Until Tomorrow

by Kari Lee Harmon

  And for that, he blamed himself.

  If he had only been in tune with the world around him instead of just thinking about himself and getting ahead in his career, he would have picked up on the signs and might have been able to save her. He slowly climbed out of his truck and made his way over to join his son, who was gleefully skipping around her tombstone.

  “Do you want to plant the flowers?” he asked his son.

  “Nah, you can. I already talked to Mommy. Can I go look over the wall and watch the boats in the harbor, Daddy?”

  “Yes, but you know the rule.”

  “No climbing. The wall’s there to protect me from falling in the ocean.”

  “Exactly.”

  Trevor ran off, and Logan watched until he was sure his son stopped where he was supposed to. With a tender look on his face, Logan focused on Amanda’s grave and planted the wildflowers Trevor had picked out.

  “You would be so proud of our boy. He’s so much like you it makes my heart ache sometimes.” A lump formed in Logan’s throat like it always did, but it somehow wasn’t as bad this time. He cleared his throat and managed to speak. “He’s getting so big I think he might grow to be taller than I am. Can you imagine?” His smile dimmed. “No, I don’t suppose you can. I forgave you a long time ago for leaving me because I know it was as much my fault as it was yours. Actually, it was all my fault, and I’m so damned sorry.”

  He looked up and checked on his son before speaking again. His voice hitched. “I was fine. I had accepted my punishment and resigned myself to living my life alone and taking care of our son, but then she came along.” He shook his head. “Her name is Emma Hendricks, and she drives me crazy. She is stubborn and irresponsible and careless…and spontaneous and impulsive and fun. I didn’t want to fall in love with her.”

  His eyes welled up, but he fought back the tears. “I feel like I’m betraying you just by saying the words out loud. To be honest I hadn’t even admitted that to myself before now. But I can’t deny my feelings any longer, even though I don’t deserve to have them. I tried to end our relationship, to walk away, but she won’t let me. I don’t know what to do, Mandy.” He stroked his fingertips over her tombstone but couldn’t allow himself to fall apart. His shoulders shook with his effort to hold his emotions back.

  “Sweetheart, please tell me what to do?” he asked when he could speak again, knowing he was asking the impossible. He sat back and listened but only felt a gust of wind, carrying with it the sounds of birds chirping overhead and the rustle of leaves and acorns from squirrels scampering across the grass and up the trees.

  Logan sighed. Feeling like he didn’t have any more answers than when he’d arrived, he stood up and let out a whistle. “You ready, Trevor?”

  Trevor’s head popped up from leaning over the wall, and he ran back to join Logan as they walked to the truck. “Why are your eyes red and puffy, Daddy?”

  “Allergies.”

  “Oh, yuck. I hate allergies. You should take the stuff Nanna gives me.”

  “Maybe I will.” Logan started his truck and headed for home, no closer to an answer now than when he’d first driven back into town and discovered Emma was still there.

  “Wait, where are we going?” Trevor’s neck swiveled like a bobble head. “This isn’t the way to Miss Emma’s?”

  “No, buddy, it isn’t. I don’t think this is a good time.”

  Trevor nailed him with a serious look. “Well, I do.”

  Logan’s brow buckled. “Why?”

  “Because Mommy said so.”

  The truck jerked as Logan hit the brakes, and he managed to pull over to the side of the road. “What did you say?”

  “Mommy said it was okay.” Trevor shrugged and looked up at him with innocent curiosity. “Didn’t you hear her?”

  Logan sat there, dumbfounded for a long moment. “No, son,” he finally got out. “No, I didn’t.” Logan swallowed hard. “Did you?” He stared at Trevor in awe and held his breath while he waited.

  Trevor nodded his head vigorously. “She talked to me like she always does. Doesn’t she talk to you too?”

  Logan slowly shook his head. “How long has she been talking to you?”

  “Since I was born, silly.” Trevor stared at him as if he didn’t have a clue. “That’s what mommies do.”

  So many emotions swamped Logan, it was hard to process them all at once, let alone think straight. “You’re lucky,” he finally managed.

  “I know.” Trevor played with his toy car, making vroom vroom sounds as if he hadn’t said anything earth-shattering at all.

  Logan stared at his son and couldn’t contain the warmth welling up inside of him. Trevor had a mother after all, and she’d been with him for all these years. Maybe not physically, but she’d found a way to be there for him after all.

  “She wants you to be happy, Daddy.” Trevor stopped playing with his car and looked up at Logan as if he should know that and was frustrated he didn’t get it. “She told me so. She’s been trying to tell you, too. Maybe you need to listen better.”

  “Maybe I do.” Logan’s voice wobbled.

  Trevor frowned. “Why are your eyes all watery looking? Allergies again?”

  Logan nodded, the lump in his throat too big to speak over. He wiped his eyes with a tissue and blew his nose. “Better,” he finally said.

  “Good. Now can we go see Miss Emma?” Trevor whined.

  Logan chuckled. “Yes, Buddy, I do believe we can.”

  “Can I give her the flowers?” Trevor asked, squirming in his seat in the driveway of Emma’s beach house.

