The Tome of Bill Series: Books 5-8 (Goddamned Freaky Monsters, Half A Prayer, The Wicked Dead, The Last Coven)

by Rick Gualtieri

  They formed a wide outward-facing circle as the big helicopter descended, leaving the remaining two choppers hovering above. The wash from the blades kicked up a lot of dirt and dust from the cleared area, but the vamps standing guard didn’t even flinch in the downdraft. I had a feeling these were the Draculas’ elite – the guys who, in another universe, would be draped in red and guarding Emperor Palpatine. As tough as Boston’s finest had looked back when the place wasn’t in shambles, these guys had an aura about them that said it would probably be best to avoid getting on their bad side.

  Oh yeah, this was gonna be fun.

  The big helicopter touched the ground and its engines began to power down. They were still spinning, though, when the hatch lowered, revealing Alexander. The dude was definitely not one for waiting. Even so, I had to admit to a smidgeon of grudging respect. At least he was at the head of the line, firmly in charge. An asswipe like Colin would have been the last one out, no doubt after a lot of pomp and circumstance.

  That was as far as my admiration for Alex went, though. The guy was dangerous, power-hungry, and a serious douchebag.

  His hair was blown about by the downwash of the rotors. Annoyingly enough, it made him look more rugged than disheveled. That made me hate him ever so slightly more.

  Alex surveyed the scene from the hatch of the helicopter for a few moments, then reached one hand out and tapped it impatiently against the side. I caught movement in my periphery and couldn’t help but smile at seeing Colin in a near panic, gesturing to some of the vamps near him.

  His men raced out toward the chopper, carrying a portable canopy with them. Couldn’t let the Dracs get a sunburn, could we? Maybe he thought Alex would do the reasonable thing and wait for the engines to completely stop.

  The rotors were slowing but still creating enough wind to throw the vinyl tarp into disarray. One thing most outsiders didn’t realize about vampire society was that it was only possible to live forever so long as someone higher on the food chain decided to let you. Fucking up in high-ranking company was a good way to ensure that didn’t happen. After all, why bother giving someone a second chance when you could just bite another and give them a turn at being competent?

  The amusement of Alex’s slight annoyance when he finally walked down the steps to the ground, not giving the guys shielding him from the sun the barest of acknowledgement, slightly muted my terror.

  I really hoped Colin was wearing an adult diaper, because I sincerely doubted the smell of him pissing himself would be a point in his favor.

  Next out of the helicopter stepped an unexpected, but very welcome sight – Yehoshua. Though I didn’t quite dare to put as much trust in him as I had James, he’d proven himself a straight shooter. Not only was the guy firmly against Alex’s warmongering, but even after we’d accidentally killed his friend Theodora, he’d still opted to give us a chance rather than see us summarily executed.

  Now to only hope he wasn’t still pissed about Thea. I mean, the chick had been a bit of a stuck up bitch, after all.

  My breath caught as more figures followed him. I didn’t know most of their names. The last time I’d seen them, there hadn’t been any formal introductions, but I recognized their faces. It was the rest of the First Coven, the entirety of the vampire ruling counsel.

  Holy shit, they were all here?!

  Well, not all, I suppose. The First Coven was normally thirteen strong. However, two of their number – François and Vargas – had recently met their end, while James was still MIA. I could only guess that with the insanity of the last few days, there hadn’t been time to choose replacements yet.

  Or maybe that was purposeful. With Theodora and James out of the picture, so too were some major voices of opposition to Alex’s plans. Yehoshua was still there, but I had a feeling the rest would fall in line with their leader’s wishes if push came to shove.

  Ten of the most powerful vampires in the world strode forward, led by Alexander of Macedon. All around us, the remnants of the Boston prefecture dropped to one knee. I was tempted to do the same, but glanced to my side and saw Sheila standing there, watching this all. Yeah, I’d probably lose a few cool points if I did that, assuming I had any to begin with. Besides, we all knew I was on these guys’ shit list. Kissing their asses now wouldn’t count much in my favor.

