Love, Lust & Friendship

by Elizabeth Stevens

  “Uh. How about letting her know her behaviour is despicable and she should be ashamed of herself?”

  Tate snorted. “Yeah. That’s not really my style, Ads.”

  I glared at him and the small amount of humour on his face fell.

  “Okay. I should have done something. And, now I am.”

  “What are you doing now?”

  “Coming to you.”

  “What am I meant to do? Last time I told her what I thought of her, Saint Basils’ biggest dillweed asked me out. And, see where that’s got me?”

  “Okay. But, you’re his best friend. You know what to do.”

  “About what?”

  Tate shrugged. “This girl stuff.”

  “Why? Because I’m a girl?”

  Tate looked at me like I was an idiot. “Because you get people, Addy. The rest of us don’t. You’re like our one link to the real world and actual people. We wouldn’t function without you.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You barely function now,” I muttered and we shared a smile.

  He came over and put his arms around me. “See? What would we do without you?”

  “Well, you seem to do fine.”

  I felt him shrug and sighed.

  “What am I supposed to do? Short of telling him his crush likes someone else, my hands are kind of tied.”

  “And, I take it that’s not a good plan?”

  “Firstly, if it was a good plan, you would have done it. Secondly, no! Oh, my God. Let’s just be thankful the girls you hook up with have less emotion than you, yeah?”

  “I have emotions,” he said with a wry lilt to his tone.

  “Emotions like a robot.”

  He snickered and rubbed my back. “How are you doing with everything, Ads?”

  “Is this you having emotions?”

  “Shut up,” he huffed a laugh. “How’s things?”

  “They’re weird but good at the same time.”

  “Kit’s behaving himself?”

  I felt myself flush now and was glad my face was in his chest so he wouldn’t see it. “I know what you’re referring to, and all you need to know is yes.”

  He gave me a squeeze before pulling away. “Not so innocent anymore, little Addison, eh?” He winked as he brushed a stray hair off my face.

  “Nope. I’ve got a standing membership to virgins-rn’t-us.”

  “Well good for you. He did it properly?”

  I snorted. “I don’t think I want to continue this long enough to know what properly is, dude.”

  He smiled – which for him was a minor tilting of his lips. “You were happy with it?”

  I shook my head. “Yes,” I laughed, then held a hand up to stop him saying any more when he opened his mouth. “Yes, Tate. He returned the favour, as it were. And, I’m only answering so you’ll stop asking. That is all you’re getting.”

  He gave me a crooked grin. “Okay. As long as he’s treating you right.”

  I nodded. “He is. I’m happy.”

  “But?”

  “It’s weird.”

  “Ander?”

  “Not just him.”

  Tate nodded. “Yeah. They’ll get over it.”

  “I hope so,” I sighed.

  Because I’d been hounded by popular girls all day, and Laney Hamilton in particular. It was quite frankly a miracle I wasn’t being followed by one now. They wanted to talk to me, they asked me stupid questions like what brand was my eyeliner and where did I get my belt. Based on movies and my limited experience, this was how girls bonded. But, I felt too idiotic to tell them I grabbed the cheapest eyeliner off the shelf in K-mart and Ander had probably found my belt in the menswear section – it was a little big.

  “They’re just all up in my business. They want me to sit with them. Like, what am I going to do? Braid each other’s hair and talk about boys?” I shuddered. If I wanted to talk about boys, I had friends to do that with.

  “So…” Tate started and I looked at him.

  He was wearing his best sultry look and I snorted. “I am not putting in a good word with Laney,” I told him, heading out of the classroom.

  “Why not?”

  “Firstly, do you not think you have more than enough girl troubles?”

  “There’s no such thing, Ads. Second?”

  I threw him a look as we walked down the hallway. “Second, I get far worse wobbly brain around her than you do.”

  It had been particularly awful that day because I had no idea why she was talking to me, it had happened more than once, and I’d had no warning. She’d just appeared in front of me and my brain may as well have wobbled right out my ears for all the control or self-assurance I could muster in front of her.

