The Royal Book of Oz

by L. Frank Baum

  CHAPTER 13

  DANCING BEDS AND THE ROADS THAT UNROLLED

  "It must be a shipwreck," thought Dorothy, sitting up in alarm. Sheseemed to be tossing about wildly.

  "Time for little girls to get up," grumbled a harsh voice that seemedto come from the pillows.

  Dorothy rubbed her eyes. One of the bedposts was addressing her, andthe big four-poster itself was dancing a regular jig.

  "Oh, stop!" cried Dorothy, holding on to the post to keep frombouncing out.

  "Can't you see I'm awake?"

  "Well, I go off duty now, and you'll have to hurry," said the bedsulkily. "I'm due at the lecture at nine."

  "Lecture?" gasped Dorothy.

  "What's so queer about that?" demanded the bed coldly. "I've got tokeep well posted, haven't I? I belong to a polished set, I do. Hurryup, little girl, or I'll throw you out."

  "I'm glad my bed doesn't talk to me in this impertinent fashion,"thought Dorothy, slipping into her dress and combing her hair withher side comb. "Imagine being ordered about by a bed! I wonder if SirHokus is up." Parting the curtains, she jumped down, and the bed,without even saying goodbye, took itself off.

  Sir Hokus was sitting on a stile, polishing his armor with apillowslip he had taken from his bed, and the Cowardly Lion was lyingbeside him lazily thumping his tail and making fun of the passingfurniture.

  "Have you had breakfast?" asked Dorothy, joining her friends.

  "We were waiting for your Ladyship," chuckled the Cowardly Lion."Would you mind ordering two for me, Hokus? I find one quiteinsufficient."

  Sir Hokus threw away the pillowslip, and talking cheerfully theywalked toward King Fix Sit's circle. The beds had been replaced bybreakfast tables, and the whole street was eating busily.

  "Good morning, King," said Sir Hokus. "Four breakfasts, please."

  The king rang a bell four times without looking up from his oatmeal.Seeing that he did not wish to be disturbed, the three waited quietlyfor their tables.

  "In some ways," said Dorothy, contentedly munching a hot roll, "insome ways this is a very comfortable place."

  "In sooth 'tis that," mumbled Sir Hokus, his mouth full of bakedapple. As for the Cowardly Lion, he finished his two breakfasts in notime. "And now," said Sir Hokus as the tables walked off, "let uscontinue our quest. Could'st tell us the way to the Emerald City, mygood King Fix?"

  "If you go, go away. And if you stay, stay away. That's my motto,"answered King Fix shortly. "I can't have people running around herelike common furniture," he added in a grieved voice. All the Fix Itsnodded vigorously.

  "Let them take their stand or their departure," said Sticken Plasterfirmly.

  The King felt in his pocket and brought out three pieces of chalk."Go to the end of the street. Choose a place and draw your circle. Infive minutes you will find it impossible to move out of the circle,and you will be saved all this unnecessary motion."

  "But we don't want to come to a standstill," objected Dorothy.

  "No, by my good sword!" spluttered the Knight, glaring aroundnervously. Then, seeing the King looked displeased, he made a lowbow. "If your Highness could graciously direct us out of the city--"

  "Buy a piece of road and go where it takes you," snapped the King.

  Seeing no more was to be got out of him, they started down the longstreet.

  "I wonder what they do when it rains?" said Dorothy, lookingcuriously at the solemn rows of people.

  "Call for roofs, silly!" snapped a Fix, staring at her rudely. "Ifyou would spend your time thinking instead of walking, you'd knowmore."

  "Go to, and swallow a gooseberry!" roared the Knight, waving hissword at the Fix, and Dorothy, fearing an encounter, begged him tocome on, which he did--though with many backward glances.

  Fix City seemed to consist of one long street, and they had soon cometo the very end.

  "Uds daggers!" gasped Sir Hokus.

  "Great palm trees," roared the Cowardly Lion.

  As for Dorothy, she could do nothing but stare. The street endedsurely enough, and beyond there was nothing at all. That is, nothingbut air.

  "Well," said the Cowardly Lion, backing a few paces, "this is apretty fix."

  "Glad you like it," said a wheezy voice. The three travelers turnedin surprise. A huge Fix was regarding them with interest. His circle,which was the last in the row, was about twenty times as large as theother circles, and on the edge stood a big sign:'

  "Don't you remember, the King said something about buying a road,"said Dorothy in an excited undertone to the Knight.

  "Can'st direct us to a road, my good man?" asked Sir Hokus with abow. The Fix jerked his thumb back at the sign. "What kind of a roadto you want?" he asked hoarsely.

  "A road that will take us back to the Emerald City, please," saidDorothy.

  "I can't guarantee anything like that," declared the Fix, shaking hishead.

  "Our roads go where they please, and you'll have to go where theytake you. Do you want to go on or off?"

  "On," shivered the Cowardly Lion, looking with a shudder over theprecipice at the end of the street.

  "What kind of a road will you have? Make up your minds, please. I ambusy."

  "What kind of roads have you?" asked Dorothy timidly. It was herfirst experience at buying roads, and she felt a bit perplexed.

  "Sunny, shady, straight, crooked, and cross-roads," snapped the Fix.

  "We wouldn't want a cross one," said Dorothy positively. "Have youany with trees at both sides and water at the end?"

  "How many yards?" asked the Fix, taking a pair of shears as large ashimself off a long counter beside him.

  "Five miles," said Sir Hokus as Dorothy looked confused. "That oughtto take us somewhere!"

  The Fix rang one of the bells in the counter. The next minute, a bigtrap door in the ground opened, and a perfectly huge roll bounced outat his feet.

