Nothing Remotely Familiar (My Crazy Alien Romance Book 5)

by Donna McDonald

  “Afraid that’s true, Mr. Topper, sir. Little Miss has to keep it a full ninety days before she can change her mind,” Bruce reminded them.

  Topper glared at the courier. “Such a contingency is unnecessary. My daughter is no quitter. Her acceptance will be final until we require another familiar. We do not take our commitments lightly, as Narelle well knows. She’s setting me up somehow and I refuse to let her do that to my family.”

  Bruce scratched his beard that had nervously grown two inches in the last ten minutes. “So, you want me to take the familiar back to Relle?”

  “No!” Jessica called out. She turned to plead once more. “Mom, please—I have to keep him.”

  “Why?” Topper demanded, searching her daughter’s gaze for a reason.

  “I don’t know,” Jessica said on a near-wail. “I just…”

  Topper put her hands on her daughter’s face. “Having a familiar is like having a child. It’s a lot of work and a familiar can make as much trouble as they help you fix. This is a very important decision.”

  Jessica nodded. “I know and I understand about the work. I know you wish I could be older, but who knows? Maybe I’ll be another two years older by the time we get back from…”

  Topper pressed a finger over her daughter’s lips to stop her from sharing their travel plans with a stranger. She kissed her daughter’s forehead as she thought about the situation. Narelle had a reason to want to torment her, but Gaia didn’t have any ill intentions toward her daughter. Did her trust in Gaia trump her concerns about Narelle seeking revenge? That was the real question.

  The bad blood between her and Narelle was a good fifty years old now. Back then, she had no idea that the German warlock she’d kissed had been engaged to the Aussie Witch. The warlock sure hadn’t acted like he was engaged to anyone. All she’d done was kiss him back one time, but Narelle had blamed her for the lapse… and accused Topper of luring him away.

  Topper had given the warlock goat's horns for a week trying to make it up to Narelle, but even that hadn’t convinced the witch who was nearly her equal in power. Although Narelle was now Gaia’s active agent, how could Topper possibly accept the crazy witch had her daughter’s best interests at heart? The bottom line was that she couldn’t.

  There was only one positive spin. Maybe this was a lesson Jessica needed to learn. Both Gaia and the Fates could be like that, as well she knew. Could she risk taking what might be a powerful life lesson from her daughter? And if she refused this one, would the next test be worse?

  As always, there was no simple answer. Jessica’s enthusiasm to brave the unknown was shiny and bright. A positive attitude was often one of a witch’s best traits.

  Topper’s fingers slid away from her firstborn’s face. “Okay. You can keep Narelle’s familiar for ninety days. If it doesn’t adjust to us, or to you, it goes back to Narelle and we get a cat.”

  Jessica threw her arms around her mother and hugged until her future brother kicked her away. She laughed at his unborn irritability. Her bro-bro was more like their mother than their mother realized. “I promise you I’ll do my best with it.”

  Topper made herself smile in encouragement. “I know you will. It’s the familiar I’m worried about.”

  Jessica all but skipped to the courier. “Okay. Where do I sign?”

  “So, you’re really sure, Miss?”

  “Yes, I’m sure,” Jessica promised. She smiled up at her father. “I know how much you like animals, Daddy. You can stay while they open the crate. What do you think it is?”

  “I think it’s a live teddy bear,” Stark replied instantly, noting Topper still looked like she intended to kill whatever was in the crate. It was a good thing he’d followed his instincts and come looking for his females. Maybe he could spare the animal’s life by making sure it kept its anger under control.

  “A teddy bear? It can’t be. Teddy bears aren’t real,” Jessica said to her father. “The familiar is from Australia so I guess it could be a koala bear… or maybe a panda bear—no, wait, that’s China… or maybe it’s a…” She looked at the courier. “Is it an Australian animal?”

  “Absolutely, Miss. The creature in this crate is the most Australian animal of all,” Bruce answered, whipping out his accepting device.

  “Is it a kangaroo?” Jessica asked, still guessing.

  Bruce chuckled. “No, it’s not a skippy. Put your finger in here, Miss. This will pinch a bit.”