  “In a minute. I think I need to talk to her first if that’s okay.” Emma’s Mercedes was in the driveway, indicating she was home, but a BMW was parked next to it. Her sister had probably come to help her move back home to Boston. If he was going to get up the nerve to makes things right, he needed to act quickly.

  “Like when Nanna Becca is mad at Grandpa Barry after he does something naughty, he makes me go to my room until he says he’s sorry and she forgives him?” Trevor asked, and Logan nodded. Trevor paused a beat and then added, “Then when he’s out of the doghouse, he gets me from my room and we go for ice cream.”

  Logan shook his head. The kid was good. “Ice cream it is. But first, sit tight, okay?”

  Trevor nodded with a devilish smile on his face. He knew exactly how to get whatever he wanted, and Logan admitted he was a big softie and a total pushover when it came to his son. Climbing out of his truck, Logan made his way to the front of Emma’s beach house. His hands were sweating as he tried to think of what to say. Sorry would be a good start—sorry for leaving, sorry for not telling her how he really felt, sorry for being terrified and almost letting her slip away.

  He was about to knock, but her windows were open. He heard voices inside that made him frown. The more he listened, the more his stomach rolled and acid hit the back of his throat. He didn’t have to look to know what he would see, but he stepped to the side of the door and looked through the window anyway.

  Mark.

  Logically, Logan had known that Mark returning someday was a definite possibility. Emotionally, he had prayed like hell it would never happen. He had a feeling he wouldn’t like what he heard, but unable to stop himself, he strained to listen to what they were saying anyway. Oh, yeah. He was right. It wasn’t good, but damned if he didn’t stay glued to his spot to hear every word.

  “It’s been eight months, Mark. Eight months!” Emma faced Mark, standing ramrod straight with her arms crossed over her chest, looking gorgeous. She had on a mint-green sundress that complimented her auburn hair and suntan perfectly.

  Logan could just imagine her snappy amber eyes blazing sparks of yellow fire as she stared Mark down. Logan’s smile turned sad because he knew he was helpless to stop the scene from unfolding before him. Mark had been her fiancé, a man she’d loved enough to say yes to marry. Logan didn’t stand a chance against that. And after losing Mandy, he would never get
in the way of their happiness if there was even a chance they could reconnect and salvage what they once had. He wanted Emma to be happy, and if that was with someone other than him, then he would set her free and wish her the best, even if it broke his heart.

  “Darling, you have to let me explain.” Mark gently touched Emma’s shoulders, and she didn’t pull away.

  Logan’s shoulders drooped. The man was taller than her—but not too tall—in great shape—but not too big—and had perfectly styled pale blond hair. He looked like a model, definitely not an unkempt giant like himself. A much better fit for a woman like Emma, but still, Logan remained rooted to his spot with a glimmer of hope still simmering in his heart. Mandy had given her blessing.

  That had to mean something.

  “What could you possibly have to say that would excuse what you did to me?” Emma hissed, still boiling with rage. She’d never looked more magnificent.

  “I had no choice,” Mark pleaded. “I had to leave without saying a word to you. And I wasn’t able to reach out to you, either. How could you think I would walk away from you willingly? I love you, Emma. I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me if I didn’t.”

  Some of the anger faded away from her face, the lines softening a hair, but Logan noticed. His hope was dwindling fast. “You have a funny way of showing your love,” she said with far less heat. “And everyone has a choice.”

  Mark dropped his hands from her shoulders and scrubbed them through his hair in an obviously uncharacteristic gesture. “Not if I wanted to keep you safe.” The frustration in his tone was evident.

  Emma looked surprised and then curious. “What are you talking about?”

  “I was working with the FBI. My accountant conducted some shady deals with company money I knew nothing about, I swear. The FBI got wind of it and questioned me. Apparently, these men are pros at white collar crimes, and the FBI has been after them for years, but they are always too late. Hence the need for super-secret security. We hatched a plan that involved me dropping everything and going undercover to help them finally catch the men, but also involved me not saying a word to anyone and leaving immediately, or the whole operation would be at risk.”

  “Then why return now?”

  “We finally brought the ringleader down and my company is safe, I am free at last to return home to everything that’s important to me. These last eight months have been just as hard on me, sweetheart. I felt horrible for my poor family, and I’ve missed you terribly, but I couldn’t let everything my father had worked so hard to build be taken away from him. You of all people should understand, right?” He caressed her cheek. “I can prove everything if you’ll give me another chance.”

  Emma frowned and Logan could see the first flicker of doubt ignite within her. She was a journalist who was all about discovering the facts, and she had always put her career above everything else. It was only a matter of time before she forgave him. She slowly nodded. “Yes, I do understand. I mean it’s a crazy story, but everyone knows truth is stranger than fiction.”

  “I’m so glad to hear you say that. It gives me hope.”

  “Funny, a good friend of mine once told me not to give up hope. That you just might come walking back into my life one day with a good explanation for why you disappeared without a trace and no word. I didn’t believe it was possible at the time.” She shook her head in wonder. “But I get it. I really do get why you left, and for the record, I would have done the same thing.”