  “Oi, I called dibs.”

  “I don’t want her,” I scoffed. “You can have her.”

  “I plan to.”

  “Those dirty things again?”

  He huffed the closest he got to a laugh (not counting that one time). “Damn straight.”

  I snorted. “Right. I’ll see you tomorrow, then. Yeah?”

  “Ads, about the whole…thing?”

  I nodded. “What about it?”

  “I dunno. But, we’ll sort it, yeah?”

  I nodded again. “Yeah. We’ll sort it, Tate.”

  Tate gave me a grim mockery of a smile and headed off, leaving to add Ander to my worries about how Topher was going to react after that morning at the lockers as I wandered to his car.

  When I finally saw him heading towards the car, I gave myself the world’s shortest pep talk, walked towards him and kissed him in front of and heedless of whoever might have been in the carpark. He reacted instantly and my chest fluttered. He pulled away far too soon, but he was smiling.

  “What was that for?” he asked.

  “Your girlfriend not allowed to kiss you?”

  “She can kiss me whenever she likes. I just thought this was a little PDA for you.”

  “Can you not remind me?” I begged. “I’m sorry about earlier, Toph…”

  He sighed and hugged me tight. “No. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lost it just because Lex was in a mood.”

  We pulled away and he looked me over.

  “We good?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. We’re good.”

  “Good. Let’s go home. You want to drive?” He draped his arm around my shoulders as we walked to the car.

  “Not today.”

  He kissed my head. “All right, gorgeous. Hop in.”

  And, just like that, things were easy again. It was not lost on me that this thing with Topher was working fine. Despite all the misgivings that still rattled around in the back of my head, I was happy with this. It was just Ander who was making it a mess. So, I was somehow going to have to get him on board, as in properly on board. Not just saying it was okay and it being obviously not. If I couldn’t, I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. All I knew was that losing Ander wasn’t an option.

  I also didn’t know what I was supposed to do about the Tess mess. But, I guessed I’d just have to take one hurdle at a time.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  I took it all back. Dating wasn’t easy. Dating was hard.

  Well, no so much the being with Topher part. That was easy. When it was just the two of us, it worked. I was comfortable with him and I felt like I could be myself. It was when you started adding other people to the mix that things got messy.

  And, the people who wanted part of the mix most were Topher’s friends; the popular kids, most of which were Year 12s, and the leader of whom was Laney who sent my brain to wobbly-ville as soon as I saw her walking towards me. I had not been above escaping to the toilets more than once.

  Tuesday was crazy. I was inundated with people talking to me at Recess and I got so caught up that the bell for lessons rang and I still hadn’t escaped. Ander was a little awkward in lessons after I told him what happened, but he was starting to thaw out
by Lunch.

  Which was of course when Laney Hamilton came up to me and started talking to me like we were old friends. And, typical me went right into wobbly brain mode around her. I was smiling and giggling so much I didn’t even know what she’d been saying. So, there was no way I was trying to slip any mention about Tate in there. I managed to completely forget she was a clique-obsessed, snooty cow and did my darndest to fall all over her. Naturally, Ander saw and I could tell he was not impressed. So, I made the fastest escape I could and had to tell Tate once again I was not his avenue to Laney Hamilton’s pants.

  Ander was obviously not impressed with me. He acted like we all knew we were pretending everything was fine, but everything was not fine. And, every time I tried to bring it up, he was having none of it. He’d just give me a sorry excuse for a smile and tell me it was fine. He was just surprised by the popular kids’ response, but it was fine.

  Wednesday was just as good. Recess, I managed to get away from the popular girls, but they all kept talking to me through the day. And Lunch was a catastrophe when Laney physically hauled off to their spot on the quad to hang out. Topher was understandably surprised to see me, but he welcomed me with literal open arms and I think he kind of enjoyed showering me in affection and making it totally obvious that we were together.