  “I know—you need my blood for the witch’s promise,” Jessica said, watching him put the device over her finger. She winced when it struck with a pain greater than she’d expected. She didn’t call out though, not even when the drop of blood oozed onto the pad. A brilliant streak of white light left the device, passed through her, and then went into the crate. The creature inside it grunted in pain.

  “There you go—all done. The critter in the crate is now officially your familiar. I wish you the best with him,” Bruce said as he tucked the device back inside his shirt. “And as a word of caution to you, Miss, you might want to stand back a bit when you open it up. He will be mad as bloody hell after being stuck inside for so long. Just keep in mind that you can stop him with a firm command now that you’re his witch.”

  “Oh, I’m not worried. My father is great with animals. I won’t need to get mean.”

  Bruce laughed. “Okay, well, I’ll just be heading on back where I came from.”

  With a loud roar, the crate bounced hard and broke open at the top. They all watched in amazement as a furry, fanged thing launched itself directly at Bruce. The werewolf called out in shock and brought his arms up as a shield.

  Laughing, Stark caught the animal by the scruff of the back of its neck just seconds before its six-inch long talons sank into the screaming werewolf. He grinned at the fierce-looking creature. “Now, now—no attacking the courier.”

  Jessica’s eyes widened as she stepped around the front of the animal to get a better look at what she’d given her blood oath to accept as her familiar. “Wow. What are you?” she asked him, checking out his fangs and the long talons on his claws. All she got in answer was a glare and a low menacing growl, but she wasn’t too worried about it since he wasn’t looking at her.

  Jessica turned to Bruce who was scratching nervously. “What kind of animal is it?”

  “Australian Drop Bear… and he’s a mean one,” Bruce exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger.

  “Mean?” Stark turned the animal toward him and looked at it more closely. “Looks like a koala bear to me.”

  “Yeah. That’s what most think it is. I’ll be taking my leave now.”

  They watched as Bruce lifted his wrist and ordered, “Home. Now.” In a blink, he magically disappeared.

  Wanting to establish the rules before her parents got more involved, Jessica lifted a finger and shook it under the furry thing’s nose. “Don’t you scare me ever again. You are to be nice to me and my family.”

  When power left her finger and zinged the creature, she stumbled backwards. The furry creature morphed back into a normal looking brown and black koala.

  “Wow. I didn’t see that coming,” Jessica said, staring at the end of her finger.

  Stark set the koala down on the ground. It immediately curled up into a ball and held its stomach while it moaned.

  Sighing, Topper walked down the sidewalk. “Wait—I know that Drop Bear.” Life was full of surprises, not all of them pleasant ones. “Kevin?”

  The koala rolled until it sat upright. “Unfortunately, that is my name. Do I know you?”

  “I’m the witch who accidentally kissed Gunther. I looked a lot older back when we met all those years ago,” Topper informed him. When Stark grunted, Topper turned to her husband. “It was a long time ago, and all I did was kiss him.”

  “Hmm… I think I’m feeling your human jealousy. It’s not logical to do so about anyone from your past. I don’t think I like this. I will have to give it some thought,” Stark said.

 
; While Jessica giggled at her father’s strange pronouncement, Topper chuckled and rolled her eyes. She looked at the moaning koala. “Are you okay?”

  Kevin struggled to right himself before answering. That powerful punishment zing from the Little Witch Miss had sealed his fate. There would be no escaping now. “I recall that deplorable situation. Relle went completely off her dial about Gunther kissing you, and then she married the cheating bastard anyway. Females—who understands them? Not me. That’s for sure.”

  Topper winced. “Love may blind you initially, but I’m sure her lack of clarity didn’t last. What did she do to Gunther when she found out he was like that with all females?”

  Kevin chuckled. “She turned him into an ugly cat and gave him to the worst witch she knew as a familiar. His witch dresses him in costumes and makes him eat cat food. That would have been about twenty years ago now. Ugly divorce they had…”

  “At least that’s some justice to the cheating bas… uh… warlock,” Topper corrected with a glance at her daughter. “I can’t believe Narelle sent you to be my daughter’s familiar. You were her courier before Bruce. Right?”