  “Then you forgive me? Please say you’ll forgive me, my darling. I couldn’t bear it if you didn’t.”

  “Yes, I forgive you. How could I not?” she said with such sincerity, Logan knew she meant every word…which meant the end for them. His heart squeezed painfully in his chest as he closed his eyes and accepted the truth, no matter how much his heart was breaking.

  He was too late.

  19

  Present Day: Beacon Bay, Maine

  Emma looked toward her front door. For some reason she’d had the strangest feeling someone was watching her, but she didn’t see anything. Shrugging at her overactive imagination, she stared at Mark, still a little in shock over his story. Logan was right. Her fiancé had come back and with one hell of a good explanation. He hadn’t been a coward, he’d been noble. She had been more than good enough for him, and he loved her. The problem was, it didn’t matter anymore. She didn’t love him. She’d lost her heart completely to an insufferable giant who had no clue what a catch he actually was.

  No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get Dr. Logan Mayfield out of her mind.

  Emma had been so angry with him for running away scared, especially after everything they’d shared together. They’d grown so close over the summer, starting out as friends and helping each other overcome their own personal hardships along the way, and then turning into so much more. Making love to him had changed her forever. She’d known immediately that no one else would ever compare or be good enough for her. He’d ruined her for anyone else, and she had thought he’d felt the same way.

  Until he’d left her.

  She knew he didn’t feel free to be with her because he still hadn’t forgiven himself for his wife’s death, so he didn’t think he deserved to be happy. Honestly, she was all talk. Up until this moment, she hadn’t felt free to move on with him either. If she were being candid, she would admit that once her anger had worn off, she’d been a little relieved Logan had left. He had saved her from freaking out on him and leaving him, which would have killed her knowing she’d caused him more pain after all he’d been through.

  It wasn’t until Mark had shown up at her beach house a few moments ago that Emma had realized just how much in love with Logan Mayfield she really was. Head over heels crazy in love. She didn’t want to lose what they had, and the only way to move forward was to set her stubborn pride aside and forgive Mark.

  Now that she had, she felt free.

  “I’m so happy you forgive me,” Mark said. “I love you and can’t wait to marry you.” He leaned in to kiss her.

  Emma leaned back, away from Mark, and turned her head so his lips brushed her cheek. He raised his brows in question. There was only one man whose lips she wanted to kiss and body she wanted to melt into until they became one. And it wasn’t Mark. She realized now, if none of this had ever happened, she would have settled and thought she was happy. Kind of like her sister had. She never thought in a million years she would say this, but Mark had done her a favor by running out on her.

  Taking a deep breath, she ripped the proverbial Band-Aid off, hoping for less pain. “I’m sorry, Mark. Yes, I forgive you, but that doesn’t mean I love you.”

  He blinked. “What does that mean?”

  “I can’t marry you.”

  He looked floored, and then confused, and then resigned. “You’re still angry. You need time.”

  “No, I don’t.” She smiled sympathetically. “Don’t you see, I’m actually not angry? And if you search your heart, I think you will also see you’re not either. We were never meant for each other, Mark. Not really. We allowed our parents to fix us up because it was easy and convenient and less work. But love isn’t easy or convenient and it’s a lot of work. It’s messy and scary but so worth it when you find the right person.

  “You need to find someone who will make you happy. Truly happy. And someone who appreciates you for the wonderful man you are. That’s not me. I’m an impulsive-break-the-rules-could-give-a-hoot-about-conforming-to-society kind of girl. While you are a steadfast-play-by-the-rules-bask-in-the-glow-of-society kind of guy. There’s nothing wrong with either of us, we’re just not a good match for each other.”

  “You’ve met someone, haven’t you?” he asked almost accusingly.

  “Actually yes,” she said, not about to shy away from the truth now. Not after all he had put her through. That was who she was, and he knew it, for better or worse. “But that’s not the point. You know I’m right.”

  He surprised her by as
king in a sincere tone, “Does he make you happy?”

  Her whole body melted—she couldn’t help it. “Yes,” she said on a breathy whisper. “He makes me care about something other than the next big story, which I honestly never thought would happen.” She reached out and squeezed his hand. “I really am sorry, Mark.”

  “Don’t be.” His face looked pained, yet it softened with understanding. “I’m sure I will thank you one day for this. It’s hard right now, but I do understand. I took a chance by leaving, and knowing your personality, I honestly worried you would never speak to me again. I really do want you to be happy, and one day maybe we can be friends. You’ll understand if it’s too soon right now.”

  “Of course.” She nodded, smiling past the lump in her throat, hating the thought of hurting him. “You’re a great guy, Mark. I hope someday you will find someone who makes you happy.” Suddenly her sister’s face swam before her eyes, and Emma knew instinctively that they might be the perfect match. Their personalities and morals and values and everything were perfect for each other. It was too soon to bring it up now, but they were both terrific people.

  Someday it might be worth a shot.

  “Well, then, I’ll take that as my cue to leave.” He started walking toward her front door, turning around at the last second. “Don’t worry about your family or mine. I’ll handle everything.” His gaze caressed her from head to toe for one last time before he said, “Be happy, Em,” and then he walked out of her life for good.