One Thousand and One Nights

by Richard Burton

  On the third day I said to myself, “Thou art mad or witless!” For I was going about in quest of a woman who knew me and I knew her not, seeing that indeed she was veiled, [whenas I saw her]. Then I went round about the third day till the hour of afternoon prayer, and sore was my concern and my chagrin, for I knew that there abode to me of my life but [till] the morrow, when the chief of the police would seek me. When it was the time of sundown, I passed through one of the streets, and beheld a woman at a window. Her door was ajar and she was clapping her hands and casting furtive glances at me, as who should say, “Come up by the door.” So I went up, without suspicion, and when I entered, she rose and clasped me to her breast 1 marvelled at her affair and she said to me, “I am she whom thou depositedst with Amin el Hukm.” Quoth I to her, “O my sister, I have been going round and round in quest of thee, for indeed thou hast done a deed that will be chronicled in history and hast cast me into slaughter on thine account.” “Sayst thou this to me,” asked she, “and thou captain of men?” And I answered, “How should I not be troubled, seeing that I am in concern [for an affair] that I turn over and over [in my mind], more by token that I abide my day long going about [searching for thee] and in the night I watch its stars [for wakefulness]?” Quoth she, “Nought shall betide but good, and thou shalt get the better of him.”

  So saying, she rose [and going] to a chest, took out therefrom six bags full of gold and said to me, “This is what I took from Amin el Hukm’s house. So, if thou wilt, restore it; else the whole is lawfully thine; and if thou desire other than this, [thou shalt have it;] for I have wealth in plenty and I had no design in this but to marry thee.” Then she arose and opening [other] chests, brought out therefrom wealth galore and I said to her, “O my sister, I have no desire for all this, nor do I covet aught but to be quit of that wherein I am.” Quoth she, “I came not forth of the [Cadi’s] house without [making provision for] thine acquittance.”

  Then said she to me, “To-morrow morning, when Amin el Hukm cometh, have patience with him till he have made an end of his speech, and when he is silent, return him no answer; and if the prefect say to thee, ‘What ailest thee that thou answereth him not?’ do thou reply, ‘O lord, know that the two words are not alike, but there is no [helper] for him who is undermost, save God the Most High.’ The Cadi will say, ‘What is the meaning of thy saying,” The two words are not alike”?’ And do thou make answer, saying, ‘I deposited with thee a damsel from the palace of the Sultan, and most like some losel of thy household hath transgressed against her or she hath been privily murdered. Indeed, there were on her jewels and raiment worth a thousand dinars, and hadst thou put those who are with thee of slaves and slave-girls to the question, thou hadst assuredly lit on some traces [of the crime].’ When he heareth this from thee, his agitation will redouble and he will be confounded and will swear that needs must thou go with him to his house; but do thou say, ‘That will I not do, for that I am the party aggrieved, more by token that I am under suspicion with thee.’ If he redouble in calling [on God for aid] and conjure thee by the oath of divorce, saying, ‘Needs must thou come,’ do thou say, ‘By Allah, I will not go, except the prefect come also.’

  When thou comest to the house, begin by searching the roofs; then search the closets and cabinets; and if thou find nought, humble thyself unto the Cadi and make a show of abjection and feign thyself defeated, and after stand at the door and look as if thou soughtest a place wherein to make water, for that there is a dark corner there. Then come forward, with a heart stouter than granite, and lay hold upon a jar of the jars and raise it from its place. Thou wilt find under it the skirt of a veil; bring it out publicly and call the prefect in a loud voice, before those who are present. Then open it and thou wilt find it full of blood, exceeding of redness, and in it [thou wilt find also] a woman’s shoes and a pair of trousers and somewhat of linen.” When I heard this from her, I rose to go out and she said to me, “Take these hundred dinars, so they may advantage thee; and this is my guest-gift to thee.” So I took them and bidding her farewell, returned to my lodging.