  Almost as if his hearing were acute enough to pick up on my thoughts, Alex briefly turned my way and locked eyes with me. He allowed a slight grin to cross his face. Ever since we’d met, he’d purported to find my attitude amusing. Of course, it still hadn’t stopped him from fucking me up the ass at every opportunity, but it was nice to know he held me in the same regard as most people did a puppy.

  “Who’s that?”

  “Huh?” I thought she was asking about one of the Dracs, which struck me as odd as she’d seen them all before, but then I followed her gaze. A final occupant was climbing out of the big helicopter. What the...?

  The runners with the canopy had departed with the First Coven, not daring to let a single ray of sunshine fall upon their regal asses, but that didn’t seem to matter. I’d joked about imperial guards, but this guy really rounded out the illusion with his black cloak and hood. He was hunched over, so all I could see of him was a white beard that hung almost to the ground.

  Clipped to his waist was a two-pronged silver dagger, the points just far enough apart to poke out a person’s...

  “You’ve gotta be kidding me. Not this fucking clown again,” I said, louder than intended, even with the two choppers still circling above.

  The last vamp looked up, having almost certainly heard me. Though I knew he couldn’t see me, he turned my way regardless and bared his teeth below the ragged and bloodied sockets where his eyes should have been.

  Eyeballing the Competition

  Fortunately for me, the Draculas were still the stars of the show. For all I knew, the eyeless weirdos who hung out in the drug cave beneath Chillon Castle in Switzerland weren’t even known to the general vampire populace.

  Regardless, Colin and his people mostly ignored the head seer in favor of the Dracs. I watched as the ass-kisser bowed deeply before Alex, then to the others, almost as if they were an afterthought. Way to win brownie points, dickhead.

  No words were exchanged so far as I could tell, just him leading the way toward the temporary headquarters he’d set up. In the chaos, Sheila and I were nearly forgotten ... nearly.

  Not that we really had anywhere to go. Besides, our presence would hopefully mean our friends’ absence would be ignored. No offense to either of them, but they didn’t have prophecies hanging over their heads, at least so far as I knew. Maybe eye-scream boy would have something to say to that.

  Speaking of the weirdo, just as he reached the cover of the canopy, two guards – the same who’d fetched us earlier – approached and told us our presence was required as well. It wasn’t quite an order, but it definitely wasn’t a suggestion. Unfortunately, thanks to the pace the seer was hobbling along at, we caught up to him fairly quickly.

  Once we were within ten feet, he stopped and spun, quick as a mongoose. I had to remember, this guy might look frail, but there was no telling how old he was. If he was in charge of the freak show from which the vampire nation’s end of the world predictions flowed, chances were he was no spring chicken.

  He sniffed in our direction and smiled, revealing chipped and ragged fangs.

  Sheila and I both stopped as he took a long pull of the air and hissed something I didn’t even remotely understand.

  “You catch that?” Sheila whispered, as if it would do any good.

  “Nope. Didn’t take crazy in high school.”

  The freaky geezer continued to face us, either not knowing or caring that the rest of his entourage were leaving us all behind. As our Mexican standoff continued, something strange happened. I mean, it shouldn’t have been weird, knowing what I knew about vamp physiology, but it still was. The bloody pulp inside
his eye sockets began to pulse and bubble. Had this been Halloween, I’d have thought it a neat effect. In this context, though, it was halfway between freaky and gross.

  “Are you seeing this?” Sheila asked.

  “Interesting choice of words,” I replied as the oozing mass began to fill out the open wounds in the vamp’s face. The bloody liquid inside them began to clear and brown irises formed, followed by pupils. The newly formed eyes dilated once, then focused directly on us. There was no kindness behind the foul gaze as the ancient vamp glared at us for a moment before cackling out a laugh that raised the hackles on my neck.

  Who knew how long it had been since this guy had seen anything? Decades, centuries, more? So I figured it only right that he catch an eyeful of me flipping him the bird.

  I’d no more than raised a one-fingered salute, though, when his newly regrown eyes exploded into a shower of fresh blood. He’d drawn his dagger and blinded himself again, so quickly I hadn’t even seen his hand move.

