The Light to My Darkness

by Ivy Smoak

"Okay. I'll try to be better about people being excited about our child's birth."

  James smiled. "You're making fun of me?"

  "Just a little. You're walking down the aisle with Marie. She's married. Should I be worried about you hitting on her?"

  He put his hand on the back of my neck and pulled me in for a kiss. And not just a peck. His tongue parted my lips. His free hand dipped slightly below my lower back. He was kissing me like he was about to fuck me against the wall behind us. I knew it was a show. A show for Matt and anyone else watching. A reminder that I was his. But I loved it despite the message. I was swept up in him.

  "Places, people!" Justin yelled. "Please go stand where you belong, love birds." He snapped his fingers at us.

  "You're mine, Penny," James whispered as our lips parted.

  I nodded because that was all I seemed capable of doing.

  He walked me back over to Matt, kissed my cheek, and joined Marie behind me.

  Matt was quiet as we stood there. It was like he could tell that James was mad at him. The atmosphere was tense. It didn't fit the mood of the wedding.

  "Matron of honor and best man are up!" Justin said. "Remember, walk slow. And smile," he said to Matt. "It's a wedding." He grabbed my arm, draped it over Matt's, and gently pushed us forward.

  Matt glanced behind him and then turned back to me. "Is James mad at me?"

  I laughed awkwardly. "No. Why would you think that?"

  "Last night he kept punching me in the arm really hard whenever he made a joke. There's a bruise on my bicep. And now he's staring at me like he wants to aim those punches at my face."

  "What? That's ridiculous."

  He put his hand on top of mine. "Penny. You're the worst liar in the history of liars. Just tell me."

  "Honestly?" We stepped out onto the roof and slowly began walking down the aisle.

  "Yes, honestly."

  I shrugged my shoulders. I was hoping he'd drop it when we started walking down the aisle. "Jen was talking last night about how I'm the girl that people fall for before they find the one. Or, they fall in love with the idea of me or something. Mason, Tyler, Rob..." I let my voice trail off. "It's silly really. Forget I said anything."

  "James thinks that I'm in love with you?"

  We were nearing the end of the aisle. "I told you it was silly."

  He didn't say anything.

  "Right?"

  He squeezed my hand before dropping his arm. "Right."

  I awkwardly stood there for a moment before walking over to Bee's side of the arch. I glanced at him standing on the opposite side. He smiled and I immediately looked away. His answer hadn't really seemed sincere. But I had a feeling he was messing with me. He probably thought it would be fun to tease me forever now. I had certainly given him ammo. Why had I told him I thought he had a crush on me?

  James was walking down the aisle now, Marie's hand on his arm. I didn't question the two of them together. Why did everyone have to put weird ideas in my head about Matt? Now I was starting to feel uncomfortable around him.

  Ow. I put my hand on my stomach. We'll be dancing soon enough, sweet boy.

  James lowered his eyebrows slightly as they drew closer.

  I gave him an encouraging smile. There was no need for him to worry. I watched as he parted from Marie. My eyes automatically gravitated to his butt. God, I loved his ass in a tuxedo. The sight practically made me drool.

  He winked at me when he turned to stand alongside Matt. As if he knew that I had been inappropriately staring. I blushed and looked away.

  Axel confidently walked down the aisle after Hailey and Tyler, who were lucky enough to be paired together. Maybe he wasn't nervous because his parents were in eyesight. Everyone smiled at him and he smiled back. He even stopped and waved at people with the pillow he was holding. Luckily the rings were tied down to it. Scarlett and Sophie both skipped down the aisle behind him, throwing petals mostly at the guests instead of on the ground. But everyone seemed to enjoy it. She really was adorable. Of course, I was biased, but it wasn't just her cute little face that made her so wonderful. She had the carefree attitude I never had as a child.

  The music changed and everyone stood as Bee appeared. Her parents were divorced and her father and mother had both opted to walk her down the aisle. Bee's eyes were already filled with tears. This wedding had been a long time coming. Damn it, she was going to make me cry too. She looked absolutely gorgeous. She had gone for a ball gown dress that accentuated her small waist. Her long, loose curls blew in the wind. And the backdrop of the city sunset made her blonde hair almost glow like a halo. I glanced at Mason. It looked like he might even cry. They truly were perfect together.