  Next morning, up came the Cadi, with his face like the ox-eye, and said, “In the name of God, where is my debtor and where is my money?” Then he wept and cried out and said to the prefect, “Where is that ill-omened fellow, who aboundeth in thievery and villainy?” Therewith the prefect turned to me and said, “Why dost thou not answer the Cadi?” And I replied, “O Amir, the two heads are not equal, and I, I have no helper but God; but, if the right be on my side, it will appear.” At this the Cadi cried out and said, “Out on thee, O ill-omened fellow! How wilt thou make out that the right is on thy side?” “O our lord the Cadi,” answered I, “I deposited with thee a trust, to wit, a woman whom we found at thy door, and on her raiment and trinkets of price. Now she is gone, even as yesterday is gone; and after this thou turnest upon us and makest claim upon me for six thousand dinars. By Allah, this is none other than gross unright, and assuredly some losel of thy household hath transgressed against her!”

  With this the Cadi’s wrath redoubled and he swore by the most solemn of oaths that I should go with him and search his house. “By Allah,” replied I, “I will not go, except the prefect be with us; for, if he be present, he and the officers, thou wilt not dare to presume upon me.” And the Cadi rose and swore an oath, saying, “By Him who created mankind, we will not go but with the Amir!” So we repaired to the Cadi’s house, accompanied by the prefect, and going up, searched high and low, but found nothing; whereupon fear gat hold upon me and the prefect turned to me and said, “Out on thee, O ill-omened fellow! Thou puttest us to shame before the men.” And I wept and went round about right and left, with the tears running down my face, till we were about to go forth and drew near the door of the house. I looked at the place [behind the door] and said, “What is yonder dark place that I see?” And I said to the sergeants, “Lift up this jar with me.” They did as I bade them and I saw somewhat appearing under the jar and said, “Rummage and see what is under it.” So they searched and found a woman’s veil and trousers full of blood, which when I beheld, I fell down in a swoon.

  When the prefect saw this, he said, “By Allah, the captain is excused!” Then my comrades came round about me and sprinkled water on my face, [till I came to myself,] when I arose and accosting the Cadi, who was covered with confusion, said to him, “Thou seest that suspicion is fallen on thee, and indeed this affair is no light matter, for that this woman’s family will assuredly not sit down under her loss.” Therewith the Cadi’s heart quaked and he knew that the suspicion had reverted upon him, wherefore his colour paled and his limbs smote together; and he paid of his own money, after the measure of that which he had lost, so we would hush up the matter for him. Then we departed from him in peace, whilst I said in myself, “Indeed, the woman deceived me not.”

  After that I tarried till three days had elapsed, when 1 went to the bath and changing my clothes, betook myself to her house, but found the door locked and covered with dust. So I questioned the neighbours of her and they said, “This house hath been empty these many days; but three days agone there came a woman with an ass, and yesternight, at eventide, she took her gear and went away.” So I turned back, confounded in my wit, and every day [after this, for many a day,] I inquired of the inhabitants [of the street] concerning her, but could light on no tidings of her. And indeed I marvelled at the eloquence of her tongue and [the readiness of] her speech; and this is the most extraordinary of that which hath betided me.’

  When El Melik ez Zahir heard Muineddin’s story, he marvelled thereat Then rose another officer and said, ‘O lord, bear what befell me in bygone days.

  John Payne’s translation: detailed table of contents

  THE SECOND OFFICER’S STORY.

  I was once an officer in the household of the Amir Jemaleddin El Atwesh El Mujhidi, who was invested with the governance of the Eastern and Western districts, and I was dear to his heart and he concealed from me nought of that which he
purposed to do; and withal he was master of his reason. It chanced one day that it was reported to him that the daughter of such an one had wealth galore and raiment and jewels and she loved a Jew, whom every day she invited to be private with her, and they passed the day eating and drinking in company and he lay the night with her. The prefect feigned to give no credence to this story, but one night he summoned the watchmen of the quarter and questioned them of this. Quoth one of them, “O my lord, I saw a Jew enter the street in question one night; but know not for certain to whom he went in.” And the prefect said, “Keep thine eye on him henceforth and note what place he entereth.” So the watchman went out and kept his eye on the Jew.

