The Light to My Darkness
Page 21
"I've got her," Rob said.
"This way then," Porter said and ran toward the staircase.
"I'll call James," Briggs said and ran back to their office.
I closed my eyes. Each step downwards on the stairs made my stomach ache more.
I heard a car door open and close. I heard the squeal of the tires. Cursing. I had never felt more weak. It felt like the life was draining out of my body. And not just my son's. My own. My heartbeat seemed to slow. A chill entered my bloodstream. It felt like the coolness was pulsing through my whole body.
"It's okay," Rob said. "We're almost there."
I was vaguely aware of the fact that he hadn't set me down in the back seat. That he was cradling me in his arms. Like he knew if he let go, I'd be gone.
"Take care of him," I said.
"Penny." His hand on my cheek felt scalding hot.
"Promise me you'll take care of him."
"You're going to be alright. Everything's okay."
I looked up at his face. It was wet with tears. I had seen him cry once before. When James had gotten shot. When we thought we might lose him. And I knew it then. He thought I was going to die. I thought I was going to die. And I felt the death in my stomach. I felt it rip my heart in two.
"Promise me." My voice came out as a whisper.
He shook his head.
"Take care of Scarlett."
"Penny..."
"Take care of my family."
"We're almost there," he said.
"I'm scared." I tried to grab his hand, but my grip was too weak. The pain was easing as the feeling of ice spread. It was peaceful. Like my body was trying to comfort me as I slipped. As it became harder to breathe. "I'm so scared," I whispered.
"Penny, open your eyes."
I tried, but I couldn't.
"Penny, you're not allowed to leave us. Do you hear me? Open your eyes, okay?"
But I couldn't. I couldn't do it.
"Please."
The desperation in his voice pained me. But I couldn't frown. I couldn't move at all.
"Fucking open your eyes!"
PART 3
James
Chapter 33
Monday
I read through the contract once more. My lawyer had already gone over it. Now all it needed was Penny's signature. I took a sip of my drink. Hopefully she'd be so excited that she'd forgive me for having been reading her book ever since she started writing it three years ago.
I had tried not to. I had tried to respect her decision for me to wait. But I couldn't stop once I had started. Her account was linked to mine. I was able to see every word she typed as she typed it. Sometimes I'd sit in my office and stare at the screen, watching her create a scene. Watching her pull our memories out of her head and paint a picture on the page. To see her version of us unfold. To see her feelings grow.
No, I couldn't stop. I couldn't look away. It was brilliant. A perfect mix of fiction and reality. A one-sided tale of grief and love and hope. She deserved the publishing deal I had just landed her. And I couldn't wait to surprise her. I couldn't wait to kiss her perfect stomach and hug the beautiful daughter she had given us. I missed her so much that it physically hurt. I took another sip of my drink.
It had only taken two meetings. The second publishing house I met with showed immediate interest. The negotiation process was easy. As far as I could tell, I had landed Penny a deal that was better than many authors who had been writing for years. Hopefully that would also be enough to get Penny to forgive me for butting into the publishing process. And for lying about the reason for my trip in the first place.
"We'll be landing in a few minutes, if you could buckle your seatbelt," the flight attendant said.
I looked up and nodded. For a second, I had wondered if she was talking to me. But I was the only one on the plane. "Of course." I reached over and fastened the buckle in place as she removed my drink. I stared out the window as the city came into view. Home. But it wasn't the place that was home. It was her. Wherever she was, that was home to me.
I lifted up the contract and put it into my satchel. Before she had given birth to Scarlett, I had read that you should give your wife a gift before the baby arrived. I had transformed the library into her office and filled it with books that she loved. She had been so excited. This publishing contract was my gift this time. She had been writing ever since she found out she was pregnant the first time. This was the perfect gift. She deserved this. It didn't matter how she got it.