  Despite what had to be excruciating pain, the seer continued to laugh even as he turned away and continued onward.

  I glanced back at the two guards who’d been escorting us, similarly frozen in place. “It’s not just me, is it? That dude is creepy as fuck, right?”

  The looks on their faces said they agreed, but duty prevailed and the one on the left merely said in a shaky voice, “They’re waiting for you. Please keep moving.”

  We did, going extra slow so as to give Grandpa Munster a wide berth.

  “What the hell was that about?” Sheila asked after several seconds.

  “I don’t know. Maybe that blouse doesn’t go with those pants after all.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  I was beginning to think we should have followed Sally and Tom out that window. The First Coven were scary as fuck, but their guest struck me as the kind of crazy one didn’t turn their back on. Hell, an eternity as Gan’s pool boy sounded preferable to five minutes alone in a back alley with Dr. Cyclops there.

  I remembered back to my first meeting with him and his buddies, when I’d accidentally opened my mouth at the wrong time and sent them into a murderous rage. Even Alex had almost seemed worried, but at the time I’d dismissed it as either a trick of my imagination or a side effect of those guys being high as balls on the fumes they sucked down all day.

  Now I found myself wondering if perhaps I hadn’t imagined it after all. A man with a plan was one thing, but a crazy motherfucker who wanted to watch the world burn was a whole other issue.

  Weirded out as we were, though, Sheila didn’t appreciate my suggestion that we set him and Bernadette up on a blind date. I caught an elbow to the ribs for that. But it did serve to bring up the question of where the Templar were and what had happened to them since we’d last seen them. All we knew for certain was they weren’t here now. Good thing, too, because I had a feeling shit was gonna get real.

  Colin had ordered everything but the load-bearing walls knocked out on one floor of his temporary command. This left a space that was open but still dark thanks to the blacked out windows.

  As Sheila and I entered, a vamp guard snapped his fingers and a few lights were lit, the hum of a gas generator audible somewhere nearby. I guessed they realized if it were too dark, Sheila would need to ignite her aura to see. That would almost certainly have ended badly.

  In the center of the space sat a line of ten chairs, a true mismatch cobbled together in an obvious panicked haste. A couple of dining room chairs, some bar stools, a beanbag, and a La-Z-Boy recliner in the middle. It was a far cry from the regal thrones upon which the Draculas had sat during our trial. One would have almost thought we were being gathered to discuss this year’s family vacation instead of far more serious matters.

  I stifled a smirk as I caught sight of Colin, embarrassment etched so deeply onto his face that it almost looked tattooed.

  The Dracs were all seated, looking none too pleased at the trailer trash level of décor. Heh! If I didn’t think I’d be summarily executed, I would’ve pulled out my phone and snapped a picture.

  Behind the Dracs stood their honor guard, one for each of the First present. At opposite ends of the lineup were the big guys with the miniguns. Though I couldn’t see their faces through their mirrored helmets, their stances gave me the impression they were itching for an excuse to ventilate someone.

  Colin’s vamps all stood at attention in neat rows, their dress ranging from near perfect to “Can you spare some change, sir?” The greasy douchebag was at their forefront, almost directly opposite Alex. I actually almost felt sorry for Colin, for about a nanosecond at least. I was far more sorry Sally wasn’t here to see him like this. She could have used a pick-me-up of this caliber.

  That was everyone, everyone except ... ah, there he was. The eyeless creep skulked in the shadows off in a corner, his robe making him nearly invisible. Only a quick gleam off his bloodied dagger gave him away. I made a mental note to keep track of him. No way did I want to turn around and find him standing right there behind me. Lack of heartbeat notwithstanding, I didn’t think that was a system shock my poor body could withstand.

  “I must admit, Prefect Kennelsbeth,” Alex began, “I am somewhat taken aback by the condition upon which I find the Boston Prefecture. Was it not intact mere days ago?”

  Kennels... oh, whatever the fuck. It stood to reason the douche had a last name. What was more important was that Alex wasn’t focusing on us yet. For now, I might as well enjoy the show.