  I let my eyes wander back to James. He was staring at me so intently. I swallowed hard. Suddenly, it felt like it was us. Like we were back at our wedding. His eyes didn't stray from mine for even a second. In a lot of ways we had been robbed of our fairytale wedding. At least, the wedding night and honeymoon. But I wasn't bitter at all. I was just grateful that he was here with me.

  I dropped his gaze as Bee handed me her bouquet. When I looked back up at him, his expression had changed. It wasn't one of love anymore. He was looking at me in that way. The way that made my knees weak. The way he looked at me right before he fucked me hard.

  It was difficult to pay attention to Bee and Mason's vows. It was hard to pay attention to anything when he looked at me like that. Before I even realized it, the ceremony was over, and James was grabbing my hand, pulling me away from the rest of the bridal party.

  "I love you, Penny. I love you with everything that I am." His lips crashed against mine.

  I love you. I loved that carnal need of his. I loved that it matched my own.

  "Ow, ow!" Rob said from behind us. "You'd think you two were the ones that just got hitched."

  James laughed and released me from his grip. "Don't you have a wife you can go bother?"

  Rob waved his hand through the air. "Nothing I do bothers Daphne."

  "Is that so?" Daphne said and caught his hand. "You guys, they want to take a few pictures back up at the altar."

  James looped his arm behind my back. "Once the dancing starts, do you think we could sneak away for a few minutes?"

  I smiled up at him. "Did you think I'd let you fly across the Atlantic without a proper sendoff?"

  "I hoped that would be your answer."

  "Daddy!" Scarlett called and ran over to us.

  He leaned down and picked her up.

  She giggled as he peppered her face with kisses.

  "You were perfect, pumpkin," he said.

  "I know."

  She was also way more confident than I was at her age. Hell, maybe she was more confident than I was now.

  Chapter 23

  Saturday

  I cleared my throat for the second time. My hands were shaking so badly, I knew it must look like I was about to drop the mic. Matt had killed his speech. He had the whole place in fits of laughter. How was I supposed to top that? James put his hand on my knee. I swallowed down the lump in my throat. Somehow knowing that he was beside me calmed me down. I took a deep breath. You can do this. "Bee, you were the first real friend I made in New York. Well, besides for James' friends, which included your new husband. I never thought someone would be able to tame him."

  A few people laughed, including Mason and Bee.

  "But seriously, Bee. I struggled moving to New York, leaving everyone I knew back home. But you made me feel like I was accepted here. The big bad city terrified me. Moving here from a small town in Delaware was quite the adjustment. And you understood that too. You were a piece of home. You were open and kind and warm. Unlike most of the people here."

  More people seemed to laugh at that joke. My hand stopped shaking so dramatically.

  "You were basically me except that you were totally killing it."

  "That's so not true, Penny!" Bee said with a laugh.

  "It is true! You made me realize that I c
ould belong here too." I put my hand on my chest. "And I'm so, so grateful to you for that."

  Bee gave me a tight-lipped smile. It looked like she might start crying again.

  "I love you, Bee. I love you both. You're two of my best friends. I can't believe two of the nicest people I've ever met were able to find love with one another. I think you're perfect together. And I truly believe that you can make it through anything. Your love is timeless. You're timeless." I held up my glass. "To the happy couple."

  There was a smattering of applause. Not nearly as loud as what Matt had gotten, but I'd take it. I quickly sat back down.

  James put his arm around my shoulders. "You were amazing."

  I laughed. "I wasn't." I turned my head toward his. "But thank you. I still can't believe how nervous I get when I have to speak in front of a crowd. You were a terrible Comm professor."

  He pulled me a little closer. "If I recall, you never finished my class. Maybe if you had focused a little more on my lectures and less on my body..."

  I elbowed him in the side and he laughed. "You're so full of yourself. I did pay attention. I took excellent notes."

