The Single Mums' Book Club

by Victoria Cooke

  ‘I’m going after her,’ I say. Carly’s jaw drops but I don’t have time to reconsider. People need to stop assuming and start finding out facts. If there’s one thing I hate it’s messy accounts that don’t add up and right now, the deficit on her account is the only thing not tied up neatly. I’m new(ish). I can get away with this.

  As I fly through the door, I spot her heading down the high street in the direction of the bakery. There’s no mistaking her pink jacket and the fluffy white tail of her rabbit poking out from under her armpit – if the Barbie Dreamhouse had a beacon, she’d be it.

  ‘Ms Dalton?’ I shout as I get close enough. She turns around and her head jerks back in surprise. It’s a moment before she plasters on her huge trademark smile.

  ‘Everything all right?’ She tucks the rabbit tighter underneath her arm and I wonder if she thinks I’ve come to steal it.

  ‘Er, yes.’ I smile broadly. ‘I just realised after you left, that I forgot to charge you for the appointment.’ I flick my hand in the air in an attempt to seem ditsy.

  Her body stiffens. ‘Oh, love, you’re new so Eddy probably hasn’t told you about me. We’re an item.’

  I frown. I’d gathered they were more than just friends, but an item? It’s not the impression I’d got but I suppose Edward’s private life is just that, and if he doesn’t want to share details with his bookkeeper, that’s perfectly fine. ‘Ahh, okay. So Edward doesn’t charge you?’

  She giggles. ‘I pay in other ways if you know what I mean.’

  Oh, God. I didn’t need to know that. Those words are now etched in my mind where they’ll stay for all eternity. ‘Oh … that’s fine. I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to get into any trouble for forgetting to charge a client.’ My voice is at least an octave higher than normal and my temples are pulsating.

  ‘If that’s everything, I’ve got to go. I want to get some cream buns from the bakery before they sell out. You can have a lot of fun with a cream bun if you catch my drift?’ She winks and then she’s off.

  My ‘too much information’ sensor is on red alert and I’m not sure where to file the mental images currently assaulting me. I’m going to need a course of hypnotherapy to forget all that. Perhaps it would have been cheaper just covering her bill for her.

  Chapter 29

  ‘Cream cake, anyone?’ Janey chirps.

  I stare at the three cream horns on the kitchen table and almost retch.

  ‘Don’t you like them?’ Janey frowns.

  All I can see is the image of Stacy licking one seductively as she holds them in front of her chest à la Madonna circa 1990 whilst Edward looks on and … just … no. ‘Think I’m in the mood for something savoury. Thank you though – I’ll have mine later.’

  Janey shrugs and she and Amanda each take one. The kids are in bed and we’ve met to talk about Pet Sematary. As they bite into their horns, thick cream oozes out.

  ‘I think I heard Henry cry out. I’ll just go and check on him,’ I say and run upstairs to the bathroom where I stand staring at myself in the mirror.

  ‘Get a grip, you silly woman,’ I say to my reflection. I look older than I picture myself looking. My eye bags are puffier than they feel like they should be and the fine lines on my forehead now cease to disappear when I relax my muscles. It’s funny how your brain doesn’t seem to age at the same rate as your skin and hair.

  ‘It’s just a bloody cream cake,’ I say, remembering I’ve come in here to pull myself together. What two grown people do with their baked goods is none of my business. I check on the kids who are all fast asleep and then go back downstairs. Janey and Amanda have cracked open a bottle of grapefruit-flavoured gin and Amanda is just adding the tonic. I’m pleased to see their cream horns have been reduced to just a few meagre crumbs.

  ‘Everything okay?’ Janey asks, popping some ice from the tray and dropping it into the three highball tumblers she’s lined up.

  ‘Yes. False alarm.’

  ‘Get this down your neck,’ Janey says.

  We start discussing the book and whilst Janey and Amanda agree it wasn’t as scary as they thought, I remain silent.

  ‘Creepy yes, atmospheric, certainly but scary? Nah. I never once looked at my kids warily,’ Janey says.

  ‘I must admit, I enjoyed it far more than I thought I would,’ Amanda replies. ‘What about you, Stephanie?’

  I start to feel quite hot. ‘I don’t know where to start,’ I say, not sure how to confess I didn’t read it.

