The Tome of Bill Series: Books 5-8 (Goddamned Freaky Monsters, Half A Prayer, The Wicked Dead, The Last Coven)

by Rick Gualtieri

  “How’d you figure out that François had betrayed the Draculas to go work for Vehron?”

  She cocked her head to the side, for a moment looking like a confused, albeit lethal, puppy. “He had?”

  “Yeah. He was going to hand us over to the asshole and then join up.”

  “I was unaware of that. I thought he might barter you for safe passage, but I had no inkling that he had betrayed the trust of the First.”

  “Wait,” Sally said. “Then why did you attack him? You did know he’d been promoted, right?”

  “Of course, whore,” she replied dismissively. “I make it a point to keep up with the politics at play.”

  Sally gritted her teeth. “Then why did you do it?”

  Gan turned to me and smiled. “My beloved is aware of my motivations.”

  I was? Then I remembered. Gan’s ambition extended far beyond just marrying me. No, she wanted to off the current regime and take over. Her as empress and me as, I guess, her concubine. “This was all part of that fucking insane plan of yours?”

  “Is it not obvious? I knew François to be both treacherous and incompetent. Neither are traits I wish to foster among my ranks. I likewise knew I could not persuade him to join me nor did I wish him to. This was a perfect opportunity. One of the thirteen has fallen and in enemy territory too. None shall be the wiser and we will soon see to the rest.”

  Holy shit. I thought Alexander and his crew were the dark side. Compared to Gan, they were just standing in some minor shade.

  “Whoa,” Adam said. “This chick is hardcore.”

  “Chick?” Gan asked. “Are you comparing me to a hatchling?”

  Oh shit. “No!” I said, jumping in front of my friend. “Nothing of the sort. It’s a term of endearment in my society. Right, guys?”

  Sally shrugged and found something interesting on her nails to look at. “You’re on your own with this one.”

  I muttered a few unkind things under my breath, then quickly added, “Yes, it’s a good thing, Gan. It indicates a fondness.”

  She smiled. “Very well. I apologize for my lack of understanding. Know then, Dr. Death, that I consider you to be my favorite chick.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  I waited for the asshole laughter to die down before steering us back to more serious matters.

  “You don’t happen to have any spare clothes we could borrow?” What? I didn’t have a build like Vehron’s. I wasn’t about to face down anyone dressed like an extra from Planet of the Apes. I mean, shit, Sally made her torn dress look good, but I didn’t fool myself for a second thinking I, or Ed’s skinny ass for that matter, did the same.

  There were scraps around from the vamps that had been killed, but most had been badly burned when they went up in flames. Thankfully, Gan was able to cobble together – and by that I mean order some of her people to strip – enough clothing for us to ensure no nip slips occurred.

  While this was going on, Christy walked off to try to make magical contact with her sisters. That was good since it seemed we didn’t have a working cell phone among the bunch. Well, Tom still had his, but the idiot hadn’t charged it before we’d left. With any luck, the witches and Sheila had met smooth sailing on their end of the journey. Wishful thinking, I’m sure.

  Once my ass was properly covered again, Gan turned her creepy little eyes back to my face and said, “We should go now, beloved.”

  “Go? As in together?”

  “All of us.”

  “Oh, yeah. Sorry. Just got a little...”

  “Excited? I know. I, too, have ... what is the saying ... butterflies in my stomach when I am around you.”

  “Good to know. But you do have a point. Any element of surprise we had is probably lost.”

  “Undoubtedly. Though necessary to ensure François’s death, doing so outside of the protection the forest affords us has no doubt alerted Vehron’s vassals to our presence.”

  “It’s worse than that,” Sally said. “François talked to a few of the thralls here. They went to fetch some cars to drive us to the Boston complex. Safe to say that since they were expecting prisoners, there’s going to be an armed escort.”

  Gan nodded. “Your whore is correct. We...”

  “That’s it!” The claws on Sally’s right hand extended and she stepped forward to point a talon right at Gan’s face. “If you call me ‘whore’ one more time, I’m gonna...”