  Kevin nodded. “Yeah. That I was.”

  “What happened? Did you lose a bet?”

  “Nah, worse than that,” Kevin said, scratching his chest. “I recently found myself a lady who doesn’t care about my dark side. We shacked up and got cozy quick. When Relle found out I was happily in love, she said I’d betrayed her like every other male in her life. I had no choice but to agree to this gig. She threatened to kill my Lucy if I didn’t go along.”

  Topper blew out a frustrated breath. “That witch needs some serious counseling. I’ll look into your situation when we get back. Looks like you’re staying with us for the next ninety days. We’re planning to leave tomorrow on a trip. I bet Narelle knew it too. She was always superb at scrying.”

  Jessica held out her hand. “Wait… Mom, do you know my familiar?”

  Topper looked at her daughter and nodded. “Kevin’s not really a familiar, honey, but he is a genuine Australian Drop Bear. He’s the fiercest of his kind. He worked for Narelle. She sent him to us.”

  “But you’re a koala. How did you become a Drop Bear?” Jessica asked.

  “I don’t call myself that. It’s just a label,” Kevin grumbled as he kicked at the dirt.

  “Drop Bear? This is fascinating, I didn’t know Earth had such a magnificent creature,” Stark said.

  Topper shrugged. “There are a lot of rumors about their creation. The one I most believe is that a coven of vampires in England took koala bears from Australia and made them into Drop Bears for their future children. When the vampires found out that their kind couldn’t have children, they took the Drop Bears back to Australia and just dumped them out. Over time, the Drop Bears mated with regular koalas. Now there are thousands of them. Kevin’s family is from the ancestral line of the originals.”

  Stark shook his head. “This creature looks exactly like one of the teddy bears Jessica keeps hidden in her closet. Only a cold-hearted vampire would turn such an innocent animal into a fellow blood-sucker.”

  “Dad, I’m not hiding my old stuffed animals. I’m just keeping them safely tucked away.”

  “Tucked away? For what purpose?”

  Jessica sighed. She saw her mother roll her eyes again. Her alien father didn’t understand what something having sentimental value meant.

  Stark huffed as he looked down. “Even in his fiercest form this Drop Bear is not nearly as dangerous as a dragon.”

  “Dragon?” Kevin’s head twisted around both ways before he stared up at the silver-haired man. “You got dragons running loose here in New Mexico?”

  “Yes, but they’re friendly dragons,” Jessica said. She held out her hand to help the koala to his feet. She laughed when he swung himself up and locked his legs around her waist. She giggled and hugged him to her. “Good thing I’m strong like my Dad. You’re heavy.”

  “Sorry I scared you earlier, Jessica. I was trying to take out the werewolf. Bruce should have warned you about what was happening. That’s part of his job. Relle probably offered him a bribe to trick you into keeping me.”

  Jessica hugged him again. “It’s okay. Stuff like this always happens to my Mom and me. It’s because we’re so powerful.”

  Kevin laid his head on her shoulder. “Stuff like this always happens to me too. I am one unlucky Drop Bear.”

  Chapter Three

  Stark shooed his family and their new member into the house. “The portal will open early in the morning. We need to finish packing and then get some rest. Are we going to need a cage for Kevin?”

  “No,” Kevin and Jessica both said at once. Jessica squeezed him tight. “Mom and I can conjure up an ever-blooming Eucalyptus tree. Kevin can sleep in it in my room and he’ll have plenty to eat.”

  Kevin raised his head. “That’s very thoughtful of you, Little Miss Witch Jessica.”

  Jessica shrugged. “A witch is supposed to take care of her familiar. It’s in the rule book.”

  “Right,” Kevin said. “And I’m supposed to protect you from evil while making sure you do no harm.”

  Topper snorted. “Good luck with that, Kevin. Jessica’s a trouble magnet. When the ninety days are up, we’ll get her a sneaky cat who’ll keep tabs on her. We’ll sort out your situation before then.”