  ‘Did you like the writing?’ Amanda prompts.

  ‘Well, it is King.’ I laugh but I can tell by how hot my face is that it must be bright red. ‘Listen. There’s something I have to tell you both.’

  ‘You didn’t read it?’ Janey rolls her eyes.

  ‘No, but … I couldn’t.’

  Janey’s eyes travel to the side table, where my copy of the book is. She frowns.

  ‘I couldn’t bring myself to, I mean.’ My hands ball up in my lap, each word on the tip of my tongue a circus clown; ridiculous and silly. ‘I’m terrified of the night.’

  Amanda and Janey don’t say anything. I’m not sure how much time passes before Janey speaks up. ‘Oh, Steph? Why didn’t you say you didn’t want to read it? You must know we’d understand.’

  I shrug. ‘I suppose I wanted to give it a go. I only got to the bit where the college guy died at the beginning and had to put it down. The truth is, I sleep with the light on, if I can sleep at all, and it takes a lot for me to go outside when it is dark.’

  I go on to explain about my mum and how it’s affected me. Before long I find myself in floods of tears telling them all about how I’ve always wanted the family I never had.

  When I finish, I realise I haven’t been able to look at either of them. When I do, their tears surprise me. Amanda has a tissue pressed to her face and Janey’s mascara has smudged beneath her eyes.

  ‘I can’t believe you never told us any of this before,’ Janey says moving to my side.

  ‘It’s not something I share often.’ The words come out tight. My insides feel bound and coiled. ‘My family were the sort who didn’t discuss anything negative. It was all bottled up or swept under the carpet.’

  ‘Oh, love. Have you ever had any sort of professional help?’ Janey asks softly.

  I shake my head. ‘It wasn’t so bad when Mike was here. It just happened every now and again but since being the only adult in the house, things have got worse.’

  ‘I must admit, I’ve never been through anything quite like you have, Stephanie, but since George passed, I often feel a bit uneasy at night. You must call me if you ever feel on edge, no matter what the time.’

  I tell her I will. The warmth that spreads through me now is quite unlike the prickly heat that seared me earlier. It’s comforting and laced with a feeling of acceptance. It’s no longer something to be ashamed of.

  ‘Anyway. The book, you two should carry on talking about it,’ I say, uncomfortable with the attention.

  Janey stares into her gin. ‘I have something to tell you both.’

  I get a pang of guilt for not speaking to her sooner. Every time I asked about her and Jimmy, she brushed me off or we were interrupted but I should have tried harder.

  ‘I think my marriage is over.’ Her hands tighten around the glass but she doesn’t cry.

  ‘Janey,’ Amanda says in a tone that speaks so many words.

  ‘Yeah …’ Janey tails off. ‘I told you how he wasn’t interested in me or the kids? Well, I tried to involve him, I tried letting him know how I felt, telling him what I wanted from him and all of that. I asked him out to dinner and … nothing. It didn’t make any sense to me.’

  I give her a look of sympathy but I don’t have any words that can make her feel better.

  ‘Anyway, it seemed odd. Even the most slovenly man on the planet would make an effort for their wife if they gave them an ultimatum, wouldn’t they?’ she continues. ‘So when the kids were at school last week, I followed h
im. He had a job in Manchester with his new apprentice, Alex, and I thought I’d just go and see what has him behaving this way. I get that fitting carpets and running a business is hard graft and tiring so … I don’t know, I guess I wanted to see for myself and try to understand his day.’

  My stomach tightens; I have a bad feeling about this.

  ‘Anyway that’s when I saw him and Alex kissing outside the shop they were working on.’

  ‘Jimmy is gay?’ I blurt then instantly regret missing the real point; he’s having an affair.

  Janey frowns. ‘Oh, no. Alex is a girl. A very young, very pretty female carpet fitter.’

  ‘Jesus,’ I whisper.

  ‘Janey, I’m so sorry.’

  ‘So I confronted him and he swore it was a one-off. He said they’d had a bit of a laugh together and one thing led to another but it was a mistake.’ She clenches her jaw but it isn’t enough to stop the tell-tale wobble of her chin.

  ‘Oh, Janey, honey. What do you think you’re going to do about it?’ Amanda soothes.