  “Suck it up,” I hastily interrupted, “and get on with your life because sticks and stones and all that shit.”

  “What?” She glanced back at me, doubtlessly noticing at least half a dozen of Gan’s people were pointing crossbows armed with silver-tipped bolts in her direction.

  “You were saying?” Gan asked conversationally, having not so much as even flinched.

  A vein popped on Sally’s forehead, but she somehow managed to restrain herself. “I ... was about to ask what you thought might be best as a course of action.”

  “As both the most seasoned warrior here as well as holding the rank of prefect, I would expect no less,” Gan replied.

  She gave the barest of dismissive waves with her hand and I saw weapons being lowered in my periphery. A part of me wondered if she’d have actually done it, but then I realized that was stupid. This was Gan. Of course, she’d have done it.

  “The Alma’s magic extends east of here for several kilometers,” she continued. “I would suggest we use that to our advantage.” Gan drew her sword and began to scribble in the dirt like this was some old-timey World War Two prison break movie. “We will march east, staying at least three hundred meters inside the tree line. Should we encounter additional Alma resistance, it will be dealt with quickly. Vampires sent by The Destroyer will be compelled to forget our passing. Humans will be divided up amongst our ranks.”

  “Wait,” I interrupted. “Did you just say we were going to eat any people we came across?”

  “Works for me,” Adam said.

  I promptly slapped him upside the head. “Mind your manners, junior. Mom and Pop are talking.” I turned back to Gan. “Why not just compel them too?”

  “Compelling humans requires extra effort. It is effort I care not to expend. Besides, it makes sense to utilize them as nourishment.”

  “Yeah, but these are the same people we’re trying to help.”

  Gan looked up from her makeshift battle plans and cocked an eyebrow. “I am not following.”

  “The humans under Vehron’s rule.”

  “What of them?

  “We’re here to help them.”

  “I am not. I am here to help you, beloved. In addition, the Wanderer has expressed concern for the existing prefect of Boston.”

  “Calibra.”

  “Yes. As a favor to him for his years of service to my father, I wish to ascertain her fate, learn what she has divulged to our enemy, and then dispatch her if necessary.”

  “Dispatch her? I thought you said you were doing James a favor.”

  “If she has been compromised, then I will be.”

  I decided to not argue the point. The thing was, compromised or not, if we managed to take down the big bad asshole, the rest wouldn’t really matter.

  No. If she was still alive, we’d try to save her along with the rest of Village Coven and any others that had been abducted. If we failed, well, we probably wouldn’t be in much position to worry about what happened next.

  Sadly, failure seemed more an option than ever now. I had been counting on gaining access to Dr. Death’s power or cooperation. Now it seemed as if that was one avenue that had been closed off – with any luck, for good.

  We discussed things for a bit more, knowing that time wasn’t on our side. It was decided that, assuming Christy reported the all clear, we’d double back and join up with our backup team. Though we’d have certainly lost the element of surprise, Gan’s forces would hopefully reinforce our own enough to make up for it. That her people were all t
rained killers was a gift horse I didn’t care to look in the mouth, even if it meant having to deal with her a little longer.

  I hated to admit it, but Gan’s presence might also serve as a buffer to any weirdness that was lingering between me and Sheila. The creepy little munchkin had a way of saying the worst things at the worst times, which at least kept the conversation from getting too deep. Now to just hope she kept her fucking mouth shut around the Templar about kidnapping their brothers.

  I looked up to find Tom walking over.

  “How’s it going with Christy?”

  “She made momentary contact, so that’s a good sign.”

  “Momentary?”

  “Sounds like they were kinda busy.”

  “Just so long as they’re okay,” I said with a sigh of relief. “With any luck, most of the eyes in Boston are still preoccupied looking north toward where Turd and company were coming from.”

  ... life.

  “Huh? What was that?”

  “I didn’t say anything,” he replied.

  “Sorry. Thought I heard you mumble something under your breath.”

  The s... er ... mar s ... fall ... die!