  “Mom…”

  Kevin frowned at Jessica’s mother. “I don’t see Jessica being your problem, Mrs. Topper. What I see is that little bloke inside you turning into your real troublemaker.” The glare he got from Witch Topper had him snuggling closer to the little witch who temporarily owned him. “But then what do I know? I’ll just keep my other predictions to myself.”

  Stark chuckled. “Animals usually know far more than humans—or at least, that’s been my experience.”

  Kevin lifted his head and stared at the silver-haired male. “Are you a shifter, Mr. Topper? You don’t smell like one, but then you don’t smell human either.”

  Stark held the door open for them all to go inside. “Call me Stark… and you are correct. I’m a Glacieran. However, I have at times wished to be a dragon. Several of my best friends here on Earth are dragons. Those shifters are majestic in their dragon forms. Our sheriff and deputy are both dragons.”

  Dragon peacekeepers? Not in his experience, Kevin thought as he looked around. A house? They expected him to live in a house for months and months? This was worse than he imagined.

  He leaned to whisper into Jessica’s ear. “Your dad’s playing a joke on me, right? What’s a Glacieran?”

  “My father is trying to tell you that he’s an alien from another planet,” Jessica said, carrying Kevin to her room and out of hearing range—or at least out of her mother’s. With her father, she could never. “And I’m half-alien. I hope that’s okay with you.”

  “Alien?” Kevin said with a laugh.

  “Yes. From the planet of Glacier,” she added.

  Jessica put Kevin down on her bed. He rolled until he could climb up one of her bedposts.

  Kevin pointed a normal-sized talon at her. “You’re having a joke on me too, aren’t you?”

  Her face wrinkled in confusion. “Why would you think such a thing? I would never joke about my father. I adore him, and he adores me. My hair is the same color as his.”

  “His hair is silver, and yours is bright red.”

  Jessica looked in the mirror. “Oh… yeah… I forgot I was trying on my grandmother’s hair color. She died a long time ago, but I’m named after her.”

  She waved a hand and chanted. Her hair restored itself to its natural silver. “Might as well change it back now. Mom said I needed to look like Dad tomorrow so I wouldn’t disappoint the Goddess Icela. She’s invested in me—whatever that means.”

  Kevin’s talons tightened on the bedpost. “Goddess? You know a goddess?”

  Jessica laughed. “I know lots of them. Icela is Dad’s goddess. She takes care of his planet. M
om is Gaia’s most powerful witch. Gaia is Earth’s goddess, as I’m sure you know.” She swung to glare. “And I’m not just bragging about my mother being the most powerful witch alive. The Fates—also goddesses—told me this about my mother, so it has to be true. My honorary aunties never lie. They can’t.”

  “The Fates are your aunts?”

  Jessica rolled her eyes. “Why is all this so surprising to people? This is my normal life.”

  Kevin scratched his chin with one claw. Relle had screwed up big time. Did she realize it? Doubtful. But what fun it would be to see her brought down. He just hoped Lucy would wait ninety days for him. With a fine rump like hers… no, no. He couldn’t think of that while in the company of his young witch. Jessica was not there yet, and he’d slice to ribbons any bloke who tried to rush her.

  “Guess nothing would surprise a witch who voluntarily took on a Drop Bear for a familiar,” Kevin said with as much sincerity as he could muster. “But back to your father… is he really an alien?”

  Jessica laughed. “Yes. And I’m so excited because tomorrow we will visit his planet of Glacier. It’s an ice planet, so it’s a wonderful thing you have some fur.”

  Chills ran down his spine. “Wait now. You can’t seriously be thinking of taking me along.”

  “Well, of course, I am. I can’t leave you behind. It’s Gaia’s law about familiars. You’re my first, but you’ll find I’m very well versed in the rules. Dad insisted I educate myself as thoroughly as possible before Mom ordered one for me.”

  “Well versed in the rules? Guess that makes one of us,” Kevin said. “I’m having some trouble believing the alien part. Are we flying there in a spaceship?” Maybe Jessica had a fantastic imagination.

  “No. Going by spaceship to Glacier would take at least six years and would require we find the correct space-time fluctuations to accelerate us enough to get there. Dad said the calculations are really difficult to do.”