  She shrugs but it’s far from nonchalant. Her whole body sort of caves in on itself before breaking into heaving sobs.

  ‘You don’t need to decide now. You need time to think.’ I rub her back and, admittedly, I’m struggling to control my own emotions. How dare he treat her this way!

  She wipes her face with her sleeve and forces a smile. ‘Let’s not waste our girls’ night talking about him.’ Then, she claps her hands together like she’s drawn a line under it but another tear rolls down her cheek.

  ‘That bastard, making you feel like a needy wife when all this time …’ I don’t even finish. What good is it? ‘Well, you have us now.’

  With that, she smiles. ‘I do. And that’s all I need.’

  We spend some time comforting Janey, talking her through the logistics and we work on a plan of what and how to tell the children. By the time we’ve finished, she seems her strong, determined self again, evidenced by the fact she’s asked us to move to the kitchen so there’s easier access to food and gin.

  ‘Right, so what are we reading next, ladies? I need to know more than ever that we’ll be meeting up next month to discuss a book and a reading commitment will distract me.’

  Amanda presses her palms together and shuffles forward. ‘I think we need something with strong women who overcome struggles; women who don’t want to fit stereotypes; women who are genuine and open.’

  ‘That’s quite the intro, Amanda,’ Janey teases.

  ‘I know you’re not a fan of classics, Janey, but I’m thinking Little Women.’ A huge smile breaks out across Amanda’s face. ‘We can even watch the film after we’ve read the book, which means we get a movie night to look forward to as well.’

  ‘How about we just watch the film?’ Janey replies. She’s rifling through my cupboards chucking the kids’ snacks left and right.

  ‘No! We’re reading it,’ I say and Amanda agrees. ‘Hungry?’ I ask when Janey’s rifling continues.

  ‘Starving! Must be the gin,’ she says shoving aside a pack of Sour Cream and Onion Pringles.

  ‘What’s wrong with those?’ I ask, knowing full well they’re the best my cupboards have to offer.

  ‘Pairing is important,’ she says, still rummaging. She takes out a tin of golden syrup that’s so old, the tin has started to rust. ‘Bin?’ she asks and I nod.

  ‘Pairing is a bit posh for us isn’t it?’ I ask, sipping my gin. ‘We’re happy with a packet of Walkers and a bottle of Blossom Hill normally.’

  ‘Grapefruit gin – delicious. Grapefruit gin paired with Sour Cream and Onion Pringles – notes of cowpat. You mark my words. Try it if you don’t believe me.’

  By now I’m intrigued. Janey isn’t one to let things go easily but I’ve never seen her so hell-bent on finding the right snack and drink combination. ‘All right.’

  I sip my gin, eat a few crisps and sip a bit more, then breathe out through my nose. ‘Dear God it does.’ It’s a sticky, thick aftertaste with definite undertones of farmers’ fields.

  ‘I need to see for myself,’ Amanda says reaching across the table for the packet. ‘That’s so peculiar. Definite notes of manure coming through.’

  Janey folds her arms smugly. ‘See.’

  ‘Is it just the Whitley and Neill gin or does it happen with any grapefruit gin?’ Amanda asks apparently more intrigued than she should be.

  ‘Not sure. I stumbled across the anomaly last Christmas.’

  ‘You sort of get used to it,’ I say, taking another crisp. ‘It’s testament to how addictive these things are.’

  ‘Anyway. How’s everything at work this week? Edward still handsome is he?’ Janey asks.

  ‘Why are you bringing him up?’

  ‘Because your little face lights up whenever you hear his name and I like seeing that happen.’

  I narrow my eyes. ‘I will admit there’s something about him.’

  Both Amanda and Janey shuffle forward on their chairs.

  ‘That’s it. There’s something about him.’

  ‘And?’ Amanda asks.

  ‘And he’s my boss and he’s seeing someone. To be honest, I’ve enjoyed his company and he’s easy on the eyes but the best thing about any attraction I’ve felt is that it’s nothing more than a distraction for the everyday shit show that is my life. I’m actually glad that nothing can come of it because it would just complicate things even more and I’ve only just found my new normal.’

  ‘Spoilsport,’ Janey says.

