thing? I didn’t mind.

  “Do you want me to reheat the burrito?”

  His voice startled me, but the look on his face undid me altogether. “N-No, I’m okay.” I picked it up and took a bite, fearful I might blurt out something foolish. Because I’d never done that before.

  “Tell me about your childhood,” he said.

  “Not much to tell. I’ve always been fabulous, and no one who looked at me would be unable to see it. From the time I was seven, I was the neighborhood queer, and—”

  “Don’t say that,” he admonished. “Don’t belittle yourself.”

  “Why? It’s true. That was how they saw me. Pretty much how everyone saw me. My mom encouraged me, told me to be true to myself, but that led to a lot of harsh words from others who didn’t bother to know who I was. Fortunately, I had friends who backed me up.”

  “I’m sorry.” His voice cracked. “I didn’t mean to dredge up bad memories. I wish I could change them for you.”

  And with those words, Toby undid me. He wasn’t paying lip service—he actually meant what he was saying.