Alyona's Voice

by Joan Shirley-Davies

  A harrowing memory, long since imprisoned and locked down tightly at the back of Claudia’s mind, presented itself as a possibility, a very strong one that would silence her mother once and for all. But could she equal Elsa Hamilton’s guile? Fight dirty like she did? Use blackmail with such cold precision that would bring her mother tumbling down, along with one other objectionable person. Could she carry it out, coldly, unemotionally and still live with herself afterwards? Her body shivered at the prospect, and she couldn’t even bring herself to make a note on her pad. She gritted her teeth and thrust the ugly matter back into its cerebral prison, then locked it down again. There was no plan A, no plan B, and plan zero wasn’t even brought to the table. She could almost hear Elsa Hamilton’s voice, feel her closing in. A blast of intense anxiety hit Claudia’s lungs, and a bitter concoction of fear, anger and frustration suddenly pumped through her veins. She leapt from her chair and paced about the kitchen, clamped her hands to her chest. Flashes of memory from her accident began to gang up on her, and she re-lived that moment she took a leap of faith from Tony’s car as it began to roll down the Rowmont Ridge. The doctors warned her she might have reactions like this, but knowing that it was normal was no comfort at all. She left the cottage, ran down the steps, along the cobbled path and on towards the pool. There she stopped. Nobody was around to see her in this terrible state. The pool looked calm and soothing, she dived in. The sound, as she entered the water, rushed past her ears, like a gust of wind, and then it was silent as she glided for a few perfectly peaceful moments, eyes closed, so that no sensations distracted her from the feeling of being far away from the world. All she could feel was the caress of the water on her flesh. Then with a burst of energy, she emerged, and her arms reached ahead, each in turn, to propel her body and push her frustration into her wake. The urge to swim faster overcame her, and her limbs worked harder. After several laps, she felt the tug on her lungs and the pain in her abdomen. She clutched her stomach, coughed and choked out the water that lapped into her mouth. She used her free hand to scull to the side of the pool.

  A strong hand gripped her arm, then slid around her back and carried her to the steps, where she sat down. For some time, she continued to gasp and cough. At last it passed, and she was calm.

  ‘That was impressive,’ Eliot said as he sat by her side.

  Claudia groaned. ‘Stupid more like, I haven’t done anything so athletic since before I had Justin.’ She grimaced at the pain that lingered in her abdomen. ‘You won’t tell on me, will you?’

  ‘Course not. It’s not as if I plunged in fully clothed to help you. At least I’m dressed for it.’

  Claudia looked at his naked shoulders, ‘That’s more than I can say.’

  ‘So…what was that all about?’

  ‘You’re way too perceptive.’ She paused a moment and then said, ‘I felt overwhelmed. My thoughts got a bit crazy.’

  ‘Reaction from the accident,’ Eliot said. ‘You’ll still get that. When’s Fraser coming back?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘He’s frustrated as hell.’

  ‘About what?’

  ‘He wants to support you so you can write your book. He believes you deserve it. Hasn’t he spoken to you about it?’

  ‘Kind of but…’

  ‘There’s no shame in being sponsored, particularly by the wealthy father of your child.’ Eliot continued tentatively. ‘Your accident shook him. It hit all of us, but Fraser was in a bad way. He was very controlled when he was with Justin, but you could see it was taking everything he’d got. He was even making plans to take care of you for good.’

  ‘Care for me? What do you mean?’

  ‘He thought you might have suffered permanent damage, at the very least, some kind of memory loss. It happened to me, so it was natural he’d think about it. He was scared, really scared. Thought you wouldn’t know him or Justin. But you’d still need him, and he was going to be there for you. He even asked me to help him find a house.’

  ‘I didn’t know that,’ Claudia said, and a wave of guilt came over her.

  ‘I’m not saying you should do him any favours, but don’t be afraid to accept what he can give you. It’s not about money or control, it’s about creating opportunities for you to explore who you are, use your talent because he can do that for you. That’s why Tony’s getting rid of the relics at last, to give Lizzy something way more valuable than expensive gifts. That studio will enhance her life and give her some space, an opportunity to be who she wants to be―who she should be.’ He expelled an affectionate laugh, ‘That guy has got so much love in him for Lizzy.’