  ‘If my bakery visits and cat-hunting exploits are the only excitement in your life, you already have nothing,’ I tease.

  ‘Touché.’

  ‘I need to see this Edward guy. I’ve always taken my dog to a vet near Manchester so I think I’m the only person around here who hasn’t seen this dreamboat?’ Amanda’s use of the word dreamboat raises eyebrows from both me and Janey.

  ‘There are a few pictures on Facebook. Hang on.’ I grab my phone off the side and start searching through the photographs on the vet’s page. I find the one Stacy liked all that time ago – the one with the spaniel and his easy smile. The skin around his eyes is crinkled and his teeth shine a clean white. He looks good in the pictures. ‘Here.’

  Amanda takes the phone and studies the image for a moment. ‘Okay, things make sense now and in completely unrelated news, I’m getting a new vet.’ Janey and I laugh softly and, as I take the phone back, I can’t resist a second glance.

  ‘How serious is this relationship he’s in?’ Amanda asks.

  I fiddle with the empty Pringles container. ‘Not sure. He doesn’t talk much about his private life but she was pretty clear about it being quite serious.’ That gets me thinking. She was happy to tell me, a virtual stranger, all about hers and Edward’s naughty sex life but he’s not at all like that. I think he’d be horrified to discover what she told me. The whole thing with them seems so odd but each to their own I guess.

  When I’ve tidied the kitchen and got myself ready for bed I get beneath the covers and sip a cup of tea. Absent-mindedly, I open the Facebook app and the photo of Edward stares back at me. Before I know what I’m doing I brush my thumb gently over his face. It’s ridiculous. I’m ridiculous. Stacy isn’t right for him and I’m sure he’s only with her out of convenience but I have no right to be analysing their relationship. Do I think I’m better than Stacy? No, of course not. Do I think Edward deserves better? How the hell do I know?

  Am I jealous?

  Chapter 30

  Edward has asked me to go back into work after closing time to go over the accounts for the year-end. We might have to work quite late but at least he’s promised a takeaway. Mike was surprisingly happy to be called over at the last minute. Perhaps it was the stress of having a secret girlfriend that was making him behave like an utter twat after all. I change into jeans and a thin grey jumper for comfort and freshen up a bit before heading back to work. When I get there Edward is sitting behind the reception desk staring
at the computer screen. His jacket is slung over the back of the wheelie chair and he’s loosened off his tie. He doesn’t acknowledge me when I walk in, which is unlike him.

  ‘Hi,’ I say, tentatively.

  ‘Steph.’ He looks startled. ‘Sorry, I was miles away. Accounts and I do not mix.’

  I give him a warm smile and head over to the chair next to him. ‘That’s why I’m here.’

  ‘I haven’t even managed to log in,’ he says gesturing to the screen.

  ‘Don’t be too hard on yourself. You performed emergency surgery on a dog today and saved his life and I couldn’t even hold Ruby the cat still whilst you felt her tummy. We all have our skills.’ I lean across him and enter the password.

  ‘How long do we have until we need to send these over to your accountant?’

  ‘A few weeks.’

  ‘That’s plenty of time.’

  ‘I know but they always come back with a million queries that I can’t usually answer and then I ended up having to pay someone to come in and tidy everything up.’

  ‘You have me now.’ I catch his eye and he holds my gaze for a minute before nodding in acceptance. To be needed in this way gives me quite the thrill.

  I look at the current overview. ‘I think we should take a look at the debtors and try to chase payments to reduce our bad debt.’

  ‘We have bad debt?’ Edward frowns.

  ‘Not much and it’s not necessarily bad bad. Some patients haven’t completed their treatment and want to pay at the end. Some emergency cases turn up and the owner doesn’t have their wallet and then there are patients with discounts that haven’t been applied to the system.’

  ‘Discounts?’ Edward frowns again. ‘The only discount I give is to Crookney Farm and we spoke about that when we implemented the system.’

  ‘Yes, I know. Ten per cent.’

  Edward nods. ‘I don’t give anyone else any discounts.’

  I shuffle awkwardly and turn to face him. ‘Ms Dalton said she doesn’t pay for treatment.’

  Edward purses his lips. ‘I never said that to her.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Carly and I didn’t know what to do and you were busy and—’