  One day, as the prefect sat [in his house], the watchman came in to him and said, “O my lord, the Jew goeth to the house of such an one.” Whereupon El Atwesh arose and went forth alone, taking with him none but myself. As he went along, he said to me, “Indeed, this [woman] is a fat piece of meat.” And we gave not over going till we came to the door of the house and stood there till a slave-girl came out, as if to buy them somewhat. We waited till she opened the door, whereupon, without further parley, we forced our way into the house and rushed in upon the girl, whom we found seated with the Jew in a saloon with four estrades, and cooking-pots and candles therein. When her eyes fell on the prefect, she knew him and rising to her feet, said, “Welcome and fair welcome! Great honour hath betided me by my lord’s visit and indeed thou honourest my dwelling.”

  Then she carried him up [to the estrade] and seating him on the couch, brought him meat and wine and gave him to drink; after which she put off all that was upon her of raiment and jewels and tying them up in a handkerchief, said to him, “O my lord, this is thy portion, all of it.” Moreover she turned to the Jew and said to him, “Arise, thou also, and do even as I.” So he arose in haste and went out, scarce crediting his deliverance. When the girl was assured of his escape, she put out her hand to her clothes [and jewels] and taking them, said to the prefect, “Is the requital of kindness other than kindness? Thou hast deigned [to visit me and eat of my victual]; so now arise and depart from us without ill-[doing]; or I will give one cry and all who are in the street will come forth.” So the Amir went out from her, without having gotten a single dirhem; and on this wise she delivered the Jew by the excellence of her contrivance.’

  The folk marvelled at this story and as for the prefect and El Melik ez Zahir, they said, ‘Wrought ever any the like of this device?’ And they marvelled with the utterest of wonderment Then arose a third officer and said, ‘Hear what betided me, for it is yet stranger and more extraordinary.

  John Payne’s translation: detailed table of contents

  THE THIRD OFFICER’S STORY

  I was one day abroad on an occasion with certain of my comrades, and as we went along, we fell in with a company of women, as they were moons, and among them one, the tallest and handsomest of them. When I saw her and she saw me, she tarried behind her companions and waited for me, till I came up to her and bespoke her. Quoth she, “O my lord, (God favour thee!) I saw thee prolong thy looking on me and imagined that thou knewest me. If it be thus, vouchsafe me more knowledge of thee.” “By Allah,” answered I, “I know thee not, save that God the Most High hath cast the love of thee into my heart and the goodliness of thine attributes hath confounded me and that wherewith God hath gifted thee of those eyes that shoot with arrows; for thou hast captivated me.” And she rejoined, “By Allah, I feel the like of that which thou feelest; so that meseemeth I have known thee from childhood.”

  Then said I, “A man cannot well accomplish all whereof he hath need in the market-places.” “Hast thou a house?” asked she. “No, by Allah,” answered I; “nor is this town my dwelling-place.” “By Allah,” rejoined she, “nor have I a place; but I will contrive for thee.” Then she went on before me and I followed her till she came to a lodging-house and said to the housekeeper, “Hast thou an empty chamber?” “Yes,” answered she; and my mistress said, “Give us the key.” So we took the key and going up to see the room, entered it; after which she went out to the housekeeper and [giving her a dirhem], said to her, “Take the key-money, for the room pleaseth us, and here is another dirhem for thy trouble. Go, fetch us a pitcher of water, so we may [refresh ourselves] and rest till the time of the noonday siesta pass and the heat decline, when the man will go and fetch the [household] stuff.” Therewith the housekeeper rejoiced and brought us a mat and two pitchers of water on a tray and a leather rug.

  We abode thus till the setting-in of the time of mid-afternoon, when she said, “Needs must I wash before I go.” Quoth I, “Get water wherewithal we may wash,” and pulled out from my pocket about a score of dirhems, thinking to give them to her; but she said, “I seek refuge with God!” and brought out of her pocket a handful of silver, saying, “But for destiny and that God hath caused the love of thee fall into my heart, there had not happened that which hath happened.” Quoth I, “Take this in requital of that which thou hast spent;” and she said, “O my lord, by and by, whenas companionship is prolonged between us, thou wilt see if the like of me looketh unto money and gain or no.” Then she took a pitcher of water and going into the lavatory, washed and presently coming forth, prayed and craved pardon of God the Most High for that which she had done.