  ‘I know. Don’t you have somebody?’

  ‘How could I get involved with a Lizzy or a Claudia, when I don’t know what happened in Cape Town?’

  ‘It was an accident, wasn’t it?’

  ‘I don’t know. Maybe I leapt from a runaway car, like you did. Goodness knows why it only took three weeks out of my life, but I’m thankful that’s all it was. Can you imagine a life of married bliss suddenly being wrenched apart by the discovery of something really terrible? What if I’d hurt somebody?’

  ‘Oh, come on! You wouldn’t do anything really bad. You can’t deny yourself love or marriage because of it.’

  Eliot put his arm around her shoulders. ‘Thanks for that. I’m the only one of the cousins who looked forward to family life.’

  Claudia leapt to her feet and said, ‘I can hear voices. I don’t want to be caught out in these wet clothes.’

  Eliot got up, stepped into the water and then turned back. ‘You could accept Fraser’s offer, write your book and spend more time with Justin. What’s not to like about that?’ He plunged into the pool.

  Claudia’s conversation with Eliot surprised her. Fraser had never discussed the accident at all, let alone the plan he had to care for her, even though she wouldn’t recognise him. Her mind tossed around the idea that she had jumped to conclusions about the phone call. Why should she assume that it was a woman? It could have been about a house, Eliot said he was looking. Fraser was keeping it from her at this stage so he would have been secretive about it. It could have been the police, called to ask more questions about what happened at Rowmont.

  Claudia showered again, put on a robe and flopped on the bed. She wasn’t given to napping in the daytime and was very surprised when she woke up to find that she had slept for four hours. Not so long ago that was a whole night’s sleep. It was quiet downstairs, so she took her time over getting ready for dinner. Having chosen a maxi skirt, she considered a simple top, only to find that her shoulder was still bruised. If Fraser really had a bad time over her accident, she didn’t want to worry him by the lingering evidence of it. A silky tunic blouse with sleeves seemed a better option. Makeup was called for, especially as she had time to apply it carefully. A silver pendant that Lennie gave her, before he left the series, seemed a perfect addition.

  The anticipation of seeing Fraser made her feel happy, and she began to behave like a woman expecting her man home.

  At the top of the stairs, Claudia suddenly stopped, transfixed at the sight of Fraser, where he stood in the open doorway. He held a long, gold box in the crook of his arm, Champagne. A small gift bag hung over his wrist, and he wore a full beam of a smile.

  The sight of him plunged her back in time, to one of those evenings when he had just turned up out of the blue.

  She had answered his familiar rap at the door, fixed her bluffing mechanism in place, composed herself and smiled at him.

  ‘No date tonight then?’ she said lightly, as she stood back to let him in.

  ‘I didn’t want a date, I wanted to see you. I brought Champagne.’

  ‘So I see. How did you know I’d be home?’

  He pressed a careless kiss on her cheek and said, ‘You’re always home.’

  ‘One day I won’t be,’ she warned as she went to the kitchen. She returned with a napkin, two glasses and put them on the coffee table. ‘What will yo
u do then, hmm?’

  ‘Sit on your doorstep and get rolling drunk to drown my bitter disappointment.’

  ‘No, you wouldn’t. I’m sure one bottle wouldn’t do it anyway.’ She fixed her eyes on him as he eased the cork from the bottle. ‘You’re all pumped up and fizzy,’ she said.

  Fraser frowned as if she had insulted him. ‘Pumped up and fizzy?’

  ‘I suppose you’ve pulled off one of your risky punts.’ She often did that, levelled him with honesty when he got too big-sorted.

  ‘Risky punts?’

  ‘Stop repeating what I say. And don’t look at me like that. You know what I mean. You’ve brought very expensive Champagne, so you must be celebrating.’

  There was a muffled pop beneath the napkin. ‘Trust you to discover my guilty pleasure,’ Fraser said.

  ‘Taking wild business risks?’

  ‘No, just playing a little dangerously with money, a very small amount that I keep for the purpose.’ He shrugged. ‘It’s just a game.’

  ‘What’s the point of it?’

  He grinned. ‘To fly, like Icarus, and not get burnt.’