  "Get on," commanded the Fix in such a sharp tone that the threejumped to obey. Holding fast to Sir Hokus, Dorothy stepped on thepiece of road that had already unrolled. The Cowardly Lion, lookingvery anxious, followed. No sooner had they done so than the road gavea terrific leap forward that stretched the three flat upon theirbacks and started unwinding from its spool at a terrifying speed.As it unrolled, tall trees snapped erect on each side and beganlaughing derisively at the three travelers huddled together in themiddle.

  "G-g-glad we only took five miles," stuttered Dorothy to the Knight,whose armor was rattling like a Ford.

  The Cowardly Lion had wound his tail around a tree and dug his clawsinto the road, for he had no intention of falling off intonothingness. As for the road, it snapped along at about a mile aminute, and before they had time to grow accustomed to this singularmode of travel, it gave a final jump that sent them circling into theair, and began rapidly winding itself up.

  Down, down, down whirled Dorothy, falling with a resounding splashinto a broad stream of water. Then down, down, down again, almost tothe bottom.

  "Help!" screamed Dorothy as her head rose above water, and she beganstriking out feebly. But the fall through the air had taken all herbreath.

  "What do you want?" A thin, neat little man was watching heranxiously from the bank, making careful notes in a book that he heldin one hand.

  "Help! Save me!" choked Dorothy, feeling herself going down in themuddy stream again.

  "Wait! I'll look it up under the 'H's," called the little man, makinga trumpet of his hands. "Are you an island? An island is a body ofland entirely surrounded by water, but this seems to be a some-body,"Dorothy heard him mutter as he whipped over several pages of hisbook. "Sorry," he called back, shaking his head slowly, "but this isthe wrong day. I only save lives on Monday."

  "Stand aside, Mem, you villain!" A second little man exactly like thefirst except that he was exceedingly untidy plunged into the stream.

  "It's no use," thought Dorothy, closing her eyes, for he had jumpedin far below the spot where she had fallen and was making no progresswhatever. The waters rushed
over her head the second time. Then shefelt herself being dragged upward.

  When she opened her eyes, the Cowardly Lion was standing over her."Are you all right?" he rumbled anxiously. "I came as soon as Icould. Fell in way upstream. Seen Hokus?"

  "Oh, he'll drown," cried Dorothy, forgetting her own narrow escape."He can't swim in that heavy armor!"

  "Never fear, I'll get him," puffed the Cowardly Lion, and withoutwaiting to catch his breath he plunged back into the stream. Thelittle man who only saved lives on Monday now approached timidly."I'd like to get a statement from you, if you don't mind. It mighthelp me in the future."

  "You might have helped me in the present," said Dorothy, wringing outher dress. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself."

  "I'll make a note of that," said the little man earnestly. "But howdid you feel when you went down?" He waited, his pencil poised overthe little book.

  "Go away," cried Dorothy in disgust.

  "But my dear young lady--"

  "I'm not your dear young lady. Oh, dear, why doesn't the CowardlyLion come back?"

  "Go away, Mem." The second little man, dripping wet, came uphurriedly.

  "I was only trying to get a little information," grumbled Memsulkily.

  "I'm sorry I couldn't swim faster," said the wet little man,approaching Dorothy apologetically.

  "Well, thank you for trying," said Dorothy. "Is he your brother? Andcould you tell me where you are? You're dressed in yellow, so I'spose it must be somewhere in the Winkie Country."

  "Right in both cases," chuckled the little fellow. "My name is Ranand his name is Memo." He jerked his thumb at the retiring twin."Randum and Memo--see?"

  "I think I do," said Dorothy, half closing her eyes. "Is that whyhe's always taking notes?"

  "Exactly," said Ran. "I do everything at Random, and he doeseverything at memorandum."

  "It must be rather confusing," said Dorothy. Then as she caught sightof the Cowardly Lion dragging Sir Hokus, she jumped up excitedly.Ran, however, took one look at the huge beast and then fled, callingfor Mem at the top of his voice. And that is the last Dorothy saw ofthese singular twins.

  The Lion dropped Sir Hokus in a limp heap. When Dorothy unfastenedhis armor, gallons of water rushed out.

  "Sho good of--of--you," choked the poor Knight, trying to straightenup.

  "Save your breath, old fellow," said the Cowardly Lion, regarding himaffectionately.

  "Oh, why did I ask for water on the end of the road?" sighed Dorothy."But, anyway, we're in some part of the Winkie Country."

  Sir Hokus, though still spluttering, was beginning to revive. "Yonnoble bheast shall be knighted. Uds daggers! That's the shecond timehe's shaved my life!" Rising unsteadily, he tottered over to the Lionand struck him a sharp blow on the shoulder. "Rishe, Shir CowardlyLion," he cried hoarsely, and fell headlong, and before Dorothy orthe lion had recovered from their surprise he was fast asleep,mumbling happily of dragons and bludgeons.

  "We'll have to wait till he gets rested," said Dorothy. "And until Iget dry." She began running up and down, then stopped suddenly beforethe Lion.

  "And there's something else for Professor Wogglebug to put in hisbook, Sir Cowardly Lion."

  "Oh, that!" mumbled the Cowardly Lion, looking terribly embarrassed."Whoever heard of a Cowardly Knight? Nonsense!"

  "No, it isn't nonsense," said Dorothy stoutly. "You're a knight fromnow on. Won't the Scarecrow be pleased?"

  "If we ever find him," sighed the Lion, settling himself beside SirHokus.

  "We will," said Dorothy gaily. "I just feel it."