  Now I had questioned her of her name and she answered, “My name is Rihaneh,” and described to me her dwelling-place. When I saw her make the ablution, I said in myself, “This woman doth on this wise, and shall I not do the like of her?” Then said I to her, “Belike thou wilt seek us another pitcher of water?” So she went out to the housekeeper and said to her, “Take this para and fetch us water therewith, so we may wash the flags withal.” Accordingly, the housekeeper brought two pitchers of water and I took one of them and giving her my clothes, entered the lavatory and washed.

  When I had made an end of washing, I cried out, saying, “Harkye, my lady Rihaneh!” But none answered me. So I went out and found her not; and indeed she had taken my clothes and that which was therein of money, to wit, four hundred dirhems. Moreover, she had taken my turban and my handkerchief and I found not wherewithal to cover my nakedness; wherefore I suffered somewhat than which death is less grievous and abode looking about the place, so haply I might espy wherewithal to hide my shame. Then I sat a little and presently going up to the door, smote upon it; whereupon up came the housekeeper and I said to her, “O my sister, what hath God done with the woman who was here?” Quoth she, “She came down but now and said, ‘I am going to cover the boys with the clothes and I have left him sleeping. If he awake, tell him not to stir till the clothes come to him.’” Then said I, “O my sister, secrets are [safe] with the worthy and the freeborn. By Allah, this woman is not my wife, nor ever in my life have I seen her before this day!” And I recounted to her the whole affair and begged her to cover me, informing her that I was discovered of the privities.

  She laughed and cried out to the women of the house, saying, “Ho, Fatimeh! Ho, Khedijeh! Ho, Herifeh! Ho, Senineh!” Whereupon all those who were in the place of women and neighbours flocked to me and fell a-laughing at me and saying, “O blockhead, what ailed thee to meddle with gallantry?” Then one of them came and looked in my face and laughed, and another said, “By Allah, thou mightest have known that she lied, from the time she said she loved thee and was enamoured of thee? What is there in thee to love?” And a third said, “This is an old man without understanding.” And they vied with each other in making mock of me, what while I suffered sore chagrin.

  However, after awhile, one of the women took pity on me and brought me a rag of thin stuff and cast it on me. With this I covered my privities, and no more, and abode awhile thus. Then said I in myself, “The husbands of these women will presently gather together on me and I shall be disgraced.” So I went out by another door of the house, and young and old crowded about me, running after me and saying, “A madman! A madman!” till I came to my house and knocked at the door; whereupon out ca
me my wife and seeing me naked, tall, bareheaded, cried out and ran in again, saying,”This is a madman, a Satan!” But, when she and my family knew me, they rejoiced and said to me, “What aileth thee?” I told them that thieves had taken my clothes and stripped me and had been like to kill me; and when I told them that they would have killed me, they praised God the Most High and gave me joy of my safety. So consider the craft of this woman and this device that she practised upon me, for all my pretensions to sleight and quickwittedness.’

  The company marvelled at this story and at the doings of women. Then came forward a fourth officer and said, ‘Verily, that which hath betided me of strange adventures is yet more extraordinary than this; and it was on this wise.

  John Payne’s translation: detailed table of contents

  THE FOURTH OFFICER’S STORY.

  We were sleeping one night on the roof, when a woman made her way into the house and gathering into a bundle all that was therein, took it up, that she might go away with it. Now she was great with child and near upon her term and the hour of her deliverance; so, when she made up the bundle and offered to shoulder it and make off with it, she hastened the coming of the pangs of labour and gave birth to a child in the dark. Then she sought for the flint and steel and striking a light, kindled the lamp and went round about the house with the little one, and it was weeping. [The noise awoke us,] as we lay on the roof, and we marvelled. So we arose, to see what was to do, and looking down through the opening of the saloon, saw a woman, who had kindled the lamp, and heard the little one weeping. She heard our voices and raising her eyes to us, said, “Are ye not ashamed to deal with us thus and discover our nakedness? Know ye not that the day belongeth to you and the night to us? Begone from us! By Allah, were it not that ye have been my neighbours these [many] years, I would bring down the house upon you!” We doubted not but that she was of the Jinn and drew back our heads; but, when we arose on the morrow, we found that she had taken all that was with us and made off with it; wherefore we knew that she was a thief and had practised [on us] a device, such as was never before practised; and we repented, whenas repentance advantaged us not.’