  ‘You get burnt?’ she scoffed, as if it was a ridiculous idea. ‘If you got too close to the sun, a whole bunch of lady guardian angels would catch you. Then they’d gently set you back on your feet―totally unsinged.’ She shook her head, but her eyes smiled at him.

  He pretended to be affronted. ‘Are you saying I live a charmed life?’

  ‘You certainly do,’ she told him. ‘But I have to admit that you’ve worked hard for it and against the grain.’

  He put down the bottle and stared at her. ‘What do you mean, against the grain? Come on, out with it.’

  Claudia regarded him, affectionately, ‘It isn’t in your heart, is it? You’re good at it. You have to be, but it just isn’t who you are.’

  ‘Go on.’

  ‘You wriggle around, unable to find the right place to be. It seems to me that you play this game to put some excitement into it because you don’t really care for it.’

  ‘My father started that business. It was only right I should join him.’

  ‘But it’s nothing like your father’s business anymore, is it? You’ve taken Gallier and Co and turned it into a corporation so big, it’s just referred to as Gallier.’

  ‘What was I supposed to do?’

  ‘Whatever you wanted. You once told me that you wanted to open a restaurant.’

  ‘Stop nagging and drink your Champagne.’ He handed her a glass, she raised it a little and looked as the bubbles rose. Then, savouring the moment, she reverently took a sip. It tasted good, and it brought her wonderful memories. She found Fraser staring at her. ‘What?’

  ‘Are we going to drink a toast?’

  She had smiled at him, and they had raised their glasses as Claudia said, ‘To your guilty pleasure.’

  ‘You’re standing up there as if you’re about to make a big speech,’ Fraser called to Claudia.

  She was still poised on the stairs, looking down at him and asking herself why she had turned this man down. She always said that she had no chance compared to the likes of Paloma Cardini or Natalie, but where were they now? Fraser was here, and the way he looked at her was different. She felt a change had suddenly come over them, a warm, promising feeling of a new kind of relationship, and it was going to begin right here and now. ‘You startled me.’

  ‘Did you think I was a ghost come to haunt you?’ Fraser said.

  ‘Ghosts don’t wear black polo shirts,’ she said.

  ‘I showered and changed at Firenze.’

  His smile and the look in his eyes made Claudia’s heart cry out, ‘Ask me! Ask me again because at this moment I’ll say yes.’ But she couldn’t bring herself to speak those words aloud. Instead, she smiled and continued to walk down the stairs. She looked at the gold box and stepped into her comfort zone of friendship. ‘I doubt you’ve had time to pull off one of your Icarus deals, so what’s this all about?’

  Fraser laughed as he went back to close the door. ‘I haven’t done one of those for a long time.’

  ‘So what are you celebrating?’ Claudia shook her head. ‘Did I forget your birthday?’

  Fraser smiled. ‘No, it seems you forgot yours. Happy birthday, sweetheart!’

  Claudia was drawn by the smile and warmth of the moment. ‘I don’t usually celebrate my birthday.’

  ‘You do now.’

  Claudia put her arms around his neck and ventured to press a kiss on his cheek. ‘It’s a lovely surprise, thank you.’

  ‘Hold on,’ Fraser said. ‘You have me at a disadvantage.’ He put the box and the gift bag on the table, rested his hands on her face and pressed a soft but lingering kiss on her mouth. The taste of his lips was delicious, it tormented her hunger, and she drank in this blissful moment with unashamed pleasure as she took another step towards a different set of rules in their relationship. He seemed happy, almost elated.

  ‘I’ll get some glasses,’ Claudia said. She stepped back and willed her cheeks not to blush any more than they were already. She set the glasses on the table.

  Fraser gestured to the box.

  Claudia carefully laid it down and reverently opened the lid. The Champagne bottle was swathed in gold cellophane it crinkled and squeaked a little as she unwrapped it. ‘This is lovely,’ she said, ‘but you didn’t swop it for the baby, did you?’

  Fraser laughed. ‘Aren’t grandparents wonderful? They took him shopping, and now they’re looking after him while we share this little celebration. They even bought a travel cot, so they can babysit during the holiday.’