  We glanced at each other for a moment before realization hit. “Hold on a sec.” Tom pulled off his backpack and opened it up. “Forgot I stuffed him back in there.” He yanked out Decker’s skull; apparently all charged up and ready to yammer nonsense again.

  “What was that, Harry?” I asked without much enthusiasm.

  I said the power of prophecy is still mine to command, fool, so you would do well to listen.

  “It didn’t sound like that’s what you said.”

  Then allow me to repeat, simpleton. The Sun Strider marches. Tears will fall for those about to die, drowned in the flow of false life.

  What the...? “Translation please, asshole. I’m not Gollum. I don’t like riddles.”

  “The Sun Strider?” Gan asked. “The totem speaks of Vehron.”

  “Huh? Oh yeah. Didn’t Colin say something about that?”

  “Yeah,” Tom replied. “That was one of Chuck’s many nicknames, I think.”

  “Chuck?”

  “Inside joke, Gan. Either way, Decker’s crap makes no sense. Hell, for all we know, the guy is just marching to the bathroom to take a shit. I...” Whoa! I felt the back of my head tingle just a moment before the mass compulsion washed over us.

  “BROTHER, I HAVE COME FOR YOU!!”

  Okay. So much for that theory.

  The Big Bad

  Though there was no command given – the compulsion having been sent out to catch our attention only – the power behind it still caused the leaves in the trees to quiver.

  Where in the name of Flash Gordon’s used condoms had that come from?

  “There!” Sally said, pointing.

  No fucking way. He stood facing our direction, standing beyond the tree line in the middle of the fucking street – not too far from where Tom had approached just a short while ago.

  Vehron was dressed in a much more contemporary fashion than when last I’d seen him. He wore boots, jeans, and actually had on a shirt for a change. Sure, it was just a t-shirt – doing little to hide his hulking frame – but it was better than the Conan the Barbarian look he’d been trying to cultivate during our previous encounter. Hell, his hair was even in a ponytail. If he’d had a guitar, he wouldn’t have looked out of place in a Bruce Springsteen tribute band.

  It wasn’t his outfit or that he’d seemingly come alone, though, that really caused my eyes to bug out. It was the fact that he was standing out in the daylight with no cover. Small wisps of smoke rose from his bare arms, but that was it.

  “Dude must have some killer sunscreen back home.”

  “Do not be foolish, human,” Gan said to Tom.

  That’s when realization hit. This wasn’t the first time he’d done something like this. Back in New York, I’d sent him out a window on a hundred-foot freefall into a bright New York day, and he’d shrugged it off like it was nothing. Then, it finally hit me. “Wait, Sun Strider? Holy crap, you mean this fucker can walk around in the daylight?”

  “In a sense. However, I believe that is self-evident, beloved,” she replied.

  “But how?”

  She glanced at me, a mix of love in her eye mixed with something else. Oh, never mind, I recognized it – pity. “We shall discuss this later. After we have dispatched him.”

  “We?”

  “I, of course, mean my men.”

  She made the barest of movements, and all at once, over a dozen crossbows were leveled in Vehron’s direction. I heard the clack of metal and turned to see some of her people doing one better, aiming high-powered sniper rifles. Gan was a lot of things, but stupid wasn’t one of them.

  “BE AT PEACE, MY FRIENDS!!”

  I winced, as if someone had just stabbed my frontal lobe with an ice pick. Unlike the last one, this compulsion had some meat behind it. It wasn’t full strength, I could tell that since I hadn’t been knocked on my ass, but it was more than enough.

  All around me, vampires lowered their weapons. Hell, even Gan appeared under his spell. Although their eyes didn’t completely glaze over, he’d eliminated the threat – basically tossing the equivalent of a Calm Emotions spell over the crowd, something Carl’s cleric used to do when he was in the mood to fuck with us.

  Holy crap, even Sally – who’d been in the middle of grabbing one of the weapons discarded by the Salem Coven vamps – ceased what she was doing.

  Aside from myself, Ed and Christy seemed to be the only ones not in the process of getting ready to sing Kumbaya. On that latter front, she quickly scrambled over to Tom, no doubt trying to snap him out of it. Good luck there.