  I stayed there mainly because Laney talked at me incessantly and disappointing Topher by leaving then felt harder than seeing the disappointment on Ander’s face later. Either way, it felt like I was still having to pick one brother over the other and I wasn’t sure how I could get out of that.

  That night, Ander was stilted, claimed he had a head ache and a report due for Mr Rawlins. I tried to talk to him, but he said he was busy. So, he spent the night in his room and I spent it downstairs with Aunt Jelly, then in Topher’s room. I told myself I wasn’t choosing that time, because Ander had shut me out. I wasn’t sure how much I believed myself; it certainly didn’t make me feel any better.

  Thursday was no better and it seemed that topping the list of people who wanted nothing to do with the mix was Ander, which added a lot more mess and complication than it relieved.

  The day started off really well with Ander leaving the house before me. Aunt Jelly and Topher looked at me in surprise and I’d tried to shrug it off. Topher offered me a ride to school and I really didn’t have any other choice but to accept.

  And, every time I saw Ander and tried to talk to him, he brushed me off with a snide sarcasm he could only have learnt from Tate. I hung out awkwardly with my boys at Recess, but everyone knew that Ander wasn’t really talking to me even though he made a good show of saying everything was fine. So, I sat with Will, who let me eat most of his biscuits to try to cheer me up, while the other boys did their usual whatever.

  So, at Lunch, when Laney grabbed me, I fought less. And, I stood around even more awkwardly as they tried to get me to talk about makeup and boys and whatever hot actor was the latest craze. But, I just wasn’t into it. Topher had chosen that day to not stick by my side, so I could only watch while he was on the other side of the quad with Brad, smiling whenever he looked at me so he didn’t think anything was wrong.

  At the end of day, I had Tate come up to me to give me a right hiding about what was going on. He did finish the conversation with explaining he understood my dilemma and that they missed us and I needed to stop being a popular twat and come back to where I belonged. I told him I was trying and that it was hard when Ander didn’t even want me there and to just keep an eye on him for me.

  Things were so bad, I considered going to my parents’. But, I figured that if I was at the Hendersons’ then I had more chance of talking to Ander. But, no dice.

  Friday. Still no good. Ander was snapping at me on the occasions he was forced to talk to me and I was still being dragged to the quad to hang out with the popular kids. And, Laney Hamilton freaked me out far too much to suggest more than once that I had to go talk to Ander, plus I saw the look on Topher’s face when he’d heard me and I was back to choosing between the brothers again and there was no right choice.

  That day, both Will and Derek found me at different points and told me they missed me, too. I told them the feeling was mutual. When Derek suggested that sides might need to be taken, I told them in no uncertain terms to side with Ander. I wish I could say they put up more of a fight. But, at least their loyalties were in the right place.

  And, where were mine?

  I tried talking to Ander, tried to make things normal, tried to get him to talk to me. But, he wasn’t interested. He brushed me off with snide comments, or told me he was busy, or just acted like I was the least important person in his life.

  Something had to give. And, at the rate everything was going, I was pretty sure it was going to be me.

  ****

  Did I call or did I just message? I stared at my phone screen for so long I had to turn it back on four times.

  Finally, I bit the bullet and called.

  She picked up on the third ring. “Addy, darling?”

  I still felt conflicted at the sound of that. “Hey…Mum.”

  “How are you?” she asked, actually sounding like she cared for once.

  “Um…” How was I? I was fighting with the love of my life without there actually being an argument. I was falling hard for his brother with no best friend, no backup, and no parachute. Popular kids were talking to me. And, my mother was suddenly showing an interest. I had no idea how I was. “I’m fine. How are you?”

  “Great. Did you make a decision about tomorrow?”

  I nodded, forgetting she couldn’t see me. “Uh, yeah. About that. I’m… Something’s come up and I’m just not free.” Did that work as an excuse when your only real commitments were school and your friends (who weren’t really talking to you anyway)?

  “Oh. That’s fine, darling. I understand. Another time maybe?”