  He kissed my temple as he reached for his glass of champagne. He raised it slightly. "Cheers to you actually not paying attention at all." He brought the glass to his lips.

  I laughed. "You know, if you read my book, you'd know I paid attention. Mostly."

  "I'll read it as soon as I'm back from London."

  I rested my head on his shoulder. "I can't wait for you to get back."

  "Baby, I haven't even left yet." He set down his glass. "Come with me." He was about to stand up but I put my hand on his knee.

  "It's the middle of dinner."

  "Your point is?" He raised his left eyebrow.

  "We have to watch Scarlett. And everyone would notice if we were missing from our table for a lengthy period of time."

  "My father is currently watching Scarlett." James nodded to the table next to ours. Scar was perched on James' father's knee, making her chicken nuggets walk through his fancy entree. "And no one gives a shit what we do. Except me. Because I want to be doing you."

  "How eloquent, professor."

  He smiled and leaned forward slightly so that his lips brushed against my ear. "Now come with me. It's not a request, Miss Taylor." He stood up and put his hand out for me.

  Not a request. I gulped. I had been right about his stare earlier. He did want to fuck me. I glanced back at the newlyweds. They seemed perfectly content. I slipped my hand into James' and let him help me to my feet. Why he desired to fuck me when I looked like an elephant didn't really matter. I wanted him to.

  "I thought we could visit your hotel room for the evening," James said as we walked out of the ballroom. "That way the sheets will smell like me."

  I smiled up at him. He knew how much I hated sleeping without him. Especially when I was away from home. Normally I'd snuggle up with one of his t-shirts and finally be able to drift to sleep. But that wasn't exactly possible in a hotel room. He was so thoughtful. He held my hand a little tighter as we walked over to the elevators.

  "Actually, James, do you mind if I use the restroom real quick?" We had just started to walk past the women's room.

  "Can't you wait until we get to the room?"

  I put my free hand on my stomach. "Not really. I think he's kicking my bladder. I'll just be a sec."

  He smiled and dropped my hand. "I'll be waiting."

  I pushed open the door to the restroom. It was almost as elegant as the ballroom. It was all gold, marble, and mirrors galore. I walked into one of the stalls. I was just smoothing my dress back into place when I heard someone else walk into the restroom. Some women were talkative around strangers. But I definitely wasn't one of those women. I kept my head down as I stepped out of the stall. My eyes stayed focused on washing my hands. I turned off the faucet.

  "Penny."

  I nearly jumped out of my skin. "James what are you doing in here?" I hissed.

  "You're acting like we've never had sex in a bathroom before." He kissed the side of my neck.

  "Well, we haven't in a place like The Plaza."

  "Good. It'll be that much more memorable." He pushed down one of the straps on my dress and kissed my shoulder.

  I laughed. "We can't." I grabbed his wandering hands. "It's the women's restroom. There will be a line in a matter of seconds if we don't get out of here." I tried to step around him.

  He caught my wrist. "Fair point."

  Really? I was surprised when he pulled me toward the exit. I was almost disappointed as we walked back into the hall. Normally he'd tell me I was wrong. And then fuck me even harder for going against his word. I remembered the last few months that I had been pregnant with Scar, though. James had been more careful with me. Not less passionate, just less domineering. Were we already to that point in this pregnancy? I wasn't sure I wanted to be. I loved making love to him. But I liked when he was rough with me too.

  "The men's bathroom is a much better option," he said with a grin and pulled us through the next door in the hall.

  "James!" I laughed as he locked the door. "And there won't be a line for the men?"

  "I don't really care." He pushed my back against the door. "Let them wait." He grabbed the hem of my dress and pulled it up my thighs. "Let them hear you scream my name." He gripped the side of my thong.

  I squealed as the elastic bit my hip when he tore the fabric in two.

  "Let them know you're mine." He thrust his finger inside of me.

  Oh God. I guess he wasn't being gentle with me yet. My fingertips dug into the back of his tuxedo jacket as his thumb slowly circled my clit. "James, I need you inside of me."