But the closer we got to the airport, the more unsettled I felt. What if she didn't want this? What if I had overstepped again? I hated that look she gave me. The one where her eyebrows pinched together in disappointment. She had to forgive me for reading her book without her permission. For inserting myself in the publication process. For lying to her about the trip. That was a lot of forgiveness. Maybe I should buy her something too. I shook my head. She never appreciated gifts like that as much. It was one of the many reasons why I fell for her in the first place.
And there were a lot of reasons. The way her hair shimmered in the sun. The way her smile could light up a room. The way her laughter vibrated through me. The way she melted at my touch. The way her breasts fit perfectly in my hands. The way she moaned my name in need. God, I was lucky. Every day I counted my blessings. The life she had given me. The fresh start I didn't deserve. I owed everything to my beautiful wife. Every single thing.
Recently, I wasn't sure if she was happy. I saw the frowns when she thought I wasn't looking. The tears that pooled in the corner of her eyes when she got a rejection letter. No one should have been allowed to make her feel like she wasn't good enough. She was perfect. Everything about her was pure perfection. She wanted more out of life. And I didn't blame her. I loved being her husband. I loved being a father. But I loved teaching too. She was allowed to have it all. I could give it all to her.
The plane started to descend. I missed my daughter terribly, but I needed some alone time with Penny. To tell her the good news. To make love to her. Maybe Ellen could take Scarlett to the park and Penny and I could meet up with them later. I pulled out my phone when the wheels touched the ground. As soon as it turned on, it started buzzing. The unread messages icon popped up and started flashing, signaling more and more coming in. Followed by the voicemail icon. Flashing. Flashing. Buzzing.
I was unbuckling my seat belt before we even started moving toward the terminal.
"Mr. Hunter, if you could please remain seated..."
I ignored the flight attendant and clicked on the first voicemail.
"Mr. Hunter, it's Briggs. There's been an incident. Penny is on her way to the hospital. William will drive to the airport as soon as he's dropped her off. You need to come straight to the hospital."
An incident? What kind of incident? "Stop the plane!" I yelled. I tried to call him back, but my phone wasn't working properly yet. Instead, I clicked on another voicemail.
"James, it's Ellen. Scarlett is with me at the house. I didn't know if you'd want me to take her to the hospital. Please call me when you land. If we don't hear from you soon, we're going to head over. She won't stop crying. I don't know what to do."
I started pulling on the handles of the door.
"We can't stop the plane," the flight attendant said.
I clicked on another message as I continued to fumble with the lock.
"James, it's your father. You need to come to the hospital. They just took Penny into surgery. You need to hurry."
No. No, no, no. I slammed my fist against the door.
"I will not ask you again," the flight attendant said. "You need to take your seat."
"My wife is in the hospital. I need to go." It felt like someone was strangling me.
She gave me a sympathetic look. "You can't exit on the landing strip. The sooner you take a seat, the sooner we can pull up to a terminal.
"Fuck!" I slammed my fist against the door again.
"Mr. Hunter!"r />
I brushed past her to my seat as I clicked on another message.
"Answer your fucking messages!" Rob yelled. "She needs you. Where the fuck were you, man? Why were you in London? She needed you here."
I buried my face in my hands. Please be okay, baby. Please be okay.
The plane slowly started to roll toward the terminal.
I clicked on another message.
"James, is she okay?" Mrs. Taylor's concerned voice filled my ear. "We're driving up now. I received a voicemail at work." It sounded liked she had started to cry. "Tell me my baby is okay. Please call me back."
It felt like I was choking. "Stop the plane! Stop the fucking plane."
"We're pulling up now," the flight attendant said calmly.
I stood up, grabbed my satchel, and ran back over to the door as I clicked on another message.
"James." It was Rob again. "No one is here to sign off on anything. I don't have any authority to make decisions. They're delivering the baby. That's too soon, right? Seven months is too soon. I tried to tell them that..." Rob cleared his throat. "She's still unconscious. I don't know if she's going to make it. What if she doesn't make it?" The message ended.