  Vehron was no idiot. Forcing someone to do something that went against their nature, something they’d fight tooth and nail against, was difficult. But it had been Jeff himself who’d taught me that a neutral compulsion, something that did little more than ask someone to chill out, required much less effort because it didn’t give much impetus to resist.

  I glanced back. Vehron still stood where he was, his hands in his pockets, looking quite relaxed. The smoke rising from his arms appeared thicker now, but he paid it no heed.

  “MUCH BETTER!! COME OUT AND SPEAK, LITTLE BROTHER!! WE HAVE MUCH TO TALK ABOUT!!”

  I turned to Ed, but he just shrugged and mimed handing me a phone. “Looks like it’s for you.”

  Great. One of the few times I would have welcomed a telemarketer.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “Stay back,” I said to Ed.

  “How’s that gonna help?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe he doesn’t know you’re here.”

  “Great plan, Mussolini.”

  “Sue me. I’m making it up as I go.”

  I walked past the small legion of oddly calm warriors. I hadn’t seen anyone so mellow since the last time Tom and I had passed a couple of blunts around. Hell, even Sally was just sitting on the ground, looking like she was at a picnic.

  “Snap out of it!” Christy’s voice, and the yellow flash that accompanied it, caught my attention.

  I glanced over to find her hands around Tom’s head. He was reaching up to pull her off. “Okay, okay. You don’t have to set my fucking hair on fire.”

  She glanced my way, and I tried my best to mouth to her, “If this goes bad, get out of here.”

  “What was that?” Tom asked, but Christy merely nodded in my direction. Thank goodness I had one member on my team with her wits about her. I only had to hope she had enough left in her to take Sally and Ed too.

  Vehron continued to stand where he was, patiently waiting for me. He could have covered the distance between us and probably snapped everyone’s neck in the process before I could so much as spit. Thus, I found his current level of inaction to be far creepier.

  I walked to the edge of the trees and faced him. A grin broke out on his dumb fucking
face as I did.

  Oh well, time to break out the compulsions if this was going to be any sort of meaningful conversation. “WHAT DO YOU WANT?!”

  Probably not the best opening line of all time, but he’d caught me by surprise.

  Speaking of which, I was caught even more off guard when he replied, “There is no need for that, brother.” His voice was heavily accented, but he was understandable.

  “You speak English?”

  “This is a new world for me. It would be unwise to not learn its ways. Do you not agree?”

  “Well, um, yeah.”

  “I have no wish for us to be enemies, brother,” he said, taking a casual step in my direction.

  I tensed in order to bolt the opposite way, but then I remembered this guy could have caught me without breaking a sweat. I forced myself to remain where I was, even leaning against a tree as if we were doing little more than discussing who was the keynote at Comic Con this year. “Oh? So I guess I just imagined you turning one of my friends, killing another, chasing me halfway across Manhattan, enslaving my coven, oh, and let’s not forget when you decided one of my other friends was a filthy abomination who needed to be erased from existence.”

  Okay, perhaps that was a bit overkill for someone I was trying not to provoke.

  If he took offense, he didn’t show it. He simply lifted his arms as if to say “What are you gonna do? Shit happens.” I noticed blisters beginning to form on his flesh, his arms taking on a badly sunburned look. “Put yourself in my place, brother,” he said. “Imprisoned for centuries, having no body but being unable to die. Then to be freed, yet driven mad by thirst. When at last I came to my senses, I was alone in a place I knew not. I merely did what comes natural – waged war against any who attacked me.”

  Maybe he did have a point. There was definitely a chance that, if our positions had been reversed, I might have also acted out a bit. I can’t say for certain that a thousand years spent on Alex’s bookshelf wouldn’t drive me batshit crazy too. Still, this guy’s reputation preceded him.

  “So, you’re ready to talk sense, then?” I asked. “Okay, let’s start by you surrendering the Boston complex and letting everyone go.”

  “It is not that simple, brother.”