  “Sure. I’ll…see what I’ve got on.”

  “That sounds good. Oh. You’re father’s been delayed so he won’t be home until Monday week, now.”

  I nodded again. “No. Sure. Okay. Well, I’ll see you then, if not earlier.”

  “Wonderful,” and she actually sounded like she meant it, “I’ll see you then. Ciao, darling.”

  She hung up and I looked at my phone. No berating. No insulting. Not even a single tone of disappointment. I felt like I’d fallen into some messed up fantasy land where the love of my life was suddenly the bad guy and the evil witch was suddenly the fairy godmother.

  Not liking this world gone topsy-turvy, I went to find Ander. He was in the living room, playing games by himself. When he saw me, he shut it off mid-game and got up.

  “Are you going out?” I asked him.

  He wouldn’t look at me. “Uh, yeah. I was going to…” He pointed aimlessly like that was an explanation.

  “Where are you going?”

  He shrugged. “Skate park.”

  “Oh. I’ll come?”

  “Don’t cancel plans on account of me.”

  Well, I had. But, not the plans I assumed he was talking about. “I don’t have any plans.”

  “Oh, Topher busy today?”

  “No.” Was he? “I don’t know.”

  “Laney hasn’t called to invite you shopping or to do your nails?”

  “What? No.”

  “Well, wouldn’t want to be busy if she does, would you?”

  I blinked. “In what universe do I want to go shopping or get my nails done? And, with Laney of all people?”

  “Isn’t that what girls do with their besties?”

  “Are you listening to yourself?”

  “I have to go, Ads.” He paused and fidgeted. “I’m meeting…someone.”

  “Oh, this magical mystery someone you won’t talk to me about?” I asked him.

  “It’s new. I don’t want to jinx it.”

  “It’s not new, it’s been going on for like three weeks!”

&nb
sp; “You didn’t tell me about Topher for longer.”

  I huffed. “Topher and I weren’t…doing anything on purpose. And, I did tell you we kissed.”

  “Once. You told me you kissed once. Then you went ahead and kept kissing him until you felt guilty enough to talk to me about it. I gave you your space, Addy. The least you can do is do the same for me.”

  “Babe–”

  “I have to go.” He stormed out and didn’t even take his skateboard.

  And, he was no better on Sunday. I had stayed with Topher the night before, but when Ander hadn’t been home before I was yawning, I’d decided to just give him the space he so clearly desired and deal with it the next day. But, that seemed to have been the wrong choice.

  “He’ll be fine,” Topher said, kissing my temple as we moved about the kitchen getting toast and coffee and whatever else we’d always done first thing in the morning.

  I nodded. “Will he?”

  “Hey,” Aunt Jelly said, coming into the kitchen and yawning impressively. “What is up with Lex, Christopher? He’s in a right foul mood lately.”

  Topher and I shared a look and Aunt Jelly sighed knowingly. Topher pointed his peanut butter knife at her.

  “Oh, no. Don’t go doing that, Aunt Jel,” he warned.

  “What?” she shrugged and looked around. “I wasn’t doing anything.”

  “Hey. Don’t make this about us. Okay?”

  Aunt Jelly and I were the ones who shared a look this time and Topher looked between us.

  “What?” he asked.

  “Hun, of course it’s about you.”

  “But, he said he was fine with it,” Topher said, dropping his hand.

  Aunt Jelly smiled sympathetically. “Oh, hun.” She went over and hugged him. “All right, let me get into annoying adult mode for a bit. You guys are all teenagers and hormones abound, yeah? It’s just taking some getting used to and we’re all dealing with it in different ways.”

  “You seem to be dealing fine. Addy and I are dealing fine,” Topher said.

  But, I thought I knew what Aunt Jelly was getting at. And, the last week with the popular jackasses hadn’t helped any. No matter what he said, Ander thought I was yet another girl who’d picked his brother over him. And, I totally saw why he thought that, even if it hadn’t been intentional. I just didn’t know how to fix it.