  Claudia watched as he opened the bottle, recounting his adventures of going into toyshops with a small child. ‘The children are going to have dinner with the grown-ups this evening. Stephanie’s beside herself with excitement. Little Eddy’s going to be there. We wanted to be sure that you were too.’ He poured the sparkling drinks, handed her a glass and said, ‘But for now, it’s just you and me…happy birthday to my…my darling Claudia.’

  Claudia took a sip and then nodded her approval.

  Fraser’s brow puckered momentarily. ‘You don’t do it anymore.’ He seemed disappointed. ‘I love that ritual that you do.’

  ‘I know what you mean. But that ritual, as you call it, belongs in the past.’

  The warmth in Fraser’s eyes chilled a little. ‘In the past with Mathew?’

  ‘Yes, back there with Mathew, and that’s where it’s going to stay. So leave it alone…please.’

  ‘But I can see that it hurt you to lose him.’

  ‘I’m not denying that.’ Claudia hesitated for a few seconds, and then she drew a sharp breath. ‘He’d known me since I was a kid, and sometimes he still treated me like one, like somebody who hadn’t experienced much of real life. I hadn’t, I suppose. He used to say that you shouldn’t rush past the good things in life, likened it to your first glass of Champagne, at a party. Said it was foolish to squander it…assume there was an unlimited supply.’ She looked him in the eye. ‘I had to learn to let him go five years ago, so why don’t you? I thought this was supposed to be my birthday celebration.’

  Fraser frowned. ‘You’re right. I’m sorry.’ Then he smiled and said, ‘I have something for you. I hope you don’t think it’s a cliché giving you something in a velvet box. But I promise you I searched for it, gave it a great deal of thought and chose it carefully.’

  Claudia opened the chunky red box and stared at the beautiful wristwatch. She gasped. ‘I’m…’

  ‘Speechless, I know, but please don’t tell me you’re trying to find a polite way of rejecting it.’

  ‘I’ll do no such thing. This is stunning. I just didn’t know what to say, how to say…’ She put her arms around his neck. ‘It’s perfect. Thank you.’ She kissed his face. Fraser responded by tightening his arms around her and for a while they remained in the embrace. Claudia could have happily remained there, but she broke away. ‘Shouldn’t we go and join the family?
’

  When they arrived at the pergola, Claudia was greeted with a chorus of birthday wishes. This was another big surprise, a short while ago, she didn’t even know what date it was, let alone what it meant. Now here she was, being treated like a fully paid-up member of the Franklyn-Gallier clan. Claudia and Fraser sat down, like guests of honour.

  It was dinner in true wine-country style, babies, parents, grandparents sitting around a long table beneath a gnarled, woody vine that weaved its branches and lobed leaves into a canopy overhead. She watched Justin pointing up at the trusses of grapes that hung down like purple lanterns. He sat in a high chair, betwixt his grandparents and was completely at home. This is what Claudia wanted for him, to know the love and protection from his family.

  ‘Poor Claudia,’ Diana said, sympathetically, as she helped Justin break up a piece of bread. ‘Hope we haven’t embarrassed you.’

  ‘Don’t you worry about our birthday girl,’ Eliot said. ‘She knows how to make an entrance at a party. She had lessons, right Claudia?’

  ‘Absolutely, lessons for everything.’ She became aware that something was afoot, as Stephanie was hanging her head. ‘Is something wrong?’ she prompted softly.

  Grace explained that Stephanie was going to play postman and give Claudia her presents, but she changed her mind and got upset about it.

  Claudia got up and moved around the table to Stephanie, picked her up and hugged her tightly. Stephanie clung to her with all four of her limbs. ‘It’s OK, darling,’ she said. ‘You can change your mind. You’re just a little girl. You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.’ It felt so good to feel the child’s response, the little arms squeezing around her neck.

  ‘We put them in a bag for her,’ Lizzy whispered and handed it to Claudia. Then she smiled and mouthed the words, ‘Thank you.’

  Claudia set Stephanie back on her feet, took her hand and asked, ‘Will you sit with me and help me?’

  Stephanie nodded.

  Claudia sat the child on her lap, and they opened the birthday presents together. Stephanie found her courage again and explained about the gifts, all wrapped in colourful paper and dressed with ribbons in decorative shapes. Claudia said a few words of thanks, then she turned to Fraser and smiled. He winked at her. It was such a private gesture. It warmed her heart, but heated her blood.