  “My lord, if I may?” Colin replied. Alex gave the barest of nods. “You are aware of the ... sub-optimal conditions upon which we reclaimed the facility, yes?”

  “Of course.”

  “The Destroyer left the defense grid in a state of disrepair. Between that and the edict to cull the untrustworthy, we were left in a vulnerable position.”

  “So you are laying the blame at our feet?”

  The look on Colin’s face was priceless. If I’d had the means, I’d have captured it for posterity’s sake and wallpapered my entire apartment with it.

  “It appears to me that the Prefect was a victim of circumstance,” Yehoshua said from Alex’s left. “I do not think it necessary to...”

  “I would prefer the Prefect answer for himself, brother,” Alex interrupted.

  “Agreed,” a short woman of Polynesian descent said from a few seats to Alex’s right. “The Boston Prefecture was the jewel of this continent, the seat of power from which our dictates flowed. It has influenced events here since before this country was officially established and never once been bowed or broken. Yet now we find it laid low in the span of a day.”

  “Indeed, sister Zyra,” Alex replied.

  I leaned toward Sheila and whispered, “I’m trying to picture the pilgrims landing here and finding a car wash waiting for them.”

  “Thank you for that insight, Freewill,” Alex said.

  Damnit! Should have known better.

  “Suffice it to say, the facade of the prefecture has changed significantly with the times.”

  “Yeah, I kinda...”

  “Do shut up, boy,” another of the Dracs spat, a middle-aged lady of seemingly indeterminate European origin. “Need I remind you...”

  “Need we remind you who we are?” Sheila interrupted, causing all heads in the room to whip in her direction, mine included.

  My first instinct was to back up and deny any connection to the person crazy enough to mouth off to the Dracs. These guys were badass to the extreme. Still, that probably wouldn’t have raised anyone’s opinion of me.

  Sheila spared a glance my way and raised the corner of her mouth in a half smile. Fuck it! These were the end days. If I was gonna get my ass killed, I might as well give people a good reason to do it. Fortune favors the bold, after all.

  “She’s right. We’re not here as your prisoners today. There’s no trial going on, no audience to impress and, quite frankly, we’re doing this all in a fuc
king dump that makes my apartment look regal by comparison. So what say we drop the formalities just this once?”

  I flashed a smile of my own toward Sheila, to which she shrugged uncomfortably, her meaning clear – I might have gone a wee bit overboard.

  The sound of chambered rounds and disengaged safeties seemed to agree with that assessment as we suddenly found a whole lot of firepower aimed at us.

  Despite the old saying, I had a feeling it would be a lot more painful to burn out than fade away.

  Stomping on the Feet

  Sheila stood frozen by my side, staring at the weapons pointed our way by the First Coven’s honor guard. I grabbed her hand, forgetting for a moment that being in contact with her might be a bad idea once the lead started flying.

  Fingers tightened around triggers and I resigned myself to the fact that the next couple of seconds were going to really suck.

  “I need not remind anyone that the Shining One is currently under protection of truce.”

  The guns couldn’t have lowered any faster had their owners dropped them. I heard a deep sigh of relief at my side that I was tempted to echo, save that Alex hadn’t included me in his proclamation.

  “As the Freewill was the one responsible for negotiating this truce, I will allow his impertinence to be struck from the record.” He then turned my way. “Would it be too much to ask that, if you are not capable of keeping this hearing formal, that you at least remain civil?” Despite the edge in his voice, his eyes sparkled. Fucker was enjoying this.

  “My apologies,” I replied. “Armageddon has me a bit on edge.”

  “As it does us all,” he said, his tone implying it didn’t in the least. “I have appraised my brothers and sisters of the situation, as well as my trusted advisors. All others present, YOU WILL FORGET THE DETAILS OF WHAT IS SAID HERE ONCE WE ARE FINISHED!!”

  The compulsion washed over the room. The sheer power of it caused the walls to creak, plaster to fall from the ceiling, and my eyeballs to almost pop out of my skull. Goddamn, that guy had some firepower at his disposal.