  He kissed the side of my neck. "Baby, I am inside of you." He slipped another finger in beside his first and began pumping his hand faster.

  Fuck. "That's not...I want more."

  He kissed my neck harder, gently sucking. I knew he was giving me a hickey. I knew and I didn't care. Sometimes he did that before he had to leave on business. It was like he was branding me. Leaving his mark for the world to see. Like my pregnant stomach wasn't enough evidence. But I didn't mind. I liked when he was territorial. I liked that he wanted the world to know I was his and his alone.

  "I need you." My voice was desperate and needy. "Please."

  His fingers slid out of me and he put them into his mouth. "The sweetest taste on earth."

  "James." God, why was he torturing me?

  He stared at me as he unhooked his belt. "Get on your knees, Penny."

  No, he definitely wasn't done being rough with me yet. I looked down at the ground. Normally I wouldn't want to kneel in a public restroom, but we were in The Plaza for goodness sakes. If there was ever a restroom to fuck in, this was the one.

  "Now."

  I slowly got to my knees.

  "I'm going to tell you exactly what I want. Exactly what I want to remember when I'm away. Exactly what I'm going to jerk off to in my hotel room when I'm missing you."

  I swallowed hard.

  "And then you can tell me exactly what you want. Deal?"

  He didn't have to ask. I wanted exactly the same thing he did. "Deal."

  He reached out and lowered my bottom lip with his thumb. "I want to picture myself fucking your beautiful face when we're apart. Now put those perfect lips around my cock."

  I leaned forward and brought his tip to my mouth. He didn't ask me to lick it. He didn't really ask for any foreplay. So I put my lips around him and took him all the way to the back of my throat.

  "Fuck," he said with a groan.

  I heard him press his palm against the door above me. I moaned as he gripped my hair in his fist.

  "Fuck, just like that, baby."

  Even though his hand was in my hair, he wasn't taking control. He wasn't guiding me at all. I knew what he liked. I knew what made him lose control.

  "Are you ready to tell me what you want?" he asked through gritted teeth. "Because I'm
about ten seconds away from ending this way too soon."

  I knew what I wanted. And I wanted to taste him. I wanted to swallow every ounce of his cum. I quickened my pace.

  He gripped my hair a little tighter and pulled his dick out of my mouth. "I asked what you wanted, baby." He pulled me to my feet. "Do you want my fingers again? My tongue? My cock?"

  I watched his chest rise and fall. "I want the same thing you want." I turned away from him, put my hands on the bathroom door, and arched my back. He was right. I didn't want to taste him. I wanted to feel him. I wanted him to fill me. That was the feeling I wanted to think about while he was gone.

  "This feels a lot more like something I'd ask for." He ran his fingers up the backs of my thighs and cupped my ass cheeks in his hands.

  He'd start being gentle with me soon enough. Right now, I just wanted everything he'd give me. "Use me for your pleasure. Fuck me so hard that I can't walk."

  "God, how did I get so lucky?" He grabbed my hips and thrust into me hard.

  Yes.

  "You're so fucking tight, baby. It's like your pussy was made for my cock."

  My hands pressed harder against the wooden door. "James."

  He gripped my hips even tighter as he picked up his pace. "Tell me if I'm hurting you."

  Technically he was hurting me. But God, it was a good kind of hurt. The kind of hurt that had toppled into pleasure. It was my favorite feeling in the world. And I wanted more of it. "Harder."

  His fingertips dug into my skin as he fucked me just the way I liked. His hipbones slammed into my ass. I wouldn't have been surprised if the repeated impact left a bruise.

  "Baby, I need to feel you come around my cock." He let one hand wander off my hip as he tangled his fingers in my hair. "Now." He pulled on my hair, making me arch my back. Just the slightest change of angle made me completely lose control.

  "James!"

  "Fuck," he groaned. He continued to thrust into me harder, if that was possible.

  "God! James!" I probably left nail indents in the wooden door as I felt his warmth spread up into me. Completion. Pure and utter completion.

  He pulled my back against his chest for his last few strokes. They were slow and loving, completely different from what he had just done to me. He slowly pulled out with another groan.