Two months was too soon. I was supposed to be there for the birth. I needed to be there. We were going to grow old and gray together. All of this was too soon. I wiped the tears off my cheeks. I couldn't lose her. I couldn't.
The door slowly opened and I started running.
"You forgot the rest of your luggage!" the flight attendant called after me.
I didn't need my luggage. All I needed was her. All I had ever needed was her.
Chapter 34
Monday
I clicked on Ian's number. Fuck. Not Ian. I bumped into someone.
"Watch where you're going," he growled.
Fuck off. Fuck everything. God, I can't lose her. I picked up my pace, trying to avoid the people absentmindedly going through their days. How could everyone be acting normal when it felt like my whole world was caving in around me?
I scrolled through my phone until I saw William's name. But I didn't need to call. As soon as I pushed through the doors to the airport, I saw my car. William had parked it on the curb and he was arguing with an airport traffic policeman.
I started to run over to them.
"You have to keep moving," the police officer said. "I'm not going to ask you again."
"Or what? It's an emergency!" William looked like he was a few seconds away from punching the policeman in the face.
"Everyone has an emergency. Move along."
"I'm here, I'm here," I said as I ran up to them.
"Front seat," William said to me as he ran around to the other side of the car.
"Have a nice day too," the police officer mumbled.
I climbed into the passenger's side, ignoring him. I had barely closed the door when William hit the gas. "What happened? Is she okay?" Part of me didn't want to know the answer. If I didn't know, she was fine. She was still breathing. She was still with me.
William shook his head. "I don't know. She lost a lot of blood on the way to the hospital."
I turned around to look at the back seat. The leather upholstery was covered in blood. Her blood. My wife's blood. I shook my head. "But is she okay?"
"I don't know." He swerved to avoid another car.
Someone honked at him and he cursed under his breath.
"She lost consciousness before we arrived," William added.
I looked at the back seat again. "Was someone with her?"
"Your brother was with her."
I nodded. If she had been alone, I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself. But she had Rob. Rob would have taken care of her. She would have felt safe with him. She would have felt safer with you. I tried to shake the thought out of my head. Damn it. Why now? Of all the times for this to happen, why did it have to happen the one day I was out of town? I clenched my hand into a fist. I wanted to go back in time.
The image of her asking me to stay at the wedding popped into my head. She had asked me not to go. Why hadn't I listened? What the fuck was wrong with me? I wanted to surprise her, but why hadn't I realized she was begging me to stay? Did she know something was wrong then? Had she been in pain? The thought made me feel paralyzed. She didn't want a surprise. She just wanted to spend time with me.
I looked at the back seat again. She was in pain now. And it didn't matter that Rob had been with her. Rob wasn't me. She needed me and I wasn't there. I vowed to catch her every time she fell. I promised her. I had failed her.
"Is Scarlett still at the apartment?" I asked.
"Yes. No one could get a hold of you to ask you what to do. Apparently she won't stop crying."
I tried to take a deep breath. My daughter needed reassurance. I pulled out my phone to call Ellen, but stopped myself. Fuck. I needed reassurance. I couldn't call them to calm them down when I could barely breathe. "Go a different way," I said as William started to approach stopped traffic.
"I'll try, Mr. Hunter."
Another car honked at us as William cut them off.
"Was Penny asking for me?" I didn't really want to know the answer. Even if she hadn't been asking for me, I knew she needed me. I let her down.
William didn't respond as he slammed on the brakes, unable to avoid the stopped cars.
"Was she asking for me?" I repeated.
"She asked Rob to take care of her family. She kept saying she was scared."
I shook my head and unbuckled my seatbelt. She was thinking about me even though she was in pain. She was selfless. She was perfect. God, she had to be okay.
"It's three miles away, Mr. Hunter."
I ignored him as I pushed opened the door. I slammed it closed and started running. Normally the summer heat in the middle of the day would bother me. Running in a suit would bother me. But all I could feel was my heart. It fucking hurt. I let her down. She needed me and I wasn't there. Please be okay, baby.
***
I pushed through the doors of the hospital, gasping for air. "Penny Hunter!" I said before I even approached the front desk. "Penny Hunter," I said a little louder as I ran over to the woman who looked bored out of her mind. Again, I found it jarring that the whole world wasn't in pain like me. Everyone should have been breaking. Everyone. Yet no one seemed to understand the extent of what was happening.
"Penny Hunter," the woman said as she typed the name into her computer. "Third floor. She's still in surgery."
"What happened?"
She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know, sir. Are you related to the patient?"
"I'm her husband."
"Okay, great. If you could just sign in and we'll give you a wristband."
I didn't have time for this nonsense. My wife was in surgery. She had just said that. Didn't she realize how ridiculous her request was after what she had just told me? I ran over to the elevators and slammed my fist against the arrow pointing up.
"You need a wristband, sir!" she called after me.
Fuck you. I ignored her. When the doors didn't immediately open, I looked around for the staircase. I sprinted over to it and took the stairs two at a time. I burst through the door and into a waiting room. Familiar faces turned toward me. My father. Daphne. But Rob didn't look up. He was sitting with his elbows on his knees. Daphne was rubbing his back.
"Is she okay?" I asked. But I knew she wasn't. By the way they were looking at me, I just knew the love of my life was dying. I could feel my body turning cold. It was like I could feel her pain. And the weight of it was unbearable.
Mascara was smudged under Daphne's eyes, tears dried on her cheeks. She pressed her lips together, unable to answer me. But I could read her expression pretty clearly. It was one of loss. Insufferable loss. The kind of loss that I knew would kill me.
God, Penny. Someone fucking say something!
Rob shook his head as he slowly looked up at me. "I don't know. They won't tell us anything. All I know is tha
t they said they were trying to deliver the baby. But that was half an hour ago. We haven't heard anything else."
The baby. I looked down at his dress shirt and pants. He was covered in blood. My wife's blood. I didn't care about the baby. Why were they talking about the baby? It didn't matter. I wanted to know how my wife was. "I didn't ask about the baby, I asked about her. Someone fucking say something!" I was losing it. The side of my face started twitching with agitation. A feeling I hadn't experienced since meeting Penny. A nervous tick that made me aware of just how quickly I was losing control. A feeling I used to numb.
"Why don't you sit down," Daphne said. "I'll go talk to the nurse at the front desk again."
I shook my head and stepped back from them. Why weren't they telling me? God, how bad was it?
"Son, take a seat," my dad said, placing his hand on my shoulder. "I'm sure the doctor will be out in a moment. We just have to wait. We've told you everything we know."
Fuck that. "I need to know if she's okay."
"She's not okay," Rob said. "She died in my arms and you weren't there. She stopped breathing. They're not saying anything because they're trying to deliver the baby before it dies too. Because her body is no longer supporting it."
"Robert," my dad said sternly. "That's enough."
She can't be dead. I shook my head. I put my hand on the side of my face where my eye wouldn't stop twitching. It felt like my feet were melting into the floor.
"Where were you, James?" Rob said as he abruptly stood up. He walked toward me. "You piece of shit!" He shoved me hard.
"Robert!" my dad said more sternly and grabbed the back of Rob's collar. "Sit down." He pushed him away from me.
"Rob," Daphne said and grabbed his arm. "This isn't the time or place for this."
But Rob was right. He should shove me. I had nothing to say. I felt like shit. I let Penny down. "She can't be dead." I shook my head. "She can't be." I shook my head again. I wanted Rob to shove me again. I wanted him to hit me. I needed to feel the pain. I clenched my hand into a fist. I needed to feel the pain she was feeling.
My dad grabbed my arm and pulled me to the front desk. "Her husband is here now. Can